pride is not the word I'm looking for

Shang Qinghua has not been having a stellar transmigration experience. Pretty shitty, actually, if you ask him! But no one ever asks him that, because no one knows he's a transmigrator, and his strict, stingy, largely silent System isn’t much of a conversationalist.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’s second childhood was not good. It hadn’t been, like, cartoonishly tragic or anything (like, uh, a protagonist’s childhood), it was just… pervasively unhappy. He always felt out-of-place in his own body, in his own head, among his own family, in this world in general, and so Shang Qinghua was an odd child.

Just when he started to maybe settle in, his years of physical and mental dysphoria had culminated in finally, consciously remembering his past life as an author in a modern world. The author of this world, in fact. And then the people around him really started to notice that he knew things he really shouldn't know, remembered things that hadn’t happened, and spoke in extremely strange ways. They didn’t like it. Shang Qinghua didn’t like it. No one liked it.

He was not close to his second family.

Which is fine, really. Shang Qinghua wasn’t close to his first family either.

And then there was his time as a disciple of An Ding Peak! And then his time as the head disciple of An Ding Peak! Neither of those times had been fun. An Ding Peak was really not for quitters - none of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect peaks were for quitters; this world took Airplane’s hand-wavey cultivation mechanics way too seriously - and there has never been any option of quitting for this transmigrator when the going gets tough. No, it was An Ding Peak Lord or bust for him! His shitty System said so!

So, Shang Qinghua (not yet Qinghua at that point in time) worked his ass off. He did more than a few things that he was not proud of and did not speak of to get his position (sabotaging a fellow disciple's cakes is, like, the least of his crimes, frankly). And now he can look forward to working his ass off in service to Cang Qiong until he dies, ascends, or somehow otherwise retires as An Ding Peak Lord.

Ahhh, now Shang Qinghua understands his ascended master’s hobby of looking up surefire ways to fake their death! Not only is that an extremely useful skill for a cultivator, but it may in fact be the only way that Shang Qinghua is ever going to break the chain keeping him stuck to his desk, filling out forms forever. Without, like, just flat-out actually being murdered, slaughtered, or assassinated. (There is a difference between those three ways of being killed, according to Shang Qinghua's wise and exhausted ascended former master, and Shang Qinghua sees their point. Murder is personally motivated, assassination is politically motivated, and slaughter is just… like… impersonal death at the hands of a heartless demon lord or something.)

And, of course (speaking of demons), during Shang Qinghua’s time as an An Ding disciple, he picked up the most likely cause of him one day being murdered, slaughtered, or assassinated: Mobei-Jun, the future Northern Demon King.

He's even better-looking than Airplane had ever imagined, by the way! Fan-artists would weep to see such a perfectly sculpted being! What a way to go!

As a teenage disciple caught up in a horrific (kind of one-sided) clash of powers on an away mission, Shang Qinghua (not then Qinghua) clung to the thighs of the future Northern King pretty much begging to betray Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to save his own life, watched his fellow disciples get slaughtered, unexpectedly saved Mobei-Jun's life, and crawled out of the whole mess by the skin of his teeth! A certain strict, stingy System had dropped the mission on him with no warning and extremely high odds of dying if he failed to crawl into Mobei-Jun’s pocket, and then Shang Qinghua was given the extremely stressful option of his taking out his favorite character and his future murderer, and then he very, very stupidly didn't. Shang Qinghua has been Mobei-Jun’s loyal servant, secret spy, and occasional punching bag ever since.

Now, Shang Qinghua is the An Ding Peak Lord and he needs a break.

He needs a break so badly that he would absolutely be faking his death if he thought that the System would let him get away with abandoning the plot! Or if he thought that Mobei-Jun wouldn’t track him down somehow and then put his head on a pike for trying to run away from his service! Shang Qinghua has been An Ding Peak Lord for some time now and he likes to think that he’s pretty okay at it. But it’s too much work! And the work never stops! Every time he finishes his thankless work, he turns around there’s only more thankless work!

The perfect image of an elegant and graceful peerless immortal cultivator, above earthly concerns, has been permanently shattered for him. Not only is Shang Qinghua somehow now a “peerless immortal” despite being a pretty blatant imposter, but he’s discovered that all the other peaks are run by greedy, ungrateful, petty, and prideful children most of the time! Or so it feels like most days! He biased, he knows. But he's biased because it’s his job to make sure that all their supplies, goods, and even garbage gets where it needs to go on time! Oh, the tantrums! Oh, the elegant, graceful, eloquent squabbles!

(Oh, if Shang Qinghua could get rid of one thing in this second life of his, it would be Shen Qingqiu. Never mind the demon lord most likely to kill Shang Qinghua someday. Not because Shen Qingqiu is the future scum villain destined to torture the protagonist. But because Shang Qinghua is sometimes this fucking close to having the man assassinated for stealing a specialty paper shipment from another peak or some other bullshit.)

(Yue Qingyuan! Zhangmen-Shixiong! Bro! You can’t keep letting this man get away with these things!)

Sure, Shang Qinghua has a mountain peak full of disciples, both itty-bitty children and established cultivators, to help him with the logistics of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. But most of the time An Ding’s disciples feel like a lot more work than they’re worth!

Baby disciples losing forms and failing to do basic addition! Hallmasters bickering over incongruous accounting styles! Warehouse and storage managers shouting at each other over setting the temperature control arrays! Errand-runners and messengers who can’t follow directions to find their own ass! Caravan escorts and snobby inspectors who make enemies of their mundane suppliers and external craftspeople! Traders and dealers who somehow can’t buy, sell, negotiate, commission, or barter without supervision whether they’re twenty years old or nearly two-hundred years old!

(Okay, fine, some of his fellow An Ding Peak cultivators and even some of his disciples are fantastic and probably the only reason Shang Qinghua hasn’t drowned under scrolls of bureaucratic bullshit. But some of them are going to be taking a short trip off a tall cliff if they can’t properly figure out what delegation and vendor quality assurance mean.)

Shang Qinghua can do martial arts and math now!

And it kind of isn’t worth it!

Break! Break! Ahhh, he needs a vacation so badly! Shang Qinghua’s current goal in life is to organize An Ding’s operations so well that he’ll be able to disappear for months at a time, with no warning, and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect will keep on chugging without him! He wants to set up a system of delegation with checks and balances so efficient that he’ll be able to fake his death and have no one notice for at least a year! He’ll make that happen if it kills him! If he can’t change the plot of the world, he’ll at least invent and enforce a single decent filing system!

That will be his real legacy. His known lasting influence in this world, given that no one knows he’s the Author God unwillingly transmigrated in, when he’s finally hanged, drawn, and quartered for being a treacherous rat thanks to his shitty, no-good System.

Unfortunately, even when Shang Qinghua does manage to carve out time for himself, a question remains: where is he supposed to go?

After the day-in-day-out of being An Ding Peak Lord, when Shang Qinghua miraculously has no work he needs to do immediately, he kind of just wants to go back to his Leisure House and not do anything. (Oh, the internet. Oh, how he misses the internet.) He has this great new hobby of kind of missing writing and also being frequently unable to write a single sentence of fiction for fear of his creations becoming real. Great use of his precious spare time, for sure!

But if anyone knows where he is, he’ll inevitably be interrupted by some emergency! Like a bandit attack on a trade caravan intended for Qiao Cao Peak, a harvest failure of crops intended for Zui Xian Peak, or a special peak lord meeting which will inevitably become “People Complaining at An Ding Peak” hours.

Boo hoo, can’t his disciples handle the consequences of a demonic typhoon without him for once? Who cares if a monster infestation means that they have to source new caravans or craftspeople? Who cares if man-eating plants mean their local farmers can’t meet quota? Who cares about the death rates of monster-trappers? Who cares if they lose a special shipment of fuck-or-die antidote flowers for Qian Cao Peak? Not Shang Qinghua!

Except he’s not allowed to not care. Fuck.

If Shang Qinghua wants a real vacation, he’ll have to leave his peak. No stay-cations for him! For some real peace and quiet, he has to actually drag his ass down the mountain and go somewhere. Probably in the dead of night. After refusing to tell anyone where he’s going.

Liu Qingge does it all the time kind of! (Which is, actually, really annoying for Shang Qinghua, because he has to clean up a lot of messes Liu Qingge leaves behind and, for some reason, people expect him as head of logistics to be able to track the wandering Bai Zhan War God down when the man is actually needed for something.) If Liu Qingge can get away with the equivalent of breaking out a bathroom window to leave a shitty party, so can Shang Qinghua!

Shang Qinghua makes a mental note to make sure his disciples don’t think he’s been kidnapped or something if he tries to leave An Ding. He makes another mental note to make sure that Mobei-Jun doesn’t think he’s betrayed him or something. That ought to cover all his bases, right?

But still, where is Shang Qinghua supposed to go?

He’s the Author God of this world! He knows for a fact that there are many great wonders and awe-inspiring marvels out there for a person to see, having invented the concepts for most of them himself! He could roam the world seeing the real, physical, functional versions of places, plants, and creatures created out of the monochrome text of a web-novel (or even just the vague daydreams) of his past life!

Many cultivators of the older Cang Qiong Mountain Sect generations - current peak lords' generation or older - leave Tian Gong mountain range purely to experience the enlightenment of travel. There’s many incomparable sights to see! Even if, ahem, many of these fantastic sights were originally invented for papapa purposes or to be a backdrop for papapa scenes, they are still beautiful! Even if they were created to be backdrops for the tyrant protagonist's gruesome revenge plots and world domination, they're still marvelous to behold! Nicely dramatic!

Unfortunately, many of these destinations are also very dangerous. Even deadly.

A not-insignificant number of the cultivators who leave Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to pursue great wonders guarded by terrible monsters, or awe-inspiring marvels infested by carnivorous horrors, never come back because they get brutally killed. Or, you know, they ascend or settle down somewhere and forget to write, but a decent percentage of righteous cultivators fall at the hands of various demons who take unspoken NO TRESPASSING rules very seriously. It’s possible this is because Airplane overused the idea that Luo Binghe - his beautiful, tyrannical protagonist son - was the only person to ever survive something, because it made his protagonist seem more impressive by comparison.

Even Liu Qingge sometimes only makes it back to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect by the skin of his teeth! A self-destructive habit that’s been driving Qiao Cao Peak Lord Mu Qingfang around the bend and up walls ever since they were disciples, apparently!

Shang Qinghua is a “peerless” immortal cultivator who can and has survived some shit, but… he’s still not a warrior. At least, he's not a willing warrior. He doesn't like it. And there is some very real shit out there. He doesn’t want to spend his hard-earned vacation fighting horrible monsters just to get a glimpse of a papapa background set! Even if these magical natural wonders apparently make people cry with the joy of enlightenment at their beauty!

Shang Qinghua is pretty sure he wrote the exact same thing about his protagonist’s dick.

Look, Proud Immortal Demon Way was not the best piece of literature out there and Airplane knew it! He knew it and he'd regretted it, so he didn't need anti-fans and haters telling him so! He’d needed money and he’d lost his original outline! Who was really the fool in that situation? The shameless author who wrote shitty, sellout, trashy erotica using trope-heavy, formulaic bullshit, or the shamelessly horny reader who kept on paying for it? The state of this world really isn’t his fault!

Probably.

Hopefully.

Shang Qinghua stands by his opinion that anyone who decided to make a real world based on his web-novel is bonkers, if that’s what happened here, and it’s all their fault.

Speaking of that, there’s really only one thing in this world Shang Qinhua is desperate to see: his son.

Not the protagonist’s dick! He doesn’t need or want to see that! No, thank you!

He wants to see the protagonist himself: Luo Binghe.

Shang Qinghua is decades into his transmigration now and it was only very recently that Tianlang-Jun, the Heavenly Demon Emperor, was sealed under Bailu Mountain. They’re still in pre-canon here! They haven’t even started the plot yet! At best, they’re in an exposition paragraph of the first chapter! (Not that Shang Qinghua even remotely remembers the contents of his first chapter at this point.) Shang Qinghua has broken into real tears, on multiple occasions, over the fact that they’re still stuck in the set-up stage of things.

Why does he have to live out the full character backstory, huh? Come on!

Anyway! Tianlang-Jun’s imprisonment means that the protagonist has finally been born. With the protagonist’s Heavenly Demon father permanently sealed away a year ago, his human cultivator mother Su Xiyan has by now long since escaped the dungeons of Huan Hua Palace Sect, given birth, and succumbed to the poison that was supposed to kill her child. The protagonist was set adrift in an icy river to be found, named, and raised by a humble washerwoman, who will eventually fall ill and pass away, thereby leaving the young protagonist an orphan again, homeless, without anyone to love him or care for him in all the world.

Classic, really.

And Shang Qinghua is… kind of curious to see the protagonist? Desperately curious to see his protagonist, really! That’s his son! That’s the baby boy who will grow up to change the Human and Demon Realms forever! Who will rule over everything as Emperor! Thanks to the persistence of stallion novel trope fans who'd demanded that super shallow ending.

Shang Qinghua would like some real confirmation that the plot is eventually going to happen, thanks! He didn’t even get to see Tianlang-Jun at all!

(Thank fuck for that, really!)

Sometimes, Shang Qinghua honestly forgets that the people around him were originally characters, and that they’re all destined to get fucked over by his stallion web-novel’s shitty plot someday. Even if he’s talking to a pretty significant character, he forgets! Words on a page can’t compare to the real people here! All his characters are real, living, breathing, thinking, growing people! They have surprising depths, personality he never explored, and minds of their own! All of them! From the lowliest nameless cannon-fodder to the supporting characters! It's just... it's just different when they all have faces and sometimes Shang Qinghua forgets to harden himself.

Shen Qingqiu, for example, is many of the things Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote him to be, namely: an asshole. But he’s also just Shang Qinghua’s unpredictable asshole coworker a lot of the time! Who often seems way too intelligent and elegant to be a total scum villain! Even Mobei-Jun, instead of registering as the supporting demon lord of Proud Immortal Demon Way, is usually either Shang Qinghua's long-distance asshole boss or a very real, very imminent threat.

They’re too real!

Shang Qinghua’s System is mean as fuck and strict as hell, but it’s actually silent most of the time. If he loses himself in the day-in-day-out of operating An Ding and serving Cang Qiong, he can sometimes forget that he was ever Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. The world is too complex, the people are too autonomous, and An Ding Peak Lord Shang Qinghua forgets that they’re all hurtling towards a destiny as once unknowing dictated by him: Author God of Proud Immortal Demon Way and hapless transmigrator.

The System can’t really raise any objections if Shang Qinghua just wants… like… a peek at his son, right? He wants to see how his great protagonist has been realized into a person from mere text on a screen! If he just goes to have a quick look-see, his System won’t enact any punishment protocols, right?

Right…?

"...System? Bro?" Shang Qinghua thinks.

Haha, no objections! Yet! Probably a good sign!

Shang Qinghua will be in and out like lightning - that one-year-old protagonist will never know that he was ever there! He’ll see the pure white lotus baby face of the half-demon who will overturn the world out of revenge for his suffering, and then he’ll be content, he swears! He will go right back to work after catching a well-deserved glimpse of the person he wrote literally thousands of chapters of content about.

He kind of died for this baby!

He might get killed again orchestrating important events in this baby’s story!

He deserves to see his little baby son!

Shang Qinghua organizes vacation time for himself and tells everyone that he’s going on a mission. This is not a lie, really. It’s just… a self-appointed mission. That counts.

Everyone takes him at his word. Shang Qinghua really does not (seriously) abuse his power as An Ding Peak Lord if he can help it, mostly because he knows he will fold like wet paper if anyone ever confronts him about it, and he absolutely doesn’t want to bring his character’s treacherous rat death down on himself early.

Some of his disciples and contemporaries, the hallmasters and older An Ding cultivators especially, berate him for leaving in their time of need. As though An Ding Peak doesn’t exist in a constant state of need. There’s never a time without need! Someone is always dying. Yet somehow, it is outrageous to certain people that Shang Qinghua will not be on the mountain while other people teach “how to spot a con-man who will fill your rice sacks with sand” classes, and while other people deal with the minor flooding issues in some of their peak’s underground storage facilities.

“Why can’t Sect Leader Yue assign missions to a peak lord who doesn’t have real work to do?” a disciple complains, which is both gratifying and hilarious.

In some ways, it’s also a devastating statement on Airplane’s worldbuilding, which this realization of his web-novel has done its best to tweak and fill-in far beyond anything he could have ever dreamed-up. Though, to be honest, he kind of thinks that if his worldbuilding really sucks, then it’s not really his fault that the real people here haven’t, like, just fixed it. His canon divergence progress is limited by a shitty System which barely talks to him. What the fuck is everyone else’s excuse?

Some of Shang Qinghua’s disciples try to run after him with forms they don’t want to wait a week for him to sign, alongside messengers from other peaks, other sects, and Cang Qiong’s many trading partners, but Shang Qinghua jumps over a few walls and hides in a bush. That’s what his assistants are for! Go find the right An Ding departments!

An Ding knows that he hasn’t been kidnapped! Mobei-Jun can’t spontaneously decide (well, actually, he can) that Shang Qinghua has betrayed him if he randomly drops by on an unscheduled visit, especially when Shang Qinghua’s spy reports have been mostly impeccable! He’s good to go here!

He’s going!

He’s gone!

Ah! The taste of freedom! He’d forgotten what it was like.

Shang Qinghua really doesn’t remember all of Proud Immortal Demon Way’s details. Yes, he’s the Author God of this world, but he made outlines (which were then tragically lost) for a reason! He wrote hundreds and hundreds of chapters of content! Millions and millions of words! He can’t just bring up his own published work and search by keywords to reference it anymore, which is a real pain-in-the-ass for which he vehemently blames his stingy System.

And to be honest, the real, physical, autonomous people, demons, creatures, plants, and other beings in this world have taken his (admittedly kind of inconsistent and hand-wavey and contrived) worldbuilding and run with it.

Ever since Shang Qinghua got his memories of a past life back in full, and was informed that he was a transmigrator by a cold and unforgiving System, he’s been consistently surprised by how many plot holes have been filled in and how many alterations have been made to his universe. And not always pleasantly surprised. Past all the plants and monsters he’s never heard of, twisted to form something resembling functional and sustainable ecosystems, he’s run into plenty of fully-fledged cultural traditions, social rituals, and other societal quirks that he never thought to imagine. People have to live with his offhand dramatic bullshit.

An, ahem, unfortunate chunk of these societal quirks, embarrassingly enough, have to do with all the papapa devices running wild out here. If sex pollen and succubus venom is an occupational hazard of the world, people are apparently going to come up with practical ways to deal with that!

Shang Qinghua’s Author God knowledge is… eh… kind of useless sometimes! This uncooperative world keeps developing and making some of his knowledge a little obsolete. He’s still got the advantage with a lot of golden finger plot devices up his sleeves, a lot of knowledge of internal politics and people’s deepest and darkest secrets, but he really doesn’t remember all of them. Some of them were kind of throwaway lines, okay?!

Fortunately, he’s pretty sure that the town where Luo Binghe lived with his adoptive mother won’t have moved! Unless it’s been randomly attacked by marauding demons or caught up in some other fantastic cultivation-setting conflict, which is… unfortunately a possibility. Hopefully not, though!

Shang Qinghua actually remembers the name of this place: Linluo Town.

Mostly because he’d shamelessly and repeatedly used Luo Binghe’s extremely tragic childhood for easy angst, after he'd finally come to terms with the fact that his original plans for Proud Immortal Demon Way being genuinely good had been murdered years ago, so the protagonist had more than a few shamelessly heart-tugging speeches that begin with him saying, “In the small, poor town where I grew up… on the Luochuan River..."

Yeah, Airplane was accused of being a formulaic, trope-abusing hack, but hey! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! If you’ve written it once, why not use it again? Especially with your rent and food-money on the line!

He may have also had his blackened adult protagonist revisit his childhood town at some point, and may have then very shamelessly used the easy angst of the visit and some formulaic, tropey plotline to secure his protagonist another wife. Ah, who was the throwaway scum villain that time? Something about an evil-stepmother-type woman abusing a demonic artifact in order to achieve eternal youth without having to do the hard work of cultivating herself? He can't remember. He can't even remember who the wife turned out to be; probably some innocent stepdaughter character or justice-seeking cultivator character. But he definitely remembers the anti-fans, especially the long-time readers, being extremely angry about the supposed “nostalgia bait” and “bait-and-switch” of it all.

One of the more recent and most fervent anti-fans of Proud Immortal Demon Way, a so-called "Peerless Cucumber", instead of writing several horrifically long reviews lambasting Airplane for his hack choices like expected (adding to the overall view-count and comment-count of the web-novel, which was the important thing), had actually written only three sentences: “I can’t believe I actually thought you might be going somewhere decent with this. I’m so disgusted that I can’t even type right now. Stupid author.”

Anyway! Yeah, Shang Qinghua remembers where to find baby Luo Binghe.

If nothing else, he always could have just followed Luochuan River downstream from the nearest point to Huan Hua Palace Sect, then kept asking around until someone pointed him in the direction of the right poor washerwoman and her foundling baby. He has to ask around anyway, actually, when he gets to the right town. There’s not a snowflake’s chance in hell of Shang Qinghua remembering where exactly he put Luo Binghe’s childhood home.

Did he have it demolished for easy angst points in the end? Maybe?

Ah, fuck. He really can’t remember.

So, Shang Qinghua asks around. He tries to be subtle about his asking. He tries not to bring any untoward attention down on a poor old washerwoman and her foundling baby. He’s not dressed as a peak lord, instead wearing a disguise which should allow him to pass as an ordinary travelling cultivator.

There are lots of cultivators wandering around! Lots of minor sects! Some affiliated with the greater sects and others not! But there are plenty of demons and monsters and ghosts to go around, so mundane citizens are used to having cultivators pass through.

Shang Qinghua wasn’t raised in a noble cultivating family, or a noble family at all, and he went through the usual away missions as an An Ding disciple. (And he’s a transmigrator from humble backgrounds.) So, he’s used to dealing with non-cultivators. He’s slightly out of practice now, given that the An Ding Peak Lord usually manages their important trading partners, but he thinks he manages to hide away most of the figures of speech and mannerisms which would pin him as a peak lord!

He doesn’t fail to pick up on the faint disgust and disdain he gets when he finally runs into people who realize exactly who he’s asking after.

“Kind of weird!” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Why so high-and-mighty towards a humble washerwoman, Master Radish Farmer and Madam Basket Weaver?”

Whatever the protagonist’s adoptive mother has done seems to rub off on Shang Qinghua too, by sheer virtue of the fact that he’s looking for her. Uh oh! That’s probably not good! Is this intrigue? Over the years, Shang Qinghua has had a few minor missions from the System - problems which seem to have been caused by his characters suddenly becoming real people who disagree with his original character arcs and plot choices. They’re the worst missions.

He never likes any mission the System gives him, really, but that’s besides the point.

When Shang Qinghua finds his protagonist son’s childhood home, he’s…

He stops.

He stares.

When he described it as a hovel, no one had to take his word as Author God seriously! The house really doesn’t look fit for human habitation at all. Yes, he’s been living on a beautiful mountain for the past couple decades, so maybe his perspective is skewed, but it’s definitely the sort of place that would make Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky look around his shitty, cramped modern apartment and think, “Well, at least I’m not a poor washerwoman in a historical fantasy world.”

"Fuck," he thinks.

Shang Qinghua stands on a cramped and dusty street on the edge of a town along the Luochuan River, looking at a hovel wedged between two other hovels, and tries to work up the bravery to knock on the door. He’s a peak lord! A righteous cultivator! A “peerless” immortal! (The System made him do it, but he did it in the end!) And yet it still takes him a good ten minutes to screw his courage to the sticking place, take a deep breath, and knock on the thin door.

It takes a minute, but a woman answers the door. She peeks out at him first, like she’d have used a peephole if she had one, just to make sure that he’s not obviously a demon or something. Shang Qinghua can see her eyes widen and her face fall.

But then the door opens wide and she’s smiling at him.

And… she is not even remotely as old as Shang Qinghua thought she would be.

Admittedly, Airplane did not give Luo Binghe’s adoptive mother an actual age. She was just a lonely, single washerwoman who adopts the protagonist, then passes away suddenly and tragically due to a persistent illness, and it’s implied that the underlying cause is overworking herself under the violent and oppressive thumb of poverty! That’s it! No more description needed, really, for easy angst points! He's pretty sure he implied that she was old, but whatever!

The woman in front of him now is a teenager.

Oh, no.

Oh, this is bad.

Seriously, Shang Qinghua is not kidding: Luo Binghe’s adoptive mother is a short, thin, young woman. In fact, if Shang Qinghua passed her on the street, he’d probably think of her as a girl, not a woman. Maybe he’s shit at judging ages (in a cultivation setting, it’s easy to be shit at judging ages), but he’s not that shit at judging ages, he thinks. This is a kid!

She’s an older teenager, at least, probably. She has pale skin - she’s a little too pale, actually - and dark brown hair in a knot at the back of her neck. She’s wearing a plain, yellowish brown dress and an apron. She’s kind of pretty, maybe, with large brown eyes and a heart-shaped face and freckles, but mostly she just looks tired and thin and much, much too young to be a mother. What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!

Somewhat hysterically, Shang Qinghua supposes that the young protagonist would have little-to-no ability to judge the age of his adoptive mother. Eighteen years old really does seem like a fully-fledged adult when you’re five years old or younger! All adults look like they’re real grown-ups when you’re only two feet tall, probably!

“Greetings, Master Cultivator. How may I be of service?” the woman- the girl says.

“...Ah…”

Shang Qinghua fumbles all of his carefully crafted excuses and lies.

Every single one of them.

If you add up his first and second lives, he has quite a few years under his belt now! Several decades! Technically, counting both lives, he’s more than old enough to be this girl’s father. She looks like she could be one of his teenage disciples! Put her in a uniform on An Ding Peak, and Shang Qinghua really wouldn’t have been able to pick her out of the crowd, honestly!

What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!

“D-does this master cultivator need washing done for his travels?” the girl asks.

“Oh, no,” Shang Qinghua manages to say, feeling very much like his soul is going to leave his body and transmigrate again. “I’m, uh, I’m not in need of any of those services, thanks. Master Gao up at the House of Rejuvenation said that I could find you here, and… er… well…”

The girl’s face falters, briefly, but then she’s smiling again.

“Please, come inside,” she says.

Then she takes Shang Qinghua’s hand and draws him into her house, and shuts the door behind him. Like she’s worried someone will see him standing on the street, almost?

The hovel is not… it’s not as bad as he feared on the inside. It’s kind of cosy. It’s clearly the house of a poor washerwoman - most of the space is dedicated to laundry, soaking or hanging or folded - but there’s been an effort to make it a home. The building only has two rooms. Shang Qinghua is now standing in the larger main room, among all the laundry, a small kitchen, and… oh, fuck, a baby sleeping in a cot against the far wall.

There is very clearly a one-year-old in a cot over there, wrapped in a blanket, sleeping peacefully next to the sewing his mother was probably just working on. Shang Qinghua can’t see the baby’s face from this angle, but any hope that he had the wrong house has just died a quick and brutal death.

The protagonist! His son!

That’s a little protagonist fist clinging to the blanket right there! It’s going to punch through people’s chests and rip out their hearts someday! Figuratively and literally! But right now that little baby hand is one of the tiniest, ittiest, bittiest things that Shang Qinghua has ever seen.

“Ah, this way, please, Master Cultivator,” the girl says, still smiling.

She draws Shang Qinghua towards the other room: a small bedroom. “Oh, she probably just wants to talk privately without waking her baby,” a part of Shang Qinghua thinks.

Another part of Shang Qinghua is thinking: “Are you fucking kidding me, bro? Are you serious, bro? Are you stupid, bro? Stop your legs! Stop your legs if you have to break them to do it! Do you really have no fucking idea what’s happening here, bro?” That part howls in protest as the girl gently closes the thin bedroom door, but Shang Qinghua is too stunned by the protagonist-sighting and this minor character’s youth to listen.

And then the girl starts to take off her dress.

And Shang Qinghua thinks, “Wait a minute here…”

And then it clicks.

“Wait! Wait! I’m not here for that! I’m not here for that!” Shang Qinghua breaks out of the bedroom immediately, a long line of clues falling into place, and puts his hands up defensively between himself and the girl.

He doesn’t know whether he’s trying to ward off an attack or trying to beg her forgiveness, because right now he feels one more bad thing away from trying to grovel at her feet like she’s as dangerous as a very angry Mobei-Jun. Much too late, he remembers that Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky repeatedly implied that the protagonist’s loving adoptive mother had maybe turned to “more desperate” methods of earning money, in order to support her poor son.

How did he forget that???

System! No one had to follow that vague implication to the nastiest possible conclusion! What the fuck!

It was only an implication, really! Which… he used repeatedly… for easy angst points…

Oh, he’s going to be sick.

The girl quickly pulls her dress back on, flushed pink with embarrassment.

“Oh, fuck, everyone in this town thinks I’m a travelling cultivator looking for a whore,” Shang Qinghua thinks. Oh fuck! He really should have picked up on that!

“I- I- My apologies for the indecent assumption, M-Master Cultivator!”

“No, uh, that’s not- I should have-”

A loud cry interrupts Shang Qinghua’s stuttering.

Oh, the protagonist is awake! The girl, still flushed pink with embarrassment, crosses her humble home to comfort her startled child. She untangles him from the blanket, stroking his hair, making shushing noises, like… like… like loving mothers do.

A loving mother who, for classic protagonist tragic backstory purposes, is supposed to die due to entirely preventable reasons in less than ten years. A loving mother who, for needlessly angsty protagonist points, turned to sex work to support herself and a child she couldn’t bear to let drown or freeze in an icy river. Oh, Shang Qinghua really feels like the worst person in the world right now for a lot of reasons, watching this touching scene of mother and child, equally abandoned and alone in all the world.

The protagonist stops crying in his adoptive mother’s arms, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to be soothed back to sleep. He clings to his mother, little head resting on her chest, and looks directly at Shang Qinghua, Author God transmigrator extraordinaire.

Oh, man.

Shang Qinghua has never really been someone vulnerable to cute babies. He doesn’t like people most days - and babies are just sticky, crying poop machines, right? He’s never experienced Baby Fever, in this life or the last one! In this life, he’s too busy being whipped by an unforgiving, cold System to consider having a love life, or even a sex life, so marriage is basically off the table entirely. He’s got too many needy disciples and bratty trade partners to deal with already! Who needs a toddler of their own to cause messes, when they’ve got a job mopping up after the likes of Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge and nine other peak lords each with their own unique flavor of assholery and bullshit?

Baby Luo Binghe, though, is the cutest fucking thing he has ever seen in any life.

Holy shit.

That’s his son!

Black curly baby ringlets! Big brown baby eyes! Chubby baby cheeks! If someone doing a photoshoot for a diaper company saw this beautiful baby, they’d be like, “Wow! This baby has put all other baby models out of business! This baby is ‘break the internet with a new viral meme’ cute! Fire that other baby right now! Throw them out the door! I never want to look at any other baby ever again!”

Oh, fuck, the protagonist is gnawing on his little baby fist now. Even his slobber is cute? That’s not fair! This baby’s protagonist halo is too OP! It’s too much! If the protagonist halo only gets stronger as someone grows up, then the whole world is absolutely fucked when Luo Binghe grows up.

Hey, actually, that’s sort of what happened, come to think of it.

Oh, Shang Qinghua has just realized that he’s staring kind of creepily at this girl’s baby in silence. She’s looking at him like she’s worried he might be the scum of the earth here for scummy reasons, which is sort of totally valid. Her eyes actually dart towards the cooking equipment like she’s mentally picking one to use to hit him over the head.

“Ah… forgive me for not stating my purpose clearly earlier!” Shang Qinghua says, trying to look as harmless as possible.

He’s usually pretty good at that! If he does say so himself! And he does! However, he’s usually begging to be underestimated by peerless immortal righteous cultivators who could all whoop his ass, or a monstrously powerful demon lord who could step on him no problem (and Shang Qinghua would thank Mobei-Jun probably). Shang Qinghua’s “you could pour soup in my lap and I’d apologize to you, please underestimate me so I can stab you in the back” act doesn’t have the same effect on a mundane teenage girl with a vulnerable baby, whose home he’s accidentally invaded for an unknown purpose. He probably looks very, very scary to her.

“I believe that I knew your son’s late birth parents, aha!” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “And I hoped to either recover their son’s remains for burial or to ensure that he was being well looked after, if he had miraculously survived his journey down the river!”

The girl’s eyes go even wider. “H-his parents?”

“Yes! His parents! I knew them!”

It’s more accurate to say that Shang Qinghua knew of Tianlang-Jun and Su Xiyan, but Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky arguably knew them! Shang Qinghua is kind of surprised that his strict, stingy System hasn’t popped up to skewer him for this mild disaster yet. Because the original Shang Qinghua really shouldn’t know where to find the future protagonist. Or that there is a future protagonist.

The girl’s grip tightens on her baby sitting on her hip. “They’re dead?”

“Ahhh, yes, I’m afraid so,” Shang Qinghua says, which is actually a half a lie, but a less problematic one in his opinion. “We were not family, nor were we close, but I always had great respect for them! I’m sorry to have to tell you that your son has no birth family left to look after him in this world.”

“O-oh,” the girl says. “W-what were their names?”

“I… can’t tell you,” Shang Qinghua insists. “They had, er, many enemies.”

That’s putting it mildly. Tianlang-Jun went out in a spiral of heartbreak that has left a wide trail of destruction in the Human Realm and massive vacuum of power in the Demon Realm, the consequences of which Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, the other righteous sects, and the Human Realm are going to be suffering for a very, very long time. Su Xiyan was so well-respected by the cultivation world that the Huan Hua Palace Master used her faked kidnapping as a rallying point against the Demon Emperor, but that Palace Master tried to get her to poison her half-demon baby and he'd probably try to do it himself if he knew the baby had survived!

The girl’s eyes flicker over Shang Qinghua’s body again, lingering on his sword, which is clearly a very nice sword.

She bows, as much as she’s able with a child on her hip, slobbering unfairly cutely on his fist.

“Thank you for searching us out to inform us of this, Master Cultivator.”

“Oh, it’s no problem!”

It is kind of a problem, actually, but that’s Shang Qinghua’s lot in this life! By design!

“May I know the name of the master cultivator who has travelled so far to ensure the well-being of my son?” the girl asks, still slightly bowed.

“Ah…”

Shang Qinghua really ought to give a false name, but none of his prepared aliases seem willing to crawl out of his throat. Little Luo Binghe is pulling on his adoptive mother’s hair now, squirming with discomfort by her slight bow. The girl looks at Shang Qinghua through her eyelashes, a teenager apparently fully resigned to hard labor and no help.

This is all happening because Shang Qinghua said so - because Airplane said so - and he’s feeling that Author God nausea at the bottom of his stomach again, which he usually just brusquely pushes aside rather than contemplate his personal role in making this world a shitty, shitty place. Man, he really is the worst person who’s ever existed, huh?

“...I see,” the girl says finally, straightening. “May, ah, I know if my son has a birth name given to him by his first parents, if Master Cultivator knows such a thing?”

“Ah… I don’t know.”

If Tianlang-Jun is occupying himself under his mountain by making lists of baby names for a child he doesn't know about, Shang Qinghua isn’t going to break him out to find out what they are. If Su Xiyan named her son before she set him adrift in the river, the name she gave him died with her.

“Whatever name you have given him is the only name he has,” Shang Qinghua says apologetically.

“Luo Binghe.”

“P-pardon?”

“It’s Luo Binghe,” the girl says, turning a little pink again. “His name.”

“...Oh…” Shang Qinghua says distantly. “That’s… that’s a good name. A very good name.”

Oh, fuck, this is his son’s mother.

This is his son’s mother! She’s a real person here! Shang Qinghua’s existence in the world is a real mindfuck, which he usually ignores, and right now he can’t ignore it. This girl named her son “Luo Binghe” because Airplane said she would and… she so clearly loves him just like Airplane said she did. Shang Qinghua hasn’t missed the faint relief in her that no one will be taking her baby away.

“My name… my name is Luo Jiahui,” the girl says with a dignified nod.

Shang Qinghua hastily bows back.

It’s either that or fall back into a dead faint upon remembering that he never actually named his protagonist’s adoptive mother! After all, she didn’t need a name to be tragically dead before the web-novel started! She didn’t need a name to be used to invoke pity for the poor orphaned protagonist!

Shang Qinghua already walks around working hard to ignore the fact that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is destined to go up in flames. Day-in and day-out, he blocks out the fact that most, if not all, of his disciples are going to die. He looks Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Shen fucking Qingqiu in the eye on a regular basis and completely refuses to think, “I know exactly how you’re going to die. I wrote your brutal and painful death in another life. And honestly? I’m probably just going to let it happen again. Sorry, bro. It’s not personal.”

He mentally drop-kicks his meager conscience off the mountain every time it comes sniffing back around An Ding, and he does not regret it at all! Nope! No matter how real things seem, after all, this is just a story, really! They’re all just characters! Extras! Cannon-fodder!

This girl is not going to be what breaks him!

Fuck.

Like many things in Shang Qinghua’s lives, this vacation was a mistake.

Shang Qinghua spends the next half-day or so pacing around Luo Binghe’s childhood town, talking to himself, looking like a deranged madman. He’s speaking partly to his strict, stingy System, which endeavors to give him nothing in this life but bad missions, punishments, and the silent treatment, but the locals giving him concerned looks don’t know that.

Shang Qinghua does not think that their distrust and unease would be settled by him earnestly explaining the concept of transmigration. “Hey, bro!” he’d say. “Have you ever had an existential crisis before, bro? No? Well, do you want to have one? Fuck it, I can probably give you two!”

Anyway! He does talk to himself for the most part, muttering not unlike the way steam comes out of a teapot. He’s always done that, in both lives, having too many thoughts to keep all of them inside his head without overflow. Airplane has always been this annoying! An Ding Peak and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect have just gotten used to Shang Qinghua’s annoying quirks! Peak lords are allowed a few eccentricities!

The locals, unused to his antics, unaware of his position, see him muttering to himself and hastily cross the street. Very understandable reaction, really! Shang Qinghua doesn’t blame them at all. How can he blame them? When everything - absolutely everything and everyone - in this world is arguably his fucking fault?! What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!

Shang Qinghua is maybe overdue for his latest transmigration-related existential breakdown. Sorry, Linluo Town, home of future protagonist, Luo Binghe! Going to have to put up with a disturbed cultivator wandering in circles and tugging his hair for a little while! Until Shang Qinghua either strangles his stupid conscience back into submission - back to death, really, he didn’t know he still had one - or figures out what the fuck he’s supposed to do about his protagonist son’s teenage adoptive mother doomed to die young!

He honestly kind of just wants to post this dilemma to an online forum and let the denizens of the internet fight it out in the comments. “As an unwilling Author God transmigrator, do I owe child support to my protagonist son’s teenage adoptive mother otherwise doomed to die young of preventable causes? Yes or no?”

He knows that he had anti-fans who would argue this is only really what he deserves for his shitty sellout writing!

He knows that there are heartless internet denizens who would argue that it’s really the mother’s fault for being poor and adopting a child she couldn’t care for.

He even knows that some people - the rare nice and thoughtful internet dwellers, who bless every wretched online forum with their calm presence and reasonable words, for however long they last there - might more gently argue that Airplane never intended for Proud Immortal Demon Way to be a real place, and so he’s not responsible for all the suffering within it. He just wanted to pay his rent and buy his groceries through his writing! It wasn't about quality; it was about survival, and that's okay even if he originally had different plans! Shang Qinghua kind of desperately holds on to that perspective of absolution every day of his second life. He didn’t mean it! He didn’t agree to his story being realized! It’s not on him!

Shang Qinghua’s feet are starting to hurt from pacing in circles around this town.

But that’s only problem one. He’s already picked his moral responsibilities to pieces, over years of unwillingly contemplating his shitty situation while trying and failing to fall asleep at night. If he forces himself to harden his heart completely, he knows that he can do it! He can force himself to see everyone here as words on a page! Problem two is whether or not the System will let him help, if… say… he decides to actually do something about this depressing protagonist backstory.

Look.

In the beginning, when the System first kicked into Shang Qinghua’s head and unhappy childhood, it told him that he was here in part to “make Proud Immortal Demon Way into a better story”. But, honestly, what the fuck does that even mean? “Better story”?! Isn’t that totally subjective?! As in: totally unique to individual readers?!

“Who exactly is the audience here?” Shang Qinghua has tried to demand of his aspiring-to-be monosyllabic System for years. What are their tastes? Can he at least get a comments section to work off of? Some reviews? Are they a shipper who wants Luo Binghe to be monogamous and in love with a favorite wife? Who is Airplane supposed to be pandering to in order to save this world and his life? He's definitely not above selling out, he's ultimately a practical guy, but he needs feedback! “Better story” could mean anything!

Less comedy? More comedy? Less tragedy? More tragedy? Less realism? More realism? Less papapa?! MORE papapa?! Shang Qinghua has no idea!

And his no-good System is no help at all!

Anyway, so, Shang Qinghua sort of gave up on actually changing the plot of this world once he realized how strict and stingy and utterly unhelpful his uncooperative System was. It had the nerve to tell him that he was here to make a “better story” and then it wouldn’t actually let him change anything big! It wouldn’t give him anything to do that with!

When Shang Qinghua, as a child, tried to float the idea of not becoming a cultivator and going through all that hard work and danger, his System hadn’t approved of completely removing Shang Qinghua from the main plot like that. When he tried to float the idea of joining a cultivation sect that wasn’t Cang Qiong Mountain, thereby not entirely leaving the plot behind, the System shot him down! Hard! And when he tried to get into any other peak, his System wouldn’t let him join any besides An Ding! It was taking care of logistics or punishment! Head disciple or bust! Peak lord or bust! He'd been assigned to the "Shang Qinghua" role and there was no getting out of the trappings of that!

As a disciple, Shang Qinghua considered maybe… trying to talk to Su Xiyan? Except he couldn’t even look towards Huan Hua Palace without his System reminding him that potentially interfering with the existence of the protagonist would result in severe punishment. So, Shang Qinghua didn’t have the guts to approach Huan Hua Palace Sect or its head disciple with “How to Date a Demon Emperor” tips! Ahhh, too risky!

He could’ve approached Tianlang-Jun after Su Xiyan had been kidnapped by her former master, with the Heavenly Demon framed for the dastardly deed, when she was definitely already pregnant with the protagonist. But the System threatened potential punishment again! Luo Binghe was not allowed to be raised by his birth parents even in this "better story". How could there be a dramatic reveal of his demonic heritage later in the story, unless Luo Binghe was raised to be ordinary and unaware? Even if the tragic fates of Su Xiyan and Tianlang-Jun were prevented, according to the demands of the iron-fisted System, they would still not be “allowed” to raise their own son in this world.

Shang Qinghua hadn't really cared about them. He never actually met them. It's that Proud Immortal Demon Way had some really bad shit in there sometimes! He didn't want to die for being a scum spy and, if he managed to avoid that plotline, he might be in big trouble when Cang Qiong Mountain Sect was razed! Keeping Su Xiyan and Tianlang-Jun together, giving Luo Binghe a happy childhood, might actually keep the world stable! Shang Qinghua had to care at least a little bit about the fate of this world, since he was now one of the poor unfortunate souls who lived in it. So, yeah! He'd considered changing and avoiding the whole damn story, hoping for something like a peaceful life instead.

But the relative order of the Demon Realm kind of needed to fracture anyway, in order for the protagonist to eventually conquer and unite it again. So, Shang Qinghua had weighed his options, considered his meager courage, and let the Demon Emperor fall exactly as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had written. (Or, you know, alluded to, in the case of his dropped Tianlang-Jun plotlines.)

Some foundational plot points, it seemed, just couldn’t be changed.

Shang Qinghua could have spent his time running around, trying to prevent or lessen as many tragedies and misunderstandings as he could remember, for all his other characters. Out of the goodness of his heart, he could have done it! The System didn’t seem to object to the idea of Shang Qinghua helping out Binghe’s future wives or meddling with the lives of non-wife supporting characters to a limited extent. Some plot elements were negotiable like that! So long as they remained within whatever the System considered “reasonable boundaries of development for canon”.

But who had time for that? Who had the resources for that? Not Shang Qinghua!

Closer to home, in his youth, he’d toyed with the idea of preventing Yue Qingyuan’s disastrous claiming of his spiritual sword, or preventing the blackening of Shen Qingqiu, but he’d been young and weak… and no one would have listened to him anyway… and he’d been terrified of the potential consequences for entering the spirit caves without permission or running away to the Qiu Estate. He couldn’t afford to get kicked out of Cang Qiong! He made it to the position of head disciple by the skin of his teeth! His life had depended on beating out all the other competition for the title of peak lord - and it had been a real competition, a fierce one, because Shang Qinghua did not have a protagonist halo! He wasn’t even able to disable the OOC locks (which were not a welcome addition to his second childhood) until he’d completed his System-given quest to be accepted to An Ding Peak!

Right now, well… he’s busy. He’s a peak lord! He can’t realistically go running around meddling with random bits of demon and human politics, just to give some of his protagonist son’s future wives less tragic backstories! He could die like that!

And… well… he’s really too much of a coward to try anything like nudging Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu into mending fences now. They don’t want to get out of their respective flaming emotional garbage piles! Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to get burned! They’re adults! They’re both peerless immortal cultivation masters! His martial brothers can get off their asses and fix their own tragic character arcs if they’re so miserable!

If Shang Qinghua has ever created any kind of canon divergence, beyond patching worldbuilding plot holes during the day-in-day-out of An Ding, it’s almost certainly been accidental. Insignificant! Too insignificant to have any real impact on the plot! So the System either didn’t care or didn’t care to mention it to him. Insignificant is kind of how Shang Qinghua likes it these days! Then, hopefully, no one will notice when he fakes his death after fulfilling his last unavoidable, totally non-negotiable plot requirements. Preferably no one will investigate the sudden, unfortunate death of cowardly cannon-fodder, the insignificant Shang Qinghua!

The protagonist is… not insignificant.

“System, if I… give Luo Jiahui money, would I be punished?”

【No.】

Great! So, Shang Qinghua can just give Luo Jiahui a hefty coin purse! Then she’ll be able to afford a better quality of life, get a better job, and hopefully be able to pay for medicine later. Problem solved! Airplane will pay his child support and be done with it! He’s not opposed to sending Luo Jiahui a hearty stipend, either! It goes against the idea of making the protagonist suffer as much as possible, all to make him "stronger", but maybe it'll make Shang Qinghua feel less like shit.

Sure, a poor washerwoman could be robbed if someone saw that she had a big pile of money… and Shang Qinghua can’t remember seeing a lock on the door to her… hovel, it was definitely a hovel…

“Fuck,” he mutters.

What if Luo Jiahui is robbed for the money and gets killed? What if Shang Qinghua making her an easy target gets her killed before the protagonist is capable of making his own way to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? What if Luo Binghe dies?

【Early Protagonist Death will result in consequences.】

“...What… what are the consequences?”

“System?! What does that mean?” Shang Qinghua thinks, alarmed. “Consequences?! That’s very vague!”

A System window pops up in front of Shang Qinghua, listing the potential consequences that an early protagonist’s death will have on both himself as a transmigrator and the world in general. Oh, that is a very long list of consequences. Ahhh, that’s too much detail!

“...Why do you only ever talk to me when you’re listing potential punishments if I fail your shitty missions?” Shang Qinghua asks faintly, pointlessly, and closes the pop-up window with a shaking hand. “System, bro, it’s really out-of-line, you know!”

He has the worst System! There are no rewards for him! No upgrades! No levelling up! No skill charts! No perks! No boosters! No, it’s just hard fucking work! Shang Qinghua had to learn to do mathematics and martial arts by himself! Logistics, by himself! All by himself! He earned his golden core with blood, sweat, and tears (and, uh, some rare, small boosts from some golden finger plot device items, maybe, but still). He swears that his System has never liked him and has, in fact, purposefully been giving him the cold shoulder to the highest degree ever since he finally managed to turn off the official OOC locks.

“What happens if just Luo Jiahui dies?” Shang Qinghua asks.

【No consequences.】

“So, if Luo Binghe gets adopted by someone else, it’s fine? The… the consequences only really ultimately relate to the protagonist, huh?” Shang Qinghua says.

The System probably considers the question redundant and doesn’t answer.

“What happens if Luo Jiahui lives?” Shang Qinghua tries.

【No consequences.】

“What, really?”

The System, of course, refuses to repeat itself.

“Luo Binghe still has to join Cang Qiong Sect and all that, though?”

The System doesn’t say anything, but Shang Qinghua definitely gets a sense of: "Obviously, idiot."

“Will there be consequences if Luo Binghe doesn’t join Cang Qiong Sect?” Shang Qinghua asks, just to be sure.

Almost immediately, he nearly walks face-first into another System pop-up window, listing the many consequences everyone will suffer if the protagonist doesn’t join Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. The consequences of such an enormous canon divergence, effectively requiring an entirely different supporting cast, are unsurprisingly severe. Not so severe as the consequences of the protagonist accidentally dying without completing the main plot, but… uh… definitely still not good for Shang Qinghua!

Man, he has the worst System! Shittiest transmigration guide! No good!

“Fuck you,” Shang Qinghua mutters, and closes the pop-up window.

He can almost hear his beloved anti-fans’ hands slamming their keyboards and phone screens, ready to put him to the pyre for the protagonist’s beloved mother living or dying apparently having no crucial impact on the main plot. “Oh, look!” the anti-fans would say. “Another female character with no real narrative impact!”

Who looks for well-developed female characters in a sellout stallion novel with a blackened protagonist, anyway?! That makes no sense!

“Fuck you,” Shang Qinghua mutters again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a random local give him a scandalized look, but he ignores them. Shang Qinghua may be a complete joke to OP righteous cultivators and super OP demon lords, so he assumes, but the average mundane human with any common sense is usually unwilling to fuck with any semi-serious cultivator. Shang Qinghua doesn’t really fit the expected description of a “Peerless Immortal Peak Lord”, like Shen fucking Qingqiu, but he likes to think he hits some “this bro is a real cultivator” vibes for some people.

“System, would there be consequences if Luo Binghe grew up in a different town?”

【No.】

“Would there be consequences if Luo Binghe grew up in a town or village along the Tian Gong mountain range?”

【No.】

“Would there be consequences if Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe moved to Sanjiao Town?”

【No.】

Shang Qinghua has never heard a robotic voice sound so begrudging. Oh, he kind of feels like dancing! This is the first piece of real canon divergence he’s been able to uncover that actually seems doable! In decades! He hasn’t really been able to do anything to impact the plot before now! Everything else has been too high-risk or high-effort!

【Points will be deducted for the plot hole of Shang Qinghua knowing the whereabouts of and caring for the son of Tianlang-Jun and Su Xiyan.】

Shang Qinghua freezes.

Which is probably a good thing, because dancing by himself on the edge of a town already giving him weird looks might push these locals over their own edge. Shang Qinghua’s probably-too-modern victory dance, despite years of cultivation, is sure to be objectively weird-looking. Someone might scream “demonic possession” if he busts a move here and then it’ll all be downhill from there.

“Shitty System!” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Be a bro for once! You built up to that!”

The latest System pop-up window hangs there very smugly.

Shang Qinghua sighs.

“...How many points?” he asks, exhaustedly.

Another System window pops up to show him the numbers and… they’re not bad?

Seriously! Shang Qinghua knows his numbers now! He knows how to make them dance. Sometimes he gets so into An Ding’s accounting that he thinks of ordinary writing as “people numbers”. He knows how to evaluate investments and, while An Ding and Cang Qiong occasionally take some losses thanks to a bad assessment, Shang Qinghua got to be the peak lord of the logistics division for a reason!

Besides the fact that he absolutely used some underhanded tactics in his climb.

It was peak lord or bust! All’s fair in trying not to die!

Shang Qinghua considers the point loss.

What are his excuses character motivations here? Why is his unmerciful System not completely skewering him for this?

He is the servant of a demon lord, Mobei-Jun, the future Northern King, so he has a greater investment than most cultivators in the future of the Demon Realm, so it’s not unreasonable for him to seek out any bastards of Tianlang-Jun without handing the demon baby over to a righteous sect. He’s also a peak lord of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, so it’s not unreasonable for him to be interested in any rumors of the whereabouts of Su Xiyan or what happened to her, for political leverage or whatever. The character of Shang Qinghua originally was and still is a spy - on top of being a shameless coward willing to cling to anyone’s thighs and then stab them in the back, in order to stay alive or advance himself.

There are plenty of magical artifacts in this world that might give a power-grubbing weakling like Shang Qinghua an insight into the future. As peak lord of An Ding, Shang Qinghua is, in fact, in a pretty good place to get his greedy hands on one of these magical artifacts. Or lots of these magical future-telling artifacts! Isn’t that what a good spy and overall ambitious snake would do?

Especially a spy serving a demon lord extremely likely to get fed up with him and kill him at some point? While also serving a righteous cultivation sect extremely likely to execute him for eventually betraying them? Of course Shang Qinghua would obviously want to know how to save his own ass from these ticking time-bombs! And how better to save his own ass than shamelessly clinging to the golden thighs of the protagonist, who will one day conquer every other demon lord and all righteous sects?

Following Luo Binghe means being on the endgame winning team!

Shang Qinghua looks over the pop-up window’s numbers over again, in regards to the loss of points. True, how exactly he tracked down Su Xiyan’s half-demon baby when the Huan Hua Palace Master failed is a bit of a plot hole, but the rest can be easily explained away with a bit of creativity!

Oh, the rest of the cultivation world didn’t know Su Xiyan was pregnant? Well, Shang Qinghua is a slimy, sneaky spy, who would of course guess that a female cultivator might suddenly disappear like that for months-on-end due to a secret pregnancy! And given that Su Xiyan’s reputation had been linked to a passionately self-destructive Tianlang-Jun… Okay, he can feel the anti-fan rage at that mildly sexist line of thinking, but it stands! It stands!

Now, Shang Qinghua just has to… actually decide… whether or not he wants to take the point loss, in order to save the life of his protagonist son’s adoptive mother, Luo Jiahui. Now, if he went around changing things just because he felt kind of bad about things, he’d have done a lot of things by now! He would regularly be intervening in both demon and human politics to prevent the tragic backstories for so many of his son’s future wives!

He would have told Shen Qingqiu exactly why Yue Qingyuan didn’t appear to come back for him, just to stop meetings from being horribly awkward experiences. Having to watch his asshole coworker and his semi-asshole boss be painfully dysfunctional and know exactly why - it’s not a fun experience! But it’s not really his business! His heart is hardened here!

What’s in it for him, really? Saving Luo Jiahui?

Besides the fact that it might make his recently revived conscience shut up? He has half a mind to just walk away, on the grounds that nothing good can possibly come from feeding his conscience like this! Guilt and pity aren’t to be included in this consideration!

Well, for one thing, Luo Binghe loves his adoptive mother. Even as the fully blackened protagonist, his late mother held a special place in his hardened heart, untouched by anyone else and never spoken of in serious depth. If Shang Qinghua helps the protagonist’s adoptive mother, if he gets her medicine and prevents her wholly avoidable death, then he has basically made it in this second life of his. He’ll be in the protagonist’s good books! The protagonist will owe Shang Qinghua an unpayable debt out of filial love and piety!

Oh, that’s a pretty good reason.

That’s a very good reason.

Very selfish! Very in-character for the scum spy Shang Qinghua!

And, of course, if the blackened protagonist Luo Binghe ever somehow finds out that Shang Qinghua had the opportunity to help his adoptive mother and didn’t… then…

Oh.

Shang Qinghua can almost feel himself turn green.

Oh, that would be not good.

His mind made up, his meager courage screwed back to the sticking place, Shang Qinghua returns to Luo Jiahui’s hovel. He is helping her for very selfish reasons, obviously! Not because he threw up in an alleyway earlier at the unthinkable idea of a teenage girl doing sex work to support a baby he calls “his son”! Yeah, that incident happened for completely unrelated reasons! His heart has been hardened to viewing the people in this world as anything besides words on a page.

Anyway, now he just has to convince Luo Jiahui to follow him to the Tian Gong mountain range.

And… let him put her up in a house in Sanjiao Town or something.

For “reasons”.

Fuck, he doesn’t really have a good explanation prepared for this.

A good explanation doesn’t swoop in to save him - all his many lies don’t jump into good order - by the time that Luo Jiahui opens the door again. She looks at him like he might as well be a demon in disguise. She looks like she’s afraid he’s come back to take her up on her earlier assumption after all. She looks so, so young.

“Madam Luo,” Shang Qinghua begins awkwardly, bowing to her, attempting to appear as respectful as he can manage. “I cannot in good conscience leave you and your foundling son without offering my assistance.”

Oh, bad start. Ah, Luo Jiahui is clearly reading bad things into that.

“I swear that I mean you no harm,” Shang Qinghua promises quickly. “B-but this is a conversation I do not think it will be wise to have on the street! May I come in?”

Very reluctantly, Luo Jiahui nods.

She steps aside to let Shang Qinghua back into her hovel, where little Luo Binghe is sitting on his cot, awake and chewing on a wooden block. (Ah, the adorableness of his son is still too OP! Shang Qinghua really doesn’t even like children!) Shang Qinghua turns away from his son quickly, however, because he doesn’t think more accidental creepy staring will put Luo Jiahui at ease in any way. He gratefully accepts the stool that Luo Jiahui offers him once she closes the door of her home.

Once she’s settled carefully on an overturned basin, he begins… uh… not gently.

“I am Shang Qinghua, the Peak Lord of An Ding Peak, of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.”

To prove it, Shang Qinghua reaches into his robes and brings out his personal spiritual seal, a small yet ornate token with the Cang Qiong sigil on one side and the symbol of An Ding on the other, glowing faintly with spiritual energy. The gold decorations on the white jade token specifically marks him as the Lord of An Ding Peak. Which is kind of a pretty big deal to most people!

Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is the most famous cultivation sect in the known world, and Luo Jiahui doesn’t fail to recognize the name. Her brown eyes go hilariously wide and she startles so violently that she nearly falls off her makeshift seat. Makes sense! Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that Luo Binghe’s adoptive mother is the one who originally encouraged him to join Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and make something of himself! (Mostly sure, at least! Maybe 40% sure, actually!)

Gently, Shang Qinghua hands the spiritual seal to Luo Jiahui. Her hands shake as her eyes widen even further, its glow reflected in her gaze, as she takes in the warmth and buzz of its spiritual energy against her skin.

All the peaks have the capability to produce spiritual seals, but most official spiritual seals are generally made by Wan Jian Peak, and they represent that the individual has the backing of their sect. Shang Qinghua’s personal spiritual seal represents his authority to speak on behalf of An Ding Peak and even all of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect - at least until Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan or another Peak Lord shows up to denounce his words. With it, Shang Qinghua can requisition support and supplies from affiliated cultivators and sects. If he runs out of money on a mission, he can wave his seal at someone saying Cang Qiong Mountain Sect will be good for it, then use the seal to stamp a scroll that can’t be easily tampered with, which a merchant can use to bill Cang Qiong Mountain Sect (through An Ding Peak, actually).

As spiritual items, the seals can’t be replicated and can’t be stolen (without being recalled or self-destructing). Cang Qiong comes down hard on anyone who tries to fake one. Most sects use some form of them and agree impostors should be severely punished. Most senior cultivators and even some senior disciples of Cang Qiong have one, and to abuse one for your own gain means that An Ding will hunt you down, Shang Qinghua will nail your ass to the wall (not sexy nailing!), and he will then promptly, shamelessly, and gleefully bring down the full wrath of Yue Qingyuan and whichever Peak Lord whose reputation and trust has just been grievously disrespected.

Oh, man. Side note. Last year, this one drunken Qing Jing cultivator, a man of the current Peak Lords’ generation, in a fit of victory-high generosity after his last mission, tried to use his personal Cang Qiong spiritual seal at a brothel to buy himself and every other customer there a “round”. Not for papapa-related life-saving purposes, for which Cang Qiong had some limited allowance, but purely for pleasure purposes. Bragging rights. Oh, man, it was bad. Shen Qingqiu was pissed. Yue Qingyuan had to come in clutch to save that poor stupid fool’s life and dick - or so Shang Qinghua assumes that’s what Zhangmen-Shixiong prevented Shen Qingqiu from taking, because Shang Qinghua did not try to get in Shen Qingqiu’s way after breaking the news of that bill.

That fool is no longer a cultivator of Qing Jing or Cang Qiong.

Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that fool is still paying that bullshit off, actually.

Anyway! The spiritual seal is pretty solid proof that he is who he says he is! Luo Jiahui probably recognizes Cang Qiong’s sigil. Maybe Luo Jiahui has never seen a sect or clan cultivator’s spiritual seal before, but she’s probably heard of them.

If her shaking hands are any clue, she’s definitely never held one before.

“M-Master Cultivator,” she stammers, looking up at him helplessly. “I- this-”

“Please, allow me to explain! I came here in secret to look for your son. I feel… a responsibility to him, after his parents met such unfortunate fates. And while clearly he is well-loved in your home… your home is… is…”

“It’s a fucking hovel,” Shang Qinghua does not say.

Luo Jiahui’s eyes tear up, even though he hasn’t insulted her home directly yet.

Oh, no.

“Well, uh, I mean…”

Luo Jiahui chokes up, face twisting with an effort not to cry.

“Your home could be better… is all I’m saying. Uh…”

Luo Jiahui bursts into tears, shaking silently with the force of her upset.

“Oh, shit,” Shang Qinghua says, unintentionally.

“I do my best to f-f-feed him!” Luo Jiahui sobs, holding on to the spiritual seal like it's a lifeline. “I always- I always m-make sure to eat so I can f-feed him well! P-P-Please don’t take hi-im from me. I can’t-”

“Oh, no. No, no, no.”

“He’s the o- he’s the only thing I h-have left and I l-love him so much-”

“I’m not going to take him from you!”

Luo Binghe, whose little face was also screwing up, bursts into tears as well. The raised voices and his mother’s tears have upset him too! Luo Jiahui nearly throws the spiritual seal at Shang Qinghua, so she can rush across the room to scoop up her baby, soothing him through her own tears. She rocks him back and forth, clutching him tightly.

Oh, wow, that’s sort of heart-warming and heart-breaking! Ouch!

Shang Qinghua, having failed to catch the spiritual seal, picks it up from the floor and tucks it back into his robes. He just sort of sits there and waits, honestly, not knowing what else to do. Eventually, Luo Jiahui comes back to sit across from him, rocking a whimpering baby protagonist in her arms. Luo Binghe chews his own little fist and tugs at his own black curls, tiny tears at the corner of his eyes.

Luo Jiahui looks at him with reddened, tearful eyes, suspicious and protective. Wow, does she have a minor pre-canon protagonist halo herself? Maybe it’s a "Tragically Doomed Mother of the Protagonist Halo"? "Tragic Female Lead"? Whatever its name is, it’s very good at making Shang Qinghua feel like the scummiest person alive!

“I’m not going to take him from you,” Shang Qinghua repeats helplessly.

“...What do you want from us?” Luo Jiahui demands.

“I… I wanted to offer you somewhere else to live,” Shang Qinghua answers.

For a moment, Luo Jiahui stops breathing.

“Call it Luo Binghe’s inheritance from his late birth parents, if you like, as thanks for caring for their son!” Shang Qinghua insists desperately. “You would be akin to the widow of a beloved, loyal retainer! Out of respect for his absent parents, I would be honored to give you a small home in Sanjiao Town, one of the settlements at the base of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect's range, in which to raise your foundling son.”

Luo Jiahui is breathing again, but she doesn’t seem to dare being overjoyed. “What… what would you ask of us…?”

“Nothing!” Shang Qinghua squeaks, his face feeling like it’s burning, like he never wrote hundreds of thousands of words of porn - millions of words of kinky, kinky erotica. “A gift without conditions! You wouldn’t have to work at all! You could focus on raising your son! There would be… ah… no visits to your bedroom from me! No visitors at all, if you like. I- the misunderstanding earlier…”

Luo Jiahui flushes pink again as well.

“I… you don’t want a m-mistress?” she asks, just to make sure.

Shang Qinghua shakes his head, vehemently. “No! No!”

It might be in-character for the original scum spy Shang Qinghua to take advantage of a young woman like that, maybe, but Airplane would sooner jump off a cliff without his sword! Not only does he absolutely not want to do that, but the protagonist would castrate him! Demon Emperor Luo Binghe, blackened stallion protagonist extraordinaire, would turn Shang Qinghua into a human stick for laying a finger on his beloved mother like that!

Anyway, the disciples of An Ding work themselves to the bone and their peak lord is no exception! Not at all! Where would Shang Qinghua find time for a mistress? All his free time is spent dealing with the tempestuous demon lord who summons him in the dead of night and occasionally drops in on his Leisure House without warning to order him around! And to steal his bed!

“Or… or a wife?” Luo Jiahui presses. “You’re not l-looking for a wife?”

“No! No mistress! No wife!” Shang Qinghua promises.

“But…” Luo Jiahui bites her lip. “What would you t-tell people? What would I tell people?”

“Oh, uh…” Shang Qinghua thinks about it. “Maybe that you’re my younger brother’s widow? I could, uh, bring you to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect itself, maybe, but An Ding Peak really isn’t very private. Or quiet. And… well…”

Plenty of people in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect have families - spouses and children - but it’s generally expected that the mountains are for cultivation. Anyone who isn’t cultivating, who hasn’t been accepted by the Sect Leader as a disciple or cultivation partner, generally doesn’t stay on the peaks. The mountains are for the martial family.

At least the peaks are for the martial family and the lower slopes are fair game. The families of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect cultivators, if they have one, if their family lives nearby, live in one the many settlements along the Tian Gong mountain range. There are some exceptions, for a variety of reasons, but they’re often temporary, and they always mean gossip. Most cultivators, however dignified or distinguished, gossip like it’s what forms their golden cores! Which means that Shang Qinghua is either happily at home among the juicy details or extremely stressed out that some nosy disciple will one day catch his interactions with Mobei-Jun out.

Covering for his meetings with the demon lord is enough work sometimes! If Shang Qinghua brings Luo Jiahui to the mountain to live with him, he’ll be caught out immediately! Everyone on the mountain range will know the scandal by the end of the day! Zhangmen-Shixiong will call him over for tea and give him the worst look of concern and disapproval.

If someone like Xian Shu Peak Lord Qi Qingqi doesn’t come around to kill him super dead for having a teenage mistress first.

“Oh, no,” Luo Jiahui says, shaking her head. “I couldn’t stay on the mountain!”

She looks a little wistful, though.

“B-But, such generosity!” Luo Jiahui continues. “I c-couldn’t accept without working-”

“I insist!” Shang Qinghua interrupts. “I wouldn’t dare to treat you as a servant! You have a child to look after, Madam Luo! Who would look after your son while you worked? Cang Qiong Sect has l-limited servants who live on the mountain, anyway! The disciples work hard to cultivate themselves in all manner of skills!”

Some Cang Qiong disciples have developed a slight eye twitch at the phrase: “Chores build character!” Shang Qinghua could quickly develop an eye twitch too, just by wincing at the thought of what a certain protagonist will do if Luo Jiahui overworks herself in his service.

“You’re a little old for the traditional Cang Qiong selection tests, I’m afraid, Madam Luo!” Shang Qinghua says, with nervous laughter.

“O-oh,” Luo Jiahui says, with another slightly wistful, disappointed look.

“Ah. Most of Cang Qiong’s peak lords prefer teaching and molding children,” Shang Qinghua adds apologetically. “But you could begin practicing basic cultivation on your own, if you like! I wouldn’t- I won’t forbid you from cultivating, if you choose!”

Luo Jiahui is wide-eyed again. “M-me? C-cultivate?!”

“If you like!”

Cang Qiong makes extremely simple beginner’s cultivation manuals now, for mundane citizens, which are basically just a beginner’s guide to meditation and the concept of spiritual energy. They certainly don’t have any sect secrets or styles in them. Someone (Mu Qingfang) was complaining about the pervasiveness of fake cultivation manuals, some of which are actively harmful and basically tell people to ingest poisons to get a golden core, and Shang Qinghua was unthinkingly like, “Why don’t you make your own ‘don’t do this at home’ guide, then?” (Mistake!) So now they do - Qian Cao Peak disciples copy them as punishment and whatever - and Shang Qinghua is basically considered responsible for removing fake cultivation manuals and con-men’s miracle cultivation poisons from circulation around the Tian Gong range. Fuck his life.

“W-wouldn’t someone be o-offended if I did that?” Luo Jiahui asks.

“Oh, no!” Shang Qinghua assures her. “Not at all!”

Well, maybe, but those cultivators and cultivation sects are snobs and assholes. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect has some of those snobs, sadly (Shang Qinghua, being from humble backgrounds, was bullied by them, so he knows), but the official sect stance is that they believe all individuals, no matter how lowly, have the right to cultivate themselves. Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan is extremely immoveable in this particular stance.

It turns out that Airplane making cultivation kind of hand-wavey in Proud Immortal Demon Way leads to a lot more casual usage of spiritual energy than he was expecting! Even if most “mundane” people who try to learn a little cultivation never form anything close to golden cores - they never fly on swords, never fight demons or beasts, unlike the cultivation sects who take their arts very seriously - they still might use one or two very simple spiritual techniques! If they’ve got a proper teacher and the proper diligence! Meditation is very common!

Many master craftspeople in this world in particular have specialized spiritual techniques, which have been passed down from master to apprentice - including gardeners, cooks, artists, and every kind of craftsperson - especially the ones who live near cultivation sects or who serve prominent noble families. They take pride in their particular cultivation!

It also turns out that, despite the Cang Qiong selection tests being exclusively for children, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky never explicitly put an age limit on “when people can learn cultivation” and never explicitly stated "what stops older people from learning cultivation like any other life skill". So older people do! Most adults go to other sects for that, instead of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, because it's harder for them in many ways and the learning process is very different. But sometimes they apply to learn from various Cang Qiong Peaks afterwards, especially if they’re a master craftsperson of some kind, and sometimes they even get accepted!

Then you end up with senior disciples who are or look sixteen teaching junior disciples who look sixty years old. Shang Qinghua finds it alternatively very funny and very annoying, because he really can’t tell who the senior disciples are sometimes.

Luo Jiahui looks completely blown-away by the possibility of learning any cultivation.

She looks overwhelmed by the offer in general.

“This is… this is too much,” she says hoarsely, swallowing. “I… Master Cultivator, this is an honor and a gift that I really do not d-deserve.”

“Nonsense!” Shang Qinghua declares grandly, feeling extremely generous about this whole canon divergence endeavor at the moment. He is a wise and benevolent master stepping off the high mountain to help an innocent young girl suffering from misfortune! “Anyone who would accept an orphan child as their own is a kind and righteous person, who deserves to be rewarded for their good deeds!”

Luo Jiahui stares at him, then bursts into tears again.

Oh, fuck.

Luo Binghe makes distressed noises again, as his adoptive mother tries to soothe him and sob at the same time. Shang Qinghua tries to soothe Luo Jiahui before everyone in this hovel starts weeping uncontrollably, but this somehow leads to Luo Jiahui’s entire life story tumbling out. It doesn’t take Shang Qinghua very long to start feeling like the worst person alive again for what this world did with his hack authorial choices and general taste for melodrama.

This is what he understands from between the sobs:

She’s nineteen.

(Which is… depressingly a lot better than Shang Qinghua originally feared.)

She saved and adopted Luo Binghe when she was eighteen.

She was, at that point, working as a washerwoman already because she’s been thrown out of her home, disowned by her family, and essentially cast out of her hometown in disgrace. All for daring to get pregnant outside of marriage to an “inappropriate” man.

“My m-mother said that I wasn’t a-allowed to use the family n-name anymore!" Luo Jiahui sobs. “But I couldn’t use my- my- that man’s name! And I couldn’t leave my Bingbing without a f-family name! And th-then I thought he’d be lonely if it was only him, s-so I started using it t-too!”

“It’s a good name! Great name!” Shang Qinghua promises. “A very good name! Well done!”

That explains why her name is Luo Jiahui, but it doesn’t explain where her lover is or what happened to her pregnancy. Shang Qinghua doesn’t ask, but Luo Jiahui tells him anyway. The story, unsurprisingly, gets worse.

Because nothing is too tragic for the protagonist’s tragic backstory!

Luo Jiahui ran away with her lover at seventeen, after being labelled an outcast in her hometown, and they’d eventually ended up in this town on the Luochuan River. Her lover had dithered around the subject for awhile, having second thoughts, before he outright refused to marry her. In fact, she was shortly abandoned by her rotten, no-good, older lover, who’d apparently only seduced her at first for the fun of it and, though he professed to have developed "strong feelings" for her, didn’t actually want to settle down and work hard to support a family after all. A pregnant wife was more restrictive and less romantic than he thought it would be! He "loved her but he wasn't in love with her"! Sorry!

Luo Jiahui had given birth alone, to a stillborn child.

“I thought I was going to d-die of shame and grief,” she says, now sobbing into a cloth from one of her laundry stacks, while Luo Binghe whimpers pitifully in her arms. “My b-baby Bingbing saved my l-life!”

Shang Qinghua pats her on the arm very, very gently.

Listening! He knows that listening is usually what women want, so he’ll do that!

Of course, after hundreds of chapters of formulaic, trope-abusing bullshit, Shang Qinghua knows what his blackened protagonist would do to comfort a distraught woman! But, again, Shang Qinghua would literally rather jump off a cliff than seduce Luo Jiahui for a variety of reasons! Not happening! Never happening! Also, Shang Qinghua isn’t good-looking enough to pull that off! He doesn’t have the face for a protagonist’s smoulder.

There’s, ah, a lot more ugly snot here than when Airplane wrote these scenes.

He doesn’t think he ever used a stillbirth to invoke pity in regards to a wife? He’s, uh, not completely certain on that front, but he’s pretty sure- no, wait, fuck, there were definitely some miscarriages. Even some late-term miscarriages. Do those count? Harem politics! Gotta love 'em! Oh, man, he really feels like the third-scummiest man to ever live right now.

Luo Jiahui, after her faithless, immature lover abandoned her to give birth alone, was somewhat of a “fallen woman” in the eyes of this town. Which worked against her when, after adopting Luo Binghe, the “kind” Master Gao, who had hired her to do some washing for his family's well-known and well-respected house of relaxation and rejuvenation on Luochuan River, began pressuring her to offer certain other services as well. Luo Jiahui couldn’t say no to her insistent main employer, one of the most powerful men in town, and things only escalated from there.

“What scum!” Shang Qinghua readily declares. “Taking advantage of you like that!”

“All I c-could think was that he was g-going to take away all my w-work! That he was going to t-tell everyone n-not to g-give me work or sell to me!” Luo Jiahui says. “I was already in his d-debt! And I needed to f-feed my baby!”

Would it be weird if Shang Qinghua offered to have the man killed for her?

Because he could totally do that.

It’s very easy! Shockingly easy, really. He can even make it look like an accident!

It’s what bros do!

“You’ll never have to see him again!” Shang Qinghua promises instead. “Never ever again!”

Because he remembers writing about how Luo Binghe’s mother had a soft heart, which she passed on to her son, who learned the virtues of forgiveness and patience at her knee. (So, of course, Luo Binghe could be further blackened when his late mother’s lessons were brutally crushed under the foot of Shen Qingqiu.) She’ll probably get really freaked out if Shang Qinghua offers to kill a man for her out of sheer authorial guilt.

“T-thank you,” Luo Jiahui says sincerely, eyes shining.

“It’s the least that I can do,” Shang Qinghua says magnanimously.

Of course, this is when the System decides to make Shang Qinghua’s point deduction. It comes with a little ding! and everything.

“Fuck you!!!” Shang Qinghua thinks.

But, on the bright side, this probably means that Luo Jiahui will accept his offer.

Yes! Success!

He is one step closer to having the protagonist in his pocket! When Emperor Luo Binghe brings his great and terrible revenge down on Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, when he comes across Shang Qinghua on An Ding Peak (if Shang Qinghua has not already faked his death by this point, which is kind of the plan), Airplane’s beloved blackened protagonist son is going to go, “No, wait! Stop! That’s my Uncle Shang! He saved my mother’s life! I repay all kindnesses done to me tenfold. Uncle Shang, please come live in my palace forever as my beloved family, where you will be treated as a king and never have to look at an accounts ledger ever again.”

Yep, purely selfish reasons here! Saving his own skin! That’s why he’s doing this.

His son is coming to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect!

Shang Qinghua sleeps on Luo Jiahui’s floor that night and, the next day, stands awkwardly to the side while she wraps up her entire life in one large pack and a single morning. She returns the washing to her clients, apologizing profusely in the cases where she couldn’t finish, and cheerfully avoids all of the neighbors’ nosy questions about where she’s going and why. She smiles even when they’re openly nasty to her face! Even when they make her flinch with the impact of their words!

Wow, does Shang Qinghua… really relate to that. He feels that smile in his soul.

He likes to think he’s gotten better about having a backbone, since becoming a peak lord, and this seems to prove it. Random angry locals might have been super scary throughout his second childhood, when he'd felt like an alien among them, but random locals acting like they’re about to throw a fit at a customer-service desk are… kind of laughable now? Compared to the godly powerhouses throwing their scary, scary fits about poor service in front of Shang Qinghua’s desk these days, which absolutely make him flinch, grovel, and duck for cover where needed, these mundane extras are… uh… just not that intimidating anymore. If they can’t disintegrate him or report him to someone who can totally disintegrate him, then who cares?

Progress! Airplane’s spine has levelled up from jelly to wood, maybe! Hooray!

Shang Qinghua does his best to look “intimidating” in case any of Luo Jiahui’s, uh, other clients try something. He tries to channel Mobei-Jun’s “I will kill you and everyone you love if you dare to breathe too loudly in my royal presence” ice-cold aura, but he thinks he only succeeds in appearing slightly physically ill.

If this was Proud Immortal Demon Way, as written by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, then it would be obvious that Master Gao the wealthy pimp-innkeeper was an insignificant scum lecher with a rotten heart! The man would have an undressing-women-with-his-eyes stare! And hands that reached out too often and lingered for too long! All sorts of signalling gestures which the sharp-eyed protagonist would notice in an instant. He’d probably be at least implied to be old and ugly too, because the “natural beauty is a sign of goodness” trope is the way to go for formulaic, trope-abusing hacks, especially ones on a deadline. The man's family's resort would obviously be a cheap front for illegal or immoral activities, instead of a genuinely lovely country retreat, a well-to-do and well-maintained house of relaxation and rejuvenation.

But Master Gao looks less than fifty and he’s not bad-looking. The man is very smiley, with a very gentle manner, and there’s no outward evidence that he took advantage of Luo Jiahui’s situation as her main employer, besides the notable physical distance Luo Jiahui keeps between them while she explains that she’s leaving. He even acts concerned that Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe (on his mother’s hip) are suddenly leaving town with a strange man. He asks if she needs more work or another loan to help her care for her child. He offers to move them into his family's estate properly. He scowls at Shang Qinghua distrustingly.

It’s almost convincing.

Except for the flash of anger that peeks through, when Luo Jiahui keeps Shang Qinghua between them, and politely declines his “too generous offers of assistance”.

Shang Qinghua skin crawls. He finds himself considering all the things that his blackened protagonist son might do in this sort of situation, the poetic justice that would be delivered by an overpowered master-of-revenge stallion protagonist, but he’s not that person.

And Luo Jiahui clearly just wants to go.

She clears her throat and puts her hand on his arm, looking up at him pleadingly.

So Shang Qinghua does not orchestrate a sudden, tragically fatal, completely natural-looking medical emergency for Master Gao the scum innkeeper, even though it would really be very easy! He’s a writer at heart, you know! He spent a lot of time researching murders and “the perfect murder” for writing reasons, even before he joined the occasionally very shady An Ding Peak! When he transmigrated into the role of a slimy, power-hungry spy in his own murder-and-drama-filled stallion web-novel, what was he supposed to do? Not investigate the complex logistics of murder out of curiosity? And also just in case?

Instead of putting all of his good research to use here, he hands over the money to pay off Luo Jiahui’s debt, and he takes a petty amount of pleasure in letting the spiritual energy clinging to his fingers give Master Gao a stinging shock.

The man jumps and curses.

“Ah, sorry, sorry,” Shang Qinghua says, insincerely.

Luo Jiahui is putting… a lot of trust in Shang Qinghua not to screw her over here.

To not be this guy.

Or that other guy.

Haha, third time’s the charm, right?

Luo Jiahui digs her fingers into Shang Qinghua’s arm, her polite smile turning fearful as she watches a scowling Master Gao pick the money off the floor, and suddenly Shang Qinghua feels like he’s the scum villain here. Luo Jiahui thanks the man for his care one last time, profusely, and then yanks Shang Qinghua back out of the inn. She takes them down the street hurriedly, breathing rapidly the whole time like they’re escaping a dungeon full of demons instead of a relatively fancy resort and estate.

She’s acting like she just barely made it out of there alive.

“Mmm,” Luo Binghe whimpers.

“...Are you all right?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Fine! Fine!” Luo Jiahui says, high-pitched and breathless.

She’s obviously not fine! Not fine at all! But Shang Qinghua isn’t socially adept enough to push her on what exactly is bothering her and then comfort her. He’s pretty sure he’d just accidentally push her into crying again, especially since she already sounds like she’s going to cry again! At least she and Luo Binghe aren't going to grow up under the thumb of a man clearly suffering from Big-Fish-In-A-Small-Pond Syndrome now! Shang Qinghua doesn't remember what he said that Luo Binghe's adoptive mother's employers did to them exactly, beyond refuse... uh... basic necessities like food and medicine, but he's pretty sure that arrogant, miserly family was the first step in corroding his protagonist's faith in humanity.

Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe will be totally fine now that those people are out of their lives for good!

The two of them are equally nervy, embarrassingly skittish, when Shang Qinghua finally puts Luo Jiahui's belongings over his back, picks her up in a princess-carry, with her holding Luo Binghe, and flies them away from that terrible, no-good, very bad town, over to the next decent-sized town. Shang Qinghua almost feels like a heroic figure, a master cultivator flying through the air on a spiritual sword with a damsel-in-distress and her innocent child in his arms, but it’s actually just exhausting. It really just sucks.

Luo Jiahui is rigid with tension the entire time and barely looks at him! He barely looks at her! The awkward silence is only broken by baby Luo Binghe crying in distress over his first flying experience. Or Luo Jiahui apologizing miserably for her baby’s misbehavior.

Shang Qinghua panickedly spends the entire time internally asking his System, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

His System, as per usual, doesn’t oblige him with answers! As far as Shang Qinghua knows, it either doesn’t have a map function or it flat-out refuses to let him use it. It doesn’t oblige any of his requests to at least play some travelling music either! Ah, he really has the stingiest System! If it’s too much to ask that he gets his illegally downloaded music library back or his own special “Shang Qinghua, Peak Lord of An Ding” badass theme music, then Airplane’s transmigration would still be 110% better if he at least got a basic background soundtrack perk!

“Be a bro, System!” Shang Qinghua silently begs, over the baby’s persistent crying. “Put together a cultivation setting playlist!”

The System is disdainfully silent.

Everyone is relieved when they touch down again in the next town. Shang Qinghua sheathes his sword and resists the urge to put his head between his knees, which would be the complete opposite image of a dignified peak lord, to combat the heady combination of exhaustion and relief.

He’s really not used to carrying another person carrying a squirming baby. He’s pretty sure the stress alone added another weight!

They get a two-bed private room at one of the nicer local inns (not too nice, keeping Luo Jiahui's previous shitty employers in mind), because it’s the late afternoon and neither of them wants to travel through the night. Shang Qinghua bows out of the room quickly, and leaves Luo Jiahui to clean herself and baby Luo Binghe up. Another reason why they have to stop: it turns out that even the protagonist halo can’t make baby poop smell good! That last leg of the flight was not fun! Shang Qinghua really needs to invent or invest in an air-freshener talisman! He’s pretty sure that Qian Cao makes anti-poison masks, so maybe he’ll requisition himself one of those!

Out on his lonesome, Shang Qinghua hires a messenger from a local sect to fly ahead to Cang Qiong, because they’re more reliable than the talismans he’s already sent. He doesn’t want to come back to find that An Ding has destroyed itself due to infighting for the peak lord position, because they panicked and thought he was never coming back. He sends a “please don’t burn the peak down” message to his current second-in-command and includes a much more polite letter to his sect leader, explaining that he’s been delayed on business.

Acting as a messenger service can be pretty decent business for small cultivation sects and rogue cultivators! Despite Airplane’s whimsical decision a lifetime ago to keep the cultivation classic of flying swords to a minimum in his actual story (much to the confusion and disdain of fans and anti-fans alike), flying swords are nevertheless everywhere in this realized version of his web-novel. And despite whatever artistic vision had overwhelmed him in another life, Shang Qinghua has since seen the error of his ways and lobbied hard for Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to support these official messenger sects. (Carriages and horses are still obviously way better when it comes to travelling comfortably as a large party, he stands by that, especially for weaker cultivators! Who cares if it takes so much longer?!)

Timely communication is vital to his job! Message talismans are kind of unreliable long-distance! He needs to know when roads need repair and when supply trains have been held up by bandits! People can contact them for help more easily!

Yue Qingyuan can even be badgered into bullying Liu Qingge into sending “I was here” reports sometimes! The more convenient it is for the wandering war god to send word, the less excuse he has for being completely unfindable! (Unless, of course, Liu Qingge is just barrelling off into the complete wilderness, far away from anything resembling civilization, which… happens a lot.) And these messengers are very important now when Shang Qinghua needs to send his own mysterious Liu-Qingge-style “I’m not dead” message!

Very fun! Shang Qinghua rarely gets to do things like that!

Less fun is the reminder that he’s at-risk of missing his next meeting with Mobei-Jun, depending on how quickly they can travel from here on out. Shang Qinghua can’t really think about that without wanting to scream in terror, so his current plan is just to grovel like he’s never groveled before - to grovel like no one has ever groveled before. He will grovel so shamelessly, so fervently, and so pitifully, that the heartless Mobei-Jun will be so embarrassed to be associated with him that he’ll hopefully just leave! Leave without asking why Shang Qinghua suddenly up-and-vanished on a special, self-appointed mission!

Yeah, that’ll work!

The System is still not saying anything, but Shang Qinghua can feel it being judgey of him.

He comforts himself with the idea that maybe this one good deed of Shang Qinghua’s will be enough to save Cang Qiong Mountain Sect from future Demon Emperor Luo Binghe! Maybe he’ll balance out scum villain Shen Qingqiu! You never know! Shang Qinghua’s disciples can put up with a couple weeks of forms sitting unsigned on his desk, in exchange for Shang Qinghua probably saving their lives here! They’ll all see the wisdom of having Luo Binghe’s favor in a little more than twenty years or so!

“...Please stop judging me,” Shang Qinghua mutters to his no-good System.

It says nothing.

He scouts out some local restaurants and some stores that sell travelling supplies, resolving to leave the final decisions to Luo Jiahui, anxiously unwilling to make assumptions on her behalf. Not even when it comes to dinner. It seems safe to assume that, despite his useless status as Author God, she knows better than he does what she wants to do and what she needs.

He didn’t even give her a name… much less a backstory.

One thing he does buy is a simple, cuddly cloth doll in cute little robes.

Whoops.

An impulse purchase! He saw it and then suddenly it was in his hands! It’s got no sharp edges and no hard pieces, so his son shouldn’t be able to accidentally hurt himself with it, and the bewildered seller even assures him that the doll is well-made and that his child won’t accidentally choke on a stray part or anything. “Yes,” the obviously bewildered seller reassures him, “all children like to play and cuddle with dolls! And it’s perfectly safe! None of the dyes involved are secretly poisonous or anything!”

So, he returns to the inn with a toy in hand, almost sweating with anxiety over an act which he knows is not that big a deal, which he knows probably won’t offend Luo Jiahui. And he accidentally walks in on Luo Jiahui breastfeeding.

She stares back at him with an equally wide-eyed and helpless expression.

“Oh, shit!” Shang Qinghua says reflexively. “Sorry! Sorry! I’ll just-!”

He flees the room immediately.

He proceeds to have a handful of parallel breakdowns, politely out of sight.

Firstly, over the fact that, oh, right, his protagonist son is still young enough to be breastfed! Luo Binghe is a baby! Shang Qinghua was too busy having a different breakdown to pay any attention to Luo Jiahui’s closed bedroom door yesterday or earlier today. Luo Jiahui had periodically excused herself and Shang Qinghua had asked her no real questions. He’d just immediately gone, “Sure thing! I’ll wait right here!” And then essentially just unpaused mentally flying apart to entertain himself until she came back.

Secondly, over the fact that most of his knowledge of lactation comes from being a shameless purveyor of kinky shit in another life, which is not a good source of information. So, oh, wow, he really knows nothing about babies, huh? How the fuck did he not think about how his baby son eats?!

Thirdly, over whether or not this universe decided Luo Jiahui should suffer a stillbirth so that she’d not only be lonely and vulnerable enough to adopt the protagonist, but also be able to feed him. Airplane had not bothered to think about how Luo Binghe’s adoptive mother fed him as a newborn foundling. Animal milk? Magical nectar that served as a hack’s cultivation-setting baby formula? Magical animal milk? He didn’t think about it! Not once! It didn’t matter! Not a relevant story detail! At best, he vomited up a throwaway line of hand-wavey bullshit at some point and never thought about it again.

Maybe Shang Qinghua’s next vacation should be finding a really tall cliff and just screaming at the top of it. Affordable therapy! He deserves that!

He stays there, sitting on the floor, until Luo Jiahui hesitantly opens the door to their room again. She looks down at him almost like she’s found something mildly frightening and unpleasant on her doorstep, but there’s nothing to do but deal with it unless she resigns herself to using the window instead.

Shang Qinghua stands back up slowly, feeling like a thousand apologies are bubbling in his throat again.

“Bingbing is done eating, if you would like to come back inside. I apologize, I-”

“Ah! No, no need to apologize! Perfectly normal thing to do! The baby needs to eat!” Shang Qinghua says hastily. “I only left to give you some extra privacy, in case you wanted it; the lady with the baby gets the room, haha. Uh, here… I… brought a gift.”

He thrusts the doll towards Luo Jiahui like it can somehow make up for every bad thing he may or may not be responsible for in this world.

“Oh, thank you! How cute! Um, why don’t you come give it to Bingbing directly?”

Luo Binghe is sitting on one of the beds, propped up by a pillow, looking sleepily content. He reached out towards Luo Jiahui, flapping one of his little hands, smiling widely and babbling towards his beloved adoptive mother.

“Mma ma ma na ma,” he says.

Agh! It’s like taking an arrow of cuteness right to the chest!

Shang Qinghua approaches awkwardly and presents the doll to Luo Binghe, hoping that he doesn’t resemble a terrified retainer offering a gift in the hopes of convincing a ruthless emperor to spare his life. It kind of feels like that! Just a little bit! Luo Binghe freezes and eyes the doll uncertainly at first, and it takes a lot not to panic and interpret that as this adorable little baby being three seconds away from ordering, “Off with his head!”

Instead, Luo Binghe spreads his little arms, clumsily grabs his present, and mashes the doll to his chest in a hug. “Mah! Ma ma ma na na ma!”

It’s so cute.

Luo Binghe then waves the cloth doll towards his mother. “Ma ma muh ma!”

“I see it!” Luo Jiahui says brightly. “I see your new toy, Binghe! What a nice toy! You should say thank you to your Uncle Shang for giving you such a nice toy!”

Luo Binghe just keeps trying to show the doll to his mother.

Which is great, because Shang Qinghua’s heart just sort of stopped working for a second there. Haha, weird! He’s never been anyone’s uncle before, so that was kind of surprising. Airplane didn’t have any siblings in his first life. Shang Qinghua hasn’t seen a single member of his second family since the day he left and they all probably breathed a sigh of collective relief. "Thank goodness the weirdo is finally gone!" they all probably said.

“Is… should I not tell him to call you that?” Luo Jiahui asks hesitantly.

Shang Qinghua straightens to attention, looking away from the power of the baby's protagonist halo. “What? Ah, no, it’s… it’s good! Completely fine! I like it! Makes sense for him to call me Uncle Shang if he’s going to be my nephew, right? When- if he ever joins Cang Qiong Mountain Sect someday, then I’ll be his shishu anyway, probably! Haha!”

“You… you really think he could become a cultivator?”

“I don’t see why not!” Shang Qinghua says, rather than unpack any of the other answers that come immediately to his panicked mind, especially with the foreboding presence of the System hanging over him at all times.

Luo Jiahui looks so hopeful.

She bows earnestly. “Thank you, Brother-in-Law!”

“...Brother-in-Law?” he repeats.

Oh.

He bows back and answers, “Sister-in-Law.”

There’s still no way people (his martial siblings, his disciples, and all of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, really) aren’t going to think his “nephew” is his bastard son, if they ever find out about this, but this is nice! Shang Qinghua can pretend that calling Luo Jiahui his younger brother’s wife will fool people!

Luo Jiahui straightens again and smiles at him, shy and pleased.

“Ah, dinner?” Shang Qinghua suggests defensively.

The next morning, they buy travelling supplies and a donkey, because Shang Qinghua cannot carry Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe all the way back to Cang Qiong. Well, maybe he could, but not quickly, and his nerves are just as likely to give out as his strength and spiritual technique! Shang Qinghua cannot spend any more hours terrified that he might somehow accidentally drop the protagonist - it’s not good for his health!

And, fortunately enough, Luo Jiahui doesn’t ask him to!

Travelling by foot isn’t very interesting usually (unless you count Shang Qinghua’s constant fears of being attacked by something on the ground, as opposed to by something in the air, as a form of entertainment), but Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe are much better travelling companions this way. Flying swords just aren't comfortable! Luo Jiahui can finally relax! And Airplane’s son, instead of being endlessly frightened and unhappy, goes back to being devastatingly adorable and extremely (probably abnormally) well-behaved in the way of a true white lotus protagonist pre-blackening!

Though it could also just be that Luo Jiahui is actually able to soothe and look after him, now that she’s no longer terrified that Shang Qinghua will accidentally drop her. There’s a lot more room to maneuver on the ground.

They pass the first leg of their journey in relative silence, peacefully awkward, but eventually Luo Jiahui bravely tries to ask Shang Qinghua questions about Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. She’s grown up hearing about these legendary immortal cultivators, about this beautiful and indomitable sect, so she’s fascinated by them as most mundane people are.

Shang Qinghua is more than happy to answer all her questions! Between his status as Author God of this world and Lord of An Ding Peak, he may honestly know more about the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect than anyone alive! He can wax poetic about what was probably his best location and best worldbuilding in Proud Immortal Demon Way for days. Luo Jiahui doesn’t have to put in much effort to get him blabbering about Shang Qinghua and Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’s favorite cultivation sect! It’s getting him to shut up that’s usually the trouble!

Luo Jiahui is a gratifying audience too! An attentive and involved listener! She gasps and oohs and aahs in all the right places, apparently sincerely. She asks follow-up questions that show she’s paying close attention.

It genuinely makes Shang Qinghua feel like he’s not just rambling on to a disinterested audience who just wants him to go away. Not just spewing pandering bullshit for rent and food money. Shang Qinghua feels… almost proud of himself when he makes Luo Jiahui giggle by dishing out some of the dirt on some of these immortal cultivators. (Just because he can wax poetic about the realized version of Airplane’s vision doesn’t mean he can stop himself from also complaining about some of the bullshit these very real people pull on a near-daily basis!) Really, he feels almost charming, almost likeable, almost interesting. Not just like another merchant is trying to schmooze him for a better deal with Cang Qiong, or another cultivator is trying to take advantage of his position.

Opportunities in either of Shang Qinghua’s lives to make a pretty girl giggle and hang on to his every word without apparently ulterior motive have been, uh, kind of scarce on the ground, you know? Is this what being a social butterfly is like? Let him have this confidence-booster!

They spent a relatively happy three days travelling this way. Shang Qinghua can’t talk all the time, especially not when Luo Jiahui needs to look after Luo Binghe, but the silences gradually don’t feel as strained anymore. When Shang Qinghua tries to turn the conversation back to Luo Jiahui, she tends to demur or deflect more often than not, and he respects that she doesn’t want to talk! Her life has been pretty tough! He’s happy to talk about how cultivators live, how they train, how they work, and some of the less impressive day-in-day-out of An Ding Peak.

Young disciples across all Cang Qiong create many humorous anecdotes for their masters! Most of which become funny only in hindsight, after all the fires have been put out, and Shang Qinghua has gotten over the annoyance of whatever the scheming or foolish little shits have done now. Really, he has nearly endless stories of future badass cultivators being ridiculous, troublesome children who don’t know anything about anything.

He tells Luo Jiahui some of his personal favorite anecdotes, which include things like “that time the littlest shimei brought home a baby Two-Headed Invisible Tiger, thinking it was a normal fat cat, and Mommy Two-Headed Invisible Tiger came looking for her baby”. And also “that time they all found out that Third Shidi innocently didn’t know that ‘chicken the food’ came from ‘chicken the animal’, somehow”. Little enriching life details of nameless background characters, which of course never made it into Proud Immortal Demon Way!

Little Luo Binghe bursts into giggles nearly every single time his mama does. He’s really too young to understand why his adoptive mother can barely breathe for laughter at the idea that a fourteen-year-old (admittedly a spoiled one from a noble family) honestly didn’t know where chicken meat came from. Still, Airplane’s son is clearly just happy that his mama is happy!

Ah, so cute! Shang Qinghua really hopes he’s building up an immunity to this.

He still doesn’t really want to, like, hold his son or anything, really, but he likes making the kid laugh! This is nice. Uncle Shang is a role he can do! Sorry, Sister-in-Law, no babysitting services here! Uncle Shang is a workaholic transmigrator who doesn’t want kids!

High on his success with this topic, Shang Qinghua ends up telling Luo Jiahui all about the most recent Shen Fucking Qingqiu Incident, in which the man intercepted and stole a talisman paper shipment intended for Ku Xing Peak. Peak Lord Wang Qingjie found out, of course, but Shen Qingqiu blithely told the man to just use the talisman paper originally intended for Qing Jing Peak. After all, it was just a simple mix-up, right? No harm done, right?

Except Wang Qingjie was like, “No, the Qing Jing paper is no good!”

And Shen Qingqiu smiled the worst smile and was coolly like, “Oh? Qing Jing, the peak of scholars and strategists, is getting subpar talisman paper? Shang-Shidi should explain himself.”

And Yue Qingyuan was like, “Obviously Shen-Shidi needed the paper for something important, and can’t be made to give it back now. How fortunate it is that Wang-Shidi is both patient and generous. I’m sure that another shipment will be arranged shortly. Shang-Shidi, why is Qing Jing receiving subpar talisman paper?”

And Shang Qinghua had to trace everything back to a petty An Ding cultivator (a shidi of his own generation) who had been nursing a serious grudge against Shen Qingqiu for years. (Who didn’t have a grudge against Shen Qingqiu, honestly?!) That cultivator had been occasionally sabotaging Qing Jing supplies out of spite! And he’d already made himself scarce and fucked up his trail, because he’d realized shit had hit the fan when Shen Qingqiu started fucking around! Catching him and undoing his years of bullshit had taken forever!

And the whole fucking mess probably could have been avoided if Shen Qingqiu had just been like, “Someone is sending me shitty talisman paper, Shang Qinghua, please fix it.”

“I would have helped! Shen-Shixiong is terrifying!” Shang Qinghua complains.

Luo Jiahui giggles at him again. “How roundabout!”

Well, at least he gets a pretty girl’s laughter out of the whole mess.

Shang Qinghua is in the middle of talking more shit about his fellow peak lords - without cursing around the baby and not, like, any grievous shit (because he knows some of their deepest, darkest secrets, because he wrote some of their deepest darkest secrets), but rather more general daily asshole behavior, like getting huffy when shipments of their favorite tea fail to arrive on time - when one of his fellow peak lords drops out of the sky directly in front of him.

“Holy shit!”

Bai Zhan's War God, Liu Qingge, does not do a classic three-point landing.

Because it turns out that classic three-point landings are terrible for your knees! Shang Qinghua has learned his lesson! Real badasses do not do hard three-point landings if they want to have working knees.

But Liu Qingge nevertheless lands with all the blatantly unfair grace and badass beauty of a legitimate peerless immortal. He lands in the way that should require choreography and special effects electric fans to get his robes and hair to billow and settle like that! Before them, in real-time, is an action shot that should have taken, like, at least ten takes and some expert editing to get right!

Unfair! Unjust! Bro, what the fuck?!

Shang Qinghua has never looked even half that good once in any life!

Liu Qingge scowls at him, standing in the middle of the road with his arms crossed. “There’s been an emergency on Wan Jian Peak.”

Shang Qinghua lowers his hastily drawn sword, tries to calm his racing heart, and is completely unsuccessful at trying to calm his racing heart! That’s not good news! Not that he expected a sudden appearance of Liu Qingge to be good news!

“An emergency?! What happened?!”

“A shipment from Zui Xian Peak exploded.”

“Zui Xian...?”

The Alcohol Peak? Okay, yes, alcohol isn’t the only thing they brew or do on Zui Xian, they brew lots of things, but it’s a big part of what they do! They bring a lot of money into Cang Qiong that way! Ah, Liu Qingge, would it actually kill you to use more words and explain what happened without prompting? Why does your poor Shang-Shixiong have to guess every time like this?

“...The Fire-Eater Sword-Cleaning Solution?” Shang Qinghua says.

He thinks it’s been a while since the last shipment of that and it seems the most likely culprit of an explosive accident between Zui Xian and Wan Jian. Wan Jian Peak Lord Wei Qingwei does not like having drinking spirits on his Peak full of sharp things, especially not anywhere near his smithies or workshops, for the obvious reason. Fire + drinking spirits + sharp metal = bad.

Liu Qingge nods.

“Is there much damage?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Superficial,” Liu Qingge answers shortly. “No one died.”

“Oh, good! Uh… what’s… what’s the emergency for me then, Liu-Shidi? Isn’t this a matter between Zui Xian and Wan Jian? I’ll be back soon enough...”

Why do they need to send the Bai Zhan War God after the An Ding Peak Lord for this?! Yue Qingyuan, deal with it on your own for a few days!

“An Ding delivered it,” Liu Qingge says.

A hammer on a coffin would be a less terrifying sound!

Fuck! Shang Qinghua’s fate is sealed! He’s going to be mopping up the mess and investigating the accident as a third party - the solution was improperly stored by some idiot junior disciple, he’s calling it now - while Wei Qingwei and Zhang Qingyan yell at each other! Yue Qingyuan, please! This shidi knows that you’re busy managing the sect and its business with the rest of the world, Shang Qinghua knows this better than any other Peak Lord, but can’t you pass this off to someone else for once, Zhangmen-Shixiong?

Okay, fine. Shang Qinghua cannot even fathom Liu Qingge being made to handle something like this. Mu Qingfang and most of the other peak lords would nope-out on various “not my department” reasons, some of which would be legitimate. And people like Qi Qingqi and Shen Qingqiu really can’t be trusted not to come up with brutally efficient solutions that will work very well but make no one happy, if they’re forced to interfere with the business of other peaks. And it must be a pretty bad situation if Yue Qingyuan sent their local war god to drag Shang Qinghua back, but please!

Please! Have mercy for once, Zhangmen-Shixiong! Be a bro!

“Ah, shit,” Shang Qinghua mutters.

He looks at Luo Jiahui, who looks like she’s desperately trying not to appear nervous.

Yeah, Luo Qingge is not a super reassuring figure! Breathtakingly badass? Yes. Weirdly pretty? Yep! Comforting and approachable? Absolutely not.

“Liu-Shidi, I’m afraid that I can’t leave with you,” Shang Qinghua confesses, quite daringly if you ask him. “My younger brother has passed away! This is my widowed sister-in-law, Luo Jiahui, and my n-nephew, Binghe. I’ve promised to escort them to a new home in Sanjiao town.”

Liu Qingge’s eyes widen and his head snaps towards Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe, previously mostly ignored, like he’s never seen anything like them before. He stares at Luo Binghe like he’s trying to work out how Shang Qinghua could possibly be related to a baby that cute. Luo Binghe flaps at an arm back in his direction and Luo Qingge doesn’t wave back. Even though it really is super-duper unfairly cute!

Have care, Liu-Shidi! That’s your future brother-in-law! Wave back!

“A-adorable, isn’t he? Cutest baby in the world!” Shang Qinghua says. “Aha, my younger brother was much better-looking than me!”

Some people are definitely going to think that Luo Binghe is his bastard son, no matter what he says, but eventually Luo Binghe is going to get older and it’s going to become glaringly obvious that they can’t possibly be related. Everyone who ever sent Shang Qinghua a “I don’t believe you” smile or a “I really don’t believe you” frown is going to go, “Oh, wow! That super good-looking kid can’t possibly be yours! I was really wrong! Sorry!”

Liu Qingge stares some more, then nods like this makes perfect sense.

...Really?

“Liu-Shidi!” Shang Qinghua thinks in a wail. “You don’t have to believe the lie that quickly!”

Well, at least he knows Liu Qingge doesn’t gossip, stoic weirdo that he is.

“G-greetings, Master Cultivator,” Luo Jiahui manages, from atop the donkey.

Liu Qingge bows, surprisingly politely. “Madam Luo,” he says.

Shang Qinghua is very glad that it’s not going to be suspicious that his nephew isn’t “Shang Binghe” or something. There are lots of matriarchal families in the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way! A worldbuilding result, ahem, admittedly partly due to Airplane being a little inconsistent with his naming conventions. Also, uh, due to pandering to various types of domination kinks, thinly veiled or shamelessly blatant, and other things that don’t need to be talked about!

Liu Qingge has his mother’s name, actually! Shang Qinghua wasn’t aware that his world had been filled-in in this particular way until Madam Liu came to visit Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. He really, really, really hopes that the formidable Madam Liu (a former Xian Shu disciple) does not come back to visit her peak lord son again. It is basically the one thing in this life that Shang Qinghua and Xian Shu Peak Lord Qi Qingqi agree on wholeheartedly.

“I can carry them,” Liu Qingge says to Shang Qinghua.

Because he’s Liu fucking Qingge! And he does not give a shit about making Shang Qinghua or anyone else look bad by comparison! All the way back to Cang Qiong, really?!

“Ah, Liu-Shidi, that’s very helpful! But we’ve still got the donkey to deal with, so-”

“...I could carry the donkey too.”

What?

What the fuck?!

“Liu-Shidi, that… doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

The man just shrugs.

That does explain the monster carcasses Bai Zhan disciples drag back to the mountain sometimes! Holy shit! Do people just look up into the sky sometimes and see Liu Qingge flying by carrying a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python or something? Do they think they’re seeing a Black Moon Rhinoceros Python fly? Holy fuck, Liu Qingge! What the hell?!

“I don’t know that my sister-in-law would be comfortable with something like that…” Shang Qinghua says hesitantly, looking up towards Luo Jiahui for an opinion.

He doesn’t really want to get back to Cang Qiong to deal with the latest mess any sooner, but the mess probably isn’t going to get better if he tries to avoid it. (He’s tried that it almost never works!) He doesn’t really want to come back to a settled cold-shoulder war between Wan Jian and Zui Xian. He’ll probably stay in Yue Qingyuan’s bad books for at least a year if he bails now.

But, uh, he’s not going to leave Luo Jiahui.

And he’s not going to force her to let a strange man carry her, either.

“It, um, it sounds like Brother-in-Law is urgently needed back at his sect,” Luo Jiahui says, lifting her chin bravely. “I don’t mind! Um, Binghe doesn’t like flying much, though, and if Master Liu needs to carry the d-donkey too…”

Carrying a panicky donkey and a one-year-old at the same time is a stupid idea! Everyone here knows it! The donkey probably knows it! It’s bound to end in disaster. Sorry, Liu-Shidi, but Shang-Shixiong is vetoing your offer to show off your arm-strength for the pretty young sister!

“Why don’t we walk together to the next village?” Shang Qinghua suggests, because apparently An Ding is the last bastion of reason in the world sometimes. “The donkey is really too unwieldy for Liu-Shidi to carry, especially with Sister-in-Law and her baby on top, even if he can carry their combined weight. The beast could panic! We can sell the donkey or settle my sister-in-law somewhere comfortable, and she can get to know Liu-Shidi better along the way!”

“Th-that sounds good!” Luo Jiahui says.

“Mn,” Liu Qingge says, which is probably a yes.

Shang Qinghua is taking it as a yes! He’s not taking any punishment from the System if the world implodes because Liu Qingge ends up dropping the baby protagonist! No way!

Liu Qingge joining them on the road means that Shang Qinghua has to stop talking shit, unfortunately - at least about the peak lords and about other Peaks. Which is a shame! Unloading all the dirt he shovels around for peerless immortals was kind of relieving! Unfortunately, they’ve been found by, like, one of the few cultivators on Cang Qiong who genuinely disdains dishing out the gossip, no matter how hot and tasty it is. Argh! How boring, Liu-Shidi!

Back to travelling in awkward silence for them, apparently!

“Master Liu?”

“Mm?”

“Brother-in-Law was sharing some humorous stories about his junior disciples’ m-mishaps,” Luo Jiahui says, quite bravely. “D-does- As a Peak Lord, does Master Liu have any stories to share about his disciples’ lessons?”

Really, how courageous! Shang Qinghua hadn’t expected Luo Jiahui to try to make conversation with the Bai Zhan War God. By Liu Qingge’s surprised expression, he clearly wasn’t expecting it either.

“...What kind of stories?” Liu Qingge asks.

Luo Jiahui hesitantly but smilingly relates the story of Third Shidi failing to know where chicken meat came from, which seems to be her favorite. She’s a pretty good storyteller! Which makes sense, given that Airplane wrote her to basically be a perfect, loving mother, tragically taken away from the young orphaned protagonist!

Fuck.

Liu Qingge listens to the story in silence. He doesn’t laugh, but his eyes actually widen at the punchline, in which the misunderstanding was finally understood by Shang Qinghua (then the head disciple of An Ding) and all his martial siblings.

“One of your shidi didn’t know where meat came from?” Liu Qingge demands, aghast.

Shang Qinghua shrugs. “Noble family?”

“I’m from a noble family!”

“Spoiled noble family?” Shang Qinghua says helplessly.

“Oh. Hm.”

“D-does Master Liu have any similar silly stories to share with us?” Luo Jiahui asks again.

From what Shang Qinghua understands: Liu Qingge barely teaches his disciples anything besides how to get their asses beat, and wasn’t close to many of his martial siblings as a disciple either. The man is a lone wolf! A one-man wrecking-ball, so everyone else should get out of the way! Bai Zhan still has hallmasters and other senior cultivators to run the Peak, but Liu Qingge famously prefers wandering away from their mountains.

“My younger sister,” Liu Qingge says finally.

“M-Master Liu has a younger sister?” Luo Jiahui prompts.

“Mn. Mingyan. Three years old.”

“Oh, wow!” Shang Qinghua thinks, not actually having expected Liu Mingyan to be that old yet. “Older than the protagonist? Fuck, did I forget to give her an official age? Ah, well, no harm done this time, Airplane Bro!”

At Luo Jiahui’s prompting, Liu Qingge tells the story of a recent visit to the Liu Estate by one of his mother’s many cultivator friends. This visitor was a formidable and elegant lady, who wore a hat and an opaque veil which covered her entire face, which she never removed outside her own home. Little Mingyan had apparently been enthralled by the pretty veil and the veiled lady cultivator.

So, Little Mingyan had been determined to have her own full-face veil immediately, except she hadn’t known that the cultivator’s opaque veil was actually enchanted to be transparent on the inside. Little Mingyan had done her best to get her own veil by putting an ordinary piece of opaque cloth over her head, then she walked around the Liu Estate like that, unable to see anything but her own feet.

“Oh, no!” Luo Jiahui gasps, laughing.

Liu Qingge smiles, the fondness on his face as clear as the sky above them. “She walked into many walls and doors,” he says. “Almost into the fish pond.”

“How fortunate to avoid that, at least!”

“Not for lack of trying,” Liu Qingge explains, amusedly. “I caught her.”

Luo Jiahui laughs again. “A true hero! What a good big brother you are, Master Liu!”

Shang Qinghua squints. Is… is Liu Qingge blushing?

“Thank you,” the man says.

“Oh, I don’t know what I’ll do when my Bingbing starts walking!” Luo Jiahui declares, cuddling the happy baby in her arms closer, as Luo Binghe chews on his new cloth doll. “Life got so difficult when he started crawling! He’s already started standing up and I had to put so many things out of his reach!”

“It was easier to watch Mingyan when she couldn’t run,” Liu Qingge agrees.

Luo Jiahui starts cheerfully interrogating Liu Qingge on his younger sister’s developmental milestones - new parent stuff, Shang Qinghua supposes - and Liu Qingge is surprisingly knowledgeable about babies! It’s clear by the soft expression on his face and the warmth in his voice that the Bai Zhan War God truly, dearly, and deeply loves his little sister. Most of Liu Qingge’s wanderings, now that Shang Qinghua thinks about their routes, take him past his mother’s home at least briefly. Probably so he can dote shamelessly on his beloved sister.

Wow! Kinda makes Shang Qinghua feel really bad that Liu Qingge is going to die in about fourteen years just to further Shen Qingqiu’s tragic scum villain backstory and Liu Mingyan’s tragic female lead backstory! Shang Qinghua suddenly doesn’t like this conversation very much anymore.

Luo Binghe tosses his doll towards the ground then - completely randomly, he keeps doing this. Shang Qinghua doesn’t understand babies. “Luo Binghe!” he thinks. “Don’t you like your Uncle Shang’s gift? Uncle Shang thought you liked your new toy!”

Liu Qingge swoops to the rescue! The man nimbly catches the cloth doll before it can hit the dirt and returns it to Luo Jiahui. These are the sharp reflexes of a peerless immortal war god and a devoted older brother!

Luo Jiahui’s smile widens. “Thank you very much, Master Liu.”

“...No problem.”

“Bingbing, say thank you to your hero!” Luo Jiahui urges.

Luo Binghe hums and shoves his fist back in his mouth instead.

So, Luo Jiahui takes his other baby fist and waves that hand at Liu Qingge. “Thank you for saving my dolly, Hero Liu!” she says, in a sweet voice, pretending to be Luo Binghe. She smiles so widely at the man, eyes bright with mischief.

Okay, Liu Qingge is definitely blushing now.

What the fuck!

When they get to the next village, they say farewell to their faithful donkey and Shang Qinghua resigns himself to returning to his job as Cang Qiong’s mop-boy. Before they get rid of the donkey, though, Shang Qinghua makes sure to pull Luo Jiahui aside.

“Are you sure that you’re fine to fly with him?” Shang Qinghua asks, while Liu Qingge interrogates a local on their recent monster troubles or something.

In this world, thanks to Airplane’s never-ending need for impressive threats for his protagonist to defeat, everywhere always has some form of monster troubles. Liu Qingge thrives on it. Shang Qinghua is perpetually stressed by it.

Luo Jiahui bites her lip, flushing pink. “I’m… I’ll be all right. I’m just worried about Bingbing! I, um, I’ll be fine so long as he doesn’t… find out…”

Shang Qinghua fills in the blank. Oh.

“I like how he treats me, not knowing,” Luo Jiahui whispers. “I f-forgot that.”

Once again, Shang Qinghua feels like something that ought to be scraped off the bottom of a shoe. It’s not his fault! It’s really not his fault! Airplane’s vision was never really intended to be taken too seriously, especially after he sold out to the demands of his audience, much less be made real! But fuck! Him and his damn implications! Why did the implications have to be taken so seriously?

“All right,” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “We can stop at any time, though!”

Luo Jiahui nods.

The flight back to Cang Qiong is thankfully swift and uneventful. Liu Qingge carries Luo Jiahui with Luo Binghe in her arms. It turns out that Liu Qingge went off in the last town to find a way to tie Luo Binghe to his mother, and then tie Luo Jiahui to himself, just to make Luo Jiahui feel better about flying! Seat belts for flying swords! Way to keep effortlessly making everyone else look bad, Liu-Shidi!

They have to stop a few times so Luo Jiahui can stretch, and when Luo Binghe gets restless and needs to be fed, but soaring over everything is so much faster than taking the winding roads through the countryside below. Luo Jiahui takes being frightfully high-up and moving frightfully quickly like a champ this time, though Luo Binghe is still distressed by the experience.

When they finally touch down in Sanjiao Town, one the settlements along the base of the mountains, Luo Binghe is asleep and Luo Jiahui is clearly exhausted. Shang Qinghua gently ushers them to a very nice, very private inn, with Liu Qingge following, and pays for a very nice private room with a good, sturdy lock on the door. While Liu Qingge apparently takes it upon himself to intimidate the innkeeper (a woman) into taking good care of Luo Jiahui and her son, Shang Qinghua leaves Luo Jiahui the rest of his coin purse and promises to be back as soon as possible.

“I just have to put out the worst fires on Wan Jian and then I’ll be back!” Shang Qinghua assures her, standing by the closed door of her rented room. “You can send someone up to An Ding if there’s an emergency and I’ll come right away! Or just if you need more money! I’ll tell my disciples to watch out for a message.”

“I’ll send a message,” Luo Jiahui promises, smiling.

“Please! And feel free to start house-hunting around town without me in the meantime, if I take too long to come down again. Don’t worry about work!”

“All right.”

“Ah… what else? What else? Oh, Qian Cao Peak has a clinic in the town if you need anything - or they can just check to make sure that you and Bingbing are both healthy. It’s free, too! They, um, even... “ Shang Qinghua, who helps Mu Qingfang make sure that clinic is well supplied and supported (so the disciples can get some practical experience with non-cultivators), lowers his voice. “They do birth control and, um, other things, if Sister-in-Law needs that sort of help.”

Luo Jiahui turns pink, but she nods thankfully.

It turns out that birth control and family planning are a hugely important part of society in a world full of aphrodisiacs and other contrived papapa plot devices! Haha, who would have guessed? Not Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky!

Sometimes it feels like Shang Qinghua’s job is actually just importing supplies to Qian Cao Peak and then exporting medicines from Qian Cao Peak again, and he knows that some of those shipments are various types of birth control! He also knows that if An Ding fucks up important shipments related to birth control and reproductive health, Qian Cao Peak Lord Mu Qingfang (who is really no less an asshole than the rest of their siblings) has no problem with sending Xian Shu Peak Lord Qi Qingqi (who has equally strong opinions about this sort of thing) around to ask Shang Qinghua what the fuck went wrong. It’s terrifying!

Sometimes, Shang Qinghua forgets that he transmigrated into the world of a cultivation web-novel that became an erotic stallion web-novel. He’ll be going about his daily business, then he’ll have a realization like: “I am talking to a proud fuck-or-die antidote farmer right now, who inherited his respectable business from his father, who inherited it from his father before that. The papapa-device-cure business is a real thing here. Sex-pollen-cure-maker is a real job in this world. This is my life now.”

“...Thank you, Brother-in-Law,” Luo Jiahui says quietly, the sincerity clear on her face.

Shang Qinghua’s heart kind of stutters here. Again.

Aha, what the fuck was that? Maybe Shang Qinghua needs to go to the local clinic? There’s probably something horribly physically wrong with him, which would be way less terrifying than him catching genuine feelings over this situation!

“You’re… ah… welcome,” Shang Qinghua manages.

Maybe he’s dying! Man, he hopes he’s dying for completely unrelated reasons!

Liu Qingge knocks on the door, which means it’s time to go, and Shang Qinghua stands aside feeling really fucking something over listening to Liu Qingge promise that Luo Jiahui can send word to Bai Zhan as well if she needs anything.

“Th-thank you, Master Liu,” Luo Jiahui says. “But I c-couldn’t-”

“It’s no trouble,” Liu Qingge insists.

“Oh, well, I’ll keep that in mind, then! Thank you very much, M-Master Liu,” Luo Jiahui says, eyes bright with mischief again as she lifts a sleeping Luo Binghe a little higher. “Thank you for looking out for both of us, Hero Liu!”

“Mm,” Liu Qingge says, smiling.

Really, Shang Qinghua did not envision the man to be this handsome! Unfair!

Poor Luo Jiahui turns even pinker.

Haha, wow, it’s like neither of them have any idea that they’re both supposed to die tragically young to further other people’s angsty backstories! Shang Qinghua is still kind of convinced that Luo Jiahui is going to manage to die tragically young anyway, because his power to impact the plot has always been non-existent before now, and his System is a stingy, spiteful piece of shit. Ahhh! Just like him, really! They match like that!

Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge bid farewell to Luo Jiahui, then fly up to Wan Jian Peak, towards a blown-out cavern on the side of the mountain that is still smoking slightly, even though the explosion was days ago. Disciples are trooping in and out, and all around, wearing full-body cover-ups and masks to protect themselves. The debris around the storage cavern is, uh, impressive.

Wow, no one died? Really?

Wan Jian Peak Lord Wei Qingwei and Zui Xian Peak Lord Zhang Qingyan are shouting at each other nearby, both looking like shit (so much as peerless immortal cultivators can look like shit), with an equally exhausted Yue Qingyuan standing nearby. All three of them turn to look as Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge come down to land.

“Ah, Shang-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says. “Thank you for finally joining us.”

Zhangmen-Shixiong! What’s with that tight, forced smile? Yeah, Wei Qingwei and Zhang Qingyan are stressed out and taking it out on you, but why do you have to stress "finally" like that? Why do you always have to be passive-aggressive like this?

Surprisingly, Liu Qingge steps forward, looking daring. “He came as fast as he could,” he declares. “He was helping his sister-in-law.”

What?

“Ahhh! Liu Qingge!” Shang Qinghua thinks in despair. “Why do you have to share a man’s private business just like that?! Serious violation of the bro code! They didn’t need to know that! Your bro didn’t want them to know that!”

Yue Qingyuan is also clearly surprised by Liu Qingge’s support for Shang Qinghua.

And maybe also that Shang Qinghua has family.

“Ah,” he says slowly. “My apologies for taking you from important family matters, Shang-Shidi. We are always very grateful that you look after your martial family so well and hope that you will be able to help us understand this terrible accident.”

“Of course, Zhangmen-Shixiong!” Shang Qinghua says, with a quick bow. “Thank you for sending Liu-Shidi to inform me of the incident and assist me in my mission! Er, I’d appreciate it if my family business didn’t go any further than this, if you don’t mind! My sister-in-law is a very private woman!”

Yue Qingyuan nods. “Of course, it will go no further.”

Liu Qingge frowns, but nods as well.

Wei Qingwei and Zhang Qingyan nod very begrudgingly, when Yue Qingyuan looks at them. Shang Qinghua doesn’t really trust them at all not to gossip to someone.

“Thank you,” Shang Qinghua says, with dignity he doesn’t have.

Haha, what the fuck was that, though?

Liu Qingge? Standing up for future rat traitor Shang Qinghua? In what world?

“Shang Qinghua!” Zhang Qingyan snaps, unable to hold back any longer. “I hope you can explain exactly what happened after my disciples handed off the Fire-Eating Sword-Cleaning Solution to your disciples to deliver to Wei Qingwei’s disciples that caused this terrible accident! Given how many hands touched it after it left my Peak, I fail to see why I’m to blame for this accident!”

“Your peak made it!” Wei Qingwei cries. “It was faulty!”

Yue Qingyuan winces and sighs.

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua thinks despondently, his shoulders falling. “Time to get to work.”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t get to return to Luo Jiahui on his first full day back, and not on the second day back either, or even on the third day back. And every day, back in the day-in-day-out of things, his anxiety rises over what he’s done.

He’s changed something.

Intentionally.

Possibly and probably significantly! He’s not too sure how the universe might twist and turn to keep the plot on track with canon, honestly, when the real plot of Proud Immortal Demon Way (in all its sell-out, missed-opportunities, lost-outline glory) hasn’t actually started yet. He just doesn’t know. He really, really doesn’t know. Real canon divergence has never really happened before! This is new territory! New and very scary territory! It could all backfire on him at any moment for all he knows, no matter what his System said.

Shang Qinghua feels too aware of himself as he goes about his business. He has many full conversations, over those three days, in which he feels less and less present. He’s too aware of the body he’s occupying, the head he’s looking out from, how fragile his position in this life is, like he’s a newly awakened transmigrator all over again. Like he’s waiting, again, for someone to pull back the curtains, tear off the panelling, and show him the wires beneath this world and all its fake people. Like he’s waiting for the catch.

Author God? Transmigrator? Combined, those terms form a new title called “Universal Record-Holder for Most Existential Crises Had in a Single Day”.

Fun!

Dealing with the incident between Wan Jian Peak and Zui Xian Peak takes up a lot of his time, which keeps him too busy to really fly apart with nerves. He has to investigate exactly how the accident happened, while Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan - a bro among bros, truly, Shang Qinghua takes back some of his earlier shit-talking - takes one for the team by keeping the shaken-up, pissed-off, and unhappy Wei Qingwei and Zhang Qingyan out from under-foot. Shang Qinghua lets Yue Qingyuan, their warm and wise big brother, be the one to deliver the news that the fault of the explosion lies with one incompetent Wan Jian disciple (Shang Qinghua fucking knew it), who failed to store and seal the Fire-Eater Sword-Cleaning Solution correctly.

Wei Qingwei is of a higher peak than Shang Qinghua, Zhangmen-Shixiong! It would be like Shang Qinghua trying to pull rank on Shen Qingqiu! (Well, actually, no. Shang Qinghua trying to pull rank on Qing Jing Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu would be way worse for a variety of reasons, but it’s kind of similar!) Definitely a piece of delicate diplomacy that should be handled by their great Sect Leader, the Lord of Qiong Ding Peak, Yue Qingyuan!

In return, Yue Qingyuan diplomatically lets Shang Qinghua be the one to take on reviewing the safety measures of both Wan Jian Peak and Zui Xian Peak, to make sure that something like this never happens again. Someone could actually die if there’s a next time, it's true! But it’s going to take… so long. Shang Qinghua really isn’t looking forward to arguing with people over the inconvenience of workplace safety measures! Bro! Bro! If near-unkillable immortals want to risk immolation out of arrogance and laziness and bizarre cultivation ideals of skillful handling, who is Shang Qinghua to tell them to stop?

Besides the Lord of An Ding Peak, directly charged with sect logistics.

The enormity of the task makes him want to curl up into a ball, even if he can delegate a great deal of the task across An Ding, Wan Jian, and Zui Xian. How is he supposed to eliminate the basic problem of “human error”?! It can’t be done! He can't retroactively add to people's common sense!

Catching up on general Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and An Ding Peak business takes up the rest of his precious time. Shang Qinghua whimpers aloud when he sees the stack of paperwork that’s accumulated on his desk since he’s been gone. Just shoving trivial work back onto his indecisive or scheming disciples, so he can find the work that’s actually worthy of a peak lord, takes way too long!

He sends a quick note of apology to the inn that Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe are staying at down the mountain. He really does intend to be back as soon as possible!

The fourth day is more of the same, more of stacked day-in-day-out catch-up, at least at first. Unlike the past three days and nights, the fourth day is corrupted by dread that increases as the sun falls lower and lower in the sky. That night, Shang Qinghua must carefully extract himself for a secret meeting with Mobei-Jun.

Not missing his super secret spy meeting could be considered a good thing! But the inside of Shang Qinghua’s chest twists itself into fearful knots anyway, as it always does, because a secret treacherous rendezvous with the demon lord who’ll probably kill him someday is always stressful. Just because he won’t have to apologize to the future Northern Demon King for standing him up, grovelling like never before at the man’s feet for leaving him hanging, doesn’t mean the situation isn’t still complicated and tense and occasionally verging on life-or-death.

This meeting still feels more complicated than ever! Even though Mobei-Jun shouldn’t know that Shang Qinghua has been meddling with the plot! Even though the demon lord shouldn’t even know that there’s a plot to meddle with!

Shang Qinghua is almost always terrified that Mobei-Jun will somehow be able to smell the transmigration on him - will somehow notice that there’s something wrong with him, that there’s something off about him, that there’s something unnatural and untrustworthy about him - and ultimately decide that this version of Shang Qinghua is a loose end to be tied off sooner rather than later. Mobei-Jun will just go, "Putting up with this guy isn't worth it!" And that'll be that!

No more Shang Qinghua!

Tonight, Shang Qinghua, who has fumbled his way through every single day of this frequently miserable transmigration experience, can’t fully persuade himself that Mobei-Jun won’t somehow know what he’s done.

Shang Qinghua puts on a disguise (switching out the Peak Lord robes for plain clothes, pretty much) and sneaks out of his Leisure House, in the way of someone who’s done this a hundred times before, and has been doing this since he was a disciple. He doesn’t kid himself to think that a handful of An Ding cultivators don’t have an inkling - the faintest suspicion - that he vanishes from the mountain sometimes on private business. But as peak lord he doesn’t have to report to any of them. If he doesn’t answer his door, when someone comes knocking late at night, he could have just taken a sleeping pill and conked out on his bed for all they know! If they ever force their way in and find him missing, for all they know, he’s just fucked off to go drinking down the mountain.

Definitely not helping his future “I don’t have a secret mistress and child” case, unfortunately! But a good misdirection, honestly, if he ever needs to hide his actual activities!

Shang Qinghua likes to think that he’s gotten pretty good at stealth over the years. It’s almost second-nature now to slip down into some of the semi-secret transportation and supply tunnels of An Ding, then down various cliffs and back paths, without encountering a single other soul. He’s in charge of nearly all of the logistics for all of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. So, he knows when all the shipments are moving; he knows the routes of all the patrols; he knows when various pavilions and yards are supposed to be empty! He’s a spy! He’s the scum spy! His winding route through and down the deserted and uncultivated areas of An Ding and Cang Qiong is as smooth as it remains exhilaratingly stressful.

It’s not any different to any other night, but how is he supposed to act like this is just another secret treacherous rendezvous? Is there a good way to “act casual” while giving information on the movements of human sects and nobles to a powerful demon lord? A way to behave like he hasn’t been meddling with the upbringing of a Heavenly Demon, the secret bastard of the recently fallen Demon Emperor? Like he’s not mildly disloyally planning to hug the golden thighs of his current boss’ future boss?

If there is a method of staying cool and nonchalant, it’s probably far beyond Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, who has probably never really succeeded in acting casual about anything. His casualness is anxious. That’s his “casual”!

But then again, his nervous tics can’t be signs of lying if he’s always like this!

Optimism! He tries it out sometimes!

Once he’s down the mountain-side, out of and away from his sect, it’s just a quick skip and a hop through the dark countryside, past the dim outskirts of a small village beyond Sanjiao Town, to an isolated location in the wilderness. Loops and twists keep Shang Qinghua from being followed, if he has any followers. Regularly shifting the initial meeting point keeps anyone from setting an ambush. It’s all very clandestine!

Shang Qinghua waits in the darkness, listening to the hum of insects and the distant calls of wildlife, a hand on the sword he prefers not to use in battle if he can help it. The night is cloudy, shrouding the sliver of moon out tonight.

“Does Mobei-Jun know?!” Shang Qinghua internally begs of his System. “Does he know?!”

His no-good System doesn’t answer him, of course!

Asshole.

After an eternity that likely only lasts several minutes, there’s a hum of power beside him, the cool whoosh and crackle of a portal opening to another location.

Mobei-Jun can just break into Shang Qinghua’s Leisure House whenever he wants, and he does do that, he does that way too often, but they don’t really meet there officially or regularly. (Also: damn Airplane for giving Mobei-Jun such impressive, over-powered, and inconsistent teleportation powers as Luo Binghe's right-hand man!) Shang Qinghua doesn’t ever invite the demon lord to drop by in-person and hang out. Mobei-Jun never calls ahead.

Mobei-Jun first appeared on Cang Qiong unprompted, uninvited, and unscheduled, all those years ago, apparently just to remind Shang Qinghua that he can and he will, if necessary, murder Shang Qinghua in his sleep. The demon lord dropped in apparently just to let it be known that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s protections cannot and will not stand between Mobei-Jun’s powers and eliminating those who dare to betray him. And also that he could, if Shang Qinghua ever crossed him, expose Shang Qinghua as a traitor to his sect at any moment, which would either see Shang Qinghua executed, imprisoned, or exiled (which would mean losing Cang Qiong’s protections, which would let Mobei-Jun hunt him down and gut him even more easily). It was terrifying. It’s never not terrifying, really, even though Shang Qinghua kind of likes to think he’s gotten used to the surprise encounters by now.

After getting over the mind-numbing terror of Mobei-Jun suddenly invading his home and (for whatever reason) taking his shitty disciple bed, enough to make a few observations… While Shang Qinghua wouldn’t DARE suggest that the demon lord is… jumpy… when he’s on Cang Qiong mountain, he might privately think that Mobei-Jun is definitely "on edge" when surrounded by human cultivators and the possibility of an ambush. An on-edge Mobei-Jun never bodes well for Shang Qinghua walking away from a meeting without suffering some extremely effective intimidation, just to ensure that he still has the fear of the future Northern Demon King deeply engraved into his heart.

As Peak Lord, Shang Qinghua may have the power to keep his disciples away now, when Mobei-Jun unexpectedly drops in and jump-scares the living daylights out of him, but everyone is generally more comfortable when there’s no chance of getting caught. Shang Qinghua likes his sleep! Which he never gets when Mobei-Jun shows up to remind Shang Qinghua that he owns him and all his stuff. Also, Shang Qinghua be really happy if he never had to see Mobei-Jun’s icy “invite that disciple knocking on the door inside and see what fucking happens, I dare you” glower ever again. As an OP demon lord with OP teleportation powers, Mobei-Jun probably won’t die if one of Shang Qinghua’s martial siblings suddenly kicks the door down, ready to rumble, but it’s not… it’s not 100%. Shit would go down if they were caught out.

If Tianlang-Jun can be caught and permanently imprisoned, it can happen to any other demon, and Shang Qinghua could probably orchestrate that if he put his mind to it. If he wanted to accelerate his scheduled canonical death, that is, holy shit, which he absolutely does not. In the best case scenario, in which Shang Qinghua is miraculously presumed an innocent victim by Yue Qingyuan, his Leisure House and probably half of An Ding still gets wrecked!

So, after way too many surprise visits, back when he was head disciple, Shang Qinghua hesitantly suggested setting up scheduled meetings away from the sect, in the hopes of getting Mobei-Jun to stop just showing up at his house. He thinks it's working? Maybe? It’s much better that way.

The portal is small, entrancing and unnerving in its shifting blue and black edges, and cold. Shang Qinghua takes a deep breath, holds it, and steps through.

One thing that Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky forgot to expect about this world is the realization of presence. Spiritual energy is a thing! Demonic energy is a thing! Spiritual and demonic energy are things that can be felt in this not-so-fictional-anymore world and there’s… there’s no real equivalent from his last life. Cultivation and magic being real is a fun idea until oh shit, cultivation and magic are really real.

He forgot to expect it because this energy wasn’t such a big part of his second childhood, except for the part where he had it and tried his best to develop it, in accordance with his own curiosity and the ambitions of the original Shang Qinghua.

He wasn’t nearly so prepared to deal with the cultivated spiritual energy of other people when he got to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Hit him like a lot of static shocks! Sometimes like walking into a wall of cold water! It’s culturally more polite to keep your spiritual energy restrained, but the sect is full of lots of accidents and arguments. There are lots of developing disciples with terrible control! And some people just give off this aura of being powerful badasses anyway, even when they’re "restraining" themselves, and Shang Qinghua’s never sure if it’s some weird “negative space” effect of suppression... or if the effect is actually just a purposeful humble-brag, a power-move by design.

At best, bearing the brunt of someone else’s spiritual energy is often like being stared at intensely and being unable to be unaware of it. At worst? People in this world have power that can crackle out of them and over the skin like needles, radiance which can burn like boiling acid and bite like cold beyond cold, presence of will which can make a man want to go to his knees and beg for mercy.

The portal is unpleasant, is what Shang Qinghua is saying! Demonic energy doesn’t tend to mesh well with righteous cultivators; it puts most human beings on edge, since it usually belongs to something actively trying to kill them. It’s not the worst feeling ever, going through Mobei-Jun's shadowy portals of black, icy energy! But it’s also like being squashed and stretched all over the body, pulled and pushed in every direction, while moving through a walk-in freezer kept at -40 degrees Celsius. Shang Qinghua is very grateful that it’s always a short experience.

The other side of the portal opens up on… Shang Qinghua has no idea where he is now, actually! Which really adds to the terror of the whole experience!

Mobei-Jun went along with the "meeting somewhere else" suggestion, but he gets to pick the "somewhere else".

It’s… not the Demon Realm, Shang Qinghua thinks, with a glance at the completely overcast night sky and the green foliage around him. The mountain range looming in the distance is of snowy, jagged peaks, stabbing up into the stormy heavens. It’s not the Tian Gong range, which means that he’s still a long way from home. He’s standing on a hill, surrounded by tall pines, and it’s cold. The wind here is sharp.

Mobei-Jun is waiting for him, for his report, standing just ahead.

The portal closes behind him and Shang Qinghua valiantly doesn’t flinch this time!

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky wasn’t allowed to wax poetic about Mobei-Jun, the protagonist’s right-hand man, in his web-novel Proud Immortal Demon Way, by his own personal rule! It would have shifted focus away from his protagonist son! Made Mobei-Jun into a competitor! It also probably would have made readers realize en-masse that Mobei-Jun was one of the author’s favorite characters! His ideal man! So, Airplane kept his descriptions positive, but also as efficient as possible, like the stoic, apathetic right-hand man himself.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t have a legion of fans judging his every word now.

All he has is a stingy, stubborn System, which listens in on all his woes and fanciful bullshit whether he likes it or not! And whether it likes it or not. He may be stuck with his System, yes, and it may be one of the meanest and most unhelpful beings he’s ever been forced to share the experience of life with! But! That also means that his System is stuck with him. It’s trapped in his head too!

He can wax poetic about Mobei-Jun all he likes now.

And wow! There’s a lot to wax poetic about!

It’s one thing to write descriptions of an ideal man in the form of an icy demon lord. It's another thing to see a picture of a giant demon lord as a fictional character. It’s another thing entirely to have that man be totally real and looming over you just by standing there. Mobei-Jun is tall, enormously tall, probably around two meters tall (Shang Qinghua would love to measure this, to get it exactly right, but that would be how he dies if he tried), and he does absolutely nothing to make himself smaller. He’s broad. Muscular. Much thicker than Shang Qinghua was expecting - most male-lead-material characters, according to the superficial standards of Airplane's world, are supposed to be super thin or at least super narrow at the waist, cut like supermodels or twiggy like teenage pop-stars, but Mobei-Jun is not that, no, not Mobei-Jun - and, unfairly, it really just makes him hotter.

The man looks like he could wrestle whatever the demonic equivalent of a polar bear is in this world and win.

He could literally punch a boulder and the stone would shatter.

Mobei-Jun has a cold tone to his skin that often makes him look like he was cut from stone or ice. His long hair is so dark that it sometimes looks blue. Shang Qinghua can’t get away with just staring at the hard line of the man’s jaw, the muscle of his neck, the ridge of his collarbone, the thickness of his forearms, the length of his fingers, without Mobei-Jun glaring at him, but he would really, really like to get away with that. The sharpness of the demon lord’s canines, the subtle point of his ears, and the inhuman shine in his eyes is a little more subjective, in terms of sexiness, but they too have featured in far too many weird dreams.

Shang Qinghua would give up a lot to be able to wear one of the man’s many massive fur cloaks, all of which once belonged to ferocious demonic beasts the demon lord probably killed with his bare hands. (They look so cosy! So warm!) All of which Mobei-Jun wears open, just to show off how he doesn’t need them; he just knows they make him look good.

“My king!” Shang Qinghua greets, and bows.

Mobei-Jun stares at him impassively. It’s pretty much exactly like standing in front of a tiger… or a bear… or anything else at the top of the food chain, which might kill him if he moves too quickly. Being under his focus is always… intense.

“Report,” Mobei-Jun says, low and bored.

Ah, he’s really too cool!

Shang Qinghua swallows his heart and begins to speak.

Ever since the fall of Tianlang-Jun, Mobei-Jun has been… well, he’s been looking even sharper.

The Demon Realm has fallen into chaos, creating unending stress for everyone. It’s an ongoing power-grab! Loyal retainers are turning on each other! Great demon kings and demon lords are fashioning themselves as the next emperor! Would-be emperors are shortly beheaded by their rivals and stabbed in the back by their own children! Clans are descending into feuds and civil wars accordingly! Wives and husbands are being stolen like it's a game of "pass the parcel"! Alliances are breaking! New alliances are being forged! Old treaties are being burned! New treaties are being written in blood!

It’s really a shit-show over there. And it’s spilling over into the Human Realm, which took its own damage from Tianlang-Jun.

Lots of demons are taking advantage of the chaos to raid the Human Realm as they please, especially now that there’s no longer a human-fascinated Tianlang-Jun around to disapprove of their ambition or fun. Tianlang-Jun wasn't a thorough enforcer of much, but getting his attention was definitely not good.

Some human sects, nobles, and rogue cultivators have recently been moving to take advantage of the chaos in the Demon Realm themselves, removing demonic influences and settlements from their territories, even launching small incursions into the Demon Realm. Some of these assaults are wholesale slaughter of local demon clans, not all of which have made themselves a nuisance to the nearby human settlements. Some of these assaults are to retrieve demonic riches and treasure out of greed. Some of these missions are to retrieve human prisoners or stolen artifacts of power.

Shang Qinghua, being in a great position to hear about a lot of this and having unique insight into all sorts of politics to extrapolate, shares who’s been beheading who lately and why. Demon Lord So-And-So wants territory in the Human Realm. A Demon Saint wants some of This One Human Sect’s warriors to get revenge on That Other Demon Clan for her. A Noble Righteous Cultivator has sworn to bring his betrothed the head of one of the contenders for the position of Western Demon King. Sect What’s-Their-Name has discovered a new gang trafficking stolen goods and kidnapped people to the Demon Realm.

Blah, blah, blah! The usual stuff! It never ends!

Shang Qinghua hands over scrolls with the most pertinent information, so that his king doesn’t have to decipher and remember all his babbling. He keeps forgetting not to share more minor (but sort of random) details about Banished Cultivator Insert-Name-Here’s lost sister and Princess Name-Is-A-Bad-Pun secretly being a quarter-human.

“The meeting is going pretty well so far!” Shang Qinghua dares to think optimistically. “Less of the demonic physical intimidation than usual! But I’m not complaining!”

Mobei-Jun reaches out to take the scrolls, his cloak shifting, and then Shang Qinghua catches a glimpse of strange markings running up the man’s neck.

“-so you probably don’t want to get involved if that guy’s son comes around asking for your support, my- my king! What’s that?”

Shang Qinghua double-takes, then flails in alarm, trying to get a closer look at the swirly, flowery red and black markings running down the demon lord’s neck, as well as peeking out the edge of Mobei-Jun’s sleeve. It’s on his hands too! What the fuck! Oh, shit! That’s just the sort of artful affliction that some hack author would think might look super sexy on a shirtless protagonist, both before and during some life-saving papapa!

Mobei-Jun glares at him, shifting the furs to hide the injury again.

“Is that poisoning by a Venus Nightshade Demon?” Shang Qinghua demands, high-pitched with panic. “My king? Did you engage their clan in conflict after all?! They would have moved on before long! After they’d accrued the funds to resettle! Your territories are too inhospitable for them to stay permanently!”

“Their princess was invited in by my father and then attempted to forcibly situate herself within my favor,” Mobei-Jun says flatly, like it’s Shang Qinghua’s fault for not better forewarning him.

Shang Qinghua has no idea what “forcibly situate” means. Assassination? Seduction? Blackmail? Robbery? His protagonist son’s demon wives all tended to follow a certain pattern: figurative and sometimes literal man-eaters! Venus Nightshade Demons are one of the Poison Type variants of the usual mold, and Shang Qinghua has no doubt that they’re way scarier and way less harmless than Proud Immortal Demon Way made them out to be when Luo Binghe, classic stallion protagonist, tangled with them. Femme fatales are really no joke in reality!

“I killed her,” Mobei-Jun says.

“With your bare hands?!” Shang Qinghua yelps. “My king! Again?!”

He kind of wants to pull at his hair!

A surprising but probably-obvious-in-hindsight part of this arrangement is him helping Mobei-Jun avoid all the single, horny demons on the hunt for a powerful demon lord husband! Ahhh, Luo Binghe, future protagonist, please grow up quickly so that people stop trying to kidnap Mobei-Jun or spike his drinks! Or seduce and support Mobei-Jun’s shitty uncle or lesser cousins or whatever! It generally puts Mobei-Jun in a super bad mood!

People are dying, Little Bingbing! Hurry up!

“Ah, I told you that fire works best on poisonous plant demons, my king!” Shang Qinghua complains. “I know that’s not good for you, but couldn’t you have made a retainer take care of it? The poison needs to be properly treated before it causes damage! It could make you vulnerable to Venus Nightshade Demon influence and poison in the future!”

Mobei-Jun’s scowl deepens.

Bad sign! Bad sign!

Shang Qinghua desperately starts rummaging through his qiankun pouches for one the miracle cures he tries to keep on him at all times. Sex pollen and other aphrodisiacs are an occupational hazard of this world, so it’s important to raid Qian Cao Peak's shelves and be prepared! This Author God transmigrator tries to make sure that he has all of the elixirs, poultices, and potions to not accidentally literally die of sexual frustration out in the wilderness.

Or, you know, poison or whatever.

“Ah, here! My king, this is the essence of the Flat-Leaved Faith Orchid, a rare plant from the same region as Venus Nightshade Demons!” Shang Qinghua offers desperately, like this cure will be able to save both their lives here. “They destroy them with prejudice due to their ability to counteract most of their poison abilities! And most other poisons! A few drops in a bath should suffice!”

Shang Qinghua holds out the little red bottle and, with all of his strength, does NOT think about Mobei-Jun taking the lead in a bath-turned-papapa scene. NOPE.

He’s not very strong, though.

Fortunately, he’s pretty sure that Mobei-Jun can’t read minds, at least, if only because he would absolutely be dead right now if Mobei-Jun knew even a tenth of the extremely impertinent thoughts Shang Qinghua has had about him. Shang Qinghua is definitely going to think about Mobei-Jun taking a bath in the bath later, unfortunately. It’s inevitable now. Oh, well! He tried his best! His mental strength just wasn’t enough! Mobei-Jun shouldn't have made him make all those baths for him when they met!

Mobei-Jun is looking at the bottle like Shang Qinghua is offering him more poison.

Oh, shit.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit-

Mobei-Jun moves and Shang Qinghua flinches.

But the demon lord pauses, before he can lay a finger on Shang Qinghua to question him or intimidate him, his large hand flexing with restraint. The swirling, flowery poison markings have twisted artfully around some of his long fingers.

Shang Qinghua gulps, remembering that (according to the rules of a hack author writing a sellout stallion novel) Venus Nightmare Demon poison can pass through touch, which… reverse-engineering Airplane’s modus operandi… probably conveniently kept the poisoned protagonist from soliciting the help of any of his current wives at the time.

Fuck.

It’s not the end of the world if Shang Qinghua gets poisoned. He’ll just beg the mercy of Qian Cao Peak and come up with some pathetic lie that won’t fool Mu Qingfang in the slightest. But it’ll probably suck. He’s really not stoic in any way. Really not male lead material, like those who can tough-out plot devices without even grimacing.

Mobei-Jun unclenches his fist and takes the bottle from Shang Qinghua’s hands.

Without touching him.

Shang Qinghua can’t help but be relieved. “Ah, thank you, my king...”

Mobei-Jun narrows his eyes, and then suddenly he’s looming over Shang Qinghua, still not touching, but now radiating demonic energy so fiercely that it makes Shang Qinghua’s eyes prickle. If Shang Qinghua, displaced Author God and unofficial master of purple prose, is allowed to not be poetic about the experience, he’d probably compare hostile demonic energy to burning. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, but it's never comfortable.

It kind of hurts.

Sometimes, it really, really hurts.

Now's not so bad, really, but it can be pretty bad.

Shang Qinghua is a peak lord! He can power through most paralyzing hostile demonic energy these days, at least in order to hustle out of the danger zone! But there were times as a disciple where he could genuinely only weep in a younger Mobei-Jun’s presence, barely able to breathe through the other man’s tangible anger, even when it wasn’t directed at him. Now that was grovelling!

Ah, Shang Qinghua really doesn’t miss being that young! He’s blaming it all on teenage hormones! Thank goodness they’re so much more mature now!

“I will test this cure of yours carefully,” Mobei-Jun warns lowly, dangerously. “If it is harmful, I will treat this as an attempt on my life.”

“And rip off your limbs for the betrayal,” Mobei-Jun doesn’t need to say.

Shang Qinghua nods frantically.

He tries to speak, fails, and has to swallow to clear his throat.

“Understood, my king! Very sensible! So wise! I’d definitely make sure that any weird bottle someone handed me is what they told me it was! Thank you for your leniency!”

Mobei-Jun doesn’t back off, considering Shang Qinghua and the bottle suspiciously.

Shang Qinghua glances at the bottle again to make sure he gave Mobei-Jun the right one. He labels his collection of miracle cures and golden plot devices very carefully! His memory isn’t foolproof! Ah, thank goodness! Correct bottle!

“You can ask any master healer, my king!” Shang Qinghua persists, wringing his hands to keep himself from accidentally touching. “They’ll tell you that the Flat-Leaved Faith Orchid is a cure for all sorts of poisons, sure thing! Especially Venus Nightshade Demon poisons! Totally guaranteed! Works on demons and humans and half-demons alike!”

Mobei-Jun stares, unimpressed.

He leans closer, looming over one shoulder, and… sniffs Shang Qinghua.

One of the many very weird moments that always helps Shang Qinghua remember, “Oh right! Not human! Very much not human!”

He stays very still.

Super still.

As still as he can stay while also visibly trembling with nerves!

He tells himself that there’s no way that Mobei-Jun should be able to smell Heavenly Demon on him. Shang Qinghua never really directly touched his protagonist son if he could help it on their journey! His son’s OP demon powers are still deeply sealed! Shang Qinghua has gone through the equivalent of at least eight decontamination showers over the past four days, while inspecting Wan Jian Peak’s explosive accident. He shouldn’t smell of anything weird right now, really! Nothing except maybe ink!

There is no way - zero, zilch, nada, no chance - that Mobei-Jun should be able to smell “ Eau de Canon Divergence” on him right now. There should be no identifying the “ Perfume of Proximity to Protagonist Halo” today! No “Acqua di Transmigration” scent! That would be way too OP! And bad!

Shang Qinghua would also just really appreciate it if Mobei-Jun could stop sniffing him in general. It’s really weird! He has no idea what it means! It often just means that Shang Qinghua is getting way too close to a demon lord, his king, for comfort, which does some weird things to him! No need to get into the details! But yeah! Mobei-Jun is strong and scary and, while Shang Qinghua would like to say that the man is too hot for anyone to keep their cool, the man literally exudes cold like an ice statue, and that does some weird things to Shang Qinghua too.

No matter how much useful information Shang Qinghua dishes out to please the demon lord, no matter how he helps consolidate the man’s power in these troubled times, Mobei-Jun could just kill him, here and now, and no one could stop him.

“...My king? Should I… continue with my report...?”

Mobei-Jun leans back.

“No,” the demon lord decides. “Dismissed.”

He steps back and, with a wave of his hand, opens another portal behind Shang Qinghua. If the hairs on the back of his neck weren’t already standing on end, the cool power of the portal just behind him would certainly do the job!

Shang Qinghua takes a deep breath.

He kind of wants to say something about the cure Mobei-Jun is holding. Something about the scrolls he’s handed over. Something about… anything.

When he hugged Mobei-Jun’s thighs all those years ago, offering his services to his far-from-home and injured king, promising to follow his king for life, he didn’t explicitly offer to sell Cang Qiong Mountain Sect out specifically. He offered to use his position at Cang Qiong to Mobei-Jun’s advantage. (So he was definitely betraying Cang Qiong Mountain Sect right now and him potentially selling Cang Qiong Mountain Sect out completely someday was heavily implied, but at least... not directly stated.) There are lots of different ways to interpret "unite the Demon and Human Realms" after all! He said that he thought that he and Mobei-Jun could help each other out. He told Mobei-Jun that he wanted the demon lord's help to rise in status.

It’s been, uh, very one-sided helping so far.

Which is fine! Shang Qinghua doesn’t really want to know what the demonic version of “helping” looks like, so he tries not to make demands. Mobei-Jun restraining himself from removing Shang Qinghua’s limbs can be helping! Deciding not to kill Shang Qinghua after all can be helping! That’s fine too!

Their relationship has… changed over the years… in ways that Shang Qinghua doesn’t always understand. They’ve both gotten older. Mobei-Jun has gotten… both angrier and less angry. There was a definite shift in power when Mobei-Jun, who’s young for a demon lord, stepped up and took on several responsibilities of being the Northern Demon King from his unreliable father. There was another unspeakable shift of sorts when Shang Qinghua actually became the head disciple and then a peak lord of one of the most powerful sects in the world, which Mobei-Jun had openly doubted he would ever achieve. There was also a very stressful shift when Tianlang-Jun "died" in the Human Realm and Mobei-Jun’s future title as Northern Demon King became potentially unstable (even more than just having a clan full of powerful demons all regularly jockeying for power).

Shang Qinghua has now meddled with the protagonist.

There should be another shift.

But Mobei-Jun has no idea what he’s done. No idea that Tianlang-Jun has a bastard, a perfectly formed half-demon and half-human baby. No idea what the name Luo Binghe means for the balance of power in the world.

Shang Qinghua kind of wants to say something.

But he also very much wants to live!

Mobei-Jun looks at Shang Qinghua warningly. Honestly, Shang Qinghua isn’t totally sure that Mobei-Jun has a way of looking that isn’t a warning. The man is a living warning.

"Why are you still here?" Mobei-Jun demands. "Go."

Ah, he’s been staring for too long.

“Farewell, my king!”

Shang Qinghua bows deeply and flees the demon lord’s presence, through the unpleasant experience of the portal, and steps out to a different section of countryside than the one he originally left. He only dares to breath again after the portal closes behind him, disappearing into thin air. He glances over his shoulder, just to make sure it’s gone, and sure enough! All traces of Mobei-Jun’s presence are gone!

The night is warmer here, calmer, and the sight of Cang Qiong in the distance brings relief to Shang Qinghua’s cowardly heart. Even as his lazy legs groan at the flight back to the mountain, about the stealthy trudge back to his Leisure House, about how soon the sun will rise and the day-in-day-out will start again. He breathes onto his cold, trembling fingers, rubbing his hands together to bring them back to life.

Mobei-Jun doesn’t know what he’s done.

There are no great and terrible consequences to his canon diverging efforts!

At least…

Shang Qinghua laughs a little hysterically to himself, all alone.

At least not yet.

Shang Qinghua takes a couple days to recover from his meeting with Mobei-Jun, giving himself extra time just in case the demon lord decides on a whim to follow him home and shove him out of bed. He uses those days to clear up any last-minute business, going through the day-in-day-out of An Ding Peak, giving his best performance of, “Yep, all normal. Nothing to see here. Bring all your most ridiculous problems to this guy right here, my disciples, because he’s got nothing better to do with his sad, secretless life than teach you things.”

On the seventh day, though, he puts his foot down, swallows the general urge to shriek uncontrollably (not for any one reason, just because he feels like it), and puts up the Do Not Disturb sign. He has other shit to do, believe it or not! It’s time to screw his courage to the sticking place and face the music.

“But Shifu...” one of his youngest disciples says from the ground, shamelessly clinging to the edge of his robes, with shimmering tears in their eyes and many zits on their face. “If I have to go inspect Bai Zhan’s latest damages alone, I’ll die. The seniors have abandoned me…”

Shang Qinghua shakes them off pretty easily. He gives them a generous 7 out of 10 for the Devastating Tears, but only a 2 out of 10 for General Wretchedness and about a 4 out of 10 for Shameless Pleading, mostly out of respect for the pathetic tremble in their voice. They’re only at about a 3 out of 10 for Sticky Clinginess, unfortunately, mostly due to placing themselves between him and his Leisure House. When Shang Qinghua was a disciple, admittedly a much older one than this kid, he managed to hug the thighs of an angry demon lord trying to shake him off! And he came out of it alive! The new generation needs to work much harder!

He puts a gentle hand on his disciple’s head. He’s going to call them Spots.

“That sounds like a you-problem, not a Shifu-problem,” Shang Qinghua says wisely.

Then he pats Spots on the head and ruthlessly abandons them to whatever punishment their seniors have dumped on them.

Or, well, he tries, but they manage to execute a very good Defeated Slump, following up with a particularly pitiful Miserable Sniff.

Shang Qinghua honestly can’t tell if it’s genuine or not. Damn.

Almost makes him feel bad for ditching his disciples to look after his protagonist son instead, like some absentee parent whose favorite child is obviously the new baby! Too bad for all those other kids.

Not really, though! Luo Binghe is going to grow up to be able and willing to tear limbs off on a whim, which makes him the much more important client! What are Shang Qinghua’s disciples and martial siblings honestly going to do? Try to assassinate him? Depose him from the position he’s probably going to ditch like a ticking time-bomb someday anyway? Ha!

He sighs. “Have you tried stealing a Chameleon Goat-Sheep from Xi Jiao Peak and setting it loose on Bai Zhan?”

Disciple Spots looks at him with wide-eyed confusion. “What?”

Ah, Shang Qinghua wants to pinch their pimply cheeks and scold them! If one is going to be a coward about these things, then there’s no shortage of bribery and trickery that can and should be attempted before bringing these problems to the Peak Lord! Bai Zhan Peak disciples might be some of the worst to get caught by, when being sneaky, but they have to catch you first!

Kids these days really have no creativity. Shang Qinghua, out of desperate longing for his lost internet, bitterly attributes this to the complete absence of video games and television in this world.

“Figure it out!” Shang Qinghua says.

He then puts on his disguise and slips down the mountain.

It’s really convenient how the Peak Lords are all granted these super fancy robes and ornaments! (Except when they’re super inconvenient because his day-in-day-out, when he’s not shackled to a desk, often consists of inspecting ranches and greenhouses and whatever, and sourcing those fancy clothes and ornaments is a completely separate nightmare of inconvenience for him personally.) Because Shang Qinghua is so average in appearance for a cultivator, people generally don’t look twice at him without the traditional trappings of a peak lord! He hits Sanjiao Town without fear of being followed.

Luo Jiahui opens the door to her room at the inn and… Shang Qinghua might be imagining it, but he thinks she looks better? A little less pale. A little less tired. Her dark brown hair is neatly brushed, in a bun near the top of her head, without any stressed strands falling loose. Her smile, when she realizes who it is, goes all the way up to her brown eyes, leaving her heart-shaped face warm and bright.

“Hi,” she says.

She’s much prettier than Shang Qinghua first judged her to be, actually.

Luo Jiahui turns around and calls happily, “Look, Binghe! Your Uncle Shang is back!”

Inside the room, Luo Jiahui has set a blanket on the floor, and little Luo Binghe is sitting on it, all fluffy black curls and big eyes, holding court with his toys. His chewed-up wooden block is at his feet. The cloth doll that Shang Qinghua bought him is sitting beside him.

“Muh!” Luo Binghe says, accidentally thwacking the cloth doll over.

“That’s right! Uncle Shang who gave you your favorite doll! Say, ‘Hello, Uncle Shang!’”

“Na na na na!”

Luo Jiahui laughs and pitches her voice into a high sing-song. “Hello, Uncle Shang!”

If Shang Qinghua was a lesser man - or maybe if he was a greater man - this would absolutely be a brutal Combo Knockout from cuteness! Ah, please, dear sister-in-law, he really can’t afford to come down with a special kind of heart disease called: “Having Emotions Beyond Basic Survival Instincts.” He’s already having enough trouble reworking his original plans to fake his death! This is really troublesome!

“Hello, Nephew! Hello, Sister-in-Law!” Shang Qinghua says bravely. “How are you? Sorry that it took me so long to trip my way back down from the mountains, haha!”

“Oh, no! It was clearly very important!”

“It’s a new disaster every other week for a great cultivation sect,” Shang Qinghua jokes, but it feels a little too honest.

Why, oh, why did he create so many “monsters of the week” for his protagonist son?! They’re way less “one and done” than the web-novel made them out to be! Turns out, in a realized version of Proud Immortal Demon Way, all these monsters and demons and curses and artifacts exist simultaneously! All the time! In the same spaces! There's no pacing the bad guys in real life!

“Ah, anyway! Did you get my message about house-hunting?”

“We did! Ah, just, give us a few minutes to get ready please, Brother-in-Law!”

“No problem! No problem!”

Luo Jiahui executes a complex bit of wrapping and knot-tying that holds the baby protagonist against her chest, and they hit the town together. It quickly turns out that Luo Jiahui hasn’t just been sitting around in the safety of the inn, appreciating her time there on Shang Qinghua’s dime, proven by her knowledge of the town’s layout and interactions with some of the locals.

The flower-selling sister on the corner stops them to coo over Luo Binghe and give the baby a free flower for his doll. (Wow! The protagonist’s gift with women really starts young, huh?)

The auntie at the tea shop down the street waves kindly at Luo Jiahui, startles, and then practically tackles them to eagerly demand if Shang Qinghua is the husband and father she’s apparently been wondering after. She’s a little too obviously disappointed by the cover story of “late husband’s older brother”, but she pats Luo Binghe’s head and wishes them a good day.

The old uncle at the corner of the food market waves them down, pulling out a “special” basket of loquats from under the stall, claiming that he’s saved the best of the haul for his favorite new customers. He tickles Luo Binghe’s chin and offers Luo Jiahui an exaggerated wink.

Shang Qinghua is honestly impressed. Maybe a little depressed too? He’s glad that Luo Jiahui has gained even more confidence, of course, but he’s really envious! He’s never had the personality to make friends so quickly, always hitting “too much” or “not enough” instead! Either he forgets to socialize or he comes off as a sarcastic asshole (when he’s not shamelessly begging for mercy and acting pitiful)! She’s really making the most of this fresh start!

He says as much to her. The fresh start thing, at least.

Luo Jiahui flushes a little pink and offers him one of the loquats she bought. “No one knows who I am here, which makes it easier,” she says quietly, while Binghe gnaws on her fruit-juice-covered fingers. “I, um, I needed people to ask about finding a house and… maybe… maybe work…?”

Shang Qinghua nearly chokes on the loquat. “Ah, you really don’t have to work if you don’t want to! I can take care of everything; it’s really the least I can do, Sister-in-Law,” he insists, having flashes of blackened Luo Binghe taking off one of his fingers for every callus on his beloved mother’s hands. “You have a very important baby to look after! It’s fine just to focus on looking after your baby! He’s the most important thing!”

Luo Jiahui bites her lip, but eventually nods. “Binghe is the most important...”

“Understatement! That’s an understatement!” Shang Qinghua thinks, struggling to hide his relief.

Shang Qinghua’s new “sister-in-law” has made pretty good progress on her quest to find good, cheap, well-located housing in Sanjiao Town. She has some houses in mind already! And she’s already made inquiries! He shouldn’t be surprised that the “humble, kind, unconditionally loving washerwoman” who raised his protagonist son to be a white lotus ripe for trampling isn’t asking for a palace made of gold. She has a very humble list of needs and an equally humble list of wants! Beyond a house that has, like, at least four walls, a roof, and a door, Luo Jiahui would like a nice, well-ventilated kitchen and a small garden, if possible. Ideally, she’d like to live close to the main food market and close to the local Qian Cao clinic.

“That sounds good,” Shang Qinghua agrees, glad not to have to do any thinking here! She can make all the decisions! He’s more than okay with being the walking wallet! “I wish half my disciples were as self-sufficient as you! Some of them can’t do anything on their own. And the rest just do whatever they want, even if I told them not to do it! They’re too independent! Ah, the troubles of parenting, right?”

Luo Jiahui laughs, a little nervously, like she expected Shang Qinghua to tell her to pick out another cheap one-bedroom hovel and to be grateful for having the supreme luxury of a chimney at all.

“Right! Right!” she says.

Someday, Shang Qinghua muses, Luo Jiahui is going to be the beloved mother of an emperor! She’ll have a different palace for every month of the year, probably! And her son will deliver anything she wants at a snap of her fingers!

Today, by the end of the day, they pick out (Luo Jiahui picks out, with Shang Qinghua’s unconditional encouragement) a sturdy house in need of a little maintenance, but with two bedrooms and a nice kitchen. (And a very sturdy lock on the front door, which won’t do much for powerhouses who can just smash their way through walls or walk through shadows, but should stop most mundane people.) It’s a ways away from the “downtown” of Sanjiao, but still a good walking distance from the Qian Cao clinic and the food market. Not too bad! Not too shabby! Definitely much better than Airplane's shitty college apartment!

The house is owned by the white-haired granny who lives next door, the old widow of a late Cang Qiong cultivator, who spends her days cultivating a handsome garden in the courtyard between the two houses. Granny Sun clearly doesn’t like Shang Qinghua much. She looks at him with narrowed eyes like she thinks he’s up to something, which is a fair enough assessment.

She coos over Luo Binghe, though, which is the important thing here!

So long as she doesn’t turn into an evil landlady who tortures poor Luo Binghe and Luo Jiahui, she can frown at Shang Qinghua all she likes! No skin off his back!

Shang Qinghua helps Luo Jiahui move her few belongings to her new house that same day, then gifts her even more money to furnish the place properly, buy herself and Binghe proper clothes, and have plenty left over for food and fun money. (Little Bingbing might still be breastfeeding, but Luo Jiahui was talking about starting him on more soft foods! The grocery bill just went up!) Luo Jiahui demurs a little, wide-eyed and uncertain, claiming that she still has the money he left her the first time, but Shang Qinghua insists! He won’t have the blackened protagonist claim someday that he was too stingy! It's free money! Who refuses free money? He's not counting coins to put her in debt! No strings attached, he swears!

Except for continuing to look after the protagonist, which Luo Jiahui was going to do anyway.

Besides...

Airplane remembers the dread of realizing his first parents had no real intention of looking after him as soon as their minimum obligation to him ended. He remembers the cold fear of having no fallback - no safety net - in case his web-novels fell through.

One of the reasons he’s never really wanted kids may be that he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to afford them. Like, maybe if Airplane's situation had been completely different, maybe if his parents hadn't finally divorced (took them fucking long enough) and then immediately brought shitty step-siblings and shitty half-siblings into his life, he’d have a different opinion of children, but his situation had sucked. Now? Shang Qinghua doesn’t have a life partner and he’s beholden to a shitty plot enforced by a shitty Transmigration System that, if it’s even capable of feeling emotions, probably hates him. He cannot fathom managing to successfully get a partner while bound the way he is, much less bringing a brand new baby into this crap on purpose.

“Please,” he says to Luo Jiahui, sincerely enough that it hurts to say, as he offers money.

“...Brother-in-Law really is too generous,” Luo Jiahui says mutinously, looking at him like she’s trying to understand him but can’t quite manage it, and thankfully accepts.

Shang Qinghua sighs in relief.

“Would… Brother-in-Law like to come to dinner?”

“Ah, what?”

“If he has the time! We know that you’re a very busy man!” Luo Jiahui amends.

Shang Qinghua really wasn’t expecting this, but he supposes it’s not really that surprising! Inviting someone to dinner to show hospitality and thankfulness is normal social behavior. As a peak lord, especially of An Ding, he gets all sorts of invitations of hospitality from merchants and minor sects, who invariably want the logistics of Cang Qiong to be modified to benefit them, or else seem to think that he’s a secret path to getting to Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan. It’s been… Shang Qinghua isn’t actually sure when he was last invited to dinner without politics? He did some socializing as a disciple… hanging out at other people’s Leisure Houses… mostly in groups. Never him specifically until he became head disciple and worth currying favor with, which brought the politics back into things.

Getting this unexpected invitation makes him feel oddly warm inside. He honestly would have thought Luo Jiahui would want him comfortably on the side-lines of her life now! A benefactor who drops by maybe once or twice a year, but doesn’t really get involved! Ah, she’s almost certainly just being polite! He did just buy her a house and everything…

Shang Qinghua insists that he couldn’t impose, politely.

Luo Jiahui insists, politely.

“Ah, well, if you really insist, Sister-in-Law!” Shang Qinghua says finally, after a few rounds of hemming and hawing doesn’t clue her in that she really doesn’t have to invite him to dinner. He likes a free meal as much as the next man, but he won’t be offended if she wants her space! “Next week? Same time?”

“Whenever is good for you, of course! We’ll always be glad to see you!”

Shang Qinghua promises to be back again next week, to send messages if he’s detained, and that he’ll be here straight-away if Luo Jiahui sends to An Ding Peak for anything. Luo Jiahui says farewells and thanks profusely, for the hundredth time that day probably, as she sees him out the door. She even makes a sleepy baby Binghe wave goodbye to his “Uncle Shang”.

It’s much too cute!

Shang Qinghua waves back helplessly before he leaves.

He heads back to An Ding with a skip in his step, feeling too large and too warm for his own skin, at once uncommonly appreciated and exhilaratingly accomplished. He’s changed canon! He’s saved and improved an innocent young woman’s life! He’s got an eye on the protagonist! After all these years, it feels like he’s finally making his transmigration mean something. Who cares if it backfires in the end?

Back on An Ding Peak, unfortunately, he’s immediately accosted by the usual suspects.

He tells one of the head gardeners that she’s out of her damn mind if she thinks he’s importing Singing Maidenhair Trees, no matter how badly Xian Shu Peak wants them, unless they can find a source that won’t charge a fortune for them. He’s not made of money here! They can settle for Whispering Maidenhair Trees!

He tells one of his contemporaries newly assigned to managing Xi Jiao Peak that the stink-absorbing talismans on the tannery failing is something the man should take up with Ku Xing Peak, who make those things. Not Qiong Ding Peak first thing, bro! And definitely not Qing Jing Peak as a substitute talisman-maker! Shen Qingqiu will either be super insulted or totally unbearable about it! Wang Qingjie of Ku Xing Peak will definitely be insulted!

He tells one of the clean-up crew members assigned to Wan Jian Peak to go to Peak Lord Wei Qingwei if the man’s disciples won’t stay out of the damn workshops while An Ding is doing safety inspections. Damn whatever projects they’re working on! And then, if Wei-Shixiong won’t lift a finger to help, Shang Qinghua will consider tattling on him to Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan.

And so on and so on!

As soon as Shang Qinghua manages to soothe the most urgent problems and extract himself from everything that can wait until tomorrow, he runs into a disciple clearly brimming with something to say. Ah, Shang Qinghua recognizes those bright eyes and zits!

Disciple Spots sweeps into a deep bow. “Thank you for your wisdom, Shifu!”

“Eh? Oh, right…”

Something about Bai Zhan Peak? Maybe?

Disciple Spots beams at him. “I led the Chameleon Goat-Sheep to Bai Zhan Peak on a rope and blindfolded! And then I let it go! And the Bai Zhan disciples spent the whole time I was there in a competition to catch it with their bare hands, because Liu-Shishu said they weren’t allowed to to kill it or they’d get in trouble with Tang-Shigu again! And they didn’t bother me at all! They just told me to stay out of the way while I worked!”

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua says. “Right. Good work.”

Man, he really, really hopes that Tang Qingling does not find out he told one of his disciples to steal borrow from her peak. Though, really, borrowing from other Peaks really is a time-honored Cang Qiong Mountain Sect tradition! All in good fun and rivalry! The Butcher of Xi Jiao has a sense of humor too, right? Man, he hopes so.

Disciple Spots’ beaming increases.

Shang Qinghua, not understanding what they want from him now, reaches out and pats their - ugh, slightly greasy - head. He’s not entirely without sympathy! He remembers what it was like to suffer the brunt of his senior disciples’ laziness and spite. (He also remembers what it was like to go through puberty (for a second fucking time) around clear-skinned, peerlessly beautiful immortals. Man, that experience really did a number on the already shitty self-esteem!) But then… Shang Qinghua pinches his young disciple’s spotty cheek too.

“Don’t do that too often or else people will get suspicious! And the trick will lose its effectiveness!” Shang Qinghua scolds. “The best way to get the job done is just to act like you belong there and that you’re much too busy and pitiful to stop for anything! Don’t be interesting enough for them to take notice!”

Disciple Spots bows. “Yes, Shifu!”

“Dismissed! Figure this sort of thing out on your own next time!”

“Yes, Shifu!”

The wisdom of experience delivered to the young and impressionable, Shang Qinghua flees to his Leisure House, slams the door shut behind him, and collapses face-first onto the nearest soft horizontal surface. All in a day’s work for a hard-working transmigrator! Now, all he has to do is survive the next week… every week until he dies, ascends, or retires.

He’s just gonna… lie here for a while… and not do anything.

Ah, at least he has a family dinner next week to which to look forward.

Fuck, he hopes he’s not in for Awkward Family Dinners Round 3. Or is it Round 4? Do the martial family and peak lord meetings at Qiong Ding Hall count? Shang Qinghua carefully decides not to count sect-related anything as “family dinners” - they’re definitely more like work events, in which some people desperately try and fail to convince others and themselves that they're all family.

And then, mid-thought, with great dignity, Shang Qinghua passes out in his sitting room again.

Shang Qinghua can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s done something wrong.

Not that this is unusual for him, but… more specifically… the longer he’s away from Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe, the more he convinces himself that this canon divergence is a terrible idea that’s sure to backfire on him somehow. No offense meant to poor Luo Jiahui! Who really is lovely! But… what is Shang Qinghua supposed to do if it turns out that the world and the plot won’t let her survive? He’s sure that his no-good System isn’t telling him everything!

What if the larger system governing this world serves her an even worse fate now? All because Shang Qinghua, the most hapless and hopeless transmigrator in the history of transmigration, dared to think that he could actually fix something and make a “better story”?!

He tries not to think about it.

He mostly fails.

But it’s cool! He has lots of thoughts he doesn’t like having. He’s used to it!

He goes back to Luo Jiahui's house for dinner the next week and brings a nice plant for a housewarming present. That’s what you get people for their new place, right? He, uh, doesn’t have a great track record of having in-real-life friends. In his first life, busy pumping out thousands upon thousands of words of trash every week to keep himself afloat until his untimely death, he never really made it to the stage of life where he knew people whose standards of living could morally be inflicted upon an innocent plant.

Ah, college. What a place.

His plant for Luo Jiahui is a nice plant! It’s from Qian Cao Peak (legitimately sourced and everything, he didn't steal it) and it makes good tea! Shang Qinghua would probably be pleased to be given a plant like this, he thinks! (He’d probably forget to look after it, but he’d like the gesture of it!)

Luo Jiahui definitely acts happy to receive a plant. That’s something!

It’s easier not to entertain unpleasant thoughts of fate and destiny and plot, once he’s back inside the Luo house. Luo Jiahui has really put in the effort to make the house a home! He tells her as much and she flushes pink with pride. The sitting area is really cosy now, she’s clearly been doing maintenance, and the kitchen looks like it belongs to a different house! Having gotten the most attention, scrubbed into submission and well-stocked, the kitchen now is simmering with absolutely delicious smells, which make Shang Qinghua belatedly realize that he hasn’t eaten all day and that he is, actually, hungry.

Ah, damn, he worked through lunch again.

Little Luo Binghe is crawling on the floor of the sitting room. He burbles excitedly to see Shang Qinghua and comes over to say hello, which mostly consists of smiling and drooling on Shang Qinghua’s knees, when Shang Qinghua sits down on the floor to join his protagonist son on the floor. Gross! Cute, but gross!

“Hello, Nephew,” Shang Qinghua tries.

Ah, no, still sounds weird.

“Mmmmm!” Luo Binghe answers.

Hard to believe that this baby is going to rule the world someday! Shang Qinghua likes to think it’s as simple as the Demon and Human Realms simultaneously going, “Ah, that baby is so cute! We should definitely crown him emperor of everything!” Except, intimately familiar with the realized politics of his shitty web-novel, Shang Qinghua knows it’s not going to be simple for the poor protagonist. Little Bingbing's going to need every golden halo and golden finger he can get!

Shang Qinghua… can’t resist… and reaches out to pinch those plump baby cheeks.

Ah, so cute!

“Mmnnn!” Luo Binghe objects, pulling away.

Well, at least Shang Qinghua can cross that off the bucket list now! He pinched the protagonist's baby face! Worth it!

Luo Jiahui serves Shang Qinghua the meal - an elaborate meal, a plentiful meal, a meal that’s way too much for two people and a one-year-old baby - and Shang Qinghua doesn’t get far into his protests that this is really too much, before his tongue betrays him. He takes one bite and melts. He folds like wet paper. He loses ground like a leaf in a typhoon. It’s probably pathetic, he’s definitely making an intensely mockable expression, but… holy shit.

Holy shit, the food is so good.

Shang Qinghua holds a hand to his mouth in shock, because… like…? This is the best thing he’s ever tasted, maybe? Traditional cultivation diets tend towards more moderate meals, tempered to suit the pursuit of immortality, but there’s lots of room for indulgence! As a Peak Lord, Shang Qinghua isn’t exactly hard done by when it comes to food. (He deserves to sneak fried junk and stress-eat sweets, all right?!) But, oh, man, oh, man, eating Luo Jiahui’s cooking is like a revelation: food is really good, actually?! The meaning of life is to eat noodles, for sure!

Ah. He forgot that he made his protagonist son canonically one of the best cooks in the world! His protagonist’s son’s secret weapon for sealing the deal on new wives was his cooking! And didn’t Airplane say something about Luo Binghe’s cooking skills being related to his beloved adopted mother?

“This is… really, really good,” Shang Qinghua tells Luo Jiahui.

“Brother-in-Law said he hasn’t eaten all day,” Luo Jiahui says, flushed pink. “He’s too hungry and too kind.”

“No, really! This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten!”

He probably wouldn’t die for these noodles here, but he’d consider killing for them, maybe! He would probably even consider joining a harem for cooking like this! Sure, he probably wouldn’t actually go for it, unless there were some pretty significant other benefits to harem life, but he’d definitely entertain the idea long enough to be accused of needing to examine his priorities.

Luo Jiahui keeps being modest, but Shang Qinghua heaps on the praise.

Wow! What flavor! What texture! Seriously!

“Sister-in-Law should be a professional cook!” Shang Qinghua insists.

“How much food can I fit in my mouth at once without looking like a hamster? That’s the question here,” Shang Qinghua thinks, before he notices that Luo Jiahui’s expression is strangely stricken. She turns away to fuss over Luo Binghe and the baby’s serving of soft food.

“...Ah, did I say something wrong?”

“No! No!” Luo Jiahui insists. “Nothing wrong at all!”

Ahhh~! Shang Qinghua was so focused on eating, it looks like he shoved his foot in his mouth too! Fuck!

Eventually, Luo Jiahui admits, “My family runs a restaurant.”

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says.

“I met my…” Luo Jiahui takes a deep breath. “I met that man while working in my family’s restaurant. If I… if I hadn’t met him, I would probably still be working there with my… with my father and mother, and my older brother and my younger sister...”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know what to say.

Except to curse himself, his System, and whatever “readers” this world still has.

What the fuck, you know?!

“I miss them,” Luo Jiahui says quietly.

Then she finishes wiping mush from Luo Binghe cheek and kisses him on the top of his head. Little Luo Binghe smiles at her, smacks his lips like he’s mimicking a kiss, then immediately splatters more mush into and all around his mouth with his little hands. Luo Jiahui smiles at him fondly, before she refocuses on her guest, who feels very much the outsider here.

“But I wouldn’t go back and trade my baby for anything!” she insists. “Thank you, Brother-in-Law, for looking after us. We appreciate the new house very much! Please, eat! And tell me all your favorites so I can make them again next time!”

“...Of course! Haha, let me tell you about what one of my disciples did last week!”

Shang Qinghua quickly redirects the conversation to Disciple Spots’ troubles. Luo Jiahui retaliates with a humorous story about haggling for vegetables with an auntie who didn’t even know the name of the vegetables she was selling. Shang Qinghua tells her about Wan Jian cultivators who would rather use spiritual energy to shield their skin than wear protective gloves, Luo Jiahui is appropriately awed and horrified, and then tells him how Granny Sun invited her to meditate together in the mornings. They spend the rest of the night pretending as though absolutely nothing is wrong in all the world! It’s much happier that way!

Luo Jiahui sends Shang Qinghua off that night with plenty of food to take home, apparently convinced that they don’t feed him at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Shang Qinghua thanks her for her hospitality and ends up stress-eating dumplings all the way up the mountain.

The only person he runs into on his way back to the Leisure House is a young disciple, sweeping the stairs with the hangdog expression of someone being punished. In the way of young disciples being worked like animals, they catch the scent of food before they notice Shang Qinghua himself, who honestly intended to walk past the young girl on silent feet if he could get away with it. It’s kinda funny the way her head snaps up and she sniffs the air.

“Shifu!” the disciple says, bowing.

“Good evening,” Shang Qinghua answers, and watches her squirm trying to pay attention to him instead of the food he’s holding. He holds the package a little ways away from his body and the disciples’ eyes track the food first, before she respectfully refocuses on him.

But then her stomach grumbles and, ah, Shang Qinghua feels kinda bad for her.

The disciple flushes.

“Shifu, could… could this disciple beg a… a taste of that?”

Haha, wow! Gutsy!

“Ah, this teacher doesn’t know if he should interrupt your premature study of inedia...” Shang Qinghua jokes, before he tosses her the package of remaining dumplings anyway. He remembers being a constantly hungry disciple! He can be charitable! (If he doesn’t get rid of the food now, he can and he will eat all of it tonight.) These poor disciples aren’t badly fed, but they definitely don’t have their mothers hanging around to cook them homemade meals.

The disciple fumbles to catch the package, goes wide-eyed at her unexpected bounty, and then scurries off like a puppy protecting their prize, before he can change his mind and take it back.

“You’re welcome!” Shang Qinghua calls after her.

Ah, see if he ever does anything nice for his disciples again!

Shang Qinghua originally intended on leaving Luo Jiahui to do her own thing. One dinner out of obligation, fine, but that was it! But then she looked at him, with those wide brown eyes and warm smile, and asked if he would visit them again next week. And… Shang Qinghua really isn’t very good at telling people no!

Well, no, he’s actually perfectly happy to tell most people to fuck off, politely or otherwise, but there are exceptions! There are some people he just can’t refuse! Like icy demon lords who know where he sleeps! Or scary immortal cultivators who can make his life really difficult! And it turns out that the prospect of Luo Jiahui’s disappointment is kind of terrifying too, even though he's pretty sure she can't disintegrate him!

So, Shang Qinghua starts visiting every week.

The visits, especially the meals, are definitely like no family get-togethers he’s had in… either of his lives. In his first life, his parents were divorced and it was… not really amiable. In his second life... well, his birth family wasn’t well-off and he was a weird kid only adding more stress to everyone’s lives with his weirdness.

With his martial family…

Holy shit! Shang Qinghua can’t imagine Yue Qingyuan forcing the Peak Lords to have a weekly family dinner! Bro, don't even think about it! Yeah, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is a closed front against outside threats, sure, and to fuck with any of them is to fuck with all of them. (Shang Qinghua probably wouldn’t actually risk his own life for any of his martial siblings, but he’d get his hands pretty dirty for them! Like a bro!) But someone would probably literally die before forced weekly dinners made the peak lords all start “getting along” outside of “no politics, no work, no shop talk, just booze” events.

At the very least, someone would start feigning illness or injury to get out of them. What sort of Peak Lord doesn’t have a bit of poison lying around for generic purposes, haha? Is he right or is he right? (He’s totally right. He's not telling this joke to Mu Qingfang, though.)

The idea of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect ever going through “trust exercises” or other workplace cooperation training is enough to make Shang Qinghua shiver. Bro, please don’t! If you put Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge in one of those two-person “get along” shirts, then a minimum of three people would die! Not necessarily including Shen Qingqiu or Liu Qingge themselves!

Dinners with Luo Jiahui are nice, though! Friendly! Welcoming! Shang Qinghua gets to hear all about Luo Binghe’s latest milestones and Luo Jiahui’s fluffy slice-of-life adventures in Sanjiao Town. Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe are still good listeners when Shang Qinghua wants to talk about his day-in-day-out at a cultivation sect. Luo Jiahui makes all sorts of funny faces when he tells her about a Bai Zhan disciple who trekked blood all over the rainbow bridge because they didn’t know whether to take a particular beast to Qian Cao Peak or to Xi Jiao Peak for harvesting - and then she gently scolds him for talking about monster guts at the table, while Luo Binghe gleefully and obliviously mashes soft porridge.

Sad to say, Shang Qinghua has pretty much never experienced this before.

Every time he comes to visit, whether or not there’s an official meal, Luo Jiahui is sure to feed him and to load him up with food when he goes.

Every time he comes to visit, he brings her some small present in return. He feels weird if he doesn’t bring something!

Since she’s started learning to meditate properly with Granny Sun next door, Shang Qinghua brings Luo Jiahui as many of the non-cultivator-oriented manuals and pamphlets from across Cang Qiong Mountain Sect as he can find. Making copies of them is a pretty good punishment for disciples! But Mu Qingfang also once commented that he likes the exercise of forcing his disciples to think how to effectively communicate with mundane people who know none of the spiritual energy jargon or techniques, or with cultivators from other sects who use different terminology, which garnered approval and admiration from Yue Qingyuan.

Shang Qinghua has a brief moment of panic when he realizes that he has no idea whether or not Luo Jiahui can read, but she assures him that she can read a little! She can learn more! It’s a good gift! Luo Jiahui insists that she can ask Granny Sun to help her if there are things she doesn’t understand!

Luo Jiahui, after she’s done thanking him for sharing this precious knowledge, compliments Shang Qinghua extensively and undeservedly for caring about the “common people” once he admits to his accidental role in things. Shang Qinghua just wanted Mu Qingfang to stop complaining at him and to go away! If they didn’t want people getting suckered in by fake cultivation manuals, snake oil salesmen, and con-men masquerading as rogue cultivators, why not just give people enough information to recognize when they were being scammed?

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua says, and deflects desperately. “All I did was ask if Mu-Shidi had tried telling people how to help themselves, so they could solve their own problems! Instead of cultivators just looking down from the mountains and shaking their heads! And now people make fake Cang Qiong Mountain Sect manuals and try to sell those too! Zhangmen-Shixiong doesn't want people to have to pay for them! Handing them out gets us into trouble with the other sects sometimes for pushing ourselves into other sect’s territories! And it doesn’t help the people who can’t read!”

Luo Jiahui just keeps smiling at him, brimming with excitement, like he’s just making random noises. “I never thought I’d get to learn anything about real cultivation! Even if I can’t ever do it, I’ll still be able to give Binghe a better start than I ever could before! I’ll know when I’m being badly lied to now!”

“Ahhh, that’s true! That’s true!” Shang Qinghua allows.

He doesn’t know how to get Luo Jiahui to understand that he’s really not a good person, he’s just a self-centered coward who can’t be bothered to involve himself in other people’s messes without being pushed into it! Most of the time! He’s done some scummy things to put himself ahead and indirectly he’s done even scummier things to put Mobei-Jun ahead.

“Sister-in-Law, please don’t be fooled! I’m really a self-saving person!” he thinks.

But he can’t really bear to burst her bubble.

Having Luo Jiahui look at him with bright, hopeful eyes… it’s too much.

Ah, he really is a coward.

When Shang Qinghua gets back to An Ding that night, he notices that Disciple Dumpling Thief is back again, sweeping suspiciously close to his Leisure House. This time, her shoulders do not have the slump of someone being punished. And she’s accompanied by a friend, another disciple of around the same age, who has their own broom and is sweeping diligently. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to either of them that the path to his Leisure House is obviously already clean.

They look up hopefully when Shang Qinghua approaches.

Agh, children! They’re like wild animals! Like pests! One should never feed them or they’ll just keep coming back for more. This is what charity gets him: two disciples eyeing his haul of food hungrily enough that Shang Qinghua has half a mind to throw the food in one direction and start running in the other so they don't eat him instead. His martial siblings on An Ding are feeding the disciples, right?!

Shang Qinghua sighs and tosses them the food - it’s duck and he’s already eaten enough for three at the Luo house - and is gratified when they remember to bow and thank him this time, before scurrying off like pests.

Then he takes a hasty bath to get rid of any incriminating scents using that special decontamination solution, changes into a different disguise, collects his scrolls filled with information on human sect and demon clan movements, and sneaks down the mountain for another secret spy meeting with Mobei-Jun.

It goes a lot like most of their secret meetings to exchange information, definitely on the less fraught side of their encounters. Nothing unusual really happens. Without Venus Nightshade Demon poison keeping either of them back, Mobei-Jun doesn’t hesitate to grab Shang Qinghua’s arm hard enough to leave bruises when Shang Qinghua dares to try to make sure that the Flat-Leaved Faith Orchid worked. Maybe he shouldn't have reached out without warning, but he was just trying to check that the markings are gone! Ah, holy shit, sometimes he forgets how fast his king's reflexes are!

Also, ah, yep, the cure worked! Great! Fantastic! Ow, ow, ow! Cold, cold, cold!

“My king… please let go…” Shang Qinghua whimpers. Seriously?! What the fuck, bro?!

Mobei-Jun releases him quickly enough this time. “Do not be so familiar without permission.”

Mobei-Jun doesn’t touch Shang Qinghua again (Shang Qinghua doesn't dare to approach him again), but he also doesn't thank Shang Qinghua for providing him with a cure for the poison. Of course not! He’s probably never said those words in his life! In fact, Mobei-Jun glowers at him like he was hoping for an excuse to kill Shang Qinghua! Like he’s pissed off that Shang Qinghua proved himself pretty trustworthy again!

But he doesn’t seem to catch any scent of Luo Jiahui or Luo Binghe, even though he does the weird sniffing thing again briefly, so ultimately the meeting is a win!

Shang Qinghua isn’t glad to be brusquely tasked with retrieving a particular demonic artifact from one of the minor sects affiliated with Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, but it’s… eh, doable, probably… and far from his worst fears of what Mobei-Jun might ask him to do someday. He’s not too shabby at heists! They can be kinda fun! Unfortunately, Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that Mobei-Jun doesn’t actually even need or want the artifact, he just wants to see if Shang Qinghua can actually manage to get it! Ah, maybe he’s hoping Shang Qinghua will fail and get an excuse for punishing him? Ugh, why is his king like this?

Beyond the obvious: because Airplane wrote him this way.

Well, they’ll see how Mobei-Jun likes it when he’s right-hand man to Shang Qinghua’s nephew! Then Mobei-Jun won’t be able to boss him around anymore! Or ever treat him like he’s got demonic endurance and a demonic healing factor again, even by accident! Shang Qinghua really doesn’t have those things! He’s squishy!

Shang Qinghua returns to An Ding Peak exhausted, feeling like today was definitely one of those “barely treading water” days! Ah, why did he make demons so untrusting and untrusworthy and violent again? Ugh, these bruises are going to take days to heal with how distractible Shang Qinghua is when it comes to circulating spiritual energy. He’s really going to have to work at them too, unless he can grab some salve from An Ding Peak's storage. It’ll be better if they’re gone by his next visit to Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe, especially when the next Peak Lord meeting is the day after.

By the time Shang Qinghua’s next visit to the Luo house comes around, the bruises from Mobei-Jun are long gone, and he’s brought some rare ingredients from Zui Xian Peak’s shipments for Luo Jiahui’s cooking. Luo Jiahui thanks him, as she always does for the gifts, and then steps out to talk to Granny Sun about storing them.

Luo Binghe is standing again today! That’s exciting! He’s bouncing with his hands on a low table, humming to himself, occasionally stuffing mushy peach slices into his mouth. Ah, he’s getting closer and closer to walking every time Shang Qinghua comes to visit! His protagonist son will probably be all grown up and jumping over tall buildings in a single bound before Shang Qinghua knows it.

So cute!

Really makes Shang Qinghua feel kind of bad, haha, that’s he’s going to feed this innocent white lotus to a scum villain someday! Luo Binghe has to join Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and it has to be Qing Jing Peak, according to the System. Probably so that Shen Qingqiu can properly, ruthlessly, and thoroughly destroy this beautiful baby boy’s self-image and faith in humanity!

Unfortunate!

“Buh buh buh buh!” Luo Binghe says to Shang Qinghua.

“Oh?” Shang Qinghua says, more eager than he expected for any distraction from his own thoughts. “What is it? Do you want another story about the brave hero, Luo Binghe?”

Luo Binghe bobs up and down, figuring out how to get those knees bending.

“Buh buh buh buh!”

“Okay!” Shang Qinghua snatches up the cloth doll from the table. “How about the time that the brave hero, Bing-Ge, rescued the Princess of the Tree Spirits from a terrible fire demon? It all started when Bing-Ge woke up one morning and saw that the dawn sky outside his golden palace was as red as blood! He knew at once that something had to be terribly, terribly wrong! He knew it even before his w- friend, the Veiled Lady Cultivator came in to tell him that a tree sprite messenger had arrived on his doorstep, begging for him to help their beautiful princess!”

Shang Qinghua has… a lot of stories about the “brave hero Luo Binghe” ready to go. Why not use them?

Ah, he just didn’t know what else to do when Luo Jiahui first asked if he might tell Luo Binghe a bedtime story! He panicked! He took out all the papapa, of course! And all the violent revenge and gory bits of poetic justice! And all the names besides Luo Binghe’s!

He’s lucky that Luo Jiahui thought it was cute instead of weird!

Like his mama, Luo Binghe is a pretty attentive listener, and keeps bobbling eagerly as Shang Qinghua makes the cloth doll fight an unlit candle playing the role of the fire demon. Luo Binghe even interjects with random exclamations! Most of which are complete nonsense and some of which are in totally the wrong places! (Binghe keeps shrieking during this one moment that's supposed to be super suspenseful and quiet!) But Shang Qinghua has always been appreciative of an attentive audience, especially people who leave lots and lots of comments and reviews! He rolls with it!

“And then, the terrible fire demon defeated and sent back home to think about what he did, the brave hero, Bing-Ge, took the Princess of the Tree Spirits back to his golden palace, where she could be safe and be friends with all his other friends! She gave him a kiss on the cheek! Mwah!” Shang Qinghua taps the flower he grabbed from the vase on the windowsill, playing the role of the princess, against the cloth doll.

Luo Binghe smacks his lips, making his own kissing sound.

“And the brave hero, Bing-Ge, made a huuuge feast for all his friends! And they all lived happily ever after!” Shang Qinghua declares. “The end! Yay!”

Luo Binghe shrieks happily again. Ah, so loud!

Shang Qinghua gives Luo Binghe back his doll, which promptly gets covered with mushy peaches, and stands to see Luo Jiahui watching them in the doorway again. She doesn’t startle or jump to be caught listening, she just smiles even wider and comes in to put her newest plant pots from Granny Sun on the window sill.

“Did Uncle Shang tell you another story, Bingbing? Say, ‘Thank you, Uncle Shang!’”

“Buh, buh, buh!”

“Aha, sorry! I just can’t resist an audience with such good taste!” Shang Qinghua says.

“Brother-in-Law, I think you missed your calling as a storyteller!”

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky does not wince, but it’s really close.

“Buh buh!”

Shang Qinghua feels little hands on the leg of his trousers.

“Ah?”

Shang Qinghua made the mistake of standing too close to the low table, so Luo Binghe has now transferred himself from the table to Shang Qinghua’s leg, clinging to it with his mushy peach hands. Great, now Shang Qinghua has toddler-height stains on his clothes in the shape of little handprints! He’s going to have to wash these clothes personally, or at least wash them or dirty them up just enough to disguise the baby handprints.

“Buh buh!” Luo Binghe says, smiling up at him.

Luo Jiahui laughs. “That’s right, Bingbing! It’s your bobo! It’s your Uncle Shang!”

“Buh buh!”

Shang Qinghua, about to light-heartedly complain about his protagonist son and fake nephew smearing his dirty little face all over his clothes, loses all of his words in an instant. All of his thoughts vanish like candle smoke in a strong wind! Luo Binghe makes lots of “mah mah mah” sounds in Luo Jiahui’s direction all the time and Shang Qinghua immediately assumed that was his version of "Mama", but he didn't think… it didn't even occur to him that...

Oh, fuck.

“Brother-in-Law!” Luo Jiahui exclaims, alarmed. “Are you…?”

“No, no! I’ve just got something in my eye!” Shang Qinghua insists, wiping desperately at his face.

“Ah. Can I… get you a handkerchief?”

“It’s fine! It’s fine! Just a bit of dust! It’s fine!”

Luo Jiahui, smiling reassuringly, comes over to offer him a handkerchief anyway and pry little Luo Binghe off Shang Qinghua’s leg. “Your uncle needs some space, Bingbing,” she says gently. “Let’s go wash your face and hands! And change your clothes too! Ah, look at the mess you made of yourself, you little demon!”

"Mah mah mah mah!"

Fuck.

It is really anything but fine.

Peak lord meetings seemed totally unreal when Shang Qinghua was a disciple. All those lofty immortal masters of unparalleled skill, gathered to share their wisdom and to decide the fate of the world below, dressed in their elegant robes and with their deadly swords and with their fancy hair! It looked so cool! Breathtaking! Heavenly! Genuinely otherworldly!

It was everything that Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky had ever imagined and more! It was everything that a poor college student with grandiose ideas of being a historical fantasy writer could ever want - except only better! Like he’d been swept off his feet by high-rolling producers, determined to spare no expense in making Proud Immortal Demon Way into the best drama of all time! Like they’d flown in the best of the best for the costume design! Like they’d thrown a limitless budget at an award-winning production design team! No expense had been spared while commissioning the props! The delicate and vibrant embroidery! The intricate layers of bright, high-quality fabrics! The rich yet subtle ornamentation! The gleaming, gilded sword sheaths! Each costume and seating place unique to each Peak Lord!

It seemed, after stumbling and clawing his way into An Ding Peak, that Airplane had actually done something pretty cool, having any part whatsoever in making the truly peerless Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and its Twelve Immortal Master Peak Lords happen.

And then, you know, Shang Qinghua realized that peak lord meetings were usually kind of boring. And that, despite these meetings being beautiful but boring, it was his responsibility to pay attention and take notes on logistics details for his teacher, instead of waxing poetic about the embroidery on the Qing Jing Peak Lord’s robes. If someone spouted a number or a name, he needed to jot it down! When he could instead be sketching Yue Qingyuan’s noble yet melancholic countenance and daydreaming about all those extras he never got to write!

It's super unfair! He’s easily distractible when it comes to shiny things!

He’s the peak lord now and he still has to take notes! He’s got an assistant to help with that, sure, a lifesaver when he can’t help but zone the fuck out, but he needs to take his own notes too! Because he’s now in charge of doing something with all the information he takes down!

And he keeps getting ink stains on his sleeves. Fuck.

Ah, it turns out that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, being the best and most famous cultivation sect in the known world, gets an endless barrage of request, demands, threats, and whatnot! Not just when the plot requires it, in this realized version of Airplane’s web-novel, but every damn day. An Ding Peak and Qiong Ding Peak sort through the majority of the correspondence, delegating a wide variety of requests and missions across the peaks, otherwise writing polite refusals, redirections, and references. Most of the time, not everyone needs to have a say in everything!

But they still have to have regular sect-wide meetings. Shang Qinghua sometimes meanly likes to think it’s so the other peak lords can pretend they’re at all involved in the logistics of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. But there are plenty of external matters and internal matters that do require wider input and decisions by consensus.

Minor Sect 1 needs some of Qian Cao Peak’s medicines and Zui Xian Peak’s purifying talismans to deal with a water-based plague, but the local officials don’t want Cang Qiong Mountain Sect involved! These other small-town officials want cultivators from Wan Jian Peak or Ku Xing Peak to come deal with a cursed sword for them, but Minor Sect 2 wants Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to stay out of their territory!

Minor Sect 3 has a monster infestation and wants Xi Jiao Peak or Xian Shu Peak to deal with it, and they’ll throw a fit if anyone else shows up! Minor Sect 4 wants Qing Jing Peak to consult on strategy for an incursion in the Demon Realm and they want Bai Zhan Peak cultivators to join them! (Holy shit! Arrogant, much?!) Meanwhile, Minor Sect 5 and Minor Sect 6 are feuding, and they want Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan, famous for his calm composure and calming manner among being an all-around bro and badass, to personally mediate their bullshit bickering!

And so on and on and on and on!

And pretty much all of this external business needs An Ding Peak’s help to make the magic happen! To order the necessary supplies, to organize the travel details, to get the mission information! Some peak lords prefer to handle most of the logistics of their missions personally, but there’s always something they need. It’s not always more work for Shang Qinghua directly, but it keeps An Ding Peak a busy, busy, busy place.

If Shang Qinghua could travel back in time and tell his past self one thing, he’d probably waste it on punching Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky for ever going, “Hmmm, who takes care of the food and the plumbing here? Ahhh, no one wants to read about these boring sorts of logistics in their stallion novels! An Ding Peak takes care of it! Done!”

Given that this meeting is pretty non-life-threatening business, Shang Qinghua still manages to zone out enough to start idly sketching in the margins of his notes again.

Once or twice, during particularly boring meetings, he idly and accidentally started writing some ideas for Proud Immortal Demon Way extras or alternative story directions. Then he realized what he was doing, which in a post-transmigration life, amounted to writing Real Person Fiction about his martial siblings! Hard panic hit his pain, he scratched everything he’d written immediately! He didn’t want to see whatever horrible consequences would come from daring to write more material for the web-novel he’s currently living!

He doesn’t want to give the System any ideas!

Second-worst thing he’s ever accidentally done out of boredom is start sketching slightly lopsided and extremely incriminating pictures of Mobei-Jun. Holy shit! He crumpled those notes up and burned them at the first available opportunity! He had to tell his master that he, uh, lost the notes on the harvest. Fire ate his homework, Shifu! Sorry!

He sticks to doodling little tree spirit princesses and ugly fire demons today.

At least until his eyes start randomly stinging thinking about yesterday.

Quick! Turn the page! Turn the page!

“Peak lord meetings would probably suck so much less, though! If all these idle fix-it imaginings came true!” Shang Qinghua thinks. He would change so much about Proud Immortal Demon Way now, if he could, to make for a better transmigration experience! Readers would be like, “Why is this random background character living like a king, bro?” Except then Airplane probably would have ended up in a different and even shittier cannon-fodder role.

The meeting isn’t that bad, as far as these things go. Could be worse! Once they get back to internal matters, Shang Qinghua has to give a presentation on the results of the investigation into the incident on Wan Jian Peak. Yue Qingyuan is gratifyingly firm about following the new safety measures in regards to dangerous materials! Thanks, bro! Wei Qingwei and Zhang Qingyan don’t glare at each other, which is good, but only because they’re refusing to look at each other! Which is not so good!

Once the meeting ends, Shang Qinghua starts packing up, making mental notes about what to tell various subordinates about the reconstruction efforts on Wan Jian Peak. Being so distracted, he nearly jumps a foot in the air when someone clears their throat directly behind him!

He saw Qi Qingqi leave the hall first! Ahhh, did she learn to teleport to corner him about the Xian Shu Peak landscaping project?! Any fear that Shang Qinghua feels is between himself and his System, and it’s not unreasonable! His martial siblings generally only come up to him after meetings because they want something or because something has gone terribly, terribly wrong!

Thankfully, it’s just Liu Qingge.

Shang Qinghua puts a hand to his chest and pats his poor, startled heart.

“Hang in there, Heart Bro! Just keep on hanging in there!” he thinks.

Aloud, he says, “Ah! Hello, Liu-Shidi!”

The man hasn’t dressed up formally for the peak lord meeting, but remains effortlessly good-looking and intimidating even so! Unfair! Liu Qingge crosses his arms and, not one for exuberant greetings, just says, “Shang Qinghua.”

“Aw, fuck, what’s broken on Bai Zhan Peak now? The whole mountain peak? Is it the whole damn mountain peak this time?” Shang Qinghua thinks.

He’s kind of waiting for that day!

Liu Qingge will just be like, “Mountain broke.” And Shang Qinghua will be like, “...What?” And Liu Qingge will be like, “Mountain’s broken. Come fix it.” And Shang Qinghua will go over and Bai Zhan Peak will be a pile of smoking rubble, so he’ll rightfully be like, “How the fuck did this even happen?!” And Liu Qingge - good ol’ Liu-Shidi - will just shrug.

So then Shang Qinghua will go to Yue Qingyuan and be like, “Zhangmen-Shixiong?! Bro?! Am I supposed to source a new damn mountain now?!” And Yue Qingyuan will smile one of his pinched smiles and tightly say, “It appears so. Thanking Shang-Shidi for his hard work in advance.” And then their esteemed leader will be forced to go do reputation damage control with the other sects, who will all be super judgey about Cang Qiong Mountain Sect losing a mountain peak, leaving Shang Qinghua to import a new damn mountain! Probably while their martial siblings sit on the sidelines and make unhelpful comments!

Liu Qingge will, at worst, get a telling-off and fly off into the wilderness to beat something up, like a war god’s version of pouting.

...It’s possible that Shang Qinghua has had some very specific logistics-related nightmares since transmigrating into his own web-novel! (Not all that weird or terrifying as far as his nightmares go, really!) Yes, maybe it’s a little unrealistic! But given the improbable events of Airplane’s web-novel, he’d argue that it’s not totally out there!

There’s no way to tell just by looking at Liu Qingge if the man is going to break nightmarish news here. Shang Qinghua doesn’t know the man’s scowls well enough. He’s mostly sure Bai Zhan Peak is fine, if only because a Qiong Ding Peak disciple would have noticed and come running in to whisper the news to their Sect Leader.

“...Can I… help you, Liu-Shidi?” Shang Qinghua wonders.

Liu Qingge, never all that great with eye contact, seems to be glaring at Shang Qinghua’s forehead.

“Your sister-in-law,” the man says.

“Don’t panic!” Shang Qinghua thinks, already panicking.

“...Yes? What about my sister-in-law?”

“Ah, is this the reasoning behind Shang-Shidi’s new weekly disappearances?” says a new voice, devastatingly cultured and pointed. “Family matters?”

Shang Qinghua startles again. Liu Qingge’s scowl deepens.

Well, if nothing else, Shang Qinghua will always know that Bai Zhan Peak is still standing because Shen fucking Qingqiu hasn’t made some wry comment about it to rile Liu Qingge up. The man won't anyone else get that dig in first!

The Lord of Qing Jing Peak glides over, effortlessly elegant and cool and tall, really making Shang Qinghua feel his comparably average height here! The man is much more formally dressed than Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge put together, and he comes over like he knows it and like he knows they know it. He’s beauty! He’s grace! He makes Shang Qinghua want to abandon his face and jump out the nearest window!

Shen Qingqiu, future scum villain of the story, ignores Liu Qingge completely as he comes to a stop beside them. By design, probably! And probably for the best! Though Shang Qinghua tries not to quail under Shen Qingqiu’s piercing, undivided attention.

“Haha, something like that,” Shang Qinghua says, because it’s either that or throw up his own heart onto the floor. “How may I be of assistance, Shen-Shixiong?”

All right! So, Shang Qinghua has done a shitty job of hiding his disappearances! He’s still been carefully about making sure that no one follows him to Sanjiao Town, but his regular extended disappearances have been noticed and he’s kind of… let that happen. Hiding them is too much work! It’s not so easy or urgent to hide them, compared to his much more dangerous and less frequent secret meetings with a demon lord!

Shen Qingqiu smiles very faintly - not a real smile - like he knows everything Shang Qinghua doesn’t want him to know. Well, he doesn’t! Shang Qinghua would totally know if Shen Qingqiu knew! By the Xiu Ya sword through his chest if nothing else!

“One simply hopes that Shang-Shidi is relaxing mindfully, after his hard work, and doing his utmost to maintain the best interests of the sect in his personal time,” Shen Qingqiu says, and it kind of sounds like a threat?

Is that a threat?!

Ohhh, like Shen Qingqiu has any room to talk about sneaking off the mountain to relax!

Liu Qingge’s eyes narrow.

“Haha, the best interests of our sect are always foremost in my mind!” Shang Qinghua says, smiling, trying not to grit his teeth. (Don’t butt into this, Liu-Shidi!) “Thanking Shen-Shixiong for his concern, as always! How may this hard-working, very busy shidi help his hard-working, probably also very busy shixiong?”

Shen Qingqiu stares him down, then reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a scroll.

“Improved ventilation and scent-control talismans for Xi Jiao Peak,” Shen Qingqiu announces. “The failing formations on their tannery and other workshops have… recently been adding unnecessary difficulties to concentration on Qing Jing Peak. The demonic nature of the raw materials is most likely to blame for the frequent erosion of their powers. I have accommodated for this.”

Shang Qinghua accepts the scroll and opens it. True enough, there are several extremely beautiful talisman designs, each with detailed explanations of their complex construction. Ohhh, they’re so nice! Shang Qinghua is pretty good at talismans! He could go on a long and blubbering rant about how nice and functional these talismans look! He’s so envious!

Shen Qingqiu is many things and an exemplary scholar is unfortunately one of them. The man has the sort of calligraphy that a westerner would get tattooed on their body, believing it was some piece of Confucian wisdom, not knowing that it was actually just a grocery list! It’s just that beautiful! Shen Qingqiu has the sort of hand for calligraphy that you’d want to hang his work on your living room wall, even if he just wrote, “Get Fucked by a Cactus, Asshole.”

Wait, no, Shang Qinghua would unironically hang that text on his wall.

Shen Qingqiu pulls a fan out of his sleeve, snaps it open with a clean flick, and says coolly, “One trusts that Shang-Shidi and his contemporaries on An Ding Peak will be able to verify their effectiveness and deliver them to Wang-Shidi on Ku Xiong Peak for replication?”

Ahhh, fuck.

Shang Qinghua rerolls the scrolls, tucks it under his arm, bows, and says, “Thank you for going out of your way to assist your shidi in solving this matter, Shen-Shixiong! I’m certain that these new designs will be very effective! Please accept my apology for any disruption to Qing Jing Peak’s studies on behalf of both Wang-Shidi and Tang-Shimei!”

Internally, he’s thinking, “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”

Shen Qingqiu smiles slightly, like he knows exactly what Shang Qinghua is thinking.

Wang Qingjie, Lord of Ku Xing Peak, is essentially a monk. He’s the leader of the ascetic peak. Cultivators of Ku Xing Peak practice an austere lifestyle, focused on self-discipline and self-denial for spiritual improvement, and refrain from allowing earthly desires or emotions to impact their creation of talismans and other spiritual tools. When Shang Qinghua first met Wang Qingjie, he was like, “Oh, this guy has no facial expressions? Freaky! Okay!”

And then Shen Qingqiu floated onto the scene and Shang Qinghua was like, “Oh, I thought ‘throbbing forehead veins’ was an exaggeration everyone just used in writing? No, it’s a real thing, apparently! Neat! Please don’t have a stroke, Wang-Shidi!”

Oh, Wang Qingjie is going to be so insulted by this help.

But Shang Qinghua can’t refuse these talismans? Because Xi Jiao Peak’s failing talismans are quickly becoming a sect-wide problem and Tang Qingling won’t care who fixes it, so long as it gets fixed! And Shang Qinghua shares that opinion! He won’t risk pissing off Shen Qingqiu just to save Wang Qingjie’s ego! And Liu Qingge, convenient witness, won’t lie to Yue Qingyuan to cover Shang Qinghua’s ass here, even if it’s to piss off Shen Qingqiu, because Liu Qingge is a bro who will not tell a lie!

“I’ll… get this to Ku Xing Peak as soon as possible,” Shang Qinghua says weakly.

Shen Qingqiu inclines his head. “Qing Jing Peak will be requiring a new logistics manager with An Ding Peak,” he announces, fluttering his fan almost lazily. “The current man has announced that he will be retiring from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.”

Shang Qinghua closes his eyes for several seconds.

That’s the fourth one in three years, Shen-Shixiong! The list of volunteers is dwindling!

“I’ll… make a note,” Shang Qinghua says.

However, when he looks down at his notes, he realizes that he’s just written: “FUCK.”

Yep!

“My, ah, apologies for failing to find a cultivator who can properly attend the needs of our peak of scholars and strategists!” Shang Qinghua says finally, trying to figure out who he can bully into the supposed-to-be-highly-desirable position next. A bolt of inspiration strikes him, inspired by Luo Jiahui’s house-hunting inquiries. “Why don’t I, ah, put together a list of potential candidates? And perhaps Shen-Shixiong can interview them himself to see whether they would suit Qing Jing Peak?”

That way, after the next breakdown, Shen Qingqiu can’t lay all the blame on him!

Shen Qingqiu considers this. “That would be agreeable,” he decides, surprisingly quickly, surprisingly easily. “I will send a disciple to An Ding Peak for the list of candidates tomorrow.”

That said, Shen Qingqiu turns on his heel and departs as suddenly and elegantly as he arrived. Without so much as a nod or backwards glance to Liu Qingge of course!

Shang Qinghua is too relieved to really question it.

“Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t look like a guy who had a qi deviation last week!” Shang Qinghua thinks, enviously watching the man leave Qiong Ding Hall. Shen Qingqiu’s formal robes are flowing beautifully, where Shang Qinghua would totally trip face-first into the floor and break his nose. The man doesn’t stumble. He doesn’t show any weakness. At most, he’s a little pale, but there’s no visible unsteadiness.

Shang Qinghua isn’t supposed to know that Shen Qingqiu’s cultivation faltered again recently, but he knows that Shen Qingqiu’s most recent mission had to be handed off to Qi Qingqi instead at the last minute. He also knows, from his own inquiries into cultivation-improving and cultivation-stabilizing plants, potions, and artifacts, that Mu Qingfang had to put in special orders recently related to treating qi instability at the level of an immortal master.

Shang Qinghua is the internet provider of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect! If he wanted to be vintage about it, he would call himself its telephone operator! He’s the online shopping cart! The moderator of an anonymous forum! He knows everything! He can connect the dots!

“Shang-Shidi,” says another voice.

Ah, dots connected! So that’s why Shen Qingqiu booked it out of here like that!

“Zhangmen-Shixiong!” Shang Qinghua replies cheerily. “How can I be of assistance?”

Yue Qingyuan smiles at him, much more pleasantly than their martial brother, and Shang Qinghua seriously wishes that all of his martial brothers weren’t stupidly tall. He's not short! But he’s going to get another crick in his neck at this rate! And Mu-Shidi will berate him for bad posture again! Ergonomic desk setups aren’t so easy to find in Proud Immortal Demon Way, Mu-Shidi! Be reasonable!

“I am not currently in need of further assistance,” Yue Qingyuan says pleasantly. “I only wished to inquire after our hard-working shidi’s well-being and to thank him once again for his work on Wan Jian Peak. I’m sure Wei-Shidi is very grateful.”

Shang Qinghua doubts that, but okay!

“Haha, I’m as well as I can be, thank you.”

“And how is Shang-Shidi’s sister-in-law? His family is well?”

“Very well! Settling in very well!” Shang Qinghua agrees, more sincerely, thinking fondly of the Luo home’s delicious smells and cosy laughter. “The situation was a little not good, haha, so I’m very glad that I was able to take time away from the sect and bring my sister-in-law here safely!”

Yue Qingyuan’s smile falters, for a split-second, then becomes noticeably forceful.

“How fortunate,” he agrees, still pleasantly.

Shang Qinghua mentally reviews what he just said and- oh, shit.

Oh, shit!!!

At this moment, Yue Qingyuan and Shang Qinghua stand there and smile forcibly. Shang Qinghua knows exactly why Yue Qingyuan has been suddenly stricken by emotion, but Yue Qingyuan does not and cannot know that Shang Qinghua knows about the man's failure to go rescue Shen Qingqiu from their shitty backstory! There’s nothing really to do but stand there and wish desperately that this awkward conversation had never happened!

“Please let it be known if there is anything the martial family can do to lessen Shang-Shidi’s responsibilities, even temporarily,” Yue Qingyuan says finally. “Please excuse me, Shang-Shidi, Liu-Shidi, I have matters to see to now concerning our affiliated sects.”

“Sure, no problem!” Shang Qinghua says. “Have a good one, Zhangmen-Shixiong!”

Shit. That didn’t sound natural at all. Fuck.

Luckily, Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan, all-around bro and badass, flees Qiong Ding Hall as quickly as Shen Qingqiu did, probably to tend to his own garbage fire of unresolved personal history! At least Shang Qinghua shoving his foot in his mouth again isn’t reviving deep emotional damage to his shixiong the second time! Probably!

Liu Qingge is still here.

“Ah, sorry, Liu-Shidi… what did you want again?”

Shang Qinghua is pretty much at his limit for today! He’s at his fucking limit!

Bai Zhan Peak had better still be standing!

Liu Qingge uncrosses his arms, putting one hand on his sword.

“Luo Jiahui and her son,” he says. “They’re well?”

“Very well!” Shang Qinghua promises again. “They have a new house and Sister-in-Law has taken up meditation! She’s cooking lots and making lots of friends. I’m kinda jealous, haha! Except Binghe called me ‘uncle’ for the first time, yesterday! So… that was good. He’s really close to walking on his own too! Sister-in-Law thinks we’ll see his first steps sometime very soon! Which is also good!”

Oh, shit, what is he doing?! Why is he saying this?! Is he becoming one of those people who doesn’t do anything except talk about their babies and post endlessly on social media about how cute they are?! Him?! Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky?! Who is he becoming?!

Liu Qingge just nods. “Good,” he agrees.

“Shall- ah, shall I tell Sister-in-Law that you asked after her? I’m sure that she’ll be flattered to hear that Liu-Shidi asked after her and Binghe!”

“Yes. Well-wishes to them and their new home,” Liu Qingge says.

“Aha, will do, then! Maybe you can visit sometimes!”

“Mn.”

Liu Qingge leaves after that, with a final nod serving as his goodbye, probably to go beat up his fellow Bai Zhan cultivators and then fly off into the wilderness again, and Shang Qinghua is left essentially alone in Qiong Ding Hall. All the other peak lords have filed out to return to their own peaks or some other business. The only people left are some Qiong Ding Peak disciples clearing away the personalized seating, arriving with mops and brooms to clean the floors.

Shang Qinghua steps aside for one of the Qiong Ding Peak disciples clearly anxious to clean up after An Ding Peak. With a defeated sigh, Shang Qinghua leaves for An Ding Peak, mentally preparing himself for a later visit to Ku Xing Peak to ruin Wang Qingjie’s day.

All in a day’s work at Cang Qiong!

Shang Qinghua, well-versed in instruments of improving cultivation ranging from soothing placebos to straight-up cheating by all standards, has been making notes about what he can pass off as non-suspicious gifts to Luo Jiahui. Teas and spices to strengthen spiritual energy for her kitchen! Plants to encourage clarity for her garden! Salts and medicinal salves to soothe the spiritual veins for her baths! That sort of thing!

He wouldn’t be depriving anyone at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect of these things by bringing them to Luo Jiahui, after all. Qian Cao Peak has all of these solutions and more! Non-cultivators buy these things so they can feel enlightened and worldly! If any martial siblings are suffering from unstable cultivation, due to how resentment and stress can be amplified alongside power, then that’s not Shang Qinghua’s fault! That’s the fault of those particular martial siblings, who would apparently rather stubbornly embrace their fatal flaws and embody a wholly avoidable, thematically relevant tragedy, instead of humbling themselves in any way!

On Shang Qinghua’s next visit to the Luo home, the latest story of the brave hero, Bing-Ge, focuses on this very important life lesson! They say that one shouldn’t set themself on fire to keep other people warm, but one also shouldn’t light on fire to get other people to back off either! One shouldn’t purposefully be on fire for anything, really!

“...And so the Young Lady of Light and the Young Lady of Shadows decided to put all betrayals and misunderstandings in the past! Because if they were too busy fighting each other and being mean to each other, then they couldn’t be Brave Hero Bing-Ge’s friends! And Bing-Ge was a very good friend to have! Even demons like the Young Ladies of Light and Shadow could learn to put aside silly arguments and learn to get along, you know!”

Luo Binghe, sitting on the floor across from him, is too busy focusing on stacking his growing collection of soft wooden blocks. Shang Qinghua reaches over to add another block to the tower to help out and Luo Binghe immediately knocks it off with a flail. Shang Qinghua sighs.

Yeah, looks like this moralistic tale is going far over the head of his audience here! Too forced! He was never really one for preaching about morality in his web-novels! Not one to write stories in which people recognize their mistakes and strive to make the world a better place! The original Proud Immortal Demon Way is… pretty clearly an example of that! Very much a revenge story with miserable lessons, if there are any lessons to be learned there, like “most often, the world is an ugly ‘might makes right’ place” and “suffering doesn’t make good and kind people” and “the man who has everything still can’t buy happiness”!

Sorry, anti-fans, no heart-warming tales here!

“...Demons?”

Shang Qinghua freezes, then looks over his shoulder.

Luo Jiahui is standing in the kitchen, reorganizing her shelves to store the new spiritually calming candles Shang Qinghua brought her today, staring at him with a confused expression. Shang Qinghua feels equally confused. Kind of a non-sequitur there, isn’t it?

“Aha, what about demons, Sister-in-Law?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“You said that the Young Ladies of Light and Shadow were demons,” Luo Jiahui says.

Shang Qinghua mentally rewinds, then thinks, “Oh, shit!”

“Well, uh, demons can learn to get along with each other too, right?” he offers finally.

It only occurs to him after he’s said this that he should have just claimed that it was a slip of the tongue! He should have just said that his brain fed him the wrong word there! Fuck! He's really off his game lately!

“...Can they?” Luo Jiahui asks.

She doesn’t look hostile, though, really just very confused.

“I’ve never met a demon before,” Luo Jiahui admits.

“I don’t think you should, haha! Their reputation is pretty well deserved most of the time!” Shang Qinghua offers, hoping that he isn’t digging himself a really deep hole here. “But… not all of them are all that bad! Sometimes they’re just different! And they just want to get on with their lives like anyone else! Some of them are, uh, just plain evil, though… but the same can kinda be said of humans too, huh?”

Luo Jiahui thinks about it. “Not all humans are good people,” she agrees slowly. “But I thought that demons were more like… monsters.”

“Some of them are, but some of them are indistinguishable from normal people,” Shang Qinghua says, before realizing that this may be completely the opposite of reassuring. Demons walking among humans is definitely not comforting!

So he switches tracks: “I’m pretty sure that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect does trade with demons, you know! Usually through a lot of middle-men, I think, and by not asking questions sometimes, because openly trading with demons is not a good look for any righteous sect! But there are some things we can only get from the Demon Realm and trading with demons is a lot easier than sending people in looking for the goods we need!”

Luo Jiahui looks more interested than uncertain now. “Like what?”

“Oh, special monster parts for creating spiritual tools, rare plants for medicines, demon silkworms for silk, that sort of thing. Not all of them are warriors! Some of them keep livestock, hunt monsters, mine for minerals, lots of the same things that humans do,” he answers, thinking wistfully back to all that fun worldbuilding he did for his web-novel, before he lost his outline and spreadsheets and references, and just sort of gave up. Ah, an arguably better time, long before he transmigrated into this deadly, deadly world.

“What sort of thing do demons want from us?” Luo Jiahui asks curiously.

“Human flesh,” Shang Qinghua does not answer.

“Oh, the same sort of things we want from them! Craft goods, mostly, I think! Plants and animals they can’t get in the Demon Realm, sometimes. Lots of, ah, traders near the border don’t ask a lot of questions about who they’re selling to or buying from, even if they really should be asking that sort of thing. Ah, that reminds me… I still need to talk to one of my martial siblings about those barrels of acid rain from the Demon Realm… Wei-Shxiong wanted some from the eastern kingdoms, not the southern kingdoms… he said so in the meeting...”

Shang Qinghua looks around for his papers to make a note, and Luo Jiahui picks them up from her dining table and comes over to hand them to him. “Brother-in-Law, here.”

“Ah, thank you!”

Shang Qinghua scribbles the reminder down and Luo Jiahui sits down beside him. The scribbling attracts Luo Binghe’s interest and the baby - Airplane’s protagonist son and Shang Qinghua’s fake nephew - crawls over to try and grab the writing utensil.

“Haha, please don’t!” Shang Qinghua says, lifting his papers out of reach.

“Oh, no, Bingbing! Let your Uncle Shang write!”

“Mm,” Luo Binghe says, and tries to crawl onto Shang Qinghua’s lap to keep reaching.

Shang Qinghua has no idea what to do. Generally, he does not hold the baby! This is for the best! Even though he generally likes the baby! If he does not hold the baby, then he won’t accidentally drop the baby! He will also be better able to avoid coming into contact with all unpleasant bodily fluids!

Binghe is… really small.

“Here, Brother-in-Law, let me take him…”

“No, it’s fine! He’s not heavy!”

Shang Qinghua reaches up to put his papers out of reach again, freeing his hands to help Luo Binghe clambers over his knees. Unfortunately, the protagonist doesn’t seem to want help! As soon as Little Bingbing manages to plop himself onto Shang Qinghua’s lap, he realizes that the thing he wanted is gone, and starts screaming. Wow! Ouch! Shang Qinghua is becoming more used to the sounds of a crying baby, but he definitely hasn’t learned to like the sound!

“Ah, please take him! Please take him!”

Luo Jiahui scoops her baby up and starts distracting and comforting him. “Ah, Bingbing! Is this how you’re going to make friends with demons? Behaving like one?” she jokes, with a hesitant smile towards Shang Qinghua. “Shhh, shhh, are you angry that you don’t get to play with Uncle Shang’s writing things! You just want to do what Uncle Shang is doing, don’t you?”

Binghe’s screaming is coaxed back down to babyish grumbling.

Shang Qinghua really shouldn’t be surprised that Luo Jiahui is open-minded enough to believe that demons can be good people! Kinda goes with the rest of her character! If she turned out to be a die-hard demon-hater then… uh… oh, fuck, that would have been really fucking bad?!

But that’s apparently not the case, so... unforeseen crisis effortlessly averted! Nice!

Shang Qinghua only remembers to mention getting stopped by Liu Qingge at the meeting near to the very end of his visit. The important thing is that he remembered to deliver Liu Qingge’s concern and well-wishes at all, right? Right!

Luo Jiahui goes wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and then… once she fixes her expression, turns slightly pink. “That’s very nice of him!” she trills. “I didn’t expect- Master Liu is a very kind man to be worrying about us! As to be expected of such a devoted big brother and filial son!”

“Haha, yeah, sure,” Shang Qinghua says, thinking about the Bai Zhan War God’s latest dunking of all his disciples earlier this week. The Bai Zhan monthly beat-down!

He’s like 85% certain that he’s seen a drawing of a pony-tailed stick-figure pinned to the wall in Mu Qingfang’s office, with needles sticking out of it, at least twice in the past year. Alas! There’s just no arguing with Bai Zhan Peak’s knuckle-headed traditions!

“I told him maybe he could drop by to visit, but-”

“You what?!”

Shang Qinghua falters. “-he’s… not often on the mountain- What?”

Luo Jiahui has jumped up from her seat, picking up Binghe’s toys from the floor and throwing them into her bedroom, before rushing to take stock of the contents of her kitchen like a young woman possessed. “The house-! I don’t-! I haven’t had anyone over to visit yet! Not for long! No one except Brother-in-Law and Granny Sun! I’m not-! The house is still being furnished properly! It’s not ready for a peak lord to visit!”

“...I’m… I’m a peak lord?” Shang Qinghua says, slightly insulted, already lost again.

“What… what would I even serve him?” Luo Jiahui demands. “I don’t have any good teas! These aren’t- I need better tea! I need to go shopping for more food too! When is he arriving?! Did he say when he was coming?!”

“Ah.”

Shang Qinghua hastily explains that Liu Qingge has no idea where Luo Jiahui lives, Shang Qinghua did not actually issue an invitation, and Liu Qingge seemed open to the idea of being issued an invitation at some unknown point in the future. No need to panic, Sister-in-Law!

“Oh,” Luo Jiahui says, and carefully replaces the chipped dish she was apparently going to throw out the window in a panic rather than let Liu Qingge see it.

“...Liu-Shidi has shown up to peak lord meetings straight from the road with blood in his hair,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “I don’t think he’s that picky about what he eats or whether or not he eats it on a silk pillow, Sister-in-Law! Not all peak lords are so fussy, you know!”

Luo Jiahui, flushing an even deeper pink, worriedly pats down her dress and hair. “Well… Brother-in-Law has already seen me at… Brother-in-Law is an exception.”

Shang Qinghua thinks that’s a compliment! It definitely makes him feel warm and fuzzy.

“If this was Madam Liu coming to visit, I’d agree with Sister-in-Law’s panic! Totally! Haha, now that’s a story! But Liu-Shidi won’t judge Sister-in-Law or her home,” Shang Qinghua promises. Then, he allows himself to waggle his eyebrows and say, “Would Sister-in-Law like me to invite Liu-Shidi over for a casual dinner properly?”

Luo Jiahui presses her hands to her mouth, looking very much like a teenager. “That would be… nice,” she says finally. “I would appreciate the chance to thank Master Liu for his escort.”

So, the next time that Shang Qinghua comes to visit, he ends up bringing Liu Qingge with him! It’s lucky that the man returned to the mountain to report on his latest mission! Shang Qinghua doesn’t have to work at all to persuade the war god to come to a casual dinner, the man agrees immediately, but he does have to wheedle a little to convince Liu Qingge to be a little sneaky about it! Liu Qingge - designed for stealth in the same way a wrecking ball is designed for stealth, which is to say: stealth wasn’t a consideration in the slightest - eventually agrees that Luo Jiahui deserves her privacy from potentially nosy An Ding Peak disciples!

Shang Qinghua considers commenting on Luo Jiahui’s new decorations and dishware, when they arrive, but she shoots him a surprisingly deathly glare when Liu Qingge isn’t looking! So Shang Qinghua throws up his hands and grinningly leaves it be! If his fake sister-in-Law wants to put up a good front for the pretty Bai Zhan War God, then Shang Qinghua won’t wreck it!

Liu Qingge is a surprisingly considerate guest. He brings Luo Jiahui a basket of rare fruit - sparkly and golden-shelled star-fruit-like things, which enthrall baby Luo Binghe immediately - and she thanks him profusely for his thoughtfulness, before serving up the exotic and delicious tea that Shang Qinghua brought her to serve.

A tea blend which just so happens to be very good for cultivation! Very calming too! Which, aha, Shang Qinghua thinks would be very beneficial for his martial brother, who may or may not die of a devastating qi deviation in about thirteen years!

He also brought wine, which is also supposed to foster healthy spiritual pathways!

Luo Jiahui carries most of the conversation, asking after Liu Qingge’s adventures and after Liu Mingyan again. Liu Qingge soon relaxes in a way that Shang Qinghua has… never really seen on the man before, probably because they don’t really… hang out outside of peak lord meetings (which, obviously, suck) and the occasional mission (which, if it involves multiple peak lords, is almost certainly extremely stressful or unpleasant). Luo Jiahui really is apparently a natural hostess! She doesn’t seem to mind Liu Qingge’s generally brusque way of speaking, especially when he’s complimenting her heavenly cooking!

Liu Qingge is coaxed into sharing another Little Mingyan story, which is exciting!

Apparently, being nearly four years old now, Liu Mingyan has taken to “reading” when she doesn’t want to do something! She only recognizes a handful of characters, of course, unreliably, but that doesn’t stop her from turning the pages and pretending that she’s too busy for her parents! Lately, she’s also taken to making up her own stories while turning through books, as further “proof” that she’s reading. Liu Qingge has therefore taken to allowing his baby sister to “read” to him when he visits. A good bro has got to back up his little sis!

“Mother came in to tell Mingyan it was time for exercising in the garden, like a good daughter. I told her that Mingyan was too busy reading to me while I recovered from my injury, like a good sister,” Liu Qingge says, with a now familiar fondness.

“What did Madam Liu say to that?” Shang Qinghua asks, genuinely curious, as he pours more wine for himself and his martial brother. (Sister-in-Law, still breast-feeding, isn’t drinking.)

“Mother said, ‘Oh? Let’s hear Mingyan read to her brother, then!’”

Luo Jiahui laughs. “Oh no! What did she do?”

“Mingyan opened the book and told a very good story about two cranes getting married until she ran out of pages,” Liu Qingge answers. “The book had many illustrations of birds inside, all of whom came to the cranes’ wedding.”

“What was it really about?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“It was one of Father’s bird-watching journals. It said so on the cover.”

“Oh, dear! What did your mother say?” Luo Jiahui demands.

“She said: ‘Ah, Mingyan’s reading really is improving! Now that she’s finished the book for her poor, bedridden brother like a good sister, she can come exercise in the garden like a good daughter!’”

Luo Jiahui bursts out laughing again. Shang Qinghua snorts.

And it occurs to him, in this moment, pushing cultivation-improving wine on his martial brother that he sort of likes Liu Qingge now. The man generates so much work on An Ding Peak, true, but he’s reliable with his missions! And eventually straightforward about his problems! And he’s pretty good company once he relaxes! Shang Qinghua is probably going to have to step it up and figure out how to save Liu Qingge’s life properly, because at this rate, Luo Jiahui will be devastated if the man dies! And Shang Qinghua will be kinda sad too!

The guy doesn’t deserve becoming angsty backstory fodder!

Shang Qinghua makes a mental note to start having golden finger cultivation-stabilizing items delivered to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect in double-order bulk! If Luo Binghe grows up a little less blackened, then Liu Qingge living won’t be a problem to the plot, right?

“Ah!” Luo Binghe announces, holding out a chubby hand to Liu Qingge.

Liu Qingge, accepting more wine from Shang Qinghua, looks at the protagonist’s hand.

“Oh, Bingbing!” Luo Jiahui says, reaching to stop him. “Master Liu doesn’t want your-”

“It’s fine,” Liu Qingge says, with the same ease with which he unconventionally invited Luo Binghe to sit at the dinner table with them, like it really is fine. He reaches out and accepts Luo Binghe’s offering, which… looks to be a slightly soggy piece of rice cracker.

Gross!

“Thank you,” Liu Qingge says, very seriously.

Luo Binghe beams at him and babbles at his uncertain and embarrassed mama, and Liu Qingge immediately sneaks the soggy piece of rice cracker back onto the baby’s plate. Ah, clearly a man experienced with the ways of babies! War god Liu Qingge really is capable of stealth and deception after all, when the occasion calls for it!

Luo Jiahui smiles gratefully at the man. Liu Qingge smiles back.

Luo Jiahui outdid and overdid herself with the dinner for Liu Qingge, so both Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge leave loaded down with extra food. More than usual! Shang Qinghua has given up on convincing Luo Jiahui that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect really does feed him! Ah, his fake sister-in-law could just look at his not-willowy figure to know it, but she’s perfectly happy to pretend to suddenly go temporarily blind as well as deaf!

Halfway up to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge part ways for their separate mountain peaks with more friendliness than, well, they’ve probably shown each other in all the past years combined.

“See you around, Liu-Shidi! Please don’t break your mountain, haha!”

Liu Qingge rolls his eyes, very obviously, then slaps Shang Qinghua on the shoulder.

Ow.

“You have a good family,” Liu Qingge says.

“...Thank you?”

And the man flies off, completely oblivious to the fact that Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe are not really Shang Qinghua’s family, just as he’s oblivious to the ever-encroaching plot! A back-up plan occurs: Shang Qinghua straight-up tattles to Mu Qingfang when the time comes, if necessary! He’ll take the point-loss for a plot hole if there is one!

Shang Qinghua heads back to An Ding Peak alone, not too late in the evening, and can’t bring himself to be surprised that Disciples Dumpling Thief and Dumpling Thief’s Friend are back. They’re not pretending to sweep this time, though, instead now openly waiting for him. The little pair of beggars bows, instead of outright mugging him, at least!

“Shifu, Qi-Shigu came by your office earlier!” Disciple Dumpling Thief reports.

“Ah, fu- I mean, haha, she did? What did she want?”

“She didn’t say!” Disciple Dumpling Thief’s Friend tells him.

“I think she’s still there!”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t curse in front of the impressionable disciples - even though he’s pretty sure that he’s done it before - and unloads some of Luo Jiahui’s food onto them. They accept it with eager hands.

“Good work!” he says. “Bring the container back to my Leisure House this time.”

“Yes, Shifu!”

Because he’s idly curious, before they scurry off, Shang Qinghua finds himself asking, “Do you two really eat all the food yourselves? I remember being a hungry disciple! I get it! But do you ever share with your martial siblings?”

The disciples exchange a look.

“I save some of it for bribes sometimes? I got a Qiong Ding Peak disciple to look over my shijie’s paperwork first instead of putting it at the bottom of the stack!” Disciple Dumpling Thief’s Friend offers.

“That’s… something. Very clever,” Shang Qinghua decides. “Ah, off with you! Shoo!”

He changes course from his Leisure House to his main office, unwilling to leave Qi Qingqi near his desk any longer and definitely not wanting to encourage her to show up at his house looking for him. He doesn’t want to deal with the Xian Shu Peak Lord so late, but he’d rather just get this over with! While he’s still got a little liquid courage in him! If this is about the landscaping project again, he’s probably going to lose his mind, but that’s fine!

He’s not expecting to find his younger martial sister with her hands on - of all his documents - the picture books he’s been planning, in between doing the accounting. Qi Qingqi’s head snaps up like a disciple caught snooping through desk drawers.

Shang Qinghua stares at her in silence.

Qi Qingqi straightens, expression neutral. “I didn’t know that you wrote, Shang-Shixiong.”

“I, uh, I dabble,” Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky says.

“I see,” Qi Qingqi says, with narrowed eyes, and lets her fingers trace the simplified sketches of fire demons and tree spirits. “What is this for?”

“...My nephew,” Shang Qinghua admits. “And my sister-in-law. She’s… learning to read.”

He thinks that Luo Jiahui may have exaggerated her reading abilities to him, just a little bit, to save his feelings about giving her books! Which is fine! He saw papers filled with shaky lines of pretty simple characters in her house, so it looks like she didn’t lie to him about getting to work learning more. Shang Qinghua thought it was a shame that picture books weren’t so easily available in this world, so she could practice while reading to her baby, and… yeah. Yeah!

“Anyway! Can I help you, Qi-Shimei?”

“I found an arborist who may be able to offer insight into the current landscaping issues,” Qi Qingqi says, gesturing towards a new scroll sitting on Shang Qinghua’s desk. She then shuffles a different piece of paper out from underneath a stack. “I also took the liberty of editing your work while waiting to speak with you.”

“Oh.”

“You have a habit of repeating yourself unnecessarily.”

“Ah. Thanks?”

“Xian Shu Peak holds literature to be an important part of cultivation.”

“Oh, totally! Totally! Very important!”

Qi Qingqi and Shang Qinghua stare at each other some more. Very awkward!

“Was that… everything?”

“For now,” Qi Qingqi allows. “Good evening, Shang-Shixiong.”

“Right. Er, good night!”

Qi Qingqi sweeps out, leaving Shang Qinghua alone in his office. He sets the remaining containers from Luo Jiahui inside and, with a mixture of curiosity and dread, looks over the edits Qi Qingqi has so neatly suggested. Surprisingly, uh, judgement-neutral for Qi Qingqi!

Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky has never had an editor in his life. Having an editor would have required a) friends willing to donate their time to editing shitty stallion web-novels or b) money to hire someone to spend time editing shitty stallion web-novels. He didn’t do much editing himself because, well, the process really would have eaten up too much of his writing time! The readers always wanted more, more, more!

Shang Qinghua nearly jumps out of his skin at an unexpected, digital ding!

“Shit!”

A System window pops up in front of his desk.

Shang Qinghua stares at it. “I was having a pretty good day, you know! Come on, bro!”

The System window just hangs there.

“It’s too late for this! Come back tomorrow! We’re closed for the day!” Shang Qinghua tries.

The System windows, if anything, gets slightly larger.

Ahhh, shitty System!

Shang Qinghua sighs, gives up, and reads it properly. Well! He skims it, at least!

“This is the same message! Again!” he complains.

【System Upgrade Required.】

【Due to prolonged proximity to the Protagonist, Host has become eligible for a complimentary System Upgrade. It is strongly recommended that the System be upgraded to avoid performance issues and improve plot continuity. 】

【Current System Model: BKG CHAR 1.0. 】

【Required System Model: SPT CHAR 1.0.】

【Upgrade Now?】 【Upgrade Later?】

“Fuck you,” Shang Qinghua mutters, glaring at the pop-up window. “Why isn’t ‘Don’t Upgrade’ an option, huh?! Bro! What’s with this customer service? The functionality is no good! ‘Don’t Upgrade Ever’ should be an option!”

He hits the “Upgrade Later?” button again.

It takes about three seconds for the same window to pop up! Again!

Ding!

【System Upgrade Required.】

【Due to prolonged proximity to the Protagonist, Host has become eligible for a complimentary System Upgrade. It is strongly recommended that the System be upgraded to avoid performance issues and improve plot continuity. 】

【Current System Model: BKG CHAR 1.0. 】

【Required System Model: SPT CHAR 1.0.】

【Upgrade Now?】 【Upgrade Later?】

“Fuck you! Why are you like this, bro?!” Shang Qinghua demands. “What if I don’t want ‘More Frequent Missions’ and ‘Improved Mission Assistance’ and whatever the fuck ‘Bonus Achievements’ and ‘U.A. Quest Paths’ are?! What if I don’t want to see the ‘improved’ version of ‘Mission Goal: Survive’ is?! Why can’t we just stick to you refusing to give me perks and extra points because ‘granting the protagonist a less tragic backstory and emotional stability’ apparently isn’t ‘inherently desirable’?!”

He hits the “Upgrade Later?” button again, harder this time, and waits. After about thirty seconds, when it looks like the System might actually be a bro for once, he lets his shoulders slump. Then he sits down at his desk and puts his forehead against its surface.

Ding!

“I am going to give you the worst review someday, bro,” Shang Qinghua promises.

Life settles into a new pattern - a new normal - a new day-in-day-out.

Shang Qinghua does his work on An Ding Peak for Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, he does his spy work for Mobei-Jun, and he goes to dote on his fake sister-in-law and nephew regularly, barring missions or sect emergencies. He assigns a new general manager to Qing Jing Peak, sets up a visit from a specialty arborist for Xian Shu Peak’s landscaping, and manages to hand Shen Qingqiu’s talismans over to Ku Xing Peak without bloodshed. He also manages to bargain for the demonic artifact that Mobei-Jun wanted from another sect, instead of outright stealing it. He even passes off some plot device berries as exotic fruit to Luo Jiahui for her cooking and helps her install new shelves in her kitchen.

He keeps on telling his shitty, no good System to fuck off with its updates!

Upgrade never, thank you! Goodbye!

There are lots of little accomplishments! They build up! It’s pretty nice.

He takes further notice of a few more disciples, as time goes on, though he’s not really sure that he’d call that one of his accomplishments. No offense to these children, but it’s one of his unofficial personal rules not to get to know the disciples or even any of the cultivators too well! Pretty much all of these people are inherited from his ascended master anyway! He didn’t choose them!

Unfortunately, contrary to Shang Qinghua’s plans, Disciple Spots (also occasionally known as Disciple Chameleon Goat-Sheep) gets it into his head to come to Shang Qinghua of all people to stop a case of bullying. The boy’s begging puts Shang Qinghua in a really awkward position, which makes it impossible to brush the teary-eyed kid off, emotionally and ethically and also because the kid has gotten better at physically clinging to a person’s feet! (Ah, now this is some proper grovelling! This disciple has really been training hard!) Apparently it’s one of the teachers doing the bullying, so there really aren’t many options for help besides the master of the peak!

Shang Qinghua is really very tempted to remind the kid that life isn’t fair! He put up with bullying and “discipline” as a disciple too and he survived it! He’s got to get to another dinner with his fake sister-in-law!

But then Shang Qinghua finds himself thinking, “Ahhh, Jiahui would be so disappointed to find out that this is what kind of scummy person I really am!” And then he’s disciplining one of his hallmasters for their scum villain behavior before he really knows it, thinking, “Ahhh, here I am now, pretending to be a kind master to keep everyone fooled! What a hypocrite I am!”

Luo Jiahui is, of course, immediately forgiving of Shang Qinghua being late. “It’s okay if it’s for a good cause, but don’t let it happen again!” she teases.

Somehow, this good deed leads to more.

It leads to him picking up Disciple Sticky Fingers, after Disciple Dumpling Thief and Disciple Dumpling Thief’s Friend come crying to him about their things being stolen! (Don’t these children know how to set a basic trap?!) And to him picking up Disciple Rabbit Teeth, found sobbing on his doorstep because they needed a (plot device) miracle cure for their ill father and Qian Cao Peak didn’t have it! (Shang Qinghua, transmigrated Author God, knew exactly where to find it.) And to him picking up Disciple Sleepy Eyes and Disciple Nosey, who are apparently “soulmates” and “passionately in love” (and also six-fucking-teen years old), and get the absolutely nuts idea that he can do something to get them out of their respective arranged marriages! (He can, probably, it’s just a super big hassle to involve himself! Politics suck!)

Is he wearing a sign?! He thinks that he must be wearing a sign on his back that says, “I don’t have enough to do! Please give me all your problems too!” Sure, he’s repaid in juicy gossip and everlasting gratefulness, and these young troubles are sometimes more cute than annoying, but still! How does he undo being nice to these brats?! It really is true what they say: no good deed goes unpunished!

His An Ding Peak contemporaries and senior cultivators’ problems don’t increase, at least. Their troubles are way less cute, anyway! In fact, Shang Qinghua could almost say that the older cultivators are easier to deal with than before, for reasons that he can’t quite pin down. Maybe it’s easier to let their insubordinate bullshit flow past him - running smoothly like water, as lightly as the wind - knowing that he gets to skip down the mountain and eat good food in a cosy home later! Shang Qinghua is barely getting anything from the An Ding Peak cultivator currently ranting in front of his desk about… ugh… not interrupting local protection rackets? Monopolies being cornerstones of local economies or something?

Maybe it’s also that he’s developing a little voice in the back of his head, which sounds a lot like Luo Jiahui when she’s listening to him complain about work, which pipes up to say things like, “Oh, dear! He shouldn’t treat you like that!”

Which makes Shang Qinghua think, “Well… this guy DID join An Ding Peak a couple years before I did. He was an inner disciple from the get-go too.”

And the little voice says, “But you’re the peak lord now! Not him!”

Which makes Shang Qinghua think, “Oh, yeah! I am the peak lord! Not this guy!”

And the little voice says, “He shouldn’t try to tell you what to do!”

Which makes Shang Qinghua righteously think, “No, he really shouldn’t!”

And the little voice asks, “So what are you going to do about it?”

Which makes Shang Qinghua determinedly think, “I’m going to tell him to fuck off directly! Instead of hedging around this arrogant request until he leaves and then ghosting him until he frustratedly gives up on ever having it fulfilled! Thank you, abstract voice of my fake sister-in-law and my levelled-up spine!”

It doesn’t work on the likes of Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu, obviously! But still, progress! If Shang Qinghua keeps grinding, maybe he’ll level-up his spine again! With a shitty, no good System like his, he has to make up his own perks!

So, the new day-in-day-out goes on with remarkably first hiccups! A honeymoon phase, maybe? Shang Qinghua keeps making sure that no one follows him down to Sanjiao Town and decontaminates himself almost religiously.

Luo Jiahui’s twentieth birthday comes around almost before he knows it. Seriously! Almost before anyone lets him know! Luo Jiahui does not tell him that her birthday is coming up until she’s forced to shyly admit that one of her friends, the tea shop auntie, has invited her over to celebrate.

“Brother-in-Law brings me so many presents already, I feel like he ought not get me anything on my birthday!” Luo Jiahui jokes. “Maybe I should do as some other people do and get him a present on my birthday! Really, my brother-in-law’s company at the little celebration would be more than enough! It’s not one of the usual visiting days, but...”

“No, no, I’ll be happy to come! I’ll be there!” Shang Qinghua promises.

Inwardly, he’s kind of panicking because he, the Author God of this world, can’t really remember the importance set on birthdays here! See, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky used birthdays in lots of different ways for various plots! Not all of which were cheap, he’d argue, since he genuinely tried to mix up the details when he was leaning too obviously towards being a formulaic hack! Some of those interpretations of different birthday celebrations, he thinks, were actually pretty creative and fun! It was cultural worldbuilding!

Sometimes it was about mysterious cursed objects being gifted to Luo Binghe on his birthday by treacherous vassals! Sometimes it was about a wife giving out gifts to other people on her birthday, due to her personal culture, and the resultant harem drama! Sometimes it was about specific and deadly demonic rites of passage, so that the protagonist could prove his physical strength, spiritual power, and formidable intellect! Sometimes it was about weird prophecies or curses predicting that something terrible would happen to a wife on a special birthday, unless the protagonist could find some benevolent spirit or a specific golden finger to save her! Sometimes it was about ancient betrothals or secret inheritances or elaborate festivals or whatever! Birthdays could be very useful!

So, uh, Shang Qinghua has no idea what he’s supposed to do for a birthday here!

He also, realizing that Luo Jiahui might ask, can’t remember when his own birthday is supposed to be. He knows when Airplane’s birthday was, but he doesn’t remember when Shang Qinghua’s birthday is! His second family wasn’t big on birthday customs. The martial family doesn’t celebrate them. If his life ever depends on answering what day of the year that this body was born on, he’s fucked.

Fortunately, it turns out that he overthinks it! Luo Jiahui’s birthday is pretty much just a casual dinner with some traditional food, in which most of the invited guests take it as an excuse to spoil Luo Jiahui.

Who, apparently, has told everyone that she’s turning twenty-five.

After someone says this number, Shang Qinghua looks at Luo Jiahui with his eyebrows raised. Luo Jiahui puts her hands together, when no one else is looking, and mouths, “Pleeeeease?” Ah, a little white lie! Okay!

Shang Qinghua gets to meet Luo Jiahui’s friends, of which there are quite a few, because she’s such a kind and friendly person! There’s several people from local restaurants and market stalls, mostly no-nonsense-looking women and a couple of gruff older uncles (one of whom is missing a hand), who tell Shang Qinghua repeatedly that he’s lucky to have such a talented cook for a sister-in-law! (He doesn’t disagree with them!) As well as a couple of other new mothers who Luo Jiahui has befriended (and their own babies), one of whom shamelessly asks Shang Qinghua directly if he’s “one of those Cang Qiong cultivators”.

“Uh…” the Lord of An Ding Peak says.

“Ahhh, I wouldn’t mind getting to know some of those Cang Qiong cultivators better,” the woman says wistfully, bouncing her toddler a little higher on her hip. “They’re all so pretty! I wouldn’t mind having one of them for a second husband!”

“Ah, a widow…?” Shang Qinghua murmurs, truly taken aback.

The woman winks at him and says, “Not yet!”

And then she and the other mother burst out into cackling laughter which is truly terrifying! How charmingly shameless! How morbidly humorous! Shang Qinghua is going to go hide on the other side of the room now behind Luo Jiahui now!

Luo Jiahui is amused by him using her as a shield.

“Ah, poor Brother-in-Law,” she says teasingly. “Who can face down and see the good in demons, but has to hide behind his sister-in-law from single mothers!”

“Mm! Is this why Sister-in-Law didn’t ask me to invite Liu-Shidi to dinner again?” Shang Qinghua asks, low and knowing.

Luo Jiahui immediately turns pink and hushes him.

She also, mercifully, makes her friend Yan Tingting’s statement a little less terrifying by revealing that Tingting’s husband is also a good-for-nothing deadbeat who treated her very badly before skipping town. The other single mother friend, Cao Anyue, is apparently a widow - it’s possible she’s a “widow” like Luo Jiahui, but Shang Qinghua doesn’t ask for clarification! He doesn’t need to know! Shang Qinghua decides that he doesn’t find it very surprising that Luo Jiahui has made some very unconventional new mother friends!

He tells them that his name is Shang Houhua, when Tingting pushes it, which isn’t really a lie! That was Shang Qinghua’s name before he became a peak lord! So, he still responds to it, even if it’s been a while since anyone used it. It’s the name he gave to Granny Sun and told Luo Jiahui to use in public, even though she never calls him anything but “Brother-in-Law” or, sometimes by accident, “Older Brother”.

Granny Sun is here at the birthday celebration too, of course, bouncing the baby protagonist in her lap. She probably knows that Luo Jiahui isn’t twenty-five, but she’s not saying anything about it! She’s glaring at Tea Shop Auntie today.

Because Tea Shop Auntie, their hostess, has brought her sons to the dinner. All of her sons, she loudly lets it be known, are very single and would make very good fathers! Luo Jiahui is friendly to all of them - there are three of them, between the ages of twenty-two and seventeen - none of whom, Shang Qinghua is told in a whisper by Luo Jiahui, share the same second parent! (Sister-in-Law really makes some scandalous friends, huh?!) But Luo Jiahui ends up sticking pretty close to Shang Qinghua in a way of someone not looking to be caught alone with anyone, which clearly irks Tea Shop Auntie a little.

Romance repellent, that’s him! He could sell these services, maybe!

The whispered self-depreciative joke makes Luo Jiahui giggle, at least, though she also swats him. “Anyone would be very lucky to have Brother-in-Law,” she insists quietly. “It’s, ah, it’s just easier to get men to go away if another man tells them… and Binghe is the most important person in my life right now!”

Shang Qinghua chokes on his drink for - he will swear (on something he doesn’t actually care about) untruthfully - no reason! No reason at all! “Ahhh,” he thinks. “Men are going to have a very hard time getting near Luo Jiahui after Binghe grows up and blackens! You’ll rest in pieces, chumps! But I guess it has to be me for now!”

Shang Qinghua is not too surprised when, not too long after, when it comes time to celebrate Luo Binghe’s birthday, Luo Jiahui doesn’t invite very many people. (She says she’ll have a celebration for friends later, but today is for family!) Shang Qinghua’s protagonist son’s second birthday has a total of three guests: Luo Jiahui, Shang Qinghua, and Granny Sun. And Granny Sun - who is over a hundred years old according to Luo Jiahui, though she doesn’t really look a day over seventy - goes home early to nap. Very relatable! Very understandable!

Luo Binghe’s birthday is the day that Luo Jiahui found him in the Luochuan River. It’s not clear that he fully understands what a birthday is, but he’s excited anyway! Ahhh, Shang Qinghua can’t believe how much his protagonist son has grown!

Binghe is walking now and getting better at it every day. Luo Jiahui jokes that her baby will be much faster than her any day now. Climbing, jumping, and kicking are not so good yet, but they’re coming along nicely. And the last time that Shang Qinghua visited, Granny Sun was playing an erhu for the Luos, and Luo Jiahui was trying to teach her son to dance. Toddler Binghe was much more enthusiastic than talented, unfortunately, but that just made it very, very cute! OP cute!

Binghe’s vocabulary is improving by leaps and bounds too! Shang Qinghua is very firmly “Bobo” to Luo Jiahui’s “Mama” now, and wow, he just has to put up with having heart problems forever now apparently. In other bad news, Binghe has learned that Shang Qinghua’s spine can’t really stand up to a wide-eyed, “Pleeeease?” And his new favorite word is, of course, “No!”

He also likes to play jokes on Shang Qinghua now. His favorite might be saying, “Bye bye!” when Shang Qinghua arrives and greets them, and then immediately bursting into giggles. Shang Qinghua tends to respond by saying, “Ah? It’s leaving time already? Goodbye, Sister-in-Law! Goodbye, Nephew! Farewell!” And then immediately walking back out the door. He, ah, can’t help but enjoy it when Luo Binghe comes toddling out after him, shouting, and latches onto his leg. (And, more often than not, Binghe goes to search his pockets while he’s at it! “Greedy and impatient and lying nephew!” Shang Qinghua will accuse.)

Luo Jiahui jokingly says that she could do without her baby demonstrating his new throwing abilities, with the tone of a single mother who isn’t really joking. She also lets Shang Qinghua discover firsthand Binghe’s alternatively cheerful and furious determination to try using utensils at meals - “Wow!” Shang Qinghua thinks, appalled, aghast, and generally horrified by the process, “What a demonstration of the protagonist’s future destructive prowess!” - but she also gives him a handkerchief to clean up the mess after snickering at him.

Luo Binghe is growing up so fast! He’ll be conquering the world before they know it!

“Binghe! Would you like a birthday sweet?” Luo Jiahui calls.

“No!” Binghe answers from Shang Qinghua’s lap, which the protagonist is blithely treating like it’s his future golden throne! Binghe looks up at Shang Qinghua and orders, “Again!”

Shang Qinghua looks at the handmade picture book he’s holding in despair. It’s one of the first books that he managed to smuggle out of his office - well, it felt like he was smuggling it out past Qi Qingqi! His martial sister has waaaaay too many opinions about Shang Qinghua’s attempts at creating a rhyming book for a toddler! Toddlers won’t know good literature from bad literature, he tried to insist, or good rhymes from bad rhymes! But Qi Qingqi just insisted that it was super important that someone’s first introduction to literature be of objective quality! (He also tried to insist that he didn’t actually ask for an editor, but Qi Qingqi glared at him, so his declaration of independence came out as: “Meep.”)

Anyway, this book is one of Binghe’s favorites and they have read it five times… today. They have read it… many, many more times than that in total.

“Binghe! Please! Your Uncle Shang can repeat this book about the Hunt for the White Moon Tiger Stag from memory alone now! It’s engraved on the inside of my skull now! Your Uncle Shang probably mumbles this book in his sleep! Please, please, PLEASE, can we read a DIFFERENT book for once?! Even this hack author needs to mix up the formula every now and again!”

“Uncle Shang just finished reading you this book!” Shang Qinghua complains. “Your poor uncle has done so much reading that he’s hungry now!”

Binghe frowns and says, “Pleeeeease?”

Ah! Too cute! Shang Qinghua summons up his meager strength to resist!

“Sorry, but no! If your Uncle Shang doesn’t eat something, his voice will stop working!”

The protagonist is, with great effort, convinced to enjoy birthday sweets, and Shang Qinghua promptly hides all of the picture books while Luo Jiahui cajoles Binghe into helping get the table ready. By the time they all sit down, Luo Binghe has apparently completely forgotten about the books! He happily babbles in vaguely intelligible young toddler speak instead about sweets and the market and cooking.

He judges who should get which sweet with all the due diligence of an emperor deciding the fate of a nation!

After sweets, Shang Qinghua distracts Binghe with the new doll he bought for him, and they play some completely incoherent version of a Brave Hero Bing-Ge (and New Friend) story while Luo Jiahui cleans up. Luo Binghe ends up frustratedly taking both dolls and taking over the narrative! So Shang Qinghua just has to sit back and watch him mash them together, throw them around, and occasionally shout random words.

Shang Qinghua dares to think that it’s going pretty well until he hears a sniffle. He whips his head around to the kitchen, where Luo Jiahui is sobbing into a handkerchief. Ah, what? Oh, shit! What’s happening?!

Luo Jiahui shakes her head determinedly when Shang Qinghua comes over to ask what’s wrong. “Nothing’s wrong! Nothing’s wrong!” she insists wetly. “Everything is so good! Nothing’s wrong at all!”

“Ah… Sister-in-Law is… too happy?” Shang Qinghua tries.

Luo Jiahui blows her snotty nose into the handkerchief, an inelegant honk. “Every year is so precious! It’d give up so much for him, it’s scary sometimes, you know? I’m his entire world! How can he not be mine?”

“Mm.” Shang Qinghua delicates leads Luo Jiahui back to the dining table and sits her down, before sitting down at the place beside hers. He can do this! He can offer comfort! He knows what to do now! He follows Luo Jiahui’s example and holds one of her hands, which she squeezes gratefully.

“I’m so glad that I get so many years to watch him grow,” Luo Jiahui says through her tears. “I’m always going to appreciate having my youth - having so many years ahead to spend with my family! It could have been so bad for us! I’m so-!”

And then she hugs Shang Qinghua.

It’s kinda wet and Luo Jiahui is shaking, but Shang Qinghua hugs her back anyway, and pats her on the back. Probably pretty awkwardly! And then Luo Binghe comes over and crawls into Luo Jiahui’s lap, between them, patting his mother and making shushing noises. They stay that way for a while, until Luo Jiahui emerges again, red-eyed and flushed pink with embarrassment at breaking down again.

“It’s fine!” Shang Qinghua assures her quickly. “It’s fine.”

“...Thank you,” Luo Jiahui says.

But, ah, she smiles like her heart’s not really in it.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t actually like being drunk.

Airplane didn’t like being drunk either.

Tipsy is totally fine! Especially in social settings where everyone is laughing and having a good time! Like that dinner at Luo Jiahui's house when Liu Qingge came to visit! When he’s with other people, it’s not so bad. He laughs more, he touches other people more if he’s allowed, and he tends to go on extended rants about the value that snobby critics place on “authentic” and “original” stories that no one then actually likes enough to pay good money for. (People want cheap trash!) Because alcohol “allowed” that sort of behavior, even if he didn’t drink that much!

Or, well, Airplane used to do that. Shang Qinghua doesn’t really trust anyone enough on An Ding Peak (sneaks, liars, grubbers, and connivers, the lot of them!), or in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect for that matter, to get drunk drunk around the martial family.

Drinking alone, to him, usually just feels sad. Drinking alone to get drunk drunk is even sadder. He has other hobbies! And drinking alcohol usually interfered with those hobbies, like writing, by making him clumsy and incapable of concentrating! He’d rather slam down an energy drink (holy fucking shit, does he miss energy drinks) instead and start hammering at a keyboard to have his good time!

But, well, tonight, he’s got nothing else to do tonight for once. He has special alcohol from Zui Xian Peak Lord Zhang Qingyan - part of an unofficial gift basket for discovering that the fault of that explosive accident lay with the Wan Jian Peak disciples - though neither of them can admit it’s a gift, lest Wei Qingwei find out and cry bribery or foul play. Usually Shang Qinghua would save something like this for a bribe - yes, he's a re-gifter, yet another crime to add to the list - but… well, he’s kind of curious what it’s like to be drunk drunk as an immortal master.

And he still can’t shake those dubiously true, cultural ideas that “drinking to forget works” and “drinking makes you fun”. He’s been having too many emotions lately! He should be able to drown some of them! Worth a shot!

Ha. Worth a shot. Haha.

This special alcohol tastes like juice. It’s also getting him very drunk.

Very quickly.

This is kind of a “might as well” thing. It’s an impulse that he is totally going to regret later! But, ah, he’ll just regret drinking this much later then!

Or so he thinks until he realizes that that humming is not him, and it’s quickly followed up by the cool whoosh and crackle of a portal opening in his Leisure House. A giant, shadowy silhouette appears! A gust of icy wind blows through the house!

Or... drinking is something he’s going to regret right the fuck now!

Hoooooly shit!

Fuck!

Oh no, oh no, OH NO-

Mobei-Jun steps out into Shang Qinghua’s Leisure House, looking as breathtakingly kingly and beautifully dangerous as always! As intimidatingly large as ever! The portal closes behind him and he surveys Shang Qinghua’s Leisure House like it’s a hovel to him. And then his eyes land on Shang Qinghua, who… ah… is basically only wearing the equivalent of a bathrobe right now.

Shang Qinghua’s hair is still slightly wet from the bath and loose because he’s been too lazy to dry it properly (and wow, he would love to have actual short hair again, but that is not a fucking option in this world), so it’s gone all over the place with waves. He’s barefoot right now and really regretting that too! His toes are getting cold with the arrival of an ice demon! He’s also just sort of sprawled in his sitting room, where he was steadily drinking his way through this juice that’s supposed to make people cool, binging on some leftover snacks from his fake sister-in-law, and wishing that he had a television so he could stream shitty dramas so he didn’t have to hang out with his own brain.

Because this is his Leisure House! He is allowed to be at leisure!

Mobei-Jun’s eyes actually widen.

Yeah, the demon lord has caught Shang Qinghua in some pretty uncomfortable positions before now! But… ahhh… this is… well. Not really this uncomfortably comfortable before! Shang Qinghua should really do something about this! He should really fucking do something about this!

Oh, fuck, he’s really drunk, though.

Shang Qinghua tries to scramble to his feet and say, “My king!”

Only, what he actually says is, “Oh, fuck! My king!”

And when he tries to stand up, he ends up having to cling to the furniture because his vision has gone black and spotty. Cultivators shouldn’t have this problem! Temporarily going blind because he stood up too fast after hours of lying down shouldn’t be a thing for immortal masters! This is bullshit, bro!

When his sight clears, he hastily fixes his loosened robe and straightens.

Mobei-Jun still hasn’t moved! That’s something!

“Ahhh, my king, I’m… I’m a little indisposed at the moment…”

It’s really difficult to find a way to politely and subserviently say, “I’m very drunk! I’m way too drunk for this! Go away!” Especially when drunk! Shang Qinghua’s poor, pickled brain is not up to this life-or-death challenge!

“...I, ah, don’t think that I’ll be able to serve you well tonight, my king. If I’d known that you were coming, I would have… would have…”

Shang Qinghua swallows his words as Mobei-Jun steps forward, pretty much looming over him! Ah, this character really is too good at looming!

Shang Qinghua is unsteady enough that looking up and reflexively trying to back away threatens to tip him over, until he catches himself. He’d totally bow and scrape right now if he wasn’t pretty sure that, if he lets himself lie down on the floor, he will probably not be able to get up again!

“Perhaps… if my king could tell me what he wanted… I could, ah, make a note?” Shang Qinghua suggests desperately. “And I would see to it that his command was fulfilled as soon as possible! As soon as I was- as I am no longer compromised? I know our arrangement puts me at your beck and call, but, aha, I really can’t go anywhere in this state! It would be dangerous! I don’t think that I could tell a lie to save my life right now! It would be very, very bad, so perhaps…?”

Mobei-Jun passes by him without a word. He sits down in the large chair beside the settee like it’s one of his thrones - ah, so unfairly majestic - with the expression of a demon lord who is not going anywhere.

To be fair, Shang Qinghua does think of that chair as “Mobei-Jun’s chair”! He doesn’t let anyone else sit in that chair, which is one of the few pieces of furniture in his Leisure House which can comfortably accommodate a man of Mobei-Jun’s size, because Mobei-Jun wrinkles his nose like he can tell if someone else has been sitting in “his” chair. Like they’ve stinked it up! And ruined the cushions!

To be fair to Shang Qinghua, this is bad! He’s so drunk! He can’t do this right now!

“Sit,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua sits again immediately. He very nearly misses the furniture.

He waits for Mobei-Jun to speak, but the man just stares at him in a scowl that Shang Qinghua thinks might be his “judgemental” or “suspicious” scowl. Which is bad! Mobei-Jun’s scrutiny is too intense! Mobei-Jun’s staring tends to set off the panic sirens in his brain when it goes on for too long, and it always does.

“...My king, I’m… I’m very drunk,” Shang Qinghua says pathetically.

“Yes,” Mobei-Jun agrees.

“Ah.”

Mobei-Jun’s stare sweeps over the alcohol and the snacks. Shang Qinghua hastily picks up the snacks and offers it to the man before he can fully realize what he’s doing. Luo Jiahui’s food once got Qi Qingqi to stop bullying him and his writing and go back to her own peak! It makes his bratty disciples snap to attention like dogs after a juicy bone! Shang Qinghua could really do with a miracle right now!

“Food, my king?” Shang Qinghua says, like a desperate, panicking fool.

Mobei-Jun eyes it like Shang Qinghua has offered him a plate of literal shit.

“...It’s… good,” Shang Qinghua says weakly, putting the snacks down again. “I, ah, I have more alcohol? It’s quite fine! Or, ah, maybe I should go get dressed? I can go get dressed! I’m not fit to be seen at the moment! I’ll be qu-”

Shang Qinghua tries to get up again to go put on actual clothes! He’s not strong enough to do this in only a bathrobe! Only Mobei-Jun raises an arm - a long arm - and pushes him back towards his seat. It’s a pretty soft hit for Mobei-Jun, which means that Shang Qinghua, with his brain drenched in alcohol and panic, can reflexively, accidentally, brush it off with his own hand. And he does!

He automatically snaps, “No hitting!”

And then he realizes, belatedly, that he’s holding Mobei-Jun’s wrist.

And he just used his new “Scolding Misbehaving Disciples and Misbehaving Toddlers named Luo Binghe” Voice on Mobei-Jun.

Oh, shit!!!

And then he realizes that Mobei-Jun has actually stopped?

Mobei-Jun doesn’t really do facial expressions besides scowling or boredom, but now he looks kind of surprised and confused? Shang Qinghua, as drunk as he is, could kind of think that the demon lord also doesn’t know why he’s stopped? Shang Qinghua has never snapped like this or physically tried to stop him before.

Shang Qinghua lets go of the demon’s cold wrist like it’s a hot iron and immediately starts grovelling. “Ah, my king! I didn’t mean to do that! Please forgive me for the outburst! That just slipped out! I don’t know what came over me! My king can of course do whatever he likes, though this servant would appreciate if- ah, sorry, sorry! Please have mercy-!”

He feels Mobei-Jun’s hand touch the top of his head, where he’s bowed, and thinks, “Oh, fuck! This is it!”

Only Mobei-Jun, slightly more forcefully this time but still weirdly soft for him, pushes Shang Qinghua back towards the furniture. Shang Qinghua lands with a soft thump.

“Sit,” Mobei-Jun says again.

“Ah, thank you, thank you. Of course, I shouldn’t have stood-”

“This servant would appreciate what?”

“...What?”

Mobei-Jun is looking at him with narrowed eyes now, as he reclines in his chair again. “What,” he demands, immovably, “would ‘this servant’ appreciate?”

Shang Qinghua is having a lot of difficulty remembering what he said, through the fog and the terror of knowing his potential fate, but he realizes sooner rather than later! Unfortunately, he’s way too drunk to properly navigate Mobei-Jun’s lenience right now! He can’t manage to put the lie filter back between his foggy brain and his big mouth!

“Ah? This servant would… appreciate no hitting… if possible?” he says, before rushing to explain, as though more words are really going to help his case here with a man who hates talking. “Humans are much more... softer than demons, my king!”

“Yes,” Mobei-Jun agrees, in the way of someone who disdains all of humanity.

“Of course, my king knows this! My king has been very, very lenient already, over the differences, but, ahhh, this servant would very much appreciate it if his king could be… lenient-er. Ah, more lenient?” Shang Qinghua suggests, fueled by a fool’s liquid courage. “Demon culture has lots of hitting, lots of it, but this servant really doesn’t need that to be loyal! Really! I already know that my king will totally kill me if I’m disloyal! And, like, why? When there are truth serums in this world and stuff. right? Besides the fear! But when disloyal people are afraid of something, then they’ll say anything you want to hear to make the bad stop! Like torture! It just doesn’t work!”

“...Torture,” Mobei-Jun repeats.

But Shang Qinghua is on a roll of panic and, counter-productively, misses this glaring warning sign! “If all people have is fear making them loyal, then they’re not going to care so much, you know? If someone- somethingelse comes along! They might even want to get rid of you to get rid of the threat! But, ah, there’s always another threat in the Demon Realm, so…”

“Is this… a threat?”

“What?” Shang Qinghua’s foggy attention snaps back to the present.

Ah, time to panic better! Panic better!

Mobei-Jun looks furious. Really angry! Super angry! The angriest! The temperature in the room is dropping quickly, which is really not good when Shang Qinghua has wet hair and is dressed in only a bathrobe. Ah, how does he sober up quickly again?! Is there even a way to do that with special "get immortal cultivators shit-faced" alcohol?! He’s gonna die!

“No! No! Of course not! I would never, ever, never make threats, my king, absolutely not! I’m very loyal! The loyal-est! There’s no one loyal-er than me!” Shang Qinghua promises hastily. “I’m just remarking a little on cultural differences! There are lots of cultural differences, is all! Fascinating stuff! I would really never try and make any threats against my king, no way, or try to kill him in any plans! Never would I do that! Ever!”

“Plans?” Mobei-Jun repeats, looking no less furious. “How would someone like you try to kill me?”

“Ahhh, what? I would never do such a thing! Never!”

“How would you?”

“I wouldn’t!”

The cold spreading through the room is getting worse. The only reason, probably, that Mobei-Jun is not radiating painful amounts of demonic energy is because they’re on An Ding Peak and secrecy is tantamount!

“Answer the question,” Mobei-Jun orders.

Shang Qinghua brings his legs up onto the seat to save his toes. “My king!”

“How would you kill me?”

This is such a bad situation! There’s no good way out of this!

“Ahhh, probably poison?” Shang Qinghua yelps finally. “I’m no match for a demon of your strength! Physically! I would have to physically incapacitate you! Or trap you! Before I could do anything!”

“Trickery,” Mobei-Jun says grimly. “Like Tianlang-Jun.”

“Ah, I guess?”

“How would you accomplish this?”

“My king is much too wise to be caught by-”

“How?”

“My king, please, it’s getting very cold in here!” Shang Qinghua cries.

For some reason, this actually works. Shang Qinghua’s Leisure House stops its transformation into a walk-in freezer, though Mobei-Jun’s expression remains just as frosty and foreboding.

The demon lord still looks expectant.

Shang Qinghua licks his lips. “The Huan Hua Palace Sect dart was, ah, very effective? A similar poison could be placed on my furniture if necessary! Or in the incense. Or in the candles. There are, ah, rare demon-eating plants which can temporarily render even strong demons unconscious with their poisons… which could be placed...”

“Go on.”

“My king sometimes allows me access to his clothing?” Shang Qinghua squeaks. “I could slip in or stitch a life-draining or paralysis talisman… pretty quickly. I could put talismans on my doorways… or under the bed… or on the ceiling… or into the pillow… so that the next time my king thought to displace me, he… ahhh… would be surprised? The underside of someone’s boots can be a good place to stick tracking or trapping talismans, even when they’re walking, if you time it just right. And there are magic jars too, which can trap a person if they touch it… and, ah, cursed blankets which can smother people to death...”

“Go on.”

Is this what morbid curiosity is?! Shang Qinghua is sweating!

“I could, ah, call my martial siblings and set up a trap, using spiritual fire or a blood-fever curse?” Shang Qinghua suggests, incapable of remembering all the random ideas he’s come up with over the years, in hopes of saving himself from his scum character’s fitting fate! He’s had lots of them! “And use a combination of things? But, my king! I never would! I could never go through with it!”

Mobei-Jun doesn’t look impressed by this declaration.

“Maybe I could do it, if I really wanted to, but I’m not going to! I didn’t do it before!” Shang Qinghua blurts out, because he realizes that that’s not any better! Oh, if he somehow manages to live through tonight, then he’s never getting drunk again! Never ever! “I promise that I don’t want to! I wouldn’t! I won’t!”

Mobei-Jun regards him silently, still scowling intensely.

“I’m really not making threats, my king!”

“...What do you want out of this arrangement?” Mobei-Jun demands.

“Ah?”

Mobei-Jun’s eyes narrow warningly.

“My king, I… I really don’t understand the question?”

Mobei-Jun’s expression now says, “I will kill you if you make me repeat myself.”

“...My life?” Shang Qinghua eventually tries.

Oh, no! That just makes Mobei-Jun look angrier again!

“And nothing else?” Mobei-Jun demands.

“I value my life quite highly, my king!” Shang Qinghua protests. “It’s a very dangerous world out there! Humans are very soft! I know that you could kill me no trouble in an instant! My life is a very good reward to me! If you let me follow you for the rest of my life.”

That still doesn’t make Mobei-Jun look satisfied.

He kind of looks like he’s seething, actually!

Which should really be Shang Qinghua’s sign to shut the fuck up forever, but that warning never seems to stick with him! With his brain soaked in bad juice, all those mental notes are slipping away even faster than before! Nothing is sticking! Words are the only thing he has!

“I’m really not a very ambitious person, my king! Really not! Peak lord is more than enough! I don’t have any dreams of wanting to rule the world or anything! I wouldn’t want to rule the world if someone gave it to me to rule! Fuck no! I’d have to get out that right away!” Shang Qinghua insists. “Ah, all those people to protect and feed and make sure they’re behaving themselves? Kinging is really too much work! There’s so much more to it than crawling to the top of a hill of dead bodies to crow about how great you are! All the fancy jewels and treasures and palaces in the world wouldn’t be worth being the emperor of the world! I’d be so unhappy! And scared for my life too! Everyone trying to kill me or use me all the time! I’d rather just be happy instead!”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t even like knowing his disciples’ names, when there are so many things out there that are super duper good at killing cultivators. If anything, he thinks his track record as Author God is a very persuasive argument for not putting him in charge of the world! He shouldn’t even be in charge of An Ding Peak, really!

"Damn System! You should have been a bro!" he thinks.

Shang Qinghua looks anxiously towards the demon lord in his sitting room who… doesn’t really look angry anymore? Maybe? He’s scowling at Shang Qinghua kind of like he really can’t believe Shang Qinghua is allowed to exist, maybe? It’s not really easy to tell!

“You would rather act through a king? As a coward?” Mobei-Jun demands.

“What?” Shang Qinghua is too drunk to parse that immediately. “Oh, no! No! No one can tell you what to do, my king! Definitely not me! Mobei-Jun is the only person who gets to decide what’s right for Mobei-Jun to do, for sure! Everyone else just has to put up with it or he'll kick their ass!”

Mobei-Jun’s scowl deepens again. “Even kings cannot do all that they please.”

“Well, not everything! No one gets to do or have everything they want!” Shang Qinghua agrees quickly. “But it’s fine if it’s not really hurting anyone, right? That's where to draw the line. Then you can be like, ‘I don’t give a fuck how you think I should live!’ My king could hang out at human noodle bars if he wanted, and anyone who tried to tell him it was undignified for a demon lord is probably just jealous! Fuck them! Who cares what they think? What have they ever done for their opinion to mean anything?! You have dignity to spare, my king! Nothing to prove! You’re super cool no matter what anyone says! Be happy!”

Now Mobei-Jun looks confused again.

“Ahhh,” Shang Qinghua says, cursing his stupid fucking mouth for the nth time in the past ten minutes. He’s so dead. “Please, forgive me for being impertinent! I’ll stop talking now! Am I allowed to stop talking now? I’m really not making threats, I swear! I wouldn’t do that! Why would I?! We can just be friendly, can't we? We can just help each other out because the world is shit and reliable help is hard to find and I just don't want to kill you-”

Mobei-Jun gets to his feet, very suddenly.

Now, Shang Qinghua couldn’t talk even if he wanted to! Oh, shit!!!

Demon lords who are so tall and muscular shouldn’t be allowed to move so fast! It’s super unfair! And really scary! He’s going to die because he let himself be not sober in his spare time!

Don’t drink and transmigrate, kids!

Except Mobei-Jun brushes past Shang Qinghua and… leaves through a portal without another word, stalking out as suddenly as he’d arrived, instead of deciding that he’s really had enough of this vile betrayer character already. Instead of killing Shang Qinghua, he just… leaves.

Shang Qinghua blinks at the spot where the blue and black power swirls away into thin air.

The demon lord leaves nothing but a faint chill behind in his house.

What the fuck? What the fuck!

Seriously! What the FUCK?!

“He didn’t even say what he wanted,” Shang Qinghua realizes, horrified down to his bones. “He’d better not get mad at me when I don’t do it then! I’m not a mind-reader! Agh, why did I say all that?! Idiot! Stupid! Dumbass! I’m never drinking ever again! He’s really going to kill me later now! I should go fake my death right now… Sister-in-Law will totally take me in! No questions! I’m running away! For real this time!”

Somehow, Mobei-Jun does not kill Shang Qinghua for his drunken rambling and intoxicated ranting and inebriated murder plans! Shang Qinghua is much too cowardly to ask the demon lord why not. He might change his mind!

The next time they have a meeting, the worst thing that happens is Mobei-Jun glaring at him even more and even more intensely than usual (which is already crazy intense and super scary). The demon lord doesn’t even say anything about his dropping in on Shang Qinghua’s drinking, which is slightly blurry but really not blurry enough for Shang Qinghua!

The meeting happens like they’re both trying to leave as soon as possible.

Well, if the demon lord wants to forget the whole thing ever happened, Shang Qinghua is super fine with that! Totally a-okay! He would totally erase it from his memory if he could, because it makes his face burn with humiliation and his heart squeeze with fear if he lets himself think about it for longer than two seconds!

His relationship with Mobei-Jun doesn’t seem to have gotten worse…?

He hopes?

Ah, he really hasn’t been having a good week in general.

The An Ding Peak disciples and cultivators have been super needy and no one seemed happy with any of his decisions. Fuck him for trying to mediate! A Qian Cao Peak storeroom burned down because Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky (a fool, an idiot, and the stupidest Author God to ever live) thought it would be cool to have spontaneously combusting plants for some reason! Ku Xing Peak Lord Wang Qingjie implemented Shen Qingqiu’s talismans incorrectly on Xi Jiao Peak and Shen Qingqiu had to come over to fix them, and that made no one happy. It’s been one bad thing after another for the past month, really!

Shang Qinghua is still thinking about Mobei-Jun’s disastrous surprise visit when he goes to visit the Luo house later that week. He wishes he could stop thinking about it! He hasn’t been this terrified that Mobei-Jun is going to randomly show up and kill him in his sleep since he was a disciple! At least the demon lord still doesn’t know about Luo Jiahui and her son!

Shang Qinghua has been making sure that he’s not followed either way and that includes by any weird scents!

Luo Jiahui has left a note on her front door for him today, which says, “In the garden!” He’s too distracted to consciously note how much her handwriting has improved since she really started practicing her reading and writing.

Shang Qinghua goes around the house, towards the shared courtyard, still lost in regrets.

Never drinking again! Never ever! Alcohol is definitely evil!

“Thank you for the lesson, Granny!” Luo Jiahui’s voice says cheerfully, breaking through his miserable, muttering thoughts. “Say goodbye to Granny, Binghe.”

“Bye! Byeeeee!”

“Goodbye, Binghe,” Granny Sun’s voice answers warmly. Before her voice turns, ah, much less warm. “Your brother-in-law is visiting soon?”

“Yes, we need to get ready to greet him. Don’t we, Binghe?”

“Mm.”

“That man comes to visit very often,” Granny Sun persists, and Shang Qinghua can hear her frown. “Odd for a brother-in-law to be so close. Shouldn’t some important Cang Qiong cultivator have better things to do than hang around you?”

“...Maybe,” Luo Jiahui says quietly.

“What’s in it for him, eh?”

“Ah, well…”

Shang Qinghua has heard it said that eavesdroppers never hear good things about themselves. In his long and shameful history of eavesdropping, this has always been true. Eavesdropping is still very useful! Very much worth it! But, ah, hearing what other people really think of him has never been a good experience for him.

It’s true this time too.

“I think that he comes by because he’s lonely,” Luo Jiahui says.

Ah.

“Hmm,” Granny Sun says.

Luo Jiahui bids her neighbor farewell again and Shang Qinghua has to scramble away, so he can pretend to be approaching his fake sister-in-law’s front door for the first time. It’s sort of a reflex not to be caught eavesdropping! Luo Jiahui, approaching her front door, greets him with a wide smile.

“Look, Binghe! It’s your Uncle Shang!”

The toddling protagonist, who doesn’t know any better, greets Shang Qinghua enthusiastically. Shang Qinghua is super used to smiling when he doesn’t really feel like smiling, and it’s hard not to smile with such an OP baby halo directed his way! He greets his fake nephew with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.

“Hello, Nephew! I think you’ve grown again! Are you taller than me yet?”

“I have something to show you!” Luo Jiahui says brightly, after tea has been served, a new picture book has been presented and read three times, and the protagonist has been put down for his afternoon nap.

“Ah, what is it?”

Luo Jiahui gets a candle from the cupboard, sets it on the table, and lights it. Then she sits across from him, furrows her brow, and sticks her pointer finger directly into the open flame.

“What?!”

After about three seconds, Luo Jiahui quickly retracts her finger and then shows it off to him, grinning widely. “Look!” she says brightly. “Not burned!”

“Oh?” Shang Qinghua says. “Oh!”

“I can use spiritual energy now!” Luo Jiahui says, brimming with excitement. “I’ve been cultivating my qi with Granny Sun every day and she says she’s never seen someone improve so quickly! I told her it was all thanks to my brother-in-law’s gifts, probably!”

Shang Qinghua has maybe been overdoing it with the cultivation-boosting plot devices as gifts! Just maybe! (Almost definitely! Shit!)

“That’s great!” Shang Qinghua says cheerfully.

“Uncle Han was training to be a cultivator, but then he got married and became a cook instead! He can stick his hand into a pot of boiling oil no problem!”

Shang Qinghua thinks back. “Is Uncle Han the one missing a hand?!”

“That happened when he was a cultivation disciple!” Luo Jiahui protests, flushing slightly pink. “He needs to be extra skilled with the hand he has left!”

Shang Qinghua is now extra dubious about the people Luo Jiahui hangs out with (bad influences!), but sticking her finger into candle-flame without harm is still an accomplishment, so they celebrate. Luo Jiahui talks excitedly about all her new cook friends and their personal cooking tricks, most of which are normal skills anyone can learn, some of which are more fun party tricks than practical. Shang Qinghua hedges around Luo Jiahui being very cautious with her cultivation, but she promises him that Granny Sun has already made her make lots of promises about responsibility!

“...I was… I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do anything,” Luo Jiahui admits. “I thought that maybe I could use all the teachings and manuals to teach Binghe, but that I… I was probably too old! And that moral impurities might…”

She trails off and hastily wipes at her eyes.

“No more crying!” she insists. “I’ve done too much crying already!”

She doesn’t cry again, but Shang Qinghua pats her hand anyway, feeling like he ought to have done something nasty to her ex-employer after all. “The bad things other people do to her don’t make Sister-in-Law a bad person!” he promises quickly. “It doesn’t work like that!”

Thank fuck that it doesn’t work like that in this world! Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s inconsistent and unconventional cultivation mechanics in Proud Immortal Demon Way are good for some things!

“It’s not your fault!”

If it’s anyone’s fault, then it’s Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s fault.

“Soon, Sister-in-Law will be a great cultivator and she won’t need me for anything!” Shang Qinghua jokes. “She’ll be able to do everything all by herself!”

Luo Jiahui chuckles, a little weakly.

The rest of the visit is a little quieter, at least until Luo Binghe wakes up from his nap. Shang Qinghua is roped into playing pretend with the dolls and another incoherent adventure of Brave Hero Bing-Ge and Friend takes place. Shang Qinghua plays along as best he can, but the two-year-old protagonist keeps changing the story on him! It’s not easy to keep up!

Outside of entertaining his fake nephew, he must be suspiciously quiet.

“...Is something wrong, Brother-in-Law?” Luo Jiahui asks him.

“No! No, of course not,” Shang Qinghua insists quickly. “Just busy! Always busy! It’s fine.”

“...All right,” Luo Jiahui says.

He keeps hearing her voice saying, “I think that he comes by because he’s lonely.”

“Of course Luo Jiahui doesn’t actually like me!” Shang Qinghua thinks, after he returns to the mountain. “Of course not!”

She’s just being polite to him. He got her out of a very, very bad situation and he’s helping support her still, so she has to be nice to him! He’d have to be out of his mind to think that her invitations to visit are out of anything but obligation, really! She’s just good at pretending to try and keep him happy, because she’s dependent on him and he bought into his own “Uncle Shang” lie too much.

He’d be tempted to start drinking again if he didn’t get rid of all the alcohol in his Leisure House in a fit of embarrassment and fear! But drinking to forget probably wouldn’t work! With the luck of a cursed Author God clinging to him, Mobei-Jun will probably show up again if he starts drinking!

When he left his second family’s home, to go take the test to join Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and make something of himself (or rather: of his character), he overheard one of his second parents saying to the other, “Let him try. At least this will lessen our burden.” And when Airplane left for college, when he tried to float the idea of staying with either of his divorced parents and their new families to save money, his father had asked him outright, “Don’t you want to be more than a parasite in someone else’s home? You’re a man now!”

There are some things that a person can’t shake, apparently! Life to life!

He’s a transmigrator, anyway. He’s always going to be out of place.

Shang Qinghua sends his apologies the next time he’s meant to visit Luo Jiahui, claiming he’s swamped with work. This excuse has the benefit of being true. It’s still an excuse, though, because he really needs to start distancing himself. He’s probably been a real creep, forcing his unwanted company on a young woman like this! That must be why Granny Sun doesn’t like him!

He sends his apologies again the time after that.

And a third time.

He can be shameless, true! But, ah, he likes to pretend he has some face and what little face he pretends to have can’t go there right now. Luo Jiahui is too friendly for her own good! She’s got lots of real friends to keep her company instead.

The day after the fourth time in a row that Shang Qinghua hasn’t visited Luo Jiahui, Disciple Spots comes into his office to tell him that he has a surprise visitor. Shang Qinghua valiantly resists the urge to cry, “Oh fuck! What now?!” And then dive under his desk for cover from whoever has come to chew him out now, and tell his disciple to tell whoever it is that he’s dead. The dead-est!

“It’s a woman who’s not a cultivator!” Disciple Spots reports. “The gate guards let her in because she has papers with your seal! She says that she’d like to talk with you, if you’re available, and that she’ll wait until you are!”

Shang Qinghua freezes.

What the fuck?!

Disciple Spots clearly wants to know all about this mysterious woman who’s come to visit the Lord of An Ding Peak, but Shang Qinghua just tells him to bring her to his office right away. When Luo Jiahui walks in the door, dressed in her nicest clothes and looking anxiously determined, Shang Qinghua dismisses his disciple, closes the door, and activates all the privacy talismans he owns.

“Sister-in-Law, what’s wrong?!” he asks.

It can’t be a super big emergency! Not if Luo Jiahui said that she’s willing to wait for him! Or can it? Shang Qinghua office is the best place for privacy on An Ding Peak, without whisking the both of them off back to Sanjiao Town.

“I was hoping Brother-in-Law could tell me.”

“Where’s Binghe?!” Shang Qinghua realizes, panicked. “Wait, what?”

“Binghe is with Granny,” Luo Jiahui says, with her chin held high. “I asked her to look after him so that I could come talk to my brother-in-law.”

In all the time that Shang Qinghua has known Luo Jiahui, he has never seen her separated from her foundling baby. She’s never more than a room away. She can’t go for more than fifteen minutes without checking on him. She checks on him even when he’s napping sometimes, just to make sure that he’s still there.

“I know that you wanted to keep us separate from the sect, but I wanted to be sure that everything was properly understood.”

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua says. “Okay.”

A serious talk! This looks like it’s going to be a very serious talk!

Shang Qinghua sits her in one of the seats in front of his desk, while he sits behind the desk, desperately trying to figure out what’s gone wrong. People come to An Ding Peak with problems for him to solve. Did Luo Jiahui get robbed? Does she need him to send her more money? More cultivation manuals? He can fix those!

“...What brings Sister-in-Law all the way up the mountain?”

“Brother-in-Law stopped coming to visit.”

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua says, for lack of anything else to say. Fuck!

“I should have asked you what was wrong again,” Luo Jiahui says, like this is all somehow her fault. “I thought that it was an important cultivator problem bothering you, but your messages were much too vague! They sounded wrong! So I started to think that maybe it was something I did to offend you.”

“No, no, it was nothing you did! I’m just very busy!”

“Maybe Brother-in-Law didn’t like someone like me cultivating? But he brought me all those gifts! Maybe Brother-in-Law was annoyed by something Binghe did? But he’s always said so directly when Binghe misbehaved before! So I asked Granny Sun what she thought… and she said she thought she heard my brother-in-law sneaking around when we were talking in her garden that day.”

“Ahhh, I, uh…” Fuck.

“So I tried to remember what I said that might have offended you! And I remembered saying that I thought that my brother-in-law came to visit so often because he was lonely.”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t flinch, but, ahhh, it still hurts to hear that again.

Because, ah, it’s true.

“And I thought: ‘Maybe Brother-in-Law thought I meant that as a bad thing!’” Luo Jiahui persists, with a little wetness around her eyes again, watching him very intensely. “Is that what happened?”

Shang Qinghua thinks desperately of how to explain that she doesn’t have to put up with him if she doesn’t want him in her house. He doesn’t have a way to say that that doesn’t sound super sad and super duper pathetic! If he had a decent System right now, then he’d probably prod it for help right now, but his System would probably just give him the worst advice out of spite. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“I… I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to be lonely, is it?” Luo Jiahui says. “I’m lonely.”

“...W-what?”

“I miss my f-family, even though they threw me out. I miss my old friends, even though they didn’t help me. I miss my hometown and the restaurant where I grew up,” Luo Jiahui admits. “I like some of the people here, but I don’t know them very well yet, and I don’t know if they’d still like me if they knew everything about me. I don’t think I ever want to tell them.”

“That’s… that’s fine,” Shang Qinghua says, stunned.

“I don’t know if I’m raising my baby correctly and I don’t know who to ask for help sometimes, because Granny doesn’t have children and I always feel like the aunties are judging me. Sometimes, Binghe is the only person I get to speak to for days,” Luo Jiahui continues. “I’m lonely sometimes. Even when I go to the tea shop or the town gardens with my friends, and I’m surrounded by people, I can be lonely - sometimes, that’s when I feel loneliest of all.”

Oh. He knows how that feels.

“So, I thought that… maybe my new brother might be lonely too?” Luo Jiahui says, her hands folded tightly in her lap, looking at him through her eyelashes. “He’s very busy, you know, my brother-in-law. He does a very important job that’s a little thankless - and sometimes it seems like people only notice what he does when he’s doing it wrong. This job puts him high above most of the people in his life. And his martial siblings are all very busy people too. He’s not married. I have never heard him talk about friends or family, only about disciples and assistants and subordinates and business partners.”

Well… yes… but…

That’s the way that Shang Qinghua’s life has always been! Not always in the same way, exactly, but: isolated, disconnected, and orphaned pretty much covers it! That’s what Airplane’s life was too, kind of! A man sort of just gets used to it.

“Despite my brother-in-law’s busy job, he comes down the mountain every week to visit us, if he can. He brings us gifts - too many gifts - and he makes sure that we’re well,” Luo Jiahui says, with a determination in her eyes worthy of a protagonist. “He dotes on my son. He gives me anything I ask for, but most importantly, without my asking: he gave me a home and he has never judged me harshly for my past mistakes.”

“Ah, I would never-”

“He tells me about his duties and the many wonders that he’s seen, and he makes me feel worldly and knowledgeable and interesting. He makes up the sweetest and funniest stories, in what little free time he has, and lets me see how he makes them! He pretends not to know I can’t read very well. He relentlessly compliments my meager cultivation, despite being an immortal master, and he acts as though he would accept an invitation to my dinner table over that of an emperor. And when he visits my little family, when he calls me his sister-in-law and acts as though he means it, I don’t feel so lonely.”

Luo Jiahui takes a deep breath. “So, if he is willing and he can find the time, I would very much appreciate it if my brother-in-law visited me again. If I have done something wrong, I would like the opportunity to make amends. Because I miss him. And my son misses him as well. And my little family is not the same without him.”

Shang Qinghua can’t speak.

This doesn’t normally happen to him. He’s always got something to say: something stupid and annoying and unwanted, probably, but something! The words won’t stay in, usually, but now he doesn’t have any words.

“Will he come home? Please?” Luo Jiahui asks.

And she leans forward, reaching across his desk, and touches his face.

Ah, fuck.

He’s crying again.

Please, someone put him out of his misery here!

Shang Qinghua nods.

He manages that much, at least!

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be lonely,” Luo Jiahui says, some tears falling free down her face too. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to not be lonely. It hurts to be cast aside by people who don’t want your company, but the only way to not be lonely is to keep looking for the right people. I think I have found one of my right people, so I am not going to give up on trying to keep him company.”

It’s a long time before Shang Qinghua can manage to choke out, “Thank you.”

“Hua-Ge is very welcome,” Luo Jiahui says determinedly, and blows her nose into a handkerchief again.

There are worse things in the world to have to put up with than being loved undeservedly.

【System Upgrade Required.】

【Due to prolonged proximity to the Protagonist, Host has become eligible for a complimentary System Upgrade. It is strongly recommended that the System be upgraded to avoid performance issues and improve plot continuity. 】

【Current System Model: BKG CHAR 1.0. 】

【Required System Model: SPT CHAR 1.0.】

【Upgrade Now?】 【Upgrade Later?】

【Host has selected “Upgrade Later”.】

【Scheduled System Upgrade NOW INSTALLING.】

【The System is now installing a complimentary System Upgrade to avoid performance issues and improve plot continuity. 】

【Previous System Model: BKG CHAR 1.0. 】

【Installing System Model: SPT CHAR 1.0.】

【Benefits of a System Upgrade include: more frequent missions, improved mission assistance, an improved interface, bonus achievements, U.A. quest paths, and more special features. Please refer to System Settings for more information on your upgraded System after the installation has been completed. System Settings are currently unavailable while the System is being upgraded.】

【Please do not terminate during System Upgrade.】

“Ah, shit, where’s the-?”

Someone takes the stack of papers directly out of Shang Qinghua’s hands while he’s distracted. Shang Qinghua would grab them back and make a show of defending them with his life - because he is not fucking redoing them, fuck you, Zhangmen-Shixiong, part-time bro among bros and part-time unrepentant asshole - except that there’s a second disciple involved in this ambush! A second pair of hands shoves him firmly towards the door before he can fight back.

“What the-?!”

“Shifu, we can get these to Qiong Ding Peak from here,” Lin Wenjiao says, at his back, showing absolutely none of the respect due to Shang Qinghua as an immortal master and a peak lord. Fuck, is she taller than him now? When the fuck did she get taller than him? At least Peng Hongpeng is still of loyal height!

“Not all those go to-”

Peng Hongpeng dances smoothly away with the stolen papers, handing some of them off to a third An Ding Peak disciple and disloyal conspirator. “Yes, Shifu,” he says quickly. “First stack goes to the Sect Leader himself or to Master Ma only. Second stack goes to the Qiong Ding Peak messengers. Third stack goes to Qing Jing Peak, to Shen-Shibo’s desk specifically, but if not to him, then to anyone except that woman who keeps ‘losing’ papers. And this little scroll goes to Mu-Shishu, directly into his hands, and not left on his desk to get lost.”

“No, it’s- wait, that’s right,” Shang Qinghua says, surprised.

Competence? On his An Ding Peak?! This is either a miracle or a coup. Shang Qinghua could really use another vacation - an actual vacation, a real vacation - so he’s kind of hoping this is a coup!

Lin Wenjiao laughs as she continues to push him towards the door.

“We’ve only heard you recite the to-do list a hundred times today, Shifu,” Peng Hongpeng says airily, the red acne on his cheeks shifting as he repeatedly tries and fails to keep from grinning. Cultivating towards immortality is supposed to give people flawless skin or something, but the disciples still have to get all the way through puberty and actually achieve that stage first before that can be tested, and this spotty teenage boy isn’t there yet.

“Perhaps Shifu could recite it one more time for this lowly disciple? This disciple will pretend to forget so that his master may bestow his wisdom,” Peng Hongpeng continues, still totally failing to not smile.

“Ah, no, he’s completely disloyal too,” Shang Qinghua decides immediately.

“Bring back shrimp dumplings this time, Shifu,” Lin Wenjiao insists, with a final shove.

Do the other peak lords get pushed around by their conniving, young teenage disciples like this? Shang Qinghua doubts it! Most of the other peak lords cultivate an aura of, “I will have you thrown off the mountain if you dare to disrespect me by accidentally stepping on my robes.” Shang Qinghua has, unfortunately, ended up cultivating an air of, “If you step on my robes, on purpose or by accident, I’ll probably fall on my face and it’ll be really funny, like someone stepping on a banana peel or a rake.”

Chen Xuan’s head snaps up at the mention of food, from where she’s sorting through the Qiong Ding Peak papers that Peng Hongpeng has given her.

“Oohhh, with the red sauce!”

Shang Qinghua stops in the doorway at this outrageous fucking insolence! Even sneering An Ding Peak contemporaries who have tried to have him somehow disposed to take his position, greedy cultivators from other peaks who have gone behind his back to sell off sect shit, and slimy outsiders trying to otherwise topple or trouble Cang Qiong Mountain Sect haven’t been this egregiously shameless in their scheming! What the fuck is this shit? Shang Qinghua has experienced assassination attempts that haven’t been this gutsy! He looks down his nose at all of them.

“Mooches and thieves don’t get to make requests!” he snaps. “You’re disciples of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, not spoiled young masters! Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? I’m not running a restaurant here!”

“Pork and cabbage is good too,” Lin Wenjiao says, unfazed.

Ahhh~! If Shang Qinghua could go years back in time and redo just one little thing - if his shitty, no-good System would allow such a thing - it would be indulging the disciples! Teaching them is absolutely worthless, because they only learn all the wrong things! Or, at least, they use them in all the wrong ways! Getting more of them in the last Cang Qiong Mountain Sect entrance tests did not help, because the older ones fill the little baby disciples’ heads with ridiculous lies. Scheming, ungrateful, uppity brats!

【】

“Shifu, I heard from one of my Bai Zhan Peak acquaintances that you’re supposed to be meeting Liu-Shishu to go down the mountain together…?” Peng Hongpeng says, with innocence that Shang Qinghua could only pretend to believe.

And yet… ah, fuck… Shang Qinghua has no choice but to take the bait.

“Fine, I’m going! I’m going!” Shang Qinghua cries, throwing up his hands, leaving these disciples to the consequences of their conspiracy. “I’m leaving the mountain now, you don’t have any idea where I’ve gone, and I’m not to be disturbed for any reason! No matter what happens, don’t come running to me! If someone dies, hide the body before I get back, because I don’t want to know. Nothing that happens for the rest of the day is a Shifu-problem, got it?!”

“Yes, Shifu,” Peng Hongpeng says, with an insultingly low bow that is absolutely meant to mock his overworked, underappreciated, betrayed master.

“Byyyyyeeeee, Shifuuuuu,” Chen Xuan calls after him. “Have a good tiiiiime!”

Shang Qinghua knows for sure that he’s been betrayed when he goes to Bai Zhan Peak, only to be told by a waiting cultivator that Liu Qingge hasn’t been seen near the Tian Gong mountain range for at least a week. A week?! A WEEK?! Peng Hongpeng had to know that!

The Bai Zhan Peak cultivator tells him that their wandering peak lord is meant to be back later today or tomorrow, but then she just shrugs. Because… well… it’s good ol’ Liu Shidi, so who fucking knows what that really means? The man could be back tomorrow. He could be back in another week. He could be back in another two weeks, probably dragging the corpse of some demonic creature that’s supposed to be unkillable, would have left Liu Qingge alone if he hadn’t been invading some remote and unlivable location, and that sometimes even ends up starting a delightful inter-sect territory dispute for Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu, and Shang Qinghua to enjoy dealing with together.

Shang Qinghua is much more concerned with having to explain to Luo Jiahui that the offensively pretty brute who she kind of likes ditched her! What the fuck, Liu Qingge? What kind of person would ditch seeing Luo Jiahui in favor of wrestling monsters?! Shang Qinghua has vouched for his younger martial brother and his trust has been shattered into a thousand times pieces, and for what?! Sure, maybe this is a first offense! But Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law deserves better!

Shang Qinghua sneaks his way down to Sanjiao Town, thinking some very unkind thoughts about his errant shidi and about flaky, too-good-looking jocks in general. Ahhh, maybe Mu Qingfang’s grumpy statements after Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge’s disastrous and unspeakable mission were correct after all.

“‘If it were anyone else in the world, I’d accuse them of falling into succubus dens this frequently on purpose,’” Shang Qinghua mutters, kicking an offensively placed pebble, imagining that it's a war god's head. “Well, maybe it is on purpose! Who knows? He puts up the abstinent and celibate and noble act for one horrible mission of bro-ship with his shixiong, them bam! Goes back to- wait, Liu-Shidi can’t act.”

Shang Qinghua stands in the streets of Sanjiao Town and re-evaluates.

“Oh, no, what if he’s late because he’s dead?” Shang Qinghua realizes, thinking of the trouble that he knows for a fact Liu Qingge throws himself into. “System, bro, is he fucking dead?! What the fuck am I going to tell Jiahui?!”

All those efforts to shove calming teas and new meditation techniques down Liu Qingge’s throat? WASTED! Giving Mu Qingfang some of Shang Qinghua’s carefully curated and extremely precious plot devices, in order to help Liu Qingge and Shen fucking Qingqiu deal with their respective self-destructive tendencies? WASTED! Those painful and humiliating System missions? WASTED!

Good ol’ Liu-Shidi has probably gotten himself killed punching shark demons in an underwater volcano or some other intensely meat-headed bullshit! Because that’s just how he rolls! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Shang Qinghua tried to help the man, but it just wasn’t enough.

Shang Qinghua is this fucking close to flying back up the mountain and kicking down Yue Qingyuan’s door for help, when he runs into none other than Liu Qingge. Good ol’ Liu-Shidi, who is… against all the odds… not dead yet.

“Ahhh~! Of course!” a part of Shang Qinghua nods knowingly. “There hasn’t been sufficient proximity to Shen Qingqiu.”

He doesn’t know if the System is going to try to force the issue of Liu Qingge’s death or not, which is a major source of stress that sits neatly among all of his many other major sources of stress, but he at least knows that it’s not the right time and place yet for the plot to push the tragedy as it happened in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

“You’re late,” Liu Qingge says.

Ah, it looks like Shang Qinghua is going to be the one to kill Liu Qingge in this world. Okay. That's fine!

Shang Qinghua has a lot to say to that statement, most of which involves words that he’s not allowed to say and gestures that he’s not allowed to make within a certain distance to his sister-in-law’s house. Even though he’s like 99% certain that clever little Binghe knows a lot more bad words than his mama wants him to know, and that the fault almost certainly lies with Granny Sun and Auntie Tingting.

Anyway… "Seriously?! Fuck you, Liu Qingge! This overworked and underappreciated shixiong was actually considering getting upset over your untimely death! See if I put so much effort into lessening Mu Qingfang’s many burdens now!" Shang Qinghua thinks.

“I had work,” Shang Qinghua says. “You know… work?”

“No,” Liu Qingge says.

Shang Qinghua sputters, bewildered. What the fuck?!

“Well, some of us do work on our peaks! Every day,” he insists, completely wrong-footed. What does Liu Qingge mean "NO"?!

Liu Qingge looks unimpressed. He is unimpressed as only a man who got his position by beating the shit out of his predecessor - and whose successor, so he believes, will be the unlikely Bai Zhan Peak disciple who manages the impossible and successfully kicks the shit out of him - can be.

“If the work happens every day you should have been prepared for it.”

Shang Qinghua nearly sputters again, before realizing that… his shidi is… teasing him?! Liu Qingge’s arms may be crossed, but he’s smiling very slightly, and Shang Qinghua is suddenly very sure that he’s being teased!

“What the fuck! Liu-Shidi, you stop that right now! You’re not allowed to do that!” he thinks, stunned and furious.

As soon as Shang Qinghua narrows his eyes, Liu Qingge lets himself smile fully, then slaps Shang Qinghua on the shoulder. “Come on,” he says. “I was coming to look for you. I brought another guest.”

“What?!”

It took Shang Qinghua an embarrassingly long time to realize this, but Luo Jiahui, although a people-pleaser (very like Shang Qinghua) and a people-person (not at all like Shang Qinghua), doesn’t actually really like having people in her house. Not without “Brother-in-Law” or Granny Sun present too. Definitely not strangers. And Liu Qingge dared to show up early and to bring some random guest?!

“Who?” Shang Qinghua asks, dubious.

“You’ll see,” Liu Qingge says.

“Oh??? Liu Qingge has learned to obfuscate now as well as tease??? That’s extra not allowed! Who has been teaching him how to do these things?” Shang Qinghua thinks. “System Bro, surely this character development is illegal, isn’t it?!”

【】

The only person who Shang Qinghua sees upon entering his sister-in-law’s house is Luo Jiahui, who greets him as warmly as she always does. She puts aside whatever piece of food preparation she was busying herself with, even though it’s unnecessary, and gives him a welcoming hug.

“Hello, Sister-in-Law,” Shang Qinghua says, hugging her back.

Luo Jiahui pats him on the cheek and says, “Have you stopped bringing food up to the mountain entirely? You’re too thin!”

“Ah, Sister-in-Law is the only person in the world to have that opinion, I think,” Shang Qinghua answers, never totally sure whether she’s teasing him or if she’s totally serious, warmed either way.

“It’s all the training that he does,” Liu Qingge pronounces.

“Eh?”

Shang Qinghua could definitely be a worse practitioner of his martial and spiritual abilities - his sticky disciples looping him into things and panic attacks about the future force him to have a workout schedule - but he’s really not anywhere close to the standards of someone like Liu Qingge! Where the fuck did this come from?!

Ah, Liu Qingge is teasing him again!

“Oh? Is it training too hard that made Hua-Ge so late?” Luo Jiahui asks knowingly, tsking at him. “He should spend more time at his desk getting his work done!”

“I’m being attacked from all sides today,” Shang Qinghua announces in complaint. “And if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Sister-in-Law’s fault! When she finally opens her world-famous restaurant, my disciples will be her most loyal customers. Until then, my greedy disciples are only learning their techniques from beggars and leeches, out of desperation.”

Luo Jiahui turns a little pink. “I’m sure that they’re very cute and obedient leeches,” she says kindly.

Liu Qingge snorts.

“Ah, they’re really not,” Shang Qinghua agrees, looking at the master of avoiding disciples with no small amount of envy. Slyly, he says, “Sister-in-Law should really ask Liu-Shidi how his disciples are coming along sometime.”

Liu Qingge’s smirk drops immediately.

Ha! Take that, Liu Qingge!

“So, ah, where this guest that Liu-Shidi was telling me about?” Shang Qinghua asks, unable to see this mysterious invader. “Liu-Shidi wouldn’t say, so it has to be someone very scary whose name along would send me running back u- oh, fu-”

“Don’t curse,” Luo Jiahui says.

Shang Qinghua only barely manages to keep his curses on the inside. It’s a tight squeeze, though! He needs to spew curse words in order to make way for the sudden rise in sheer terror inside him.

“Haha, Madam Liu isn’t here… is she?”

He’s not prepared to deal with her! He’s definitely not prepared to deal with her in the mode of a potential mother-in-law, which she is definitely sharp-eyed enough to notice is a possible situation here. Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that he’s had nightmares about this exact situation, but he’s been putting off preparation and now it’s come back to bite him! Ah, fuck, he doesn’t even have Qi Qingqi here to throw into Madam Liu’s path so that he can run away this time.

"Liu-Shidi, you’re back on the shit-list for this shitty move! Permanently!" he thinks.

“No,” Liu Qingge says, smirking again. “But close.”

“Close?!”

“Come see,” Luo Jiahui says, with a much more gentle smile, raising a finger to her lips. “But be quiet, please. Sneaky steps.”

“Close?” Shang Qinghua repeats, in a desperate whisper, but neither Luo Jiahui nor Liu Qingge offer him any mercy. He’s probably not supposed to feel like they’re sneaking up on a terrible beast here and intend on feeding him to it, but he gets that feeling anyway, with his anxious imagination left to fend for itself.

“Sister-in-Law, please! You know your poor fake brother-in-law doesn’t like surprises!” he thinks, being dragged silently through the house.

Then he thinks, “Oh.”

There are two children sitting on the floor of Luo Binghe’s bedroom. There are two dark heads bent over books which have been laid out all across the floor. The fluffy head of the protagonist is easy enough to spot, of course, even without a visible manifestation of a golden halo. The other head belongs to a much taller child, with a scarf tied over the bottom half of their face, but it’d take a lot more than that to hide the painful resemblance to Liu Qingge.

The older child is reading one of the older picture books aloud, very intently.

Luo Binghe is also intent on this activity, but not so much that he doesn’t notice that they’re being watched. He looks up and brightens. Ah, there really might as well be a golden halo glowing behind his head! It would be just as bright!

“Uncle!” Luo Binghe pops to his feet, hops around the mess of books, and throws himself into Shang Qinghua’s stomach.

Shang Qinghua is very experienced with children now! At least, he’s experienced enough now to know how to brace for impact. And Luo Binghe, six years old now, is old enough to understand the great importance of aim. Shang Qinghua has, at the very least, experienced enough of children to appreciate this improved aim.

He ruffles the curls of the head buried in his stomach, which is a privilege granted to him by so foolishly involving himself in the plot before his time. And which is also very, very fluffy and soft and satisfying. One day, his protagonist son won’t be so small and cute and not-super-duper-deadly anymore, so Shang Qinghua won’t be able to get away with these uncle privileges like head-patting. But it’s nice for now!

Luo Binghe grins up at him.

“Oh, no!” Shang Qinghua cries. “What happened to Binghe’s mouth?!”

Luo Binghe’s grin, which was already OP in its cuteness, widens. He lets go of Shang Qinghua to stretch his bottom lip away from his gums, showing off the slightly bloody hole there. “I lost a tooth!” he crows. “But it’s okay, Uncle! It’s all fine! Don’t worry! Mama said that I’m getting new ones!”

“Ah, Bingbing, don’t show your uncle that,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Oh, that’s good!” Shang Qinghua says. “I thought that my nephew was going to have to go back to eating soft foods and that we’d have to feed him like a baby bird.”

Luo Binghe, who has let go of his lip, scrunches up his face in confusion.

Shang Qinghua pretends to throw up on his nephew.

Luo Jiahui giggles. “Houhua!”

It takes the protagonist a second, but Luo Binghe looks delighted when he understands. “Gross!” he declares, but happily. “I don’t want to eat like that. I like chewing food.”

Liu Qingge snorts again.

“Oh! Oh! Uncle Liu brought his sister to visit,” Luo Binghe reports. “We’re reading together. Mingyan says that she has more books than me at her house, but she hasn’t readed all of my books before, so we’re reading them now.”

“Read all my books before,” Luo Jiahui corrects.

“That’s what I said,” Binghe insists.

【】

Shang Qinghua looks past his fake nephew, towards his future martial niece, who has been hurriedly tidying up the books into a pile. Liu Mingyan shyly gets to her feet. Ah, she must be… nine years old now? Maybe ten years old? She’s taller than Shang Qinghua expected, but that’s not surprising when he thinks about it. Liu Qingge is pretty tall. She’s also several years older than the protagonist. She's getting close to disciple-age now.

Liu Mingyan looks a lot like her brother! She has the same eyes, the same brows, and the same overall shape to the face, though half of it is hidden underneath the scarf acting as her makeshift veil. The ponytail and simple clothing aren’t helping to lessen the family resemblance.

It’s… ahhh… Shang Qinghua feels really weird right now!

Liu Mingyan isn’t the first “wife” that he’s heard about since transmigration. Not even close! She’s not even the first “wife” he’s met in person. Over the past few years especially, ever since his extremely unwanted System Upgrade, Shang Qinghua has had some close calls with his protagonist son’s many, many love interests. He’s never had trouble mentally referring to them as “wives” before, but… right now… Shang Qinghua can’t think of Liu Mingyan that way!

His nephew is too young for any of that stuff to start! And so is she!

He has also mentally referred to this little girl as one of his "daughters" before, long before he ended up hanging out with Liu Qingge in any fashion, and he can't deal with that, so he's not going to!

Liu Mingyan bows to Shang Qinghua. “Immortal Master Shang.”

“Ah, none of that, please!” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “Uncle Shang is more than fine from my shidi’s younger sister and one of my few fans. It’s good to finally meet you, Young Mistress Liu. Welcome, welcome.”

Several years ago, Liu Qingge asked if he could borrow one of Luo Binghe’s one-of-a-kind books to show Liu Mingyan and Luo Jiahui agreed. Ever since, Liu Qingge has faithfully delivered requests for more tales of the Brave Hero Bing-Ge and other stories from his much doted-upon younger sister. Shang Qinghua first went along with it out of bemused novelty - it wasn’t too much hardship - and then out of the hope that it would make Liu Qingge be a little less… Liu Qingge out of gratitude. Which did not work. Now… now… Shang Qinghua has another fan, of sorts, and he doesn’t really know what to do about it.

Yet another really weird turn of events in Shang Qinghua’s unconventional transmigration experience!

“Thank you for the books, Uncle Shang,” Liu Mingyan agrees.

“Haha, so polite! Liu-Shidi, you should learn from your sister! Follow her example.”

Liu Qingge rolls his eyes.

“Why don’t we have some snacks and go out into the garden?” Luo Jiahui suggests. “It’s a lovely day outside.”

“Yes!” Binghe says excitedly, and tugs on Shang Qinghua’s hand. “Uncle, I made the snacks today. You have to try them! I’ll get you one!” He scampers off towards the kitchen, apparently unable to wait.

“Luo Binghe, wait for everyone before serving!” Luo Jiahui calls after him.

“...Did he make it by himself?” Shang Qinghua whispers curiously.

“Mostly,” Luo Jiahui answers. “With help.”

“Haha. He’s growing up so fast.”

【】

Shang Qinghua follows Luo Jiahui to the kitchen. Behind him, he can hear Liu Qingge extracting his younger sister from Luo Binghe’s room and books. That’s a challenge of child-herding that even Shang Qinghua hasn’t managed to escape. Good luck with that monster, Liu Qingge!

“Mingyan, you can’t stay in here and read all his books.”

“I’m almost done,” Liu Mingyan protests.

“No. Go eat and go outside.”

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Liu Mingyan.】

Liu Mingyan is pulled away from the books begrudgingly, but without physical force, and the snacks are delicious enough that she stops pouting obviously pretty quickly. Some of the snacks are a little lopsided and fall apart quickly, but they’re still very good. Shang Qinghua makes sure to tell the protagonist that his cooking skills are coming along very nicely. He’s only six, but Shang Qinghua is sure that his cooking prowess will quickly improve until he’s almost as good as his mother!

Luo Jiahui pinkens at the praise. Luo Binghe beams and nods.

“Mama, this tea is sooooo good,” Luo Binghe insists in turn, as he’s done at nearly every meal that Shang Qinghua has attended, ever since he learned to talk. Complimenting his mother, in the limited worldview of the young protagonist, is an essential part of mealtimes. “Thank you for the delicious tea. Isn’t the tea very delicious, Uncle?”

“This house always serves the best tea I’ve ever had,” Shang Qinghua says, agreeing with the protagonist immediately. “No one serves better tea than my sister-in-law. Very delicious!”

Luo Binghe looks at Liu Qingge and Liu Mingyan expectantly.

“Very good,” Liu Qingge agrees, amused.

Liu Mingyan nods politely.

Playtime in the garden happens next. Liu Mingyan lights up again when Luo Binghe goes to fetch some soft wood swords, among other toys. Shang Qinghua is not surprised when Liu Mingyan picks up one of the small swords and swings it around, that she already has noticeable form.

Luo Binghe notices and carefully mimics her movements with a furrowed brow. Ah, the determination of a budding protagonist!

Persuading Luo Binghe that he is not old enough to have a real sword yet has been… a battle. He’s six! He can do morning stretches and such with his adoptive mother and Granny Sun, sure, but Shang Qinghua isn’t so indulgent as an uncle that he’s about to start training the protagonist to kick ass already. He’s too little still! Much too young! They’ve still got lots of time before the plot starts! It’s waaaaay too soon.

Shang Qinghua already nearly died choking when, about a year ago, five-year-old Binghe came up to him and lied to his face, saying proudly, “Mama said that I can have a big sword now, Uncle.”

Luo Jiahui had many things to say about that scheme.

“Mingyan, play,” Liu Qingge snaps.

Liu Mingyan actually stomps her foot. It’s adorable. But she does turn towards Luo Binghe and say, “What do you want to play?”

“We can play one of the book stories,” Luo Binghe suggests.

Liu Mingyan seems interested in this concept. “Okay,” she says, nodding, and then takes control of the situation with the dignity of a general. ”We’ll act out the last book. You can be the Brave Hero Bing-Ge. And I’ll be the Veiled Lady Cultivator.”

Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky nearly dies choking again now.

Liu Qingge slaps him hard on the back. Stop helping, Liu-Shidi! That hurts!

“Hua-Ge, are you all right?” Luo Jiahui asks, concerned.

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I just… swallowed air… wrong.”

Liu Qingge and Luo Jiahui are both looking at him in concern now. Except Liu Qingge’s concern looks more like, “This is the guy in charge of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect logistics? THIS is the guy? Really? We should maybe invest in a back-up guy in case this guy forgets how to breathe.”

“I’ll get you some more tea,” Luo Jiahui decides.

This leaves Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge sitting outside together, watching Liu Mingyan recite made-up lines like she’s creating the very concept of theatre from scratch, as well as boss an equally serious Luo Binghe around the garden to make sure that he plays his very important part in the story correctly. Luo Binghe has always been a very agreeable playmate, so far as Shang Qinghua has seen, equally happy to lead or be led around by other children.

It's nice to get away from all the airs and stress of the sect like this.

“So, ah, your sister is still into the idea of a veil, huh?” Shang Qinghua comments.

“Mother finds the continuing obsession somewhat silly, but it makes Mingyan happy,” Liu Qingge answers. “Mingyan has never liked people commenting on her face.”

“All those relatives pinching cheeks?”

“And strangers,” Liu Qingge says. Then adds, “It’s annoying.”

Shang Qinghua laughs, mostly out of genuine humor. He doesn’t want to think about how often someone tried to kidnap Liu Mingyan in Proud Immortal Demon Way, due to rumors of her incomparable beauty. Liu Qingge definitely sounds like a protective older brother here, but also…

“Haha, did little Liu-Shidi get people pinching his cheeks and commenting on his face too?”

“Yes,” Liu Qingge says.

Shang Qinghua laughs again. “Such a quick answer!”

“It hasn’t stopped.”

“Ha! Ah, sorry, Liu-Shidi. That sounds very difficult,” Shang Qinghua says, calming himself, not for the first time actually pretty grateful for his comparably average face. Then, because he’s curious, he asks, “What do you think about a veil?”

Liu Qingge shrugs. “It’s her face.”

“Hm. Has Liu-Shidi ever considered wearing one?”

Shang Qinghua is mildly, maybe morbidly, curious here! He’s wondered what Bai Zhan Peak’s War God would look like if he tried to dress up like Proud Immortal Demon Way’s original Liu Mingyan. He wondered about that a lot when he first met Liu Qingge as a disciple, having no other frame of reference for one of his protagonist son’s “Big Three” wives than to imagine Liu Qingge in a veil.

Liu Qingge gives him a droll look. “No.”

“Haha. Fair enough.”

Across the garden, Liu Mingyan pauses in her dramatic, sword-shaking speech to make Luo Binghe take a few steps back, because he apparently isn’t positioned correctly, before she continues talking. Oh, Shang Qinghua does not have to wonder where she got that sort of bossiness.

“Does, ah, Mingyan have a lot of friends at home?” Shang Qinghua asks.

Liu Qingge shrugs again. “Mother says she should make more.”

“Ah.”

Another mention of Madam Liu makes Shang Qinghua have a terrible thought.

It is an absolutely terrifying thought.

It is a thought that makes him want to run in circles, shrieking in terror.

“Liu-Shidi,” he says, deathly serious. “Does Madam Liu know that you have your sister? Does she know that you brought Mingyan here for a play-date?”

“Father said it was fine.”

“Ahhh!” Shang Qinghua thinks. “What the fuck?! That’s not an answer!”

Luo Jiahui comes back with more tea and sets it up on the little table outside, serving the three of them. Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge thank her, just in time for Liu Mingyan to march up to them, with Luo Binghe trailing after her.

“Gege, we need a fire demon. You can be the fire demon.”

“Fine,” Liu Qingge says.

Liu Mingyan’s discerning eyes travel over Shang Qinghua, judges him unworthy (fair enough), before landing on Luo Jiahui.

“Auntie Jiahui, you can be the tree spirit princess,” she declares.

“Oh? All right, then,” Luo Jiahui agrees, amused.

“The fire demon has to kidnap the tree spirit princess now,” Liu Mingyan instructs next. “Auntie Jiahui, you need to act afraid of Gege.”

“Afraid?” Luo Jiahui repeats, taking a seat and smiling at Liu Qingge, who hasn’t gotten up yet in favor of smiling back at Luo Jiahui. “But he looks like such a nice fire demon to me.”

“He’s not. He’s very mean,” Liu Mingyan says, authoritatively.

Luo Binghe nods. “The meanest!”

“Hm,” Liu Qingge says.

“And ugly,” Liu Mingyan insists, scowling at her brother.

“Are you sure?” Luo Jiahui teases again. “I think he’s very handsome.”

Shang Qinghua is the oldest person here, counting both lives, but he’s pretty sure that he’s making the exact same disgusted expression that he thinks Liu Mingyan is making under her face covering. Ah, flirting between his sister-in-law and younger martial brother? Weird! Still weird! Never not weird! Liu Qingge looks like he’s trying to remain relatively impassive, but he’s still smiling, which is making Luo Jiahui turn a little pink herself.

Luo Binghe hops from one foot to the next, uncertainly, catching his mother’s attention.

“But not as handsome as Bingbing, of course,” Luo Jiahui says quickly, reaching out to tap her son on the nose. “My Binghe is of course the most handsome!”

【】

Liu Mingyan apparently decides to skip over all of this. “Gege, you have to kidnap the tree spirit princess now, so that we can rescue her.”

“Why am I doing that?” Liu Qingge asks.

“Because she’s the most beautiful princess in the world!”

“Ah,” Liu Qingge says, understandingly. “But the tree spirit princess says that he’s the most handsome in the world, so shouldn’t I steal him instead?”

Liu Mingyan and Luo Binghe both frown. “What?”

And, before anyone can react further, Liu Qingge launches forward and scoops up Luo Binghe. He throws the boy effortlessly over his shoulder and takes off through the garden. Luo Binghe shrieks in surprise and drops his toy sword, kicking uselessly, in that the kicks land but War God Liu Qingge doesn’t seem to notice the blows at all.

“THAT’S NOT HOW THE STORY GOES,” Liu Mingyan howls after her brother. “GEGE, LET HIM GO!”

“Come rescue him!” Liu Qingge calls.

He tosses Luo Binghe into the air and catches him again, then takes off before Mingyan can come kick him in the shins with what looks like all the resentment in her nine-year-old heart, while Binghe shrieks in what looks like overexcited delight.

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua thinks fondly, looking after them. “Liu-Shidi really is a doting older brother!”

Aloud, he says, “Liu-Shidi is good with children, huh, Sister-in-Law?”

Luo Jiahui frowns at him. “Shush.”

“Ah, okay! Okay! But you should put that under ‘very handsome’ on your list of good qualities he has,” Shang Qinghua insists, then laughs when Luo Jiahui’s frown only deepens. “Haha, just kidding. Just kidding! Anyway! Did Liu-Shidi ask before bringing over his sister to visit?”

“He did,” Luo Jiahui informs him, still pink around the cheeks. “He asked me months ago if it would be all right. I told him that it was.”

“Oh, good,” Shang Qinghua says. “Sister-in-Law should, ah, be more careful if Liu-Shidi ever tries to bring his mother to visit, okay? I need some advance warning for that, please. As much as you can give me.”

Luo Jiahui looks amused again. “I will keep that in mind.”

“That’s, aha, not a promise, Sister-in-Law,” Shang Qinghua points out.

“Hm. It’s not,” Luo Jiahui agrees.

"So cruel!"

Across the garden, Liu Qingge finally drops Luo Binghe, making sure that the boy is steady back on his feet, before dodging his sister’s attempt to gut him with a wooden sword. Luo Binghe wobblingly tries to grab Liu Qingge’s feet, to hold him still. But Liu Qingge jumps over him and snatches up Liu Mingyan next, running away with her now. Liu Mingyan screams. Luo Binghe eagerly snatches up her fallen toy sword and gives chase after them.

Given that Liu Qingge regularly takes on the rest of Bai Zhan Peak and hands everyone their own asses, young Liu Mingyan and Luo Binghe have no chance of taking him down, but they’re trying their best. Oh, very ambitious is the next generation to be challenging a war god already!

“Binghe asked me something very interesting the other day,” Luo Jiahui says, a little suddenly and much too casually.

It puts all of Shang Qinghua instantly on alert, because that’s the sort of voice his disciples use when they’re about to tell him that a very important warehouse has flooded or that a whole bunch of temperature control arrays have failed. It’s the same voice that his contemporaries use when someone just delivered several carts of what may or may not be completely worthless crap and the merchant who delivered them has gone conveniently missing. It’s the voice that his fellow Peak Lords use when they’re about to tell him that they need him to supply them with something that’s only found at the bottom of a dark pit, which is at the bottom of a lake, which is underneath a mountain, which is in the Demon Realm.

“Ah… good interesting?” Shang Qinghua asks, warily.

Luo Jiahui thinks about it.

Oh, no. She has to think about it.

“Interesting,” she repeats.

Oh, no.

“...What did he ask?”

“Well… it happened after Binghe was playing with Tingting and Anyue’s children, because they were talking about how babies happen.”

“Oh?” Shang Qinghua says, absolutely terrified.

He’s not explaining “the birds and the bees” to a future stallion protagonist! Nope! He really can’t do it for too many reasons to list! Isn’t Luo Binghe way too young for that sort of talk, anyway?! Luo Jiahui really can’t ask this of him!

“I’ve explained to Binghe that it takes two people to make babies.”

“Usually,” a totally unhelpful part of Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s brain offers him, through the overwhelming relief. Considering some of Proud Immortal Demon Way’s many plot devices and inconsistent mechanics, babies don’t always need two parents to happen. Sometimes just one! Sometimes three! Sometimes more! Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky really has, aha, a lot of weird crap to answer for in this world.

“I’ve also explained that sometimes people’s birth parents die or have to go away for some reason,” Luo Jiahui continues. “So some people only have one parent… or no birth parents. So they have to be looked after by someone else. Binghe knows that I found him in the Luochuan River.”

Luo Jiahui seems to want a response to that.

“Yes,” Shang Qinghua says.

Luo Binghe has thankfully never seemed bothered by this at all! The protagonist is going to have a lot of surprises later in life, but at least he’s not going to have to deal with suddenly finding out that he’s adopted too. He already knows that much.

“...Did Binghe ask about his birth parents?” Shang Qinghua realizes.

Shit! That’s actually worse than "the birds and the bees"! He hasn’t figured out how to have the “the humans and the demons” talk either! Shang Qinghua hasn’t even figured out how to broach the truth of Tianlang-Jun and Su Xiyan with Luo Jiahui, much less with the six-year-old protagonist, because no matter how he tries to script it, it’s just not an easy problem. Seriously, what is he supposed to say?! “When a sexy Heavenly Demon Emperor and a sexy Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivator fall in forbidden love, sometimes they make an OP half-demon and half-human protagonist baby called Luo Binghe.”

No, he’s not saying that! So he’s not saying anything!

Luo Jiahui shakes her head. “Ah, not yet. Binghe knows that his birth parents have passed away and he hasn’t asked about them at all yet.”

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, too relieved not to show it.

Luo Jiahui, watching him closely, definitely notices.

“So, ah, what did he ask?”

“Well, Binghe knows that Granny Sun isn’t my birth mother or your birth mother. I told him that she was just a friend of the family,” Luo Jiahui explains haltingly. “Somehow Binghe took that-… Binghe asked me if Granny Sun found me in a river too or if she found me somewhere else.”

Shang Qinghua blinks, then laughs.

Luo Jiahui smiles.

“Ahhh, that’s too cute!” Shang Qinghua says.

“He was very disappointed to hear that Granny Sun did not find me in the Luochuan River too,” Luo Jiahui agrees. However, her smile quickly turns strained, and she says very seriously and very quickly, “I would like to take Binghe to meet my birth family.”

If Shang Qinghua had been taking a sip of tea right now, he would have totally choked on it. That would have been the end of him, for sure!

“Aha, what?”

Unfortunately, Luo Jiahui does not look like she’s kidding.

She looks very, very, very earnest about this.

Oh, fuck.

【NEW MISSION.】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui.】

“Oh, fuck you, System Bro!” Shang Qinghua thinks immediately. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Get out of here! Go away! Fuck off!”

【Mission importance: Mandatory. Penalties for failure.】

Shang Qinghua has not enjoyed the complimentary System Upgrade, which had been conveniently scheduled for the middle of the night about four years ago now. He woke up the next morning with a pop-up window informing him that the upgrade had been successfully completed, followed by another pop-up window welcoming him to his revitalized transmigration experience and congratulating him on his upgraded character role. He screamed very loudly that morning. He may have thrown some things too. And screamed a lot more. Stupid fucking no-good System!

The System changes haven’t… they haven’t always been bad. Sometimes they’re just very, very weird. Mostly, though, they totally suck.

He gains and loses points in strange amounts, randomly, for unknowable reasons. The answers the System gives him are super vague and don’t have any real details! “Character Relationship Development”! “Plot Hole Expansion”! “Character Motivation Development”! Work it out yourself what that means, says his no-good System, more or less! Shang Qinghua has not been great at keeping track of the notifications or analyzing what they mean. He spent the first bit post-upgrade trying not to PANIC over the return of something that felt a whole fucking lot like the return of the fucking OOC lock. Every pop-up window sent him spiraling. It was bad.

Now? Now… he mostly keeps himself sane by telling himself that it’s always extremely small point shifts and that he overall seems to net more points than he loses. The increased number of missions helps with that. "Mission Progress" is an easy one to work out.

The increased number of missions, though? They suck!

Oh, man. “A Thousand and One Flowers for Liu Qingge” ? That mission definitely improved Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge’s unexpected bro-ship! With Shang Qinghua's exhausted approval offered, it advanced Liu Qingge and Luo Jiahui’s blushing relationship to “not exactly not courting”! It improved Shang Qinghua’s relationship with Qian Cao Peak Lord Mu Qingfang and garnered some measure of respect from the other Peak Lords! It netted him a nice number of points! But also? BUT ALSO?! It totally scarred Shang Qinghua for life! It sucked!

What the fuck, System Bro?! Not cool!

Then there’s been the artifact and information retrieval missions for Mobei-Jun, who has been… weird. The various missions with various Peak Lords for Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, which are usually very fucking weird, on top of being incredibly stressful. There have been some cute An Ding Peak disciple and not-so-cute An Ding Peak cultivator missions, which are barely less stressful. And a couple of missions to do with the residents of Sanjiao Town who are Luo Jiahui’s friends, which are also stressful - but usually in a slice-of-life kind of way, which is usually better than the life-or-death kind of way, so that’s something.

There’s also the ongoing, mandatory, very plot-relevant mission he currently has right now helping Yue Qingyuan! Seriously, what the FUCK, System Bro?! Shang Qinghua is in the middle of a martial family mission! He doesn’t need this one too!

Some people say that life is just one fucking thing after another. This was, admittedly, very true about the original Proud Immortal Demon Way. One formulaic, fan-service plot after another, one monster plot after another, one wife plot after another, so that Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky could eat noodles and pay rent. Shang Qinghua’s transmigration experience, this second life of his, has not been like this. The fucking things overlap.

He still has all of the Peak Lord duties he had before!

Oh, this is what he gets for daring to wish that he could have a vacation. He gets a mission instead.

Fuck.

Shang Qinghua clears his throat. “Jiahui, are you… are you sure about this?” he asks. “You didn’t- I mean- when you parted ways…”

“I know,” Luo Jiahui says softly. “I’m… I’m as sure as I’m ever going to be, I think. Even with… even with how we parted ways, I-... things have changed. Things have changed for me. So, maybe things have changed for them too? I want to speak with my parents again and see if they can ever forgive me for how we parted ways.”

Shang Qinghua somehow doesn’t think Luo Jiahui is the one who needs to be forgiven, but okay! He knows that, in many places in this world (and in his last world), in the eyes of many people, it doesn’t work like that.

“I’ve made a good life,” Luo Jiahui says determinedly. “I have a good son. My luck was bad before, but then Brother-in-Law came into my life and he helped me. Even if my… even if my parents still don’t want to see me, I want to know that they’re all right. I want to see my siblings again and see that they're happy and doing well. I’ve gone so long without knowing… and so have they. I miss them. I hoped they’ve missed me. And even if they haven’t, I still want them to know that I’m all right.”

Well, Shang Qinghua can kind of understand that! He can understand a “fuck you” victory tour. He can respect a "fuck you" victory tour. Proud Immortal Demon Way, in fact, had a lot of "fuck you" victory tours. However, Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that this is not going to be that. He's also pretty sure that this won’t end without a lot of crying all around. He’s pretty sure that it won’t be good crying either.

“If… If Sister-in-Law really wants to go,” Shang Qinghua says.

Even if the System wasn’t flashing in his eyes, he… he doesn’t think that he’d be able to say no. He-... Shang Qinghua isn’t actually sure that he’s ever told Luo Jiahui no when she’s asked for something directly. Fuck. Luo Jiahui doesn’t ask for many things directly, is the thing! He hasn’t been able to get in any practice at refusing her, face-to-face like this! Shang Qinghua would say yes even if the System wasn't butting in.

“I have to try,” Luo Jiahui insists, then smiles. “Thank you, Brother-in-Law. I’m- I would like you to come with us, if you have the time, to keep us safe on the road and in case… in case things don’t go well.”

Shang Qinghua nods.

He really, really doesn’t think that things will go well. If they were going to go well, the fucking System wouldn’t be involved.

“I’ll, ah, see what I can do!” he says, already thinking through all the arrangements he’s going to have to make to get that sort of time for family matters. He thinks that he can swing it! But it might be costly, in various ways, and Yue Qingyuan probably isn’t going to be happy about it.

Better now than next year, though. Shang Qinghua can miss some of the event planning now, probably, so long as he assigns things to the right people! He can make his excuses to Yue Qingyuan and, ah, to Mobei-Jun.

He can do this! It’ll be fine! It’s just one more mission to do!

“How soon does Sister-in-Law want to go?” he asks.

“I’d like at least a week to let everyone know,” Luo Jiahui says thoughtfully. “My friends and my customers and the disciples at the clinic. Granny Sun says she’ll watch the house. But I’d like to travel as soon as you can make yourself available for the journey, please, Hua-Ge. I don’t want to waste anymore time. Time is so precious.”

“Yeah. All right,” Shang Qinghua says, only a little weakly. “Okay.”

【Mission objective: Meet Luo Jiahui’s family.】

“Thank you,” Luo Jiahui says.

【】

"Ah, what is family for, right?" Shang Qinghua says cheerfully, and a little miserably.

There's no way out of this.

They finally look back across the garden. Liu Qingge isn’t carrying either of the children anymore and is instead perched on the edge of a roof, looking extremely amused, while his younger sister shouts at him about cheating and Luo Binghe brandishes his toy sword in agreement.

“Get down from there, please!” Luo Jiahui calls.

Liu Qingge does a backflip off the roof, because he’s an asshole like that, and then scoops both Liu Mingyan and Luo Binghe up in his arms. No amount of wriggling, kicking, giggling, or screaming gets either of them free from the War God of Bai Zhan Peak. Liu Qingge only looks annoyed and slightly pained when Liu Mingyan starts brutally yanking on his hair like she's trying to tear it out.

“Mama, Uncle, save us!” Binghe shrieks.

“Oh, no, it looks like we’d better help,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Eh, I’m not getting in the middle of that!” Shang Qinghua protests. “I wasn’t even given a part in the story! It’s up to the tree spirit princess to save the day this time. Good luck with that terrible fire demon, though!”

“Uncle, pleeeeease!”

Luo Jiahui looks at him reproachfully and says, “He said ‘please’.”

“Oh, well, if he said ‘please’! That changes everything!”

At Luo Jiahui's urging, Shang Qinghua reluctantly gets up to go save the young protagonist with her.

Might as well enjoy being able to do that while it lasts!

Shang Qinghua fosters the impossible hope that something or someone will swoop in and stop this latest mission, even though it’s never happened before. Even if a miracle does pop up, the arguments that sway the System are rare and not easily stumbled upon. Even if the masters he’s beholden to staunchly forbid him from taking anything resembling a vacation - personal leave, he thinks this sort of not-vacation is called - he would probably still have to do the fucking mission. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky has no greater, no crueler, no more inescapable master in this second life than the shitty, fucking, no-good System.

Eat your hearts out, Yue Qingyuan and Mobei-Jun.

Shang Qinghua has managed to wrangle some of the potential penalties for mission-dodging here out of the System, which has always been reluctant to tell him anything, unless it’s being mean to him, as though eternally annoyed that it’s stuck with a shitty, fucking, no-good host like him. There’s a significant point loss associated with abandoning this mission, of course. The maximum potential loss of points, as calculated by the System, could wipe out a frightening chunk of Shang Qinghua’s hard-earned savings!

He notices that the System doesn’t tell him the minimum potential loss of points for mission-dodging. No matter how much he jabs and complains. Like the System is concerned that Shang Qinghua will try to finesse his way through the laziest route possible if it gives him too much information! Like just a few helping hints is a slippery slope to Shang Qinghua jailbreaking his Transmigration System!

Fine! The System’s not wrong, exactly, Shang Qinghua would absolutely hack his fucking System if he had any idea how to do that, but also: fuck the System for this restrictive bullshit! This is Shang Qinghua’s transmigration experience! He should get to do things the way he wants, especially given that he’s the Author God of this world. Doesn’t “Word of God” mean anything anymore?! None of this is canon, anyway, and anything he does can’t be OOC when he’s the only Shang Qinghua there’s ever been in this world!

【Other potential penalties for mission abandonment include: an impact on the host’s ability to earn points in the future.】

Haha, what the fuck?

In his long and filthy climb to the top of An Ding Peak, Shang Qinghua has dealt with (and continues to occasionally deal with): shady merchants, snake oil salesmen, slimy conmen, grifters, blackmailers, shady rogue cultivators, shady sect cultivators, thieves, liars, and any number of truly, truly delightful people. He is very sure right now that the System is bending the truth here, whatever the truth may be.

Unfortunately, Shang Qinghua’s leverage is limited, if he has any to begin with, since the System has no physical form for him to fucking strangle the full truth out of.

His only hope, really, faint though it may be, is Luo Jiahui changing her mind.

The mission can’t happen if the quest-giver takes the quest back, right? Why does Luo Jiahui want to visit her birth family, anyway? They suck! They threw her out and abandoned her when she needed them most! Shang Qinghua hasn’t met his fake in-laws personally yet, but he knows a thing or two about family that think piety is a one-way street, and surely he’d really be doing her a favor talking her out of it.

But, ah, with the System looming over him, Shang Qinghua can’t quite bring up the courage to try screwing it to the sticking place. Especially not when Luo Jiahui seems so hesitantly pleased by his agreement. She’s so hopeful that her fortune really has changed for the better. So grateful for Shang Qinghua’s support.

Ahhh, maybe the mission won’t go so badly. What if Shang Qinghua talks her out of it and talks her out of reuniting with sobbing, loving parents prepared to grovel for her forgiveness? Even if her parents keep being shitty, what if Shang Qinghua talks Luo Jiahui out of a heart-warming reunion with her older brother and her younger sister? Shang Qinghua has had bad luck with birth families twice now, but he knows that doesn’t mean they’re all bad. He knows that other people sometimes get nice, happy families.

So, Shang Qinghua holds off on all desperate measures, including his no-good idea of poking Liu Qingge for help. Luo Jiahui would really be mortified if Shang Qinghua came anywhere close to mentioning her difficult past to others, he’s sure, and good ol’ Liu-Shidi hasn’t really met any problem that he wasn’t willing to face head-on and headbutt in the face. Liu Qingge won’t advocate for the cowardly route.

Even when the cowardly route is objectively the much more intelligent option, the man is stubborn! Liu Qingge just has too much honor and courage and skill! It can alternatively make the man a really great quest partner - just point him at the bad guys and stand back, no extra effort needed - or the worst quest partner ever.

So, Liu Qingge and Liu Mingyan leave without being told about the Luo Family Vacation Mission. Liu Mingyan, apparently now embarrassed (and outraged) at being so easily provoked by her brother, thanks Luo Jiahui for her hospitality quietly and with great politeness. Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe thank her for coming so sincerely that she recovers enough confidence to ask Shang Qinghua when he’s going to send her another book.

Shang Qinghua struggles not to laugh in her face. Ha! It’s not that the request is super outrageous or unflattering, but because readers don’t change in any universe apparently! Update, update, update! Ahhh, what a universal constant!

Unfortunately, Shang Qinghua is much too busy to write at the moment, torn between as many cruel and unfeeling masters as he is, and he’s forced to apologize to one of his three fans in this world. He’d like to write something for her, he really would! But he’s just so busy right now! This transmigrator isn’t accepting any more missions!

Liu Mingyan is obviously disappointed. But Luo Binghe saves the day by scampering off to his room and bringing back one of his old books, one of the ones he knows that Liu Mingyan doesn’t have back home. After some visible anxiety over parting with one of his treasures, the protagonist generously announces that Liu Mingyan can borrow it. Liu Mingyan accepts the book and thanks him politely for the gesture.

Luo Binghe beams at her. Luo Jiahui smiles at both of them.

It’s, ah, not the same smile, unrelated by blood as they are, but it also very much is.

【】

【】

Shang Qinghua absentmindedly checks the System's reasoning behind these point changes. Hm. "Plot Hole Expansion” and "Character Relationship Development”, apparently. But they're such miniscule shifts, as they often are, that it's hard to pay them any attention in the face of a new mission.

Before Shang Qinghua follows the Liu siblings out, Luo Jiahui gives him an out.

“I would prefer that you come with us, but… you do not have to… and the journey can wait until you are not so busy,” Luo Jiahui says, after thanking him again for his support. “Time is very precious, but… the matter only feels so urgent because I have been putting off asking for so long. It can wait.”

“If we wait until I’m not so busy, then we’ll be waiting forever,” Shang Qinghua jokes.

Luo Jiahui smiles, clearly relieved.

“I’ll make time,” Shang Qinghua promises. “Time with family is precious.”

Four years ago, he definitely wouldn’t have been able to say that at all, much less with a straight face, but things have changed. If Luo Jiahui is going to say embarrassing and vulnerable things to his face, then he can repeat some of those things back to her. It’s not so hard! Ahhh, well, it’s actually very difficult and he kind of hates it, but Shang Qinghua is practicing and it’s worth it to see Luo Jiahui’s smile widen like that.

“Hua-Ge is so good to us,” she says, again. “Thank you for your help.”

“All Sister-in-Law ever needs to do to get my help is ask,” Shang Qinghua insists.

She hugs him, before he goes.

All the way back up the mountain, Shang Qinghua ignores whatever equivalent to smugness the System is radiating. Well, he allows himself to think as many nasty words to it that he can come up with inside of two minutes, then he goes back to ignoring it. He really wishes he could have agreed to help his fake sister-in-law without the System getting involved, ignoring the will of the author himself in order to push along its own plot.

The next day, Shang Qinghua travels to the sect leader’s office on Qiong Ding Peak to privately discuss taking time away from the sect for personal matters. The first of Shang Qinghua’s masters quickly proves that he won’t be the one to challenge the System’s rulings. Shang Qinghua only gets as far as mentioning “going back home to visit family and make sure that everything is all right with our important people” before Sect Leader Yue Qingyan nods. The man hears out the rest of Shang Qinghua’s babbling, though, all of his many apologies about leaving the sect during such important preparations.

But Shang Qinghua is watching his “Big Bro” carefully enough to spot the right microexpressions - to know the exact moment when Zhangmen-Shixiong decides to allow the Luo Family Vacation Mission to go ahead.

He, ah, chose his words very carefully.

“We can of course spare Shang-Shidi from his duties for a time if he need tend to family matters,” Yue Qingyuan says, a peerless example of immortal graciousness. He even smiles, distant and indulgent, and says, “Arrangements will somehow continue to be made without Shang-Shidi’s diligent direct supervision.”

“Haha, are you sure?” Shang Qinghua says, before he can help it.

There’s an issue with the water on Ku Xing Peak, which is currently being investigated, and Shang Qinghua has a hunch that it could go to shit quickly back behind his back, even though he's pretty sure the water at least isn't haunted. Xi Jiao Peak is dealing with a literal shit problem - monster shit, for specialty potions, it’s disgusting - that could end up pissing off some pretty important business partners. Xian Shu Peak is in the process of changing a long-time supplier. Qian Cao Peak is dealing with another sect accusing them of plagiarism. Wan Jian Peak needs a smelter replaced. And that’s just getting started.

Yue Qingyuan’s smile widens slightly.

Shang Qinghua switches back to respectability, rather than dwell on ugly responsibilities and responsibilities that could turn ugly out of nothing more than spite . “Thank you for this allowance, Zhangmen-Shixiong.”

“Shang-Shidi’s familial piety is admirable,” Yue Qingyuan says.

They of course have to discuss some of the arrangements that must be made if Shang Qinghua is to go on a personal mission at this time, like who’s going to be put in charge of what, what needs to be postponed, how long he’s going to be gone, and so on. Yue Qingyuan, bro among bros, goes as far as offering escort, supplies, and any other sect support to Shang Qinghua’s family, but Shang Qinghua insists that this is a personal matter. He falls back upon his sister-in-law’s desire for privacy in this trying time. Yue Qingyuan acquiesces respectfully, though he assures Shang Qinghua with a smile (only slightly strained) that there are members of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect who would neither gawk nor gossip.

Haha, Shang Qinghua kind of doubts that. Shang Qinghua is tempted to ask for these names - he’d like names, thanks, give him the damn names of these mythical people - but refrains in favor of doubling-down on his earlier statement. Now is not the time to get into a debate about the brutally sharp and viciously thoughtless wagging tongues of the cultivation world. Many of them are profoundly unkind even before political motivations come into it.

“In Shang-Shidi’s absence, if necessary, I will call on our martial siblings to assist with preparations,” Yue Qingyuan says, when the conversation turns to Shang Qinghua’s other mission. “Perhaps the personal attention of a peak lord will go a long way into quelling the complaints and distrust of our friends in other sects.”

Ha! Shang Qinghua definitely doubts that.

Also, he doesn’t reeeeeally want the other peak lords touching his stuff while he’s gone? There’s an equal chance that this will mean less work for him and that this will actually mean more work for him when one of his martial siblings fucks something up. It's a coin toss!

But, ah, Shang Qinghua’s mind goes another place too and his heart immediately swells with knowing pity. Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan’s statement was totally normal, said in a super casual tone, with no indication of personal motivations on his handsome face. But Shang Qinghua also happens to know that a certain peak lord is in one of his “not fucking talking or looking at Yue Qingyuan unnecessarily” moods, so it would make sense that around now their sect leader might be getting a little desperate for attention.

Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky knows how it is.

“That sounds good,” Shang Qinghua says, swallowing his pitying heart.

The sect leader’s office is a nice place. It’s very befitting an immortal master who leads other immortal masters. The desk and shelves indicate that someone really works here, but it’s not a harried or cluttered space (unlike Shang Qinghua’s own office during busy times), suggesting that the illustrious owner still has plenty of time for lengthy contemplation on the mysteries of the universe. The workspace is clean and open, elegant in its decorations, refined in its organization, and just the right amount of whispering wealth without tipping into ostentatiousness. It’s peaceful and inviting, but also a little intimidating. Shang Qinghua is a little envious. This room appears to be effortlessly everything that it’s supposed to be, much like the man who works here.

Shang Qinghua kind of fucking hates coming here.

Because he can’t help but see through it now.

He knows where that nice desk was commissioned from only five years ago, that the artifact on one of those shelves is actually an ornamental replica, and he can pick out at least one book there that he knows was written by a charlatan (who the protagonist will someday out as a cheat). He knows where they get the incense Yue Qingyuan uses, what the disciples use to clean the floors in here (specially installed flooring by a predecessor with, in Shang Qinghua’s opinion, shit taste in décor), and which priceless decorations will be due for restoration soon. He knows the boring, bureaucratic bullshit written on the papers on Yue Qingyuan’s desk. Yue Qingyuan is a humble man, generally, but he knows the value of appearances, and the trappings of their lofty sect take maintenance.

Shang Qinghua can see through the formidable, greatly respected man sitting behind the desk too. Not as the man who keeps this world running - with relative smoothness, he likes to think, most of the time - but as the man who originally built it.

Even if Shang Qinghua didn’t have a good reason for fucking off into the blue, maybe Yue Qingyuan would allow it anyway, just to pull Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s second-highest peak lord into all the political wrangling and organizational logistics happening right now. Shang Qinghua has been playing go-between lately, as he pretty much always has, which is essentially his job, so with Shang Qinghua away on a terrible, terrible mission…

Shang Qinghua really wants to say something here.

Shen Qingqiu had another mild qi deviation earlier this year - as mild as a qi deviation can be at his level (though, admittedly, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky abused the qi deviation trope so hard that there is a ludicrous variety of types of qi deviation in this world) - and seems to be recovering and maintaining his health now by pretending that everything and everyone he hates doesn’t exist. While the realized version of the infamous scum villain can be a masterful tactician, a formidable political player, and an adept organizer under the right circumstances… his way of doing things can leave a lot of messes for Shang Qinghua to clean up. There’s often lots and lots of placating to do!

Lots of, “Oh, yes, Random Minor Sect Leader, Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu definitely didn’t mean it when he implied that you were a complete fucking moron for using fire against a monster famous for being greatly strengthened by fire to the point of reproducing exponentially. My shixiong must have been talking about someone else, probably that rival you hate. Anyway, have I mentioned that your ego is looking particularly handsome and, dare I say, sexy today?”

So, ah, Shang Qinghua is a little worried that if Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu share the same space for too long while he’s away, he’ll come back to pick up all his work again, only to find all his hard work on fire, their various alliances and arrangements already burned to a crisp, and everyone within a certain blast radius probably emotionally devastated to the point of needing medical attention. Because feeling too sad is dangerous in this world, because a hack called Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky needed the fucking drama.

Anyway, maybe he should say something to Yue Qingyuan now?

He could say something.

He doesn’t have to hold a full intervention, he can just say something.

But Shang Qinghua doesn’t say anything, like he’s never said anything, because the desk between him and Yue Qingyuan feels like it has the length of a wide canyon. Yue Qingyuan’s friendly mask has the height of a great wall. The symptoms of this problem might be Shang Qinghua’s problem, but the problem itself isn’t.

So Shang Qinghua looks Yue Qingyuan in the eye, finishes discussing sect logistics, thanks him profusely for his time, his patience, his generosity, and his understanding, and then skedaddles like the shitty fucking coward he is.

Really! The problem is so obvious that the only reason that Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu haven’t solved it by now - given that, in this realized version of Proud Immortal Demon Way, they are experienced and wise and observant immortal masters - must be because Shang Qinghua’s terrible senior martial brothers don’t want to solve the problems in their relationship. Him butting into things after all these years wouldn’t just be unwanted and suspicious, but probably also useless. He has no proof that things wouldn’t just get worse if he stupidly got involved.

Why ruin an already ruined thing? There’s no point!

Shen Qingqiu is probably doomed anyway, unless he can get his act together by the time Shang Qinghua’s nephew comes to join the sect, so that probably means that Yue Qingyuan is doomed too. Just… taking into account the dangerous rules of heartbreak in Shang Qinghua’s shitty cultivation novel. Sorry, bros, it’s not personal, but you’re fucked!

Shang Qinghua shakes his head all the way back to An Ding Peak.

It kind of helps.

Well, it doesn’t help, but it’s worked so far, right?

He’s got more important things to worry about! He’s successfully managed some leave from the mission he was already doing, in favor of this Luo Family Vacation Mission. Now, Shang Qinghua just has to get leave from his other master, which… ah… well, it shouldn’t be too difficult. Shang Qinghua actually hopes that it’ll be less weird.

Things have changed between Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun again. Their relationship has gone through a lot of changes over the years - Mobei-Jun taking over a chunk of his father’s responsibilities, Shang Qinghua becoming a peak lord, Shang Qinghua secretly adopting the protagonist - but before, Shang Qinghua always had a decent understanding of why. Mobei-Jun is tempestuous and difficult to read always, but Shang Qinghua had a better grasp of the overall shape of their arrangement before… well… before That Night.

Mobei-Jun walking in on him drunk is the best clue that Shang Qinghua has when it comes to unravelling the mystery of this latest, slow-moving change. Sucks that Shang Qinghua barely remembers the gist of the conversation then! Also sucks that Shang Qinghua sucks at mysteries sometimes!

And that the only way of ever knowing if he’s right is asking Mobei-Jun.

That’s, ah, never happening.

Shang Qinghua leaves Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to meet with Mobei-Jun - taking the secret, winding route away from the mountain in disguise, then the portal to another location - trying not to overthink the fact that Mobei-Jun didn’t visit An Ding Peak for a solid year after That Night. The demon lord drops by far less frequently than before even now! Which is great, really, because it lessens their chances of being caught by nosy disciples or sensitive cultivators, but Shang Qinghua can’t help but overthink it.

Ahhh, the portal still sucks.

Stepping out into a remote location, totally lost, also still sucks.

Today, it’s the dark and rocky bank of a slow river, surrounded by tall, thin trees with bark patterned in a way that resembles eyes. It’s cool, because Mobei-Jun doesn’t do heat, but it’s not quite cold. The sky above is clear and starry, with a light display of beautiful red and purple ripples, which means that they must be someone very close to the border between the Demon and Human Realms. Shang Qinghua hopes they’re on the human side. He thinks they are.

Mobei-Jun is standing at the edge of the water, on the rocks, standing out against the night by the white fur of his dark cloak. He turns and, ah, he’s still so fucking dangerous in every way. It’s really not fair! It also appears that today is going to be one of those days where Shang Qinghua’s eyes are not allowed to look below the neck, because Mobei-Jun has decided to wear his robes relatively open at the front today. Shang Qinghua can't afford to be distracted by that enormous chest on display.

Shang Qinghua would really like to know what goes on in the demon lord’s head sometimes.

“My king!” he greets, and bows.

“Shang Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun says.

The name thing! That’s, ah, one of the changes, actually being acknowledged and addressed, even if it’s usually just the once! That didn’t ever happen before. It’s not friendly, it’s not happy, and Shang Qinghua can’t help but read an edge of warning in it, repressing the shiver ready to go down his spine, but it’s still a greeting by name. For a while - ah, several years, actually - Shang Qinghua wasn’t totally sure that Mobei-Jun actually knew his name.

Shang Qinghua takes the acknowledgement as permission to end the bow and begin his report, unable yet again to deliver his information in anything resembling a cool manner. “My king, I have much to tell you! That warlord in the eastern lands of the Demon Realm who claims to have control over the weather - the one who’s moving northwards, towards your clan’s territories? I believe that she’s achieved this by uncovering an ancient Heavenly Demon weapon capable of stirring typhoons-”

See, Shang Qinghua has always informed Mobei-Jun of absences like this: making himself useful first, then revealing that the sect “requires” him to do something that will unfortunately make him temporarily unavailable. Nothing to be done about it! It wasn’t Shang Qinghua’s idea! Too late to stop it! The idea is to put Mobei-Jun, who probably just wants to fucking leave already and save his ears by the end of their meetings, in a good enough mood that he won’t give a shit. In practice… totally unclear whether or not Mobei-Jun has good moods.

Mobei-Jun listens today. He doesn’t seem to be in a bad mood.

Good moods are of questionable existence, when the closest Shang Qinghua has ever seen the young demon lord come is probably “cruel mocking”. However, it has always been very clear that Mobei-Jun definitely has bad moods.

“This technique will neutralize the weapon?” Mobei-Jun says afterwards.

“I, ah, believe so, my kind. According to my research, this technique should work! It seems very logical! This is a copy of the scroll I found. However, I have no other sources and it is possible that the warlord has found a way to compensate for the weapon’s weakness,” Shang Qinghua answers, kind of pissed off about the whole thing.

Firstly, he actually had to go find a scroll on this particular weapon, which was a lot more work than writing his own scroll and claiming that it’s some deceased archaeologist’s life’s work. So annoying! The System is a lot stricter than it used to be on that front, even for the little things, citing plot holes and continuity errors. Sometimes, way more often than he probably should, honestly, Shang Qinghua will just take the point loss, but the System is always such a jerk about it.

Secondly, he’s pretty sure that this is a case of a Chapter 500-and-something villain who’s managed to dig up a Chapter 400-and-something weapon. Sure, this is a weapon that’s been passed from demon to demon by bloodshed, instead of being sealed in some ancient temple, so it’s not unreasonable that it’s causing trouble in the background now. But still! What if the warlord gets killed? Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to lose more points because some scum villain couldn’t just wait for the protagonist to show up, went digging in other people’s plotlines out of boredom, and gets themselves smacked down by Mobei-Jun! Seriously, System Bro, what the fuck! Do your job!

Mobei-Jun accepts the scroll that Shang Qinghua offers him, checks it, then nods.

Shang Qinghua goes over a few more points, before finally letting Mobei-Jun know that he’s going to be unable to be contacted for the duration of his latest mission. “My king, I’m very sorry,” he elaborates. “I’m going to be surrounded by other humans at all times and I don’t think it will be very wise to try to sneak away. Very last-minute! I’ll make it up to you, I swear, my king! I’ll be back as soon as possible!”

“What is this mission?” Mobei-Jun asks.

Shang Qinghua has steadied himself for a reaction, so he manages not to wince. He was hoping that the demon lord would be his usual apathetic self about this, probably even glad for a break from meeting with his unscrupulous, cowardly human spy. But, ah, of course Mobei-Jun wants to know what’s taking Shang Qinghua away from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s current affairs. There’s an implication of urgency and importance to a new mission popping up like this.

Mobei-Jun can be sharp when it’s inconvenient!

Shang Qinghua sighs. “It’s very petty, my king! A troublesome meeting with one of the peak lords’ personal cooks, which no one else can be trusted to smooth out,” he complains. “Things are so tense on the mountain right now! I think the sect leader wants me away in the hopes of smoothing things over with one of the other peak lords, who has, ah, a very out-of-sight-out-of-mind temper.”

Mobei-Jun’s expression turns unimpressed.

“Unglamorous work for the lord of an unglamorous peak,” Shang Qinghua grumbles. Before immediately changing the subject to any new tasks Mobei-Jun might have for him, apologizing profusely for any potential delay to the demon lord’s bidding, promising results as soon as possible.

“Complete the tasks you have already been given, before begging to take on more,” Mobei-Jun says. Which is as close as the demon lord will probably ever come to, “My evil bidding can wait for you to finish your inane shit.”

“Ah, very wise! Thank you, my king.”

Mobei-Jun stares at him, as piercing as ever, and Shang Qinghua sweats while waiting for the demon lord to say something. He thinks he knows this cold, blank expression! This is the one that means that Mobei-Jun actually intends to say something, but is either making Shang Qinghua sweat because he can or mentally paring down his statement so that he doesn’t go over his daily word limit. Or, ah, so Shang Qinghua has always assumed.

“You have no further to rise within your own sect,” Mobei-Jun says.

“No,” Shang Qinghua agrees, uncertain as to where this is going, certain already that he’s not going to like it. “Not unless the sect leader dies or something.”

“Do you intend to dispose of your sect leader?” Mobei-Jun says, with the same matter-of-fact casualness that other people might use to ask, “Do you intend to eat that last slice of cake?” or “Do you intend on going shopping later this week?”

“No?” Shang Qinghua says. “Ah, no, no, no!”

Firstly, though he could maybe assassinate Yue Qingyuan in the same way that he could maybe assassinate Mobei-Jun, he has no idea how the System would react to that!

Secondly, Yue Qingyuan dying will mean a lot of trouble for Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. So, so much. Qiong Ding Peak will manage to govern itself and choose a new future sect leader through its current hierarchy and predetermined sect traditions, but someone with real authority will have to lead the sect and manage the sect leader’s duties until the next generation. And, with their current setup, by the next highest peak lord, that’s Shen Qingqiu. What a disaster!

Thirdly, Shang Qinghua has no idea how and even more fear towards how Shen Qingqiu would react to the death of Yue Qingyuan. Well, he’s narrowed it down to “badly”, but he’s having trouble making predictions anymore accurately than that.

Fourthly, even if Shen Qingqiu didn’t have, ah, a dangerous emotional attachment and could be trusted not to self-destruct, Shang Qinghua has no doubt that the bulk of the work would really fall to him! Shen Qingqiu and Wei Qingwei might both rank above him, technically, but they really can’t be trusted to know what they’re doing! Sometimes, Shang Qinghua and Yue Qingyuan exchange a look that says, “You the only other motherfucker here who can keep this sect from imploding on a daily basis, but to be honest, sometimes I don’t even fully trust YOU to know what you’re doing here.” The last thing Shang Qinghua needs right now is more work!

Fifthly, most importantly, Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to speed up Yue Qingyuan’s death, if it has to happen at all. Zhangmen-Shixiong is a bro! An unrepentant asshole here to get the damn job done sometimes, yeah, but still a bro! A nice guy! Shang Qinghua actually likes the man, when he’s not feeling unspeakably guilty over the sect leader’s guilt.

Sixthly... what the fuck!

Mobei-Jun looks unsurprised, possibly especially unimpressed, by Shang Qinghua’s continued failure to make assassination plans. Shang Qinghua suspects that his lack of conventional power-grubbing ambition these days, ever since becoming peak lord, makes the demon lord… suspicious... is maybe the word for it.

“Is it your lack of strength that holds you back?” Mobei-Jun asks.

“Ah, no?”

“Would you request such a task of me?” Mobei-Jun demands.

Shang Qinghua can’t disguise his shock. He can’t even bring himself to ask Mobei-Jun to go miracle-cure-flower-picking for him in the Demon Realm, did his best to claw to the top of An Ding Peak using his own wits and cheats rather than beg for help, and the demon lord is asking him if he would send out the future Northern Demon King on an assassination like he’s the protagonist ordering around his right-hand man? The audacity of a request like that!

Yue Qingyuan versus Mobei-Jun… Shang Qinghua isn’t actually sure who would win! That was a popular debate on the forums for Proud Immortal Demon Way - one much more interesting than the various “Best Wife” arguments or the various rants on the writing skills (or lack thereof) of Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky - since it was plenty clear that the protagonist could wipe the floor with either of them. Shang Qinghua has never seen either of them fight full-out and tends to count himself pretty fucking lucky to have kept away from the action! Anything that could give Yue Qingyuan or Mobei-Jun trouble would slaughter him. Thinking about it now… Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to know who would win.

“No, I would never dare to make such a request, my king!” Shang Qinghua insists. “I don’t want to kill him in the first place! All it would mean for me is grief and chaos, my king, and it would… my king is very strong, of course, but Yue Qingyuan was involved in the sealing of Tianlang-Jun and such an encounter would be… explosive.”

Mobei-Jun appears to consider this. He doesn’t look offended by Shang Qinghua suggesting that Yue Qingyuan just might be more OP than him.

“I count myself fortunate enough to be the Lord of An Ding Peak now,” Shang Qinghua continues. “Truly, it is the best position in which to serve you, my king. If I was the acting sect leader, my actions would be watched much too closely for our arrangement.”

“And what do you wish from this arrangement?” Mobei-Jun asks.

Shang Qinghua really wishes that the demon lord would stop fucking asking him this.

He wants to live! Isn’t that enough?!

He definitely hasn’t changed his mind on that front!

Shang Qinghua bows. “To serve you for the rest of my life, my king.”

Mobei-Jun’s reactions to this answer change, depending on the day and the place and possibly the weather for all Shang Qinghua fucking knows, and today he seems annoyed by it. Like Shang Qinghua’s lifelong loyalty isn’t enough for him. From the very beginning, Shang Qinghua remembers, the demon lord mockingly questioned the worth of the loyalty of a person like him. He likes to think that he’s really proved his usefulness by now!

Shang Qinghua maintains his respectful posture and waits.

He’s expecting Mobei-Jun to dismiss him, but instead the demon lord reaches out, and Shang Qinghua can’t help the panic that shoots through him. Oh, no! What the fuck is happening now?! He wavers, briefly, but manages to stay deathly still as Mobei-Jun’s hand touches the underside of his chin, until the demon lord lifts it.

Mobei-Jun’s skin is cold and that coldness seems to spread the Shang Qinghua quickly… or maybe it’s the panic.

It’s probably the panic.

Shang Qinghua has enough trouble with looking respectfully, without Mobei-Jun forcing the issue, thanks! Mobei-Jun’s gaze is really much too piercing, especially at close range!

Physical contact is… rare between them these days.

Mobei-Jun has not hit Shang Qinghua in any way in over four years - not a flick, not a push, even a warning shove to send Shang Qinghua to his knees to remember his place. No icy powers to enforce the demon lord’s personal space or to make Shang Qinghua’s memory work faster either! Not even when Shang Qinghua accidentally gave him bad information about a rival and Mobei-Jun was visibly super fucking angry (even though he still totally flattened that loser), which totally convinced Shang Qinghua that the demon lord was considering just getting rid of him and being done with their arrangement, so he scrambled to double his efforts as a loyal informant for the next several months!

This is a change which, overall, Shang Qinghua totally prefers. Mobei-Jun’s strange distance has been pretty great. Just fantastic. Shang Qinghua totally approves.

If only he could stop waiting for the catch.

“And you would be content with only that?” Mobei-Jun asks.

Is he being contemptuous? He’s scowling and he definitely sounds a little contemptuous. Although that could totally be because “contemptuous towards all other beings” is almost for sure Mobei-Jun’s default state of being.

Shang Qinghua can’t speak immediately.

He would really fucking like it if his life could just go on like this indefinitely, actually. He could be content with all the different sides of his life never meeting. No plot advancing on them all to ruin everything that he’s managed to get for himself.

No shitty, no-good System would be great, though.

No icy demon lord who would probably gut his sect for kicks would also be good.

Mobei-Jun removes his hand, without waiting any longer for the answer Shang Qinghua can’t manage to force up his throat. It’s impossible to tell what the demon lord makes of his inability to answer. Shang Qinghua would interpret that expression as more annoyance, maybe?

“You may go,” Mobei-Jun says.

“Thank you, my king,” Shang Qinghua says quietly.

A portal opens behind him, with a wave of Mobei-Jun’s hand, and Shang Qinghua backs away respectfully. As he turns, bracing himself for walking face-first into extremely unpleasant demonic energy warping space, over the crackle and hiss of power, he hears a sound… almost like the flutter of paper? Shang Qinghua glances over his shoulder, wondering if something has come through the leaves above them or if Mobei-Jun is mistreating his carefully written scrolls (the man better fucking not be doing that, otherwise Shang Qinghua will definitely think some very strongly worded things).

All he sees is the demon lord is standing there impassively, watching him go.

Shang Qinghua steps through the portal, glad to be going.

“That went… well,” he dares to think.

【】

Shang Qinghua delegates the duties that he can’t put on pause, across managers and buyers and sellers and disciples and crafters, and tells Peng Hongpeng and Lin Wenjiao to enlist the help of Disciple Sticky Fingers for some light thieving if anyone starts being shitty about handing over their paperwork. (“Who, Shifu?” Peng Hongpeng says, clearly pretending not to know who he’s talking about. “Shufen-Shimei, got it,” Lin Wenjiao says.) Because way too many of Shang Qinghua’s contemporaries like their shitty little power-trips.

And then they’re off!

Without anything standing in their way, the Luo Family Vacation Mission takes off before Shang Qinghua is really ready for it. He wasn’t kidding, though, when he said to Luo Jiahui that they’d be waiting forever if they waited until he was ready for this. Who’s ever really ready to meet their in-laws? Shang Qinghua has never met in-laws before! Given his track record and shitty situation, these may be the only in-laws he ever meets.

He wants to get it right on the first try… for Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe’s sake.

Luo Binghe shares none of the adults’ nervousness over their trip, though his mother has been careful to explain to him that her family might not be happy to see them at first. Luo Jiahui and Shang Qinghua do not build up a narrative of loving grandparents who have been longing for a grandson to spoil rotten, a decision settled in only a look.

Luo Binghe is apparently excited for the journey itself, rather than the destination. Shang Qinghua has planned out their route and distracts his nephew by telling him about interesting foods that he thinks might interest the two best cooks in all the world, about a majestic bridge built over the Luochuan River that they’re going to walk over, and about other little sights to see (and scents to smell and flavors to taste) along their way. It’s been a while since Shang Qinghua was regularly on the road, so he doesn’t make many concrete promises, but he does promise at least one nice souvenir of Binghe’s choosing.

If Luo Jiahui’s parents don’t end up spoiling the little protagonist rotten, which is really only the reasonable choice, then Shang Qinghua obviously has to step up his uncle-ing! And if they do start spoiling the little protagonist, Shang Qinghua won’t be outdone!

As they travel, it’s easier to focus on the cuteness of the protagonist rather than stew in doubt and fear - though Shang Qinghua is a very good multi-tasker, if he does say so himself, and is plenty able to do both. Luo Jiahui appears to be using this “focus on looking after the baby” technique herself, at which she is extremely skilled, if not a master. Shang Qinghua actually keeps himself from obsessing over meeting his in-laws like a nervous wreck by being a bit of a paranoid wreck instead, looking out for signs that the System is luring them into a trap or that his own shitty worldbuilding is about to screw their Luo Family Vacation over.

Luo Binghe unknowing helps them both by being extremely adorable. Even his complaining that he misses his own bed, his mother’s cooking, and seeing Granny Sun is adorable. Even his whining when his legs hurt is pretty adorable! Cute little baby suffering! Shang Qinghua would exhaust himself trying to carry them all by sword - an emergency measure, they've agreed - but he’s definitely strong enough to carry a tired six-year-old on his shoulders. The tiny protagonist is still flatteringly impressed by his uncle’s “enooooormous” height.

Luo Binghe is in charge of his own little pack, which he packed himself, which only contains his dolls (tied to the pack with string, thanks to Luo Jiahui), snacks, and whatever neat-looking rocks or leaves he picks up off the side of the road, and he looks after it as seriously as though he’s been put in charge of all their money. He judges potential souvenirs from street vendors like he’s deciding on a weapon to replace the Xin Mo sword, his future golden finger! Which is extremely at odds with him occasionally politely introducing himself to random strangers - waitresses, vendors, innkeepers, street performers - and then excitedly telling his new friend his life story.

Getting away from the sect like this is kind of nice, so long as Shang Qinghua doesn’t think about how much work is building up in his absence.

Unfortunately, even the protagonist’s halo of cuteness can’t stop Luo Jiahui’s anxiety from rising as they get closer and closer to their destination. She stares off into space a lot (very relatable) and becomes increasingly (kind of hilariously) judgemental about the food they buy in a very passive-aggressive way. She “wouldn’t have personally chosen” to put two particular vegetables together in a certain dish. The sauce of a different dish “traditionally” isn’t “nearly so soupy”. The spice of another dish “almost seems to be compensating for the rest of the meal”. Luo Binghe is oblivious; Shang Qinghua, who deals with inter-sect and intra-sect politics enough to know passive aggression, is definitely not.

The passive-aggressive criticism turns from the food to the places they stay, to the places they pass through, and Shang Qinghua’s amusement turns to concern. He still finds the comments funny, more often than not, but that’s his shitty character.

It’s not really Luo Jiahui’s character.

He can’t really keep the surprise and worry off his face when a comment about one of their innkeepers turns downright mean-spirited . Luckily, Luo Binghe has already passed out for the night, but Luo Jiahui catches this expression and they stare at each other. Luo Jiahui has a deer-in-headlights look, before she slumps, dispirited by her own unkindness.

“...I’m being ungrateful and inconsiderate towards our hosts,” she says quietly.

“They’re not listening. At least I hope they’re not,” Shang Qinghua jokes.

Luo Jiahui’s looks even more downcast.

“Sister-in-Law is stressed,” he offers. “It’s all right.”

“I should be more grateful,” Luo Jiahui insists.

Shang Qinghua hesitates, then says, “Sister-in-Law doesn’t have to be grateful not to be treated worse.” And it is painfully clear, in the quiet of their borrowed room, that he is not just talking about their current host.

Luo Jiahui gives him a narrowed-eye look. “Brother-in-Law should take his own advice,” she says quietly, challengingly, before clearly immediately regretting it. “I’m sorry, I’m-”

“Not wrong,” Shang Qinghua admits.

He sits down on the bed and gestures for Luo Jiahui to sit down next to him. After a second, Luo Jiahui comes over, leaning into him. Shang Qinghua wraps an arm around her shoulders. All of the places they visit immediately assume that Shang Qinghua and his fake sister-in-law are husband and wife, travelling with their young son, and neither Shang Qinghua nor Luo Jiahui have really bothered to correct these assumptions. Less shitty questions that way!

“...When I left home, I thought that I was more than old enough to make all the important decisions by myself,” Luo Jiahui murmurs. “I thought that I knew just as well, if not better than those who were much older and wiser than I was. My parents. My brother. And now my younger sister is almost as old as I was when I left… and I can’t think of her as anything but a child.”

“You were only a child too. Your parents should have been more understanding,” Shang Qinghua says awkwardly. “Even if they didn’t really understand, they should have listened. My parents… weren’t interested in listening.”

Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s parents had encouraged him to find ways to entertain himself, as soon as he was old enough not to bother them for long stretches of time, and then had no interest in any of the things Airplane found entertaining, like shitty novels and crappy games and internet forums. He liked things that were good for nothing but wasting time. His parents tried to humor him sometimes, on their good days, but he had his head pretty firmly in the clouds.

“They thought I should focus on real things,” Shang Qinghua says.

Luo Jiahui makes a dismissive sound. “You’re a peak lord now. Is that made-up now?”

Shang Qinghua laughs softly. “Most things are a little bit made-up.”

“Well…” Luo Jiahui sniffs. “It’s still real to me.”

【】

【】

Shang Qinghua wants to laugh, long and loud and probably hysterically, but takes his fake sister-in-law’s hand instead. “Ah, then that’s the only opinion that matters to me,” he says.

Proud Immortal Demon Way can get fucked. It was written by an idiot, anyway.

Checking the System's latest notes, in case they're about to be in danger, he skims over "Plot Hole Expansion” and "Character Motivation Development”. Ah, well, so long as it's not "Mission objective: survive" again, he doesn't give a shit. He still hasn't forgiven the System for that bullshit when he met Mobei-Jun.

Luo Jiahui squeezes his hand.

“...You’re a good sister,” Shang Qinghua tells her, meaning it more than he can say (probably especially with the System looming over him). “And a good mother. And a very good friend. And definitely the best cook I have ever met.”

Luo Jiahui huffs, a little wetly. “Brother-in-Law is biased.”

“Ah, yes. But still right,” Shang Qinghua insists, with good humor. “If some people can’t see that my sister is a good person, then that’s their fault.”

Luo Jiahui’s real hometown is nice enough - idyllic countryside, well-kept streets, a very good distance (far, far away) from the Demon Realm. Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe are going to go hang out in the market square, while Luo Jiahui first goes to see if her parents or siblings are receptive to apologies, just in case things get ugly. The protagonist is sitting on Shang Qinghua’s shoulders again, tugging absentmindedly on his uncle’s hair, while his mother tells him that it’s just polite to let people know before coming to visit.

“I’ll be back very soon, hopefully,” Luo Jiahui says. “Behave for your uncle, all right?”

“All right,” Luo Binghe says.

“Hua-Ge, you may only buy him one sweet. Only one, all right?”

“All right,” Shang Qinghua says.

“I mean it. Don’t spoil his appetite,” Luo Jiahui insists, probably anxious about her son potentially refusing her family’s food. “There will be plenty to eat later, whether or not… wherever we eat later, there will be plenty of food, all right?”

“We’ll eat lots of food and compliment our host lots, right, Binghe?”

“I know to be polite,” Luo Binghe says, annoyed.

“I know, you’re very polite, Bingbing,” Luo Jiahui agrees, reaching up to pat his back. “My little gentleman.”

The town market is active enough this afternoon, but not so crowded that they have to fight for space. Luo Jiahui, knowing her way around, leads them to the space where she intends to meet them and points out the teahouse where she’ll look for them otherwise. Shang Qinghua is in the middle of effusively promising that he will not make off with her baby, stuff him with too many sweets, or otherwise spoil him rotten in her absence, when Luo Jiahui’s head snaps towards something she must have caught out of the corner of her eye.

Shang Qinghua follows her gaze to see a middle-aged woman walking through the market, coming away from the teahouse Luo Jiahui just pointed out, with greying brown hair and a familiar shape to her face. “Ah,” Shang Qinghua thinks, after realizing that this woman looks very much like Luo Jiahui, only about thirty years older.

He’d have known who this woman is by Luo Jiahui’s shocked, terrified expression, if nothing else.

Luo Jiahui swallows, visibly, and then walks in front of the woman.

Oh, this is happening now? This is happening now now?

Oh, fuck.

The woman moves to go around Luo Jiahui, before doing a double-take and stopping in her tracks, taking on an expression like she’s seen a ghost.

“Hello, Mama,” Luo Jiahui says. “I would… like to apologize and make amends, if I may.”

The woman blinks, then looks away and moves to walk around Luo Jiahui.

Shang Qinghua’s heart drops to his stomach.

Luo Jiahui scrambles to put herself in front of her mother again. “If Mama doesn’t want this to happen in public, then I am happy to visit later in private and make amends to the whole family,” she says quickly. “I am very sorry and I would like to introduce my son to my family. His name is Binghe and he is a very good boy-”

“I won’t give you a handout,” the woman declares.

“Mama, I don’t need a handout. My fortunes have changed and-”

The woman looks around, then narrows in on her daughter's family and shoots Shang Qinghua a hateful look - not the worst one Shang Qinghua has ever suffered through in this life, especially since it’s not coming with any gruesome death threats or an assassination attempts, but still not great to receive. He’s in disguise, meaning that he’s not dressed as a peak lord. But still! He can’t look that unscrupulous! He knows this because Luo Jiahui made a point of fussing over everyone’s appearances this morning.

“I only have one daughter and one grandchild,” Luo Jiahui’s mother declares, so contemptuously that even the likes of Mobei-Jun might be impressed (if the demon lord could be impressed by anything). “I don’t know you or your bastard.”

Ah, so it’s like that.

Shang Qinghua is more surprised than he ought to be, really. This sucks.

Sure, expecting the bad outcome every time means that Shang Qinghua is either always right or pleasantly surprised when there’s a good or not-so-bad outcome, but… ahhh, sometimes being right really sucks. He wanted to be wrong.

He really, really wanted to be wrong this time.

Shang Qinghua has had two apathetic birth families so far, both of which he would call mildly shitty experiences, but neither of them were this bad, holy shit! He really feels like he should be throwing himself into the line of fire here. It’s not like he hasn’t played the sacrificial target to random people’s abuse before - Shang Qinghua, master of logistics, draws the figurative fire of entitled people looking to complain to a manager, like human tanks like Liu Qingge draw actual fire in battle - but there’s one big problem…

“Uncle, who’s that?” Luo Binghe asks.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Feng Huiyan.】

“Ah, someone your mama needs to have an important talk with!” Shang Qinghua says, brightly, recklessly enough he’s probably in danger of accidentally blinding someone. “It’s an important adult talk, so we need to get out of the way! Let’s go get some tea and snacks, huh? Jiahui, we’re going to go get tea!”

Luo Jiahui smiles through her stricken expression. “Have fun! Mama will come find you later, all right? Be good for your uncle!”

Luo Jiahui’s awful mother - Grandma Feng, Luo Jiahui’s original family name was Feng - takes this opportunity to shoot Shang Qinghua another hateful glare. She must be partially blind, Shang Qinghua will generously assume, not to notice the overwhelming cuteness of the young protagonist. Grandma Feng then walks briskly around her daughter, making another attempt to escape this confrontational conversation. Ah, power-walking away from good choices is Grandma’s preferred form of exercise, apparently!

The pain on Luo Jiahui’s face is, ah, painfully obvious, before she hurries after her mother, trying to get the woman to look at her so she can apologize properly. Grandma Feng just seems to turn her nose up towards the sky.

Shang Qinghua kind of hopes Grandma walks into a wall like that.

“Bye, Mama!” Luo Binghe calls.

Shang Qinghua crouches down, helping the protagonist off his shoulders, and then takes his hand to lead him towards the teahouse. Yep, time for a tea party! This is fine! Luo Jiahui can handle herself without a customer-service blast-shield. She’s the boss here and she’s made it clear that Shang Qinghua’s job in this mess is to hustle the baby away from the ugly. Protect the most precious thing.

“So, what does Binghe want?”

“I don’t want tea,” Luo Binghe says thoughtfully. “No, thank you, Uncle.”

“You can have something else if you like! I’m sure they’ve got lots of interesting things! Let’s ask them what sorts of things they have and tell Mama about the food later,” Shang Qinghua says quickly, already regretting his promise to limit sweets.

Fuck! He wants to buy this kid all the sweets and toys in this town! Material goods can replace a lack of extended familial affection, right? He knows that he can’t really make up for a shitty birth family, but someone has to put in some effort here, besides Luo Jiahui. It can’t hurt, right? This whole situation is, arguably, yet another thing that is probably Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s fault, so he should do something to make up for this shitty lot in life.

“Is that Mama’s mama?” Luo Binghe asks.

“Yes,” Shang Qinghua says, mentally patting himself on the back for not saying, “Unfortunately, yes.” He could definitely say a lot worse!

“She used a bad word.”

Shang Qinghua coughs. “Yes, she did, didn’t she? She shouldn’t have done that!”

Ah, he doesn’t want to properly define “bastard” for Binghe! His nephew has definitely heard the word before, but he probably thinks that it’s just a really rude way to say “a not-so-nice guy”.

“...Mama’s mama is having a bad day today,” Binghe pronounces knowingly, a six-year-old who has at his advanced age, thanks to various explanations by his guardians, figured out the answers to life, the universe, and everything. “She needs to say sorry for being so mean, too.”

“That would be the right thing to do,” Shang Qinghua agrees vaguely.

Then he says, “Oh, look! Stuff! Let’s look at that!”

Shang Qinghua does his best to be a good distraction and Binghe, trusting his mother to take care of every problem in the world, goes along with it.

Shang Qinghua requests that Binghe judge his tea, which the young protagonist does with the dignity of an expert critic, after making a super funny face of pure disgust. Ahhh, sometimes Shang Qinghua really regrets that this world doesn’t have cameras or phones to record these moments. Binghe forgets the word “subtle” and calls it “sneaky” instead, then regally elaborates by calling it “tea pretending to be water”. Which is one of the mean comments Luo Jiahui made on the way here, which Shang Qinghua hadn’t known his nephew had heard! You really have to watch what you say around a kid! They’ll repeat anything! But, aha, better passive-aggressive reviews than curse words, maybe?

After about an hour of chatting randomly and Uncle Shang stories, Binghe is unstoppably fidgety, and has been walking back and forth between their table and the window for the past fifteen minutes. Their fellows customers and the servers are not sneaky at all about their suspicion and disapproval. Shang Qinghua is sure that these nosy neighbors are going to go blab hot, twisted gossip to everyone they know later, especially if Grandma Feng is a patron of this pretty mediocre establishment.

“Mama’s been gone a loooong time,” Binghe says, flopping over the table.

Shang Qinghua really wants to flop too, but it’s a lot less cute at his age and without a protagonist's golden halo. “Sometimes important adult talks are like that! Come on, let’s go shopping!”

Shopping is good for more distractions.

It really doesn’t seem to matter to the protagonist whether or not he gets to meet his adoptive maternal grandparents or not. Why would he, really?! Extended family is overrated, in Shang Qinghua’s experience! Luo Jiahui’s single mom friends’ kids don’t have grandparents either, Binghe already has Granny Sun for his doting elder needs, and no one has been encouraging him to look forward to getting spoiled by the strangers Luo Jiahui is meeting now.

“When Mama is done saying sorry, are we going home again?” Binghe asks.

“Yep! We’ll be going home again after we’re done here.”

This journey has been fun, Shang Qinghua thinks, but exhausting! Almost like a real family vacation, logistical arrangements and baby-herding included, but having to be on lookout duty pretty much the entire time definitely sucked! Shang Qinghua is almost considering bringing disciples on whatever real vacation he finally gets, even though that thought makes him feel like he’s actually becoming one of those spoiled immortal masters who only look so otherworldly because they act like they’re too good to make their own fucking tea.

“I miss home,” Luo Binghe announces, not for the first time. The protagonist has never really left Sanjiao Town before, which was super exciting at first, but the novelty of the trip is clearly wearing off for him.

“Me too,” Shang Qinghua sighs.

They wait in the market square. Luo Binghe clutches his new souvenir (a wooden tiger with limbs and a jaw that can move, lovingly painted, large enough for both his dolls to ride the beast if they squish) and tells his uncle everything he misses about home (his friends), everything he plans on doing when he gets back (eating his mother's cooking), and everything he can’t wait to tell everyone (he lost another tooth). Shang Qinghua listens... ehhh… mostly attentively, totally agreeing enthusiastically with everything the protagonist says.

All the magnificent sights of a beautiful, fantastical world can’t compete with all the comforts and familiarity of home. Especially when this beautiful, fantastical world is based on his shitty stallion web-novel, and so is filled with lots of unreasonably deadly crap and other weird bullshit that exists pretty much just to be dramatic and killed gruesomely, not at all suitable to bring a six-year-old anywhere near! And especially especially when none of those hack-crafted, ham-fisted wonders cancel out the annoyingly mundane risk of getting mugged or getting food poisoning! Ahhh, there may be stacks of paperwork piling up, straining Shang Qinghua’s poor desk which would probably beg for mercy if it could only scream, but… this second life he’s pulled together isn’t so bad.

When they finally put all this mission stuff behind them, he’ll be glad for things to go back to normal.

Luo Jiahui comes back sometime after the third hour of her absence, with red eyes and a pink face, still mustering a wide smile for Binghe’s exuberant greeting. She admires Binghe’s beautiful new tiger, when he shoves it in her face, offering many compliments on his choice. When Binghe pats her blotchy cheeks in concern, she assures him that she’s just feeling a little overwhelmed and needs to rest.

“Did Mama’s mama say sorry for being mean?”

“...Ah, not yet,” Luo Jiahui says hoarsely, rubbing her son’s back, which looks like it’s comforting her as much as him. “We both need some time to calm down first. Mama is going to go talk to those people again tomorrow.”

“I want to go home soon. Please.”

Luo Jiahui’s hand comes up to comb through his hair. “I know, Binghe. Just one more day to talk to some more people... and then we can all go home again. All right?”

“All right.”

They find an inn, have dinner, prepare for bed, have storytime, and Luo Binghe falls asleep surrounded by his toys. Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui probably smile too widely and laugh too loudly through all the bedtime rituals, but they somehow get away with it.

And then, only then, does Luo Jiahui tell Shang Qinghua what happened.

She followed her mother back to her childhood home. Her father was there and, once he got over his shock, sided with his awful wife, like a good husband and a shitty, shitty father. Luo Jiahui tried to explain her situation, but it turns out that Luo Jiahui’s unreliable ex-lover passed through town about a year ago and talked a lot of shit to cover his own ass. The Fengs are now thoroughly convinced that Luo Jiahui is actually dirt poor and struggling, and has in every way chosen to struggle by driving everyone else off because she’s ungrateful and entitled.

They found Luo Jiahui’s side of the story unbelievable. (In comparison with Luo Jiahui's scummy ex-lover's story?! Oh, come on, Grandma and Grandpa! Bro! Really?!) They think that Luo Binghe is their daughter’s first bastard child or, failing that, a bastard with Shang Qinghua, who they have immediately assumed is her lover and probably scum. Shang Qinghua is definitely not a real cultivator and has to be some incompetent dope being taken in by their manipulative daughter.

Shang Qinghua may have private arguments with himself over his legitimacy as a cultivator, depending on what standards he’s using, but it’s super rude for the Fengs to make all those assumptions! Fuck them! He’s the Lord of An Ding Peak of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, however he got this life and that seat, and that means something, fuck them very much! He would totally be happy to shove a spiritual seal in their faces to prove it, to let Luo Jiahui have her “fuck you” victory tour in all its petty glory, even though he’s pretty certain these determinedly stubborn people will tell him to shove his fake seal up his ass.

Luo Jiahui apologized profusely for lying to her parents by secretly taking a lover, for getting pregnant outside of marriage, for disrespecting her parents after her lies came out, and then for abandoning her family after they refused to accept her choices. (Shang Qinghua still thinks that Luo Jiahui shouldn’t be the one doing the bulk of the apologizing here, but for all he knows, Luo Jiahui left making rude gestures at everyone and cursing them out, and she can totally apologize if she feels she went about that confrontation wrongly.) But, after apologizing, Luo Jiahui apparently continued to defend herself and refused to retract her claims.

Good for her!

But, in the eyes of the Fengs, Luo Jiahui told so many lies as a teenager that they apparently still can’t trust anything she says now. Especially if she’s refusing to act properly ashamed of herself and keeps “talking back” to her wise elders.

“They said that they didn’t understand how someone they raised could have grown up so wrong and ungrateful,” Luo Jiahui sobs. “They said they raised a smart, honest girl.”

Eventually, when Luo Jiahui still didn’t back down, Luo Jiahui’s parents said that they might have forgiven her if she’d come back sooner, but it’s too late now. (Which sounds like total bullshit to Shang Qinghua, has to be.) They apparently just can’t understand why, if she had lost her first baby and her lover, she wouldn’t just come home again to grovel properly then.

Luo Jiahui apologized again and said that she was too ashamed to come home, after making so many mistakes. She’s made something of herself now, but realized that waiting until she was “good enough” to come home again was wasting precious time, and that she missed everyone.

Her mother apparently countered this heartfelt statement with the worst bullshit yet, by saying that they might forgive her now if only she gave up her new lover, her bastard child, her new house, her new life, and came home to work hard for her family, to prove that she meant her apology to them. (Aha, yeah, this proves to Shang Qinghua beyond a doubt that Luo Jiahui’s parents are talking pure, vicious bullshit. The ol’ “move the goalposts” maneuver! Haha, yeah, his first birth parents liked that one sometimes. It always sucks.)

Luo Jiahui, obviously, adamantly refused to do this.

And, surprisingly but not surprisingly, Luo Jiahui got angry with her mother for even suggesting this. Luo Jiahui may be a very forgiving and optimistic person, but she still has mama bear instincts! She told Grandma Feng that she didn’t know how the loving parents who had raised her could dare suggest something so evil as abandoning a baby. Luo Jiahui’s mother insisted that Shang Qinghua could look after her daughter’s “foundling” child, who was not and would never be family to her, and an infuriated Luo Jiahui called her mother heartless.

Luo Jiahui’s mother called her daughter as “hurtful and disrespectful as ever”.

“It's hurtful because it’s true,” Shang Qinghua offers.

Luo Jiahui laughs miserably.

Then, apparently, they got into a good ol’ mother-daughter screaming match.

“I don’t understand how anyone can just stop loving someone like that,” Luo Jiahui gasps. “I made a mistake! I made many mistakes, but… I would never just stop loving Binghe like that, no matter what he did! I know I hurt them, but… Mama said that what I did is unforgivable and that her trust is broken forever, but… was what I did really so bad as that?”

“No! Definitely not!” Shang Qinghua says firmly. “Not even a little bit!”

His birth families might not have been so bad as this, but ahhh, his internet family totally sucked a lot of the time. Shang Qinghua is familiar with the type of people who will gush endless praise until Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky makes a writing decision they don’t agree with, and will then send daily death threats for an author’s betrayal. He’s familiar in both lives with the type of people who think that anything they give - money, their super precious time, and their super duper precious feedback, in the case of Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky - means that other people owe them everything they want. Anything less is betrayal.

It’s very like an “eye for an eye” mentality. Except that it’s more like a “you took my eye FIRST, unprovoked, so that means I get to take TWO eyes from you to make it REALLY fair” mentality. These people need to be paid back in shame and suffering. It's not fair. It's not about sense.

“Maybe after seven years, anger has become too comfortable,” Shang Qinghua suggests, being more generous than he wants to be, if only because his fake sister-in-law is that generous sort of person. “They can’t let it go.”

“Maybe my appearance was too surprising,” Luo Jiahui says. Her face looks wistful, hopeful, but then she frowns again. “I’m not going to abandon Binghe, not even for a little bit. Tomorrow… I’ll try again… I’ll speak to my brother and sister if they’ll see me… I’ll collect what keepsakes they’ll let me take… and then we’ll go home again. Maybe… maybe we’ll try this trip again in a few years.”

“Even if it was supposed to be a test, it’s not okay,” Shang Qinghua agrees. Because holy shit! He would have expected that sort of loyalty test from a demon lord in Proud Immortal Demon Way, not from the mother of the kindest woman he knows.

“Ah, Grandma Feng! You already hit rock bottom and you just kept fucking digging,” he thinks, some very real anger stirring in his chest at the unfairness of his own fucking world. As a child of divorce, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky has never been super big on filial piety himself, and he thinks that might have come through a little bit into Proud Immortal Demon Way. “Grandpa, you suck too! You’re going to be eating all these words when the protagonist is ruling the world someday! You could have gotten in when he was all cute and cuddly! See if he gives you a second look you'll want to get when he's older now!”

That should be the end of it for the night, but while they’re preparing to go to bed themselves, the grumpy innkeeper comes to tell them that they have a visitor. The man waiting for them downstairs is a man, maybe thirty years old, the sight of whom makes Luo Jiahui gasp, identifying him as her older brother.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Feng Yu.】

Feng Yu is a short fellow, taller than Luo Jiahui but shorter than Shang Qinghua, with brown hair stressed slightly loose (like his sister) and the pursed lips of someone pursuing frown lines with the dedication of an immortal master (like his mother). He looks at Shang Qinghua like he’s trying to figure out who this random fucking stranger is, but in the way of someone who has already totally decided that, whoever the fuck this is, they’re almost for sure the scum of the earth.

“Hey, fuck you too, bro!” Shang Qinghua thinks.

Luo Jiahui’s brother makes a good first move by hugging his sister and saying, “I’m so glad to see that you’re all right.” Really good first move! But then the man immediately breaks his potential combo by saying, accusingly, “Jiahui, why did you think it would be a good idea to come home and scream at our elderly parents to forgive you for what you did?”

Ah, the ol' “completely twisting events to favor your side of the story” move! A classic!

“That’s not what happened!” Luo Jiahui protests.

Luo Jiahui’s brother looks blatantly disbelieving. “The neighbors heard the screaming and stopped me on the street to ask me if things were all right when I was coming home! Mother and Father are humiliated!”

“I raised my voice because Mama told me to abandon my son!”

“Mama says you said he’s not even really your son.”

“He is my son in every way that matters!”

It’s possible that Luo Jiahui’s brother, Feng Yu, is just confused and trying to understand what happened in the clumsiest way possible, but Shang Qinghua thinks that this man must have gotten all of their mother’s “I’ve hit rock bottom but I’m willing to dig” genes. But, ah, maybe not all of them? Because the man does appear to actually listen when Luo Jiahui launches into her own side of the apologies, explanations, and subsequent mother-daughter screaming match.

Shang Qinghua dares to think that this family reunion isn’t going too badly when another visitor shows up. Not Grandma or Grandpa, thank fuck! The latest newcomer is a woman, even shorter than Luo Jiahui but around the same age, with beige skin, black hair, and a narrow face missing the family resemblance. She’s also obviously pregnant. Like, ah, “please don’t pop, lady, I’m a cultivator, not a doctor” pregnant!

“Qilan!” Feng Yu says, alarmed. “You shouldn’t be here!”

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Li Qilan.】

The pregnant woman waddles inside, giving him a grumpy look. “I’m not in the mood to have your parents croon over me as their only good daughter.”

“Wait,” a part of Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Mother and Father won’t like this,” Feng Yu says.

“I’ll care tomorrow,” his wife tells him flatly, before looking at Luo Jiahui with an uncertain smile. “Hello. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Ah, hello,” Luo Jiahui says, with matching uncertainty.

“Is Fanli with you?”

“Oh, no,” another part of Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Fanli?” Luo Jiahui repeats.

“I’ve been so worried about her. She isn’t with you?”

“Oh, FUCK,” all of Shang Qinghua thinks.

Luo Jiahui turns alarmingly pale, before visibly swallowing. Then she looks at her brother and says, “Feng Yu, where is Fanli?!”

“...She’s not living with you?”

Ah, no, Shang Qinghua knows that defensive tone of voice. This is a man who knows that he’s fucked up. This is a man who knows that pretending that he assumed everything was fine actually is obvious bullshit, but is trying anyway because he doesn’t know how else he might be able to dodge his fuck-up.

“Why would she be with me?!”

“She left to go find you!”

“Left?! Left?! She’s only sixteen! How did she just leave?!”

“The same way that you did,” Feng Yu snaps, pulling at his already stressed hair. “She got an idea into her head, wouldn’t let it go, and walked out of our parents’ house thinking that she knew better than anyone else. She said that she was going to go find you. You haven’t seen her?”

“No!” Luo Jiahui cries.

Shang Qinghua had thought Luo Jiahui was out of tears for the night, but it looks like her shitty family is going to really test that. The grumpy innkeeper has to come tell them to quiet it the fuck down for the other guests. Luo Jiahui takes a deep breath, announces that she is going to go check on her sleeping son, and then she will be back, expecting an explanation from her brother.

The explanation sucks.

Feng Yu tells it like a man who knows his explanation sucks.

After Luo Jiahui’s shitty ex-lover came back, spewed his excuses, and then skipped town again, their younger sister got it into her head to go find poor Jiahui and bring her home. Luo Jiahui’s parents refused multiple times to do this and there were many fights. Eventually, just a few months ago, Feng Fanli gave up on her shitty parents and ran away from home to find her older sister.

Shang Qinghua wouldn’t call himself an expert on birth families, despite remembering more of them than most people, and he wouldn’t say that he knows much about parenting either. (Luo Jiahui does all the real work of raising the protagonist.) But ah, he thinks that’s it reasonable to think that it really fucking says something about the Fengs’ parenting that they’ve lost two daughters now. He’s not sure what exactly! But it definitely says something about them. If he had to guess, he'd say it says they're awful.

“First, Mother and Father told me she was staying with a friend, then they said she ran away, and they wouldn’t let me go after her,” Feng Yu says, more defensive than ever. “It’s too late. There’s more work than ever now. Mother and Father are getting older and need help more than ever.” He looks at his very pregnant wife, before looking helplessly back to his sister. “I’m in no place to travel right now.”

“She’s sixteen,” Luo Jiahui repeats coldly. “Someone should have gone.”

“She’s not too much younger than you were when you left and you clearly had good enough fortune,” Feng Yu insists, before clearing his throat. “I think that it’s for the best that you return to your new life, Jiahui; we’re having enough trouble without you bringing up old problems. I’ll find a way to send word if Mother and Father ever decide to accept your apology or when Fanli comes home.”

“Where did Fanli go?” Luo Jiahui demands, ignoring him.

“She probably went to the town where that man said you were living with him. The Luochuan River is too far away for me to travel there. Mother and Father are… they can’t handle a lot of things anymore. Things have changed.”

Luo Jiahui is silent, radiating upset, but so are Feng Yu and Li Qilan.

No one is happy here.

“We’ll go looking for her then,” Luo Jiahui declares.

Shang Qinghua… ah… isn’t surprised. He was expecting this from the moment he figured out that Luo Jiahui’s younger sister is missing. When Luo Jiahui looks at him for support, he nods quickly, because he’s here to help! What the fuck else can he really do? He’s never really learned to tell Luo Jiahui no! He won't be able to rest easy knowing that he has a little sister-in-law lost out there, especially not when he knows Luo Jiahui won't be able to rest easy over it!

【Mission stage complete.】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui - Part 1: Meet the Parents.】

【】

“Aha, wait,” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Wait a fucking minute.”

【Beginning next mission stage.】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui - Part 2: Dirty Laundry.】

【Mission objective: return to Linluo Town.】

Shang Qinghua sure is glad that no one else can hear the unnatural ding of the System right now! It would really ruin the moment! Really ruin the scene happening here! All the System stuff happens safely inside his head, just like the many, many curses he is currently composing for the System’s never-ending bullshit! Unfortunately, if he let loose all his “what the fuck, what the fuck, what the FUCK is this” sentiments right now, he’s pretty sure that Feng Yu and Li Qilan’s unborn baby’s first word will be “FUCK” someday.

Shang Qinghua is ready to get to his knees and wail, thinking, “Part 2? There’s a fucking PART 2?! System! Bro! The worst and shittiest of bros! FUCK YOU! You can’t do this to me, System Bro! You at least don’t have to make this a mission! Making it a mission is like wishing us the shittiest of possible luck!”

Feng Yu and his wife are clearly too worried about Feng Fanli to protest Luo Jiahui picking up her shitty family’s slack. They don’t try to talk her out of it. Feng Yu, in his exhausted gratitude, even promises to try and convince their parents to see reason and forgive Luo Jiahui for what she did. Shang Qinghua isn’t too impressed, honestly! And, by the insincere edge to Luo Jiahui’s thanks and farewell, she’s not too impressed with her older brother either.

After the in-laws leave, Luo Jiahui begs Shang Qinghua’s help properly. Shang Qinghua assures her aloud that of course he’ll help her! He’s worried about his little sister-in-law too! Really, he couldn’t refuse to help even if he wanted to! Well, aha, he could, but there would be penalties from the System and Luo Jiahui alike, so he wouldn’t refuse this addition to the Luo Family Vacation Mission even if he wanted to!

He of course doesn’t mention penalties or the System to Luo Jiahui, though.

Even if consequences from the System weren’t an issue, she’s clearly prepared to worry herself sick over her younger sister, working overtime to make up for her shitty parents, and probably blaming herself for her younger sister’s decision to run away. She doesn’t need to bear Shang Qinghua’s problems too!

They stay up later than they probably should - later than they both mean to - making plans for this new long way home. Luckily, Linluo Town is more or less on their way home to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. The detour could definitely be worse.

Shang Qinghua has a bad feeling about the second stage of the System’s mission, though, so he makes Luo Jiahui promise that she’ll go home if they don’t immediately find Feng Fanli. Shang Qinghua will track down his missing little sister-in-law himself, if necessary, but he’d really prefer not to have to look after his family on the road any longer, especially if there’s going to be any trouble. Luo Jiahui looks like she’s considering being stubborn about it - she's totally ready to go full mama bear on someone, Shang Qinghua can tell - but she ultimately agrees that a dangerous journey or confrontation is no place for young Binghe.

The next morning, Feng Yu comes by to drop off some of Fanli’s things for tracking purposes, Luo Jiahui gives him a letter with her contact information, and then they leave pretty quickly. Time is precious! No time to waste!

Luo Binghe is clearly confused by this new development, as his mother explains that his young auntie is lost and needs their help so they’re taking a different way home to look for her. “I’m tired of adventure,” the young protagonist declares stubbornly. “We’ve seen everything already. It’s all the same. I want to go home.”

Shang Qinghua laughs, startled by the irony. “Ah,” he thinks, “the world is a lot simpler when you’re six, huh?” Oh, to be young again and not understand the full, horrifying, frightening depth of everything going on around you!

“Yes, we’ve been travelling a long time now, but now we need to see that your Auntie Fanli is all right,” Luo Jiahui insists. “I’m sorry. Mama didn’t know that her younger sister wasn’t here, Bingbing. If we can’t find her on our way home, then we’ll go straight home and your uncle will go look on his own, all right?”

Luo Binghe nods, after thinking about it. “All right. As long as we go home too.”

One of the things that Feng Yu gave them was a comb with some of Fanli’s hairs, which is pretty good for tracking spells! Not as good as blood or bone, sure, but not too shabby either. (Shang Qinghua can't remember where nails rank on this list, but teeth are up there with bones, he thinks. Also, he's very fucking glad that Feng Yu did not give them teeth because that would have been too weird.) Unfortunately, Shang Qinghua is a little rusty at creating this sort of compass, especially in a rush on the road. Divination is so much more difficult than just sticking a tracker on someone, especially when he's never met the person he's tracking.

He, ah, doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that the tracking spell he finally gets to work (wobbling only a little bit) leads them directly to the town where Luo Jiahui lived before.

On one hand, it’s totally a good thing! Shang Qinghua has been fucking terrified that they might find Luo Jiahui’s sister in a ditch on the side of the road, because that’s the sort of horrifying shit that happens sometimes to mundane people in this world. That would scar the protagonist for life, probably! And also Luo Jiahui and Shang Qinghua too!

On the other hand, ah, coming back here after all these years almost immediately gives him the creeps and a wide assortment of other bad feelings. Shang Qinghua can’t tell if there’s something actually wrong with Linluo Town or if he just doesn’t fucking like being reminded of what Luo Jiahui’s life was like here. He really doesn't like thinking about his last vacation. He doesn't like thinking about how he almost turned his back on Luo Jiahui like the worst sort of uncaring Author God, of how he almost left her to the whims of the System’s shitty plot interpretation, and of how he almost let his nephew become an orphan twice over out of fearful selfishness. All like the coward he is at shrivelled heart!

Luo Jiahui clearly doesn’t like being back here either. Her expression is strained, her posture is tense, and she looks at all of the people around them like they might become threats if they recognize her. Even if this town didn’t bring up bad memories, Luo Jiahui’s expression would probably still be miserable, worried for the sister who followed her example. But, hm, Shang Qinghua has no doubts that the memories of this place really are bad… and that they’re definitely not helping her through this shitty mission… and there’s only so much a good pat on the shoulder from a fake brother-in-law can do to drive them off. Luo Jiahui's memories of this place are definitely worse.

Luo Binghe knows where they are only because he likes keeping track on Shang Qinghua’s map, so he knows how close they are to their next destination or how far they are from home. (He’s very disappointed by how slow-moving their homewards progress is so far. He’s very, very disgruntled by the fact that they’re not moving back towards Sanjiao Town in a straight line, which seems unreasonable to his six-year-old sense of logic.) This sprawling town on the Luochuan River means pretty much nothing to him.

Shang Qinghua’s tracking spell is meant for long distance - all the other ones he tried sputtered out or lay still like dead things - and it becomes slightly unstable when they reach Linluo Town, uncomfortable to maintain and difficult to direct. Shang Qinghua thinks that this means Feng Fanli is nearby. Either that or the tracking spell has latched onto a chunk of his little sister-in-law’s hair that might be lying around here somewhere, an option which he does not mention to Luo Jiahui. Shang Qinghua’s first sister-in-law looks very close to literally worrying herself sick and throwing up the moment that they get anything resembling bad news.

They stop by Luo Jiahui’s old hovel - still looks like shit, still makes Shang Qinghua feel like shit, and which looks shittier than ever compared with Luo Jiahui’s warm and welcoming home in Sanjiao Town, which is a thought that makes Shang Qinghua feel shittier still. At this point, it’s anyone’s game who’s going to throw up first. Maybe Shang Qinghua can find that alley he puked up all those years ago, after he first met Luo Jiahui, and repeat the experience? Maybe it’ll be nostalgic.

No one answers the door to the hovel. Shang Qinghua cautiously pushes the unlocked door open. It looks like someone may have been living here recently, but not within the past few weeks, and nothing suggests that it was Feng Fanli. Asking the neighbors for information doesn’t help. Very few people in this part of town are willing to talk to strangers, though they get friendlier when they realize Shang Qinghua has money he’s willing to part with for information. The people who do talk to them say that they’ve never seen Feng Fanli - so abrasively that Shang Qinghua can’t tell if they’re just very rudely honest people or if they do know something but strictly follow the “snitches get stitches” rule of life.

“Things seem… quieter here,” Luo Jiahui remarks, looking around her old neighborhood.

“Quieter how?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“I think there’s fewer people here. Fewer beggars. Fewer homeless people,” Luo Jiahui observes. “It was noisier when I lived here, this time of day, although… maybe I’m only imagining that some of these houses look empty.”

Shang Qinghua can’t even begin to trust that they’re that lucky.

“Ah, Binghe,” Luo Jiahui says. “Don’t play on the ground here, please.”

The fraying tracking spell takes them on a wobbling, worrying path towards nicer areas of town. The likes of Master Radish Farmer and Madam Basket Weaver are still there, still willing to give a random rogue cultivator the time of day, and apparently they don’t recognize Luo Jiahui well enough to disapprove of her changed fortunes. Their evasive reactions to Shang Qinghua’s general questions are not promising and they shuffle off hastily, in the way of desperate people who have “left their plants on” or “need to water the cat”.

“Definitely weird!” he thinks, trying to salvage what few nerves he has left with an inside joke with himself. “Why so shifty-eyed and antsy about the local big fish, Master Radish Farmer and Madam Basket Weaver?”

He can guess why, though. Not the how of why, exactly, but the why.

It’s the same everywhere. Always.

“...Sister-in-Law doesn’t have to come,” Shang Qinghua says softly.

Luo Jiahui went pale, at first, when it became apparent who her sister may have ended up near, but that’s been overtaken by flinty-eyed determination to face her old employers. “No,” she says. “Fanli shouldn’t have to wait for you to take us home first.”

“All right! Let’s, ah, let’s go then.”

Fuck.

It turns out that the big fish in town have redone their part of the pond. The genuinely lovely country retreat, a well-to-do and well-maintained house of relaxation, has undergone an extensive renovation. The inn-slash-resort is much larger now - definitely more exclusive resort than humble riverside inn - and, ah, Shang Qinghua would call it tacky. It’s kind of obviously tacky now. If he had to sum up the décor in one phrase, he’d call it, “I can pay for my delusions of grandeur.” When people have money but no taste, and are trying to build a tourist trap for people who have even more money and even less taste, this sprawling, new-money mansion resort bullshit is what happens!

“House… of… of…” Luo Binghe reads aloud, squinting at a sign with gold paint.

“Rejuvenation, Binghe,” Luo Jiahui supplies tightly.

“Re-ju-ven-ation,” the protagonist repeats, clearly puzzled.

“This looks like it belongs in a much bigger city,” Shang Qinghua muses. This journey was already on thin fucking ice, but at the sight of this, which really doesn’t look out of place for the setting of a Proud Immortal Demon Way plot, they’re on even thinner fucking ice. “But, ah… it looks like the Gao family are getting their customers coming to them from far and wide now…”

There are three fancy, gilded carriages stopped at the front of the House of Rejuvenation, which look like they cost nearly as much as the entire renovated inn itself. Each one has opaque, embroidered curtains, matching black horses with handsome bridles, and veiled female attendants in beautiful white robes (with golden trim, but, ah, still kind of haunting and grim-looking, like ghosts). The white-robed attendants are unloading a "no one needs this many bags unless they're moving houses" amount of luggage from the carriages. Some of the local townspeople have gathered to gawk at the extravagance from a distance, but Shang Qinghua notices that some passing others don’t seem too surprised at all. Such very important visitors travelling far for the hospitality of the Gao family must not be a uncommon sight around here in recent years.

“Horses!” Luo Binghe shouts, immediately enthralled. Luo Jiahui has to hold her son’s wrist tightly to keep him from going over, probably to clamber all over some noble’s fancy wheels if he thinks he’ll be able to get away with it. "Mama, pleeeeease..."

As Shang Qinghua, Luo Jiahui, and Luo Binghe approach the House of Rejuvenation, they see some “well-to-do but not crazy rich wealthy” visitors out front. There are some well-dressed guests Shang Qinghua would peg as minor gentry and other types of social-climbers, milling outside with their luggage, looking very disgruntled. Since this world doesn’t have phones for any of them to shout into, some of them are shouting their displeasure at their servants instead, showing off that, ah, infamous high-class grace and dignity.

But that’s not what worries him.

There’s also a squad of young cultivators standing around, about half-a-dozen of them in matching golden robes, who don’t look like they’re here on vacation. Their red-faced, young leader is having an argument with an older woman blocking the way in, who must be an employee of the establishment. The gaggle of fidgety disciples, swords and packs all ready for some type of hunt, look extremely embarrassed by their leader’s... ah... graceful and dignified behavior.

“Hua-Ge,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Huan Hua Palace Sect,” Shang Qinghua answers, a little numbly.

Wow, the red flags just keep on coming, huh? He’s already lost count of them! The long-distance tracking spell is losing its effectiveness, but Shang Qinghua is sure that this only means that they’re too close for comfort. All this extra stuff could just be coincidence, sure, but Shang Qinghua trusts the System about as far as he can throw it, and he can’t fucking throw the shitty, no-good thing.

Ohhh, this is for sure not fucking good.

“We’re not staying,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Definitely not staying,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

“We’re just asking questions, finding Fanli, and leaving,” Luo Jiahui says.

“In and out,” Shang Qinghua agrees. “Five minutes at most.”

Luo Jiahui takes a deep breath and walks forward.

“-if we were sent by our master personally! I- we will not return to him empty-handed,” the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple is complaining loudly, his scarlet complexion apparently gunning for purple next. “The rumors that-”

“My apologies, young master, but with the arrival of Lady Xia and her attendants, the House of Rejuvenation is unable to accommodate your stay,” the servant says respectfully, but quickly. Ahhh, those are definitely the strained tones of someone who was done with this conversation less than thirty seconds after it started.

“This is not a stay for fun,” the disciple sputters. “This is an inspection!”

“While we are grateful for the unwarranted, unsolicited concern of the highly esteemed Huan Hua Palace Sect, the House of Rejuvenation is honored to provide our guests with absolute privacy and cannot accommodate this,” the servant answers smoothly. “I am afraid that you will have to return to speak with our mistress at another time, young master.”

The disciple puffs himself up pompously, only for one of the “well-to-do but not crazy rich wealthy” guests sidling up to suddenly cut in front of him. This guest is thirty-to-forty-something man, his clothes on the “seen better days” side of well-to-do, and he has a neat, slightly urgent countenance.

“Excuse me, I am Doctor Xu, a physician to Lady Dan? I sent a letter to Master Gao several months ago about studying the extraordinary rejuvenating properties of the Luochuan River and got a response from Madam Hu personally about pursuing an arrangement-”

“Master Gao is unavailable,” the servant interrupts.

“Then we will speak with the mistress of the house,” the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple declares, sidling in front of the doctor, clearly annoyed by his interruption. “My master has heard of these rejuvenating properties and-”

“Our mistress is too busy tending to the needs of Lady Xia and her attendants,” the servant interrupts again, quickly and firmly.

“The river didn’t have any rejuvenating properties when I was sticking my hands into it every day,” Luo Jiahui mutters, surveying all these people clamoring to see her former scum employers and their servants. It doesn’t seem as though Feng Fanli is anywhere among them.

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple and the doctor both seem stumped by the servant’s rudeness.

Shang Qinghua clears his throat and steps forward. “Excuse me, we’re-”

“This is sect business,” the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple snaps. “Be on your way.” He gives Shang Qinghua a very insulting once-over and sneers.

Shang Qinghua stares at him. Sure, he’s in disguise as an unaffiliated cultivator, even having switched out his usual sword sheath for something a bit more beaten-up, but really? This golden-robed Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivator’s outfit and weapons just scream, “I’m wealthy and unworldly! Please rob me and/or otherwise con me!” Maybe they should consider dressing down when they're out on missions! Anyway, whatever happened to respecting your elders, huh?!

“Your sect business seems to have met a roadblock that can only be solved by time,” Luo Jiahui says, so politely and gently that it’s… ah, pretty cutting. “Please, madam, I am looking for my sister, Feng Fanli. Do you know her?”

“No, I don’t know her,” the servant says immediately.

Luo Jiahui glances towards Shang Qinghua, who shakes his head slightly, while the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples fumbles to take back the servant’s attention.

“I was told that she had come here,” Luo Jiahui persists. “Perhaps she is using a different name? She would be a sixteen-year-old girl with brown hair, who looks very much like me, and would have arrived in town some months ago.”

“There’s no one in the House of Rejuvenation by that description.”

Red flags! Red flags everywhere!

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple loses their grasp on their temper and demands to be allowed inside. Doctor Xu, very urgently, promises that he would be a most unobtrusive observer, glad to pay for the privilege of study. The servant reiterates the House of Rejuvenation’s need for strict privacy, insists that their techniques are not for sale, and tells them that they all must go at once before they disturb the relaxation of the newly settled Lady Xia. The House of Rejuvenation is closed for business!

“Ah, please! My mistress is not so easily disturbed and loves nothing more than making the acquaintance of fellow travellers,” says a new voice.

One of the veiled, white-robed attendants - clearly a woman, like all the others - is coming towards them from the House of Rejuvenation. The white veil covers the tall woman’s entire head and is mostly opaque, letting through only an impression of smiling red lips. She bows to the disgruntled guests in greeting.

“Accomplished cultivators are especially welcome guests, who have so much to offer us. Lady Xia apologizes for this misunderstanding and invites you all to share in the wonders of the House of Rejuvenation with her,” the attendant says loudly. To the servant, she says, “Please, see these people to their rightful rooms.”

The servant nods, then hastily bows, and scurries off to collect more servants from inside to see to the attendant’s commands. Which, ah, makes Shang Qinghua wonder why the fuck the employees are taking the orders of some guest’s head attendant rather than the orders of their own mistress. That suggests power dynamics which would set Shang Qinghua on edge if he wasn’t already on edge. Who the fuck is this Lady Xia character? How “very important” is this very important person? Inquiring minds on the edge of screaming need to know!

The Huan Huan Palace Sect disciple clearly has no such questions and takes the opportunity to barge boldly past the head attendant, with the remaining six of his golden-robed fellows scurrying to keep up.

While the disgruntled guests stream past them, the young protagonist staring interestedly at their “look at me, I’m just as good as old money” robes and “look at me, I’m totally not compensating for anything” hair ornaments, Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui lean closer to each other.

Shang Qinghua has let the strained tracking spell fall apart, he tells Luo Jiahui in a whisper, but he’ll be able to redo it for a shorter range given a little space and time. “Then I just walk in, go straight to your sister if she’s here, and walk out again,” Shang Qinghua says. “Easy! Super easy!”

He really fucking hopes it’ll be that easy.

The “yes, I am supposed to be here and I am on important business, so don’t bother me” technique is a very effective technique! It’s amazing what people will let you get away with if you look like you know what you’re doing and where you’re going. Shang Qinghua can be very good at it for someone whose general, unedited impression is probably: “I don’t want to be here, I don’t think I’m supposed to be here, I don’t know where I’m going, and I will definitely break something important while fumbling around.”

“I can come too,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Aha, you really don’t have to, though!” Shang Qinghua insists.

“Fanli might not go with you,” Luo Jiahui insists in return.

Ahhh, it’s really great that Luo Jiahui feels prepared to face all her personal demons on this trip - Shang Qinghua is really proud of his sister-in-law's bravery on this shitty Luo Family Vacation Mission - but Shang Qinghua really doesn’t have a good feeling about this! He’s pretty sure that that servant was lying to them about not seeing or knowing Feng Fanli. He’s a big enough fish from a pretty big pond, fuck these people very much, but it’s very suspicious where the Gao family got all this new money from, what they’ve been doing to attract such mysterious clientele, and Shang Qinghua doesn’t have any other fish from his pond with him here to help.

Man, would he love to be able to sic some of his fellow peak lords on these people (no one can out-sneer Shen Qingqiu or successfully block Qi Qingqi from going anywhere), but Luo Jiahui probably doesn't want the likes of Liu Qingge to see this.

One of the servants - a different one - comes up to them to show them to their rooms. Luo Jiahui insists that they’re not here to stay, they’re looking for a teenage girl named Feng Fanli. This servant also insists they don’t know this person, with a similar untrustworthy quickness, a clear anxiousness to their manner. However, Shang Qinghua can't tell if she's lying or just having a shitty day, because he doubts the House of Rejuvenation is kind to its employees.

“I would like to speak to your mistress,” Luo Jiahui insists again.

“My mistress will see you as soon as possible, but for now, let me show you to your rooms,” the servant tries again. “Allow me to make you comfortable while you wait for her to become available.”

“...Fine,” Luo Jiahui says finally. “Thank you.”

Clearly, she has no intention of staying in whatever rooms they’re offered.

The servant takes them inside the House of Rejuvenation, which is quickly seeing all the disgruntled guests and their servants to the right rooms. It’s just as tacky on the inside as it is on the outside, probably aiming for “beautiful and peaceful” and coming a lot closer to “garish and overdone”. Shang Qinghua catches a flash of Huan Hua Palace Sect’s golden robes at the end of one hallway and spots many of the veiled, white-robed attendants out and about, enough that he’s going to estimate that Lady Xia’s entourage numbers at least two dozen. Who needs two dozen personal servants when they travel?! What about guards?! Where are all the guards?

Luo Binghe cranes his head to get a good look at everything.

“Uncle, it’s like a maze,” he decides.

“Uh huh,” Shang Qinghua says, having kept track of their path well-enough. If he’d gotten actual maze vibes, he’d have turned them right the fuck back around, but he supposes it looks kind of maze-like when you’re six and the cheapskate scum owners are using the same tacky decorations in every hallway.

The servant shows them to their room, which isn’t too bad, though it isn’t very large and it only has one bed. The servant then promises to bring them some refreshments and bows out, closing the door behind them.

“Right… time for that new tracking spell,” Shang Qinghua mutters, rummaging in his sleeves. He’s still got some hairs left, folded in a handkerchief, and it shouldn’t take him so many tries to figure out the tracking spell this time. “Find the little sister-in-law and then we go. Find the little sister-in-law and then we go.”

“Mama, the door is locked.”

Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui both turn to face Luo Binghe, who’s tugging on the door with a frustrated look. Shang Qinghua wants to think that it’s just his nephew not knowing how this particular door works, but… he’s just not that fucking lucky.

Luo Jiahui walks over and tries the door herself. Nope. Firmly locked.

She turns around to look at Shang Qinghua.

Fuck.

He didn’t expect things to go this sour this quickly.

Immediately to “potentially life-threatening”? These people are in a rush!

“Why’s the door locked?” Binghe asks. “Should we shout?”

“Aha, not yet,” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “Uncle can take care of it. Just move aside and let him have a look, okay? Uncle will unlock the door and then we’re leaving right away.”

Luo Jiahui bites her lip, but nods in agreement.

“What about Mama’s sister?”

“Your uncle will look for your Auntie Fanli, but we need to go now,” Luo Jiahui says softly. “It seems like the people here are not so nice.”

“She locked the door on purpose?”

“Yes and that’s a very mean thing to do, so we aren’t going to stay here.”

The protagonist is adorably boggled by the whole situation, which would be funny if this whole shitty situation wasn’t terrifying.

Shang Qinghua kneels next to the door and focuses his spiritual energy on the mechanism, which doesn’t seem to be too strong or too complicated, of mundane materials and make, and which doesn’t have any corresponding spells on the door. Either this was an accident (Shang Qinghua really fucking doubts that) or this is a very poorly thought-out kidnapping attempt to use on a cultivator. (Does he look like a charlatan? Luo Jiahui would totally tell him if he looked like a fake cultivator, right?) Any cultivator worth their salt could bust this lock. They make Immortal Binding Cables and other plot device accessories for a reason! (Shang Qinghua has some tricks up his sleeve for those too, actually, though he's not about to lecture these people on how to kidnap him better.)

He could just straight-up kick the door down too, which he’s never really gotten to do before and sounds exciting, but attention seems bad right now. Kicking the door down implies a desire to fight your way out. That’s not really Shang Qinghua’s style! Nope! He’s more of a “sneak out when no one is looking” guy! Besides, fighting his way out of here with his sister-in-law and six-year-old nephew in tow sounds like a bad idea. He’s not the heroic Liu Qingge, sorry!

Not that he saw anyone for them to fight on the way out.

“What are you doing, Uncle?” Binghe asks.

“Picking the lock with spiritual energy. Shhh, Uncle needs to focus on this.”

“Sorry.”

The lock clicks within a couple minutes, which isn’t too shabby but also means that Shang Qinghua’s probably gotten a little rusty at using spiritual strings and forces for delicate work! Ahhh, maybe he’ll hold a lesson for his unruly disciples, who will probably inevitably pick up the skill no matter what he does, while serving them the bold underlying message of, “Don’t you fucking dare use this shit on me.” It will for sure not stick and he’ll regret it later, but he’s feeling prepared to be really generous if they make it out of here alive.

Binghe cheers, which is gratifying and frightening, before Luo Jiahui slaps a hand over his mouth.

“Ah, Binghe, we’re being quiet, remember?” she whispers.

“Sorry.”

“It’s all right. Did Mama hurt you? I’m sorry.” Luo Jiahui kisses him on the head.

“Binghe,” Shang Qinghua adds seriously, in a hushed voice. “We’re going to be very quiet while leaving, all right? We’re going to be sneaky, so we don’t get locked in again. Super sneaky steps! The sneakiest steps! You and your mama are going to follow Uncle and do exactly as he says, all right? First rule is to be as quiet as possible!”

The protagonist nods, very seriously, and Luo Jiahui kisses him on the top of the head again.

Shang Qinghua grins (while panicking, definitely still in the throes of panic here, even more so than usual, but he cannot show that internal fucking turmoil to young Luo Binghe), then very carefully nudges the door open and peeks through the crack. He can’t see or hear anyone in the hall. So he opens the door a little farther and quickly looks around. The coast is clear! He beckons Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe forward, and together they sneak down the hallway.

It’s, ah, very quiet in the halls now, compared to the earlier bustle. Weird.

Shang Qinghua peeks around the first corner and sees two of Lady Xia’s white-robed attendants, both of whom have… removed their veils? They’re both in profile, at a far enough distance that Shang Qinghua can’t make out the murmurs of their conversation, but… he can see a glimmer of something on their foreheads that nearly makes his head stop in his chest. Those are… demonic marks?

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Those are demonic fucking marks! Two of Lady Xia’s attendants are demons, which means that all two dozen of them are probably fucking demons, which means that the mysterious Lady Xia herself is probably a fucking demon. Because that’s just how things work in the shittily constructed world of Proud Immortal Demon Way, realized from a shittily constructed web-novel written by a hack! That's how it goes! That's how it is on this bitch of a world!

Shang Qinghua clearly didn’t expect the right bad outcome here!

His mind is way too swamped in panic to wrack his shitty memory properly, but he’d be willing to bet good money that Lady Xia is either a Proud Immortal Demon Way wife or a Proud Immortal Demon Way villain too. Which one, unfortunately, he doesn't have a clue. Fuck! Why couldn’t he have been a hack author with a better memory?! It’s been decades and he can’t reasonably be expected remember every single fucking detail of his sellout monstrosity. He could really use a cheat sheet sometimes. What plotline is this? The protagonist isn't supposed to be encountering demons at this age!

The demons at the end of the hall finish their conversation. One of them steps out of sight for a moment and comes back with a body hoisted over their shoulder.

Ah, fuck, those are the golden robes of Huan Hua Palace Sect again. The demons took out the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators already.

Shang Qinghua kind of wants to laugh.

“Hey, System?! Hey, System Bro, you fucking asshole?!” Shang Qinghua thinks, hysterically, having figured it all out way too late. “Did you force me to go on this shitty fucking Luo Family Vacation Mission because there was a very real chance of Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe dying without me?! Are we at risk of dying here?!”

【Mission stage complete.】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui - Part 2: Dirty Laundry.】

【】

“Aha, wait,” Shang Qinghua thinks again. “Don’t you fucking dare. Don't fucking do it, bro.”

【 Beginning next mission stage. 】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui - Part 3: Imperfect Immortality.】

【Mission objective: survive.】

【Tip complete, wishing you the best of luck.】

Two demon attendants are at the end of the hall, one with a golden-robed Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple over their shoulder, displaying that easy demonic strength that never really stops being unnerving.

Ah, Shang Qinghua gets through this life without screaming too often mainly by just not thinking about how many of the people he meets could punch clean through his rib-cage with their bare hands. Yeah, he could do it too, maybe, but… ahhh… look, he personally thinks a lot of cultivators out there would be way better off if they were properly freaked the fuck out by a relatively thin woman easily benching a full-grown man and that sort of thing. Some cultivators out there (cough, Liu fucking Qingge, cough) need a healthy dose of self-preserving fear in their lives! Develop some mental blocks! Trim the ol’ self-esteem before that superpowers-induced confidence gets someone killed!

Anyway, this situation sucks! But then the demon attendants, still chatting with each other, start walking down the hall, towards Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua ducks out of sight before their heads can turn forward too.

Nope! Nope, nope, nope!

He scoops up his nephew, crouched not too far behind him with a little fist pressed against his mouth, and grabs Luo Jiahui’s hand. Shang Qinghua races (silently, silently) back to the room they just escaped, puts Binghe down, lets Jiahui go, and closes the door (silently, SILENTLY) behind them. The young protagonist is obviously confused by why they’re going backwards, but his adoptive mother is wide-eyed with understanding that something has gone wrong.

“Demons!” Shang Qinghua hisses. “Lady Xia’s attendants are demons.”

Luo Jiahui presses her own fist to her mouth to stifle her gasp.

Shang Qinghua is absolutely not calm about this shitty fucking development in his shitty fucking disaster of a transmigration into a shitty fucking world created by a dumbass hack and managed by a broken robot someone should have dropped in a bathtub at initiation. But he has to pretend to stay calm for the baby!

So he mimes zipping his lips at Binghe, as he draws his sword. Binghe stares at him, alarmed, and Luo Jiahui hurries over to sit next to him on the floor.

Ahhh, right, no zippers here! Shang Qinghua doesn’t slip up with modern gestures and speech nearly as much as he used to, back in his second childhood when he was first trying to reconcile two lifetimes and a no-good Transmigration System inside one head, but he’s never been able to fully conceal his unshakable oddness. It slips out at all the wrong moments!

Then again, it’s not really a zipping gesture that’s the issue here.

Shang Qinghua kneels on the floor, then reaches into his sleeves and at his belt for his qiankun pouches. The paranoid man who packs like he’s preparing to be trapped in a demon-infested inn is a fool every day but one! And that one shitty day is very important!

Luo Jiahui already has a knife on her person, but Shang Qinghua slides another one at her. Because, in his opinion, the only time you don’t want to have at least two knives on your person is going through airport security, even if it makes you look suspicious if you’re caught in the middle of a murder mystery investigation.

“Backup,” he mouths at her and she nods, keeping it away from Binghe.

Shang Qinghua would love to drape them both in every anti-demon defense measure ever invented, except that’s… not really an option… for obvious Binghe-shaped reasons.

So that leaves… more… ah, offensive methods.

Oh, this room has no fucking windows. That’s suspicious as fuck and Shang Qinghua can’t believe he didn’t clock this place’s lack of windows earlier. When they get home, safe and sound, he’s not entering a room without at least two exits and/or a simple method of making an additional emergency exit ever again. Any meeting without windows? He'll just nope the fuck out.

Fuck, he hates this. He hates this, he hates this, he hates this.

Shang Qinghua listens at the door for the demon attendants, hears the pair of footsteps coming closer at an unhurried pace. Dulled sounds form into dulled words, which form into a conversation about whether there will be enough food to go around and whether they should turn back.

Shang Qinghua stays painfully still.

The conversation passes them, with the footsteps following.

He presses spiritual energy into one of the talismans laid out on the floor and waits… but the conversation doesn’t stop and the footsteps don’t pause for the use of spiritual energy, the sounds instead drifting away and beginning to fall apart again. Shang Qinghua makes a gesture for his family to stay put, then carefully, silently, picks up the other talismans he’s laid out and slips silently out the door.

He can do this! He can do this!

It’s just like any other stupid fucking stealth mission!

The hall is clear except for the demon attendants, who have now passed their room, and Shang Qinghua doesn’t allow a third set of footsteps to reach their ears. It takes a flick of his hand to send a talisman to each of their backs, which paralyzes their bodies, which overbalances them.

That really surprised Shang Qinghua the first time he paralyzed anyone like this! There are different types of traps which can completely freeze a person on the spot, including some which say “fuck gravity, we don’t listen to gravity in this house” , but when you directly tag a person mid-motion like this, they tend to fall on their face! It’s always tragically inelegant, really. All the people Shang Qinghua has ever seen faint into a graceful pose, with their robes artfully strewn around them, have been totally faking. Like, “Oh, wow, do you practice that shit?”

Real people, in Shang Qinghua’s experience, tend to fall like a sack of vegetables.

He’s already moving forward when the talismans activate. No time to waste! It takes a swing of the sword to decapitate one of the demon attendants before the body even hits the floor.

Shang Qinghua then catches the other by the back of her robes with his free hand, allowing the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple to slip off her shoulder and to the floor first, and then another swing of the sword removes the second demon attendant’s head too. He puts the headless body quietly aside.

【】

Look, he never would have made it to the position of peak lord if he wasn’t actually capable of being at least a little bit dangerous! To some people, at least. To be a scum traitor who causes unforgivable damage to his sect in the future, with hopes of surviving afterwards, he needs to be capable of performing some very literal, very subtle backstabbing.

Ah, sure! Sure! These poor demon attendants might be innocent and this might just be a weird misunderstanding, but Shang Qinghua doesn’t trust that damn hack called Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky. His shitty System said “survive”. That’s pretty unambiguous! He’s also pretty sure that these demon attendants were talking about talking this “fresh meat” to the kitchens… and he doubts they were just looking for taste-testers! It’s a weird fucking world when cannibalism is the most reasonable assumption to make there, but it’s the world he lives in now.

Shang Qinghua’s nephew is here and he’s not taking any risks, thanks!

【Early Protagonist Death will result in consequences.】

“I know that, thanks! Fuck you!” he thinks.

Shang Qinghua kind of wishes, watching the blood spill over the floor, that killing people wasn’t so… he doesn’t want to say easy… but… wow, the world just fucking lets you do it, huh? When it comes down to it, the System never even gives him a pop-up window, like, “Bro, you fucking sure you want blood on your hands?” It just happens, like slaughtering any other animal.

Ahhh, souls are confirmed to exist and persist in the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way , so it’s not so bad for these ladies, he reasons to himself as always. He mentally prods the System to deal with them fairly when putting them through the local reincarnation cycle, and calls that his due diligence here. He’ll apologize later, if he’s in the wrong here!

The demon attendants bodies (and heads, eugh) go into the nearest empty room. A blood-sucking talisman is left to soak up the puddle on the hall floor - a favorite of the butchers of Xi Jiao Peak, good for storing blood for later use like for potions or bait, also good for clean-up - though a faint stain may be inevitable. Shang Qinghua commits the demonic markings on their foreheads to memory - they’re low-ranking demons, clearly, wearing extra paint around their marks to show their service to a particular high-ranking demon.

Yeah, he would never realistically get that kind of drop on the likes of Mobei-Jun, he's sure. Though, admittedly, he's never really tried.

A quick pat-down of the bodies reveals nothing useful on their persons.

“I deserve loot, don’t I, System Bro?” Shang Qinghua thinks miserably. “This is a mission, eh? Shouldn’t I get a convenient set of master keys or an even more convenient map of this shitty level? Some handwritten note giving me exposition for this demon takeover? No? Well, fuck you too, bro!”

One weird thing: the demon attendants look older than he would have expected. Proud Immortal Demon Way tended towards women who looked eternally nineteen (and were totally down to papapa with the stallion protagonist), but this realized version of a hack’s web-novel definitely doesn’t follow the strict limitations of: “All women are either young children, marriageable maidens, wicked stepmothers, middle-aged mothers, or old crones.” Yet it still strikes him as a little odd, somehow, that these demons both look (at least by human standards) in their early fifties. Totally “still trying to look twenty” fifties, but still.

Ahhh, something about it wants to remind him of something else, but he really can’t remember what exactly!

At a loss, Shang Qinghua scoops up the blood-sucking talisman, then the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple, then returns to his family. Luo Jiahui is clearly so relieved to see him alive that it makes his chest hurt. Luo Binghe opens his mouth to say something, before he remembers to keep quiet, and so waves uncertainly at Shang Qinghua instead.

Shang Qinghua offers his nephew a thumbs-up as he closes the door behind him.

Shang Qinghua puts the disciple down on the bed. The young man isn’t actually dead, just unconscious and slightly bloodstained now. He doesn’t even appear injured, though the possibility of poison or venom is still up in the air. Shang Qinghua supposes the demons were… ahhh… being very compliant to the “demons like their food as fresh possible” trope.

The young man has light brown skin, dark brown hair, and is… Shang Qinghua would guess... twenty years old, maybe…? Could be only eighteen or nineteen for all he knows. A young college bro… with the sort of average good-looking face that would immediately be type-cast as a “I have five cars and it’s a miracle people haven’t keyed them all to shit yet” guy. Though, admittedly, maybe Shang Qinghua is biased, based on that spectacular display of entitlement and bad decision-making outside. If this guy had been a disciple of An Ding Peak, Shang Qinghua probably would have named him “Disciple Eyebrows Extra Thick”.

In blissful unconsciousness, it’s… really obvious this guy is just a kid.

Shang Qinghua gives the kid a zap of spiritual energy. Easy trick! Super useful! Great for disrupting illusions and hypnosis, for shocking rude people under plausible deniability as a static shock, and for waking up hungover cultivators sprawled out under the wrong tree or disciples who have fallen asleep at their desks.

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple comes awake suddenly and immediately lashes out at Shang Qinghua. Clumsily, though, and weakly. It’s no trouble to catch the guy’s arm, shove him back down on the bed, and hiss, “We’re not demons. I just saved your life. Calm down.”

The disciple stops struggling and blinks blearily around the room. “Where… my shidi…! Oh, no, I need- they’re going to-”

Shang Qinghua shoves him back onto the bed again. “Stay quiet. All the demons aren’t dealt with yet,” he whispers, in his best Serious Shifu voice. “I need you to tell me exactly why Huan Hua Palace Sect is investigating this place, what you saw before you got knocked out, and anything else you know.”

The disciple shoves at him, hissing, “I don’t have to answer to you-”

Shang Qinghua backs off. The disciple finally notices Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe, and goes extra wide-eyed, while Shang Qinghua fumbles to bring out his Cang Qiong Mountain Sect spiritual seal. He holds it out for the disciple to see, so the kid can go extra, extra wide-eyed as he realizes exactly who he’s talking to. Yeah, that’s right! Someone important!

“I’m Lord Shang Qinghua of An Ding Peak of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Sure, you don’t have to answer me, but if you want to get out of here alive, disciple, you’re going to want to.”

“Im-Immortal Master Sh-Shang,” the kid stammers, fumbling to bow and pretty much falling on his face in a heap of golden robes instead.

Whoops! Overdid the Serious Shifu voice, maybe.

Shang Qinghua pulls the disciple off the floor, now wishing that his six-year-old nephew wasn’t here specifically so he could curse. “Don’t do that,” he hisses, crouching down in front of the kid, putting his spiritual seal safely away. “I don’t need you to bow and scrape! Not useful! I need your help and you need mine, so let’s act super calm about this and help each other out here, eh?”

The disciple nods frantically.

“Great. We’re on the same page. What’s your name?”

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple’s name is Duan Tianyu.

【 CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Duan Tianyu.】

The disciple doesn’t know what exactly is wrong here either, only that the Palace Master is interested in their rumored ability to “restore youth to even the mundane man” and concerned by the whispers of potential wickedness at the heart of it. Duan Tianyu has been tasked with investigating and, if the House of Rejuvenation’s techniques are sufficiently dangerous, confiscating their tools, or reporting back to his sect.

They had no idea to expect demons.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t remember much about the “Return to Linluo Town” plotline in the original Proud Immortal Demon Way, but he’s pretty fucking sure that it didn’t have demons. The scum villain "evil stepmother" character of that plotline was human! The "innocent stepdaughter" or "justice-seeking cultivator" wife character for the protagonist to rescue was human! The only demon on the scene was the protagonist! It was definitely one of those “humans can be scum too and even worse monsters than demons if they want to be, everyone can and probably will be selfish and greedy and cruel, so trust no one” plotlines.

Nothing that Duan Tianyu tells him now explains what the fuck is going on here in terms of Proud Immortal Demon Way plotlines. Super unhelpful.

“I have- I have been hoping to become the new head disciple,” Duan Tianyu admits, his eyes actually shiny and his voice hoarse now. “I thought that if I could impress the Palace Master with my success here, then I might have a better chance…”

“He really hasn’t replaced his head disciple yet?” Shang Qinghua asks.

He’s a little surprised, but also not surprised at all.

Duan Tianyu shakes his head. “Not officially. But our shijie has been dead for over seven years now and… I want to make her pr-proud… but I’ve led us into the teeth and claws of demons instead... ”

Oh, fuck, the kid actually sniffles and it doesn’t look like crocodile tears. Which is… not surprising, when this disciple knows that his mistakes have basically handed his junior martial siblings to demons on a silver platter. It’s like this kid’s pride was this big swollen balloon that’s been popped, especially with a “peerless immortal” cultivator here to witness all his fuck-ups.

“You didn’t think to do a little reconnaissance here?” Shang Qinghua says.

Sure, he didn’t do extensive reconnaissance here either. But in his defense, they just came to pick up one person and leave. Five minutes, in and out!

“Spying on the common people is-”

“-what keeps you alive,” Shang Qinghua says, horrified. “Holy shit, my disciples would-” Shang Qinghua wants to say “eat you alive”, but he cuts himself off because that seems in, ah, poor taste right now.

Luo Jiahui finally comes forward to offer the distressed young man a handkerchief for his tears, which he accepts with wide-eyed gratefulness. Shang Qinghua smiles at his sister-in-law, who’s been doing a great job of keeping the protagonist quiet (except for a moment of Luo Binghe politely introducing himself and Duan Tianyu awkwardly saying hello back to the little boy), and then he snaps his fingers in front of Duan Tianyu’s face. No staring! Yes, his sister-in-law is the best person in this world, probably, but they have work to do here!

“Tell me everything you saw before they knocked you out.”

So, it looks like Lady Xia and her attendants have taken over the main hall of the House of Rejuvenation. They wouldn’t let Duan Tianyu and the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples inside to interrupt her health treatments. The attendants managed to redirect the disciples to a different room, where they claimed the mistress of the house was overseeing the preparations of secret medicines (she was not), and the demon attendants jumped them there.

“Okay, we’re going to go in the opposite direction and find the kitchens,” Shang Qinghua decides. “Find the service door that’s got to be nearby.”

“The what?” Duan Tianyu says.

“Places trying to look fancy need a place to bring their radishes in and a place to take their cr- trash out without trekking it through their fancy halls and the front door,” Shang Qinghua explains. “We’re going to be on the lookout for demons and for any door or windows here! Outside walls or ceilings are good too. Let's not be picky with our exits.”

Luo Jiahui nods understandingly. Luo Binghe copies his mother.

Shang Qinghua ruffles his nephew’s hair, like that’ll really help quash the fear coursing through his veins. “Good job on being quiet by the way! Great job so far helping Uncle out! Keep it up!”

Duan Tianyu gets a spare sword and a spare knife. “I’m running low on backup knives, so don’t lose it or I’m making you buy me a new one,” Shang Qinghua says firmly. Like many An Ding Peak disciples, who are usually notorious cheapskates, the kid nods fervently.

Behind him, Luo Binghe complains to his mother about getting a knife of his own. Everyone else is getting one! Luo Jiahui shushes him.

They go back out into the hall and go in the opposite direction, following the path the demon attendants were taking, stepping over the slightly stained floor. (A sharp demon nose will be able to pick out the fresh blood, but the effort to hide that probably isn’t worth it.) Shang Qinghua leads their little party, on his highest alert yet, realizing with no small amount of internal curse words that this is a fucking escort mission. This is a stealth escort mission!

What a shitty combination! What cruel System came up with that?!

Especially when, in the distance, somewhere behind them in the inn, they can hear someone banging on a door and yelling to be let out. One of those fancy guests has finally realized that they’ve been locked inside their room.

Duan Tianyu immediately moves to go help, but Shang Qinghua clamps down on the kid’s shoulder. Fuck, no! Duan Tianyu looks bewildered and mutinous.

“We don’t have a good way out yet and they’ll only be in the way until we do,” Shang Qinghua hisses. He is not performing anything resembling a customer service role for spoiled rich people in the middle of a stealth escort mission! He doesn’t hate himself that much! “They’re probably safer locked up than tripping around out here with us where the demons are.”

Duan Tianyu reluctantly nods.

On that note, down the next hall, Shang Qinghua can hear voices from what looks like the kitchen doorway, which is covered by a split hanging cloth rather than an actual door. He sees a flash of long white robes. He hears the sound of pots and pans and hissing flame. He smells cooking in progress and he really hopes that it’s not human fucking flesh yet. He’s probably not that fucking lucky, though.

He backtracks and finds another empty room a little ways back down the hall for Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe to stay in. Neither of them look happy about being left behind again, but Luo Jiahui squeezes Shang Qinghua’s hand with grim understanding. Shang Qinghua squeezes back, then pats his nephew’s fluffy head again, before he slips out to clear the way for them.

The hallway they’re in now turns right at the end, with the kitchen doorway in the center of the second hallway, and then that second hallway turns right again, so the third hallway runs parallel to the first. The kitchen is at the end of this wing.

Another talisman from Shang Qinghua’s stash will prevent most sounds from running down the first hallway from the kitchens. Shang Qinghua waves it scoldingly in Duan Tianyu’s way too fucking impressed face before planting it, because this is basic stuff! This is basic toolkit stuff! How does anyone get to their late teens without learning these things? Huan Hua Palace Sect needs to teach its disciples to spy and sneak properly! This is shameful.

Ahhh, he really wishes he had Peng Hongpeng or Lin Wenjiao here to set a proper example for their elders from other sects.

From what Shang Qinghua can tell, trying to peek through the kitchen curtains without being seen, there are… at least four demon attendants inside… along with some of the House of Rejuvenation servants.

Okay. All right. They can handle that.

They have to handle that.

He pushes Duan Tianyu back down the hall and explains his plan, picking up a super ugly vase and forcing the kid to pick up one of the hall tables, setting the vase on top of the table where the first and second hallways meet.

Then Shang Qinghua pulls some of the… meaner shit from his stash. He sets up a pair of Invisible Death Wires, skips past the kitchen doorway on silent feet, and then looks down the third hallway. Hmm, no demon attendants, just the distant sound of trapped human guests banging on their doors. He sets up another sound-blocker, to keep sounds from the second hallway from travelling down the third, then sets up another pair of wires roughly at chest and waist height.

Then he looks at Duan Tianyu, down the hall, who lifts his chin bravely and nods.

Shang Qinghua makes the “go” motion.

Duan Tianyu kicks the super fugly vase so that it goes crashing down the hall, shattering into pieces against the floor, and Shang Qinghua sees the movement in the kitchen stop even before Duan Tianyu shouts, “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, WRETCHED DEMON SCUM!”

The kid isn’t a totally shit actor, Shang Qinghua will give him that!

Duan Tianyu kicks the table into a wall next, the cheap wood splintering on impact, and white-robed demons come running out of the kitchen.

Two of them run directly into the wires Shang Qinghua put up between the kitchen doorway and Duan Tianyu. The wires are… very thin, but very strong, and very, very sharp. They’re so fucking expensive and so fucking dangerous, difficult to implement effectively, but… ah, they can work really well! Brutally well!

These two demons take their own heads off.

【】

A third demon, just behind the first two, just barely manages to duck the first wire, letting out a scream of rage and shock. She lunges for Duan Tianyu and… basically bisects herself on the second wire, set at waist height.

【】

The fourth demon is carrying a kitchen knife and cuts the wires - those aren’t cheap! Is she going to pay for that?! Then she lunges for Duan Tianyu.

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple proves himself not too incompetent after all by blocking her claws with his borrowed sword, then immediately stabbing her in the heart with the borrowed knife he’d been keeping out of sight. (The paralysis talisman Shang Qinghua manages to land on her back maybe helps?) The demon lets out a… punctured exhale… and then collapses at Duan Tianyu’s feet.

The fifth demon that comes out of the kitchen is, understandably, way more fucking cautious about taking a move, seeing the bodies of her sisters strewn out in front of her. She snarls something at Duan Tianyu, before Shang Qinghua’s flying sword takes off her head from behind, from the other end of the hall.

【】

He recalls his blade to his hand as her body and head hit the ground separately, pretty much exactly in front of the kitchen doorway. The split curtain in the kitchen doorway doesn’t reach the floor, so anyone still inside can for sure see at least one decapitated corpse.

The dead silence in this hallway probably illustrates the others.

Duan Tianyu retrieves his borrowed knife, looking hesitantly hopeful.

Shang Qinghua motions for him to wait.

Crouching down, he can see one last figure in white robes, hesitant to exit. They step towards the curtain, then they step back, and then… back again.

“Sisters?” the demon attendant calls.

No one answers her.

The white robes step farther back.

“Come out, cultivator, else I will begin slaughtering the servants!”

Duan Tianyu wavers forward, but Shang Qinghua gestures again for him to stay fucking put. After a moment’s thought, he takes down the wires on his side of the hall, because leaving them up is asking for trouble. Then he removes a talisman from his sleeve and, sword in hand, steps into the kitchen.

There’s only one demon attendant left in the kitchen.

Huddled in the corner are about a dozen House of Rejuvenation servants, all trying to keep out of the pacing demon’s reach, gathered around a human woman whose much more expensive outfit… oh, fuck, her outfit matches the color scheme of this shitty fucking inn. That must be the, ah, elusive mistress of the house, Shang Qinghua presumes! He was kind of assuming she was dead. Holy shit, the woman looks like she can’t be much older than twenty?

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Hu Ziyi.】

That’s probably bad.

The demon attendant, holding another scary-looking kitchen knife, gives Shang Qinghua a once-over. Shang Qinghua thinks that she’s the one who intervened outside, inviting people inside on Lady Xia’s behalf, when the servant at the front door was desperately trying to get everyone to go the fuck away.

“...The rogue cultivator…?” she says.

Shang Qinghua trembles, holding the talisman out in front of him like a desperate but determined man. It’s not untrue! He is a desperate but determined man! “Stay back, demon! This is a rare purifying talisman from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect itself! Don’t make me use it on you and your wicked powers now!”

The demon attendant looks even more unimpressed and steps forward.

In a flailing panic, Shang Qinghua throws the talisman at the demon, who uses the knife she’s holding to slice the paper in half. Everyone knows that the fastest way to render most talismans useless is to slice it up, like cutting a wire.

There are people who put traps in their talismans, setting them up to explode upon failure, but those are… eh… hard to implement well and are usually unstable. Most rational people don’t want to risk losing half their ass because of some accidental pocket wear-and-tear. Having mopped up lots of “completely avoidable in hindsight or with proper maintenance” accidents at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, Shang Qinghua personally has no fucking patience for trapped talismans by cultivators who think they’re so fucking clever... or for poorly made talismans that act like faulty kitchen appliances determined to burn a damn house down.

One type of talisman, however, pretty much guarantees an explosive reaction to being cut up, no matter if no one intended that or how well-made: storage talismans.

The demon attendant cuts up the blood-sucking talisman Shang Qinghua has thrown at her, the folded space bursts open with an air-displacing pop, and she gets a blinding faceful (and mouthful, eugh) of fresh demon blood. Shang Qinghua dodges her next wild swing of the knife and takes off her head before she can blink the blood out of her eyes.

Messy, but… hmm… not bad for such a short notice plan!

【】

He looks at the servants, who look shocked but elated.

Shang Qinghua feels the same, honestly! He’s so fucking glad that worked!

“Sooooo… is that all of them in this part of the inn?”

Several of them nod frantically.

“Where’s the nearest door to the outside?”

A couple of them point to one of the doors at the other end of the kitchen.

“It’s locked!”

“The demon took the keys!”

“This one?” Shang Qinghua asks, pointing at the corpse at his feet, getting some more nods in return. “Not a problem, then? Someone get the keys and then cover the body. I’ll be back.”

Duan Tianyu is hovering outside. Shang Qinghua confirms that the coast is clear and slaps the kid on the shoulder, because he did a pretty good job being bait there! Shang Qinghua tells him, “Good job,” and the kid looks a little shocked before he beams like no one has ever praised him before in his twenty years of being alive.

Shang Qinghua quickly packs up the Invisible Death Wires which haven’t been cut, and then jogs back down the hall to grab Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe.

No one has come running at the commotion.

He picks up his nephew and covers the young protagonist’s eyes, despite Binghe’s protests, stepping over the demon bodies to return to the kitchen. Young Duan Tianyu offers a pale Luo Jiahui his hand, because it’s, ah, hard to simultaneously watch where you step and not look down. She accepts with a forced smile.

Back inside the kitchen… okay, Shang Qinghua isn’t totally sure what’s fucking happening here. The House of Rejuvenation servants look alternatively scared or pissed the fuck off, or are just straight-on sobbing . Madam Hu is standing in the middle of it all, her courage and dignity quickly regathered, holding slightly bloody keys that she must have scavenged off the demon attendant’s corpse.

Well, at least someone’s thrown a sheet over the dead body. The blood is seeping through, but most of the gruesome sight is hidden.

“She won’t let us leave,” one of the servants tattles to Shang Qinghua.

“These are my keys,” Madam Hu snaps. “No one may leave until these cultivators have taken care of the demons in my house. Only then will I give over the keys.”

She’s talking as though she thinks this is a fair enough deal.

Shang Qinghua is still holding his squirming nephew, covering Binghe’s eyes, so he can’t just blurt out the “are you fucking serious???” on the tip of his tongue. Duan Tianyu looks… completely boggled… like he’s finally realizing how much of a fucking idiot this level of entitlement makes you look like. Luo Jiahui, beside him, trembling with the horror of this whole shitty situation, looks furious.

Shang Qinghua can totally just pick the lock or kick down the door, but before he can tell Madam Hu that her plan is stupid and her leverage is garbage, Luo Jiahui marches forward. Shang Qinghua’s gentle, kindly sister-in-law just grabs the keys out of Madam Hu’s hands and, when a shocked Madam Hu tries to snatch them back, Luo Jiahui winds up and smacks the woman across the face hard enough to send her to the bloody floor.

“How dare you?!” Madam Hu cries, a hand to her reddened cheek.

“How dare you?! ” Luo Jiahui snaps back.

Madam Hu pulls herself back to her feet and, flushed with rage, grabs a poker from the fireplace. Holy shit! Shang Qinghua quickly puts his squirming nephew down, but not before Madam Hu swings it madly at his sister-in-law. Duan Tianyu moves forward too late, one of the servants cries out for their mistress to stop, and Luo Jiahui just... catches the hot poker with her bare hand.

Holy shit.

Luo Jiahui doesn’t call herself a cultivator, she’s definitely not a warrior and Shang Qinghua doubts she’ll ever willingly wield a sword, but all of those cheating power-ups and all that practice with Granny Sun is clearly paying off. Shang Qinghua has seen her stick her hands into boiling water before while she's cooking. Luo Jiahui’s hand is glistening with a thin layer of spiritual energy, as she firmly yanks the hot poker out of Madam Hu’s hand. Madam Hu’s grip is slack with shock.

Luo Jiahui tosses the hot poker aside, then the spiritual energy disperses, and Shang Qinghua’s gentle, kindly sister-in-law punches her ex-boss’s wife square in the nose. Shang Qinghua is willing to bet, as Madam Hu gets laid out a second time, that Granny Sun taught her that one too.

“...Is there any rope in here?” Shang Qinghua asks.

One of the servants points them towards some of their rope - Shang Qinghua has his own, yeah, but his frugal nature is really not enjoying this mission’s expenses so far - and he quickly ties the stunned Madam Hu’s hands together before she can make any more bad decisions.

Luo Jiahui takes the key ring towards the door and unlocks it. Some of the servants stream out immediately into the sunlight, but a few of them linger, like they want to see what happens next or don’t have anywhere else to go. That’s fine by Shang Qinghua, really, because he has questions for these people.

So does Luo Jiahui, apparently, who returns to Madam Hu and demands, “Where is my sister? Where is Feng Fanli?”

“You’ve ruined everything,” Madam Hu moans. “I knew you would! You stupid girls…”

The lingering servants shuffle like they know something.

Shang Qinghua reaches out to touch his sister-in-law’s arm, before his gentle, kindly sister-in-law in Mama Bear Rage Mode can throttle the woman. “Jiahui,” he says softly. “I’ll take care of it. You and Binghe need to go now.”

This is when Binghe screams.

Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui both whirl around.

One of the demon attendants is in the doorway, white robes drenched with blood from the open wound in her chest.

It’s not a new demon attendant. It’s the one who cut through the wires to attack Duan Tianyu, the same one who got stabbed through the heart not even five minutes ago. She’s got her knife in bloody hand and she’s going for Luo Binghe and Shang Qinghua is moving too fucking slowly, it’s like the world has slowed down in honor of the fact that it might very well implode if that demon’s knife lands in his nephew’s chest-

And then a hefty pot tumbles off a high shelf and conveniently hits the demon in the head.

The flow of time rushes forward again. Shang Qinghua scoops his nephew out of the way as Duan Tianyu takes off the demon’s head. Shang Qinghua, shielding his screaming nephew from the sight, sprints out the open back door. Luo Jiahui is hot on his heels. When Shang Qinghua lets Binghe go, mother and son launch themselves at each other, Jiahui with a cry of relief and Binghe just… crying.

“I don’t wa-want to have a-any more adven-adventures,” is the most intelligible thing that Luo Binghe sobs into his mother’s shoulder. “I want to go-o hooooome.”

Ah, the curse of the protagonist.

Once again, Shang Qinghua feels like the scummiest person alive.

【】

“Fuck you,” Shang Qinghua thinks at the System, though he’s never agreed more that he totally deserves the point loss.

Binghe is a kid! The System should leave Shang Qinghua’s nephew alone and let his life turn out by itself! If Luo Binghe wants to open a restaurant someday instead of being Demon Emperor, he should get to do that! The System can just put up with an abrupt shift in genre! Fuck cultivations novels! Proud Immortal Demon Way can be a slice-of-life comedy about a half-demon chef now! No power struggles except over the dinner menu! No scum villains except merchants who charge too much for shitty radishes! No Eternal Abyss except for the never-ending line of customers!

Shang Qinghua’s heart feels like it’s going to explode, if the world’s not going to implode. Fuck. That was close. That was too fucking close.

Shang Qinghua sends a message talisman to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, with only a small hope that it’ll survive the journey and no hope that it’ll make it there anytime soon, and another to Huan Hua Palace Sect.

He promises Luo Jiahui that he will find Feng Fanli and get to the bottom of this, and he promises Luo Binghe, who also doesn’t want Shang Qinghua to return to the House of Rejuvenation, that he’ll be all right. The situation is still immensely shitty, but, ah, with his family out, it’s slightly less immensely shitty. Luo Jiahui promises that she’ll warn the town and try to find a messenger of her own to go in person.

Duan Tianyu looks just about ready to sob with relief at the fact that Shang Qinghua isn’t just leaving him now. Shang Qinghua, on the other hand, has a bone to pick with this kid. That never would have happened if Duan Tianyu had done the safe thing and aimed to decapitate!

“M-Master Shang… look.”

Duan Tianyu has lifted up the sheet thrown over the demon attendant who Shang Qinghua killed last. The head of the demon is… well, it still looks dead… but it’s also very, very slowly inching its way back towards the body.

Holy fucking shit.

Shang Qinghua goes to check on the scene of carnage outside the kitchen and… oh, fuck… yep. The sliced-up demon bodies there are trying to slowly pull themselves back together too. Shang Qinghua already fucking hated this situation, but he really loathes things that don’t fucking die by decapitation.

OP bullshit! That’s some OP bullshit!

“Master Shang, what do we do?” Duan Tianyu asks.

Shang Qinghua takes a deep breath, regrets it immediately, and then chokes out: “Burn them, cleanse the ashes, then scatter the ashes.”

“Will that kill them?”

“If it doesn’t, the likelihood of all those ashes actually pulling together again are low enough that it doesn’t actually matter, so who cares?” Shang Qinghua has the tools for cremation, but doesn’t want to start burning shit just yet, so he points at another door that looks like it might be a pantry of some kind. “What’s in there?”

The servant he’s looking at makes… a face.

Shang Qinghua goes over, opens the door, and also makes a face. Ah, this pantry is filled with more dead bodies. All right. Shang Qinghua has gotten used to dead bodies in this miserable second life of his, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still hate dealing with them. The smell is, more often than not, vile.

Most of the bodies, he notices, look like they might as well have passed away in their sleep from old age, except for the one at the front. It’s been five years and it takes him a second, but Shang Qinghua recognizes Luo Jiahui’s ex-boss. Good ol' Master Gao looks about twenty years younger and also like something with very sharp claws tore his throat out a couple days ago. All right. Okay.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Gao Xiang.】

Shang Qinghua clears his throat and, hoping that he doesn’t sound like he wants to throw up, says, “Let’s throw the heads in here for now. I don’t want to set this place on fire yet. We’ll save burning this place to the ground for later.”

“You can’t do this,” Madam Hu rages, as they go ahead and do it.

“Ignore her,” Shang Qinghua tells Duan Tianyu.

“We weren’t doing anything wrong. We paid people. They were willing,” she weeps. “It’s an honor for a servant to give their life for their master! An honor for a wife to spend her life serving her husband! An honor for a daughter to share some of her youth with the mother who gave her her life in the first place!”

Shang Qinghua is trying not to throw up and this is not helping.

Duan Tianyu doesn’t manage to keep his stomach steady. As soon as they’ve tossed the last demon head into the pantry and closed the door, the kid grabs the nearest empty pot and vomits into it. Shang Qinghua pats the poor kid’s back.

Then he goes over and stands over someone who might actually be one of the scummiest villains in the entire world of Proud Immortal Demon Way.

“Shut the fuck up,” he says, “or I’ll throw you in there too.”

He looks at the lingering servants and notices that most of them skew towards looking like they’re in their late fifties or older. He’s having lots of thoughts right now that he doesn’t fucking want to be having. Shang Qinghua really wants to just walk out that open back door right now and not come back ever, but… instead he asks the servants to spill everything that is really fucking wrong with this place.

He curses his shitty fucking memory when the servants tell him that the House of Rejuvenation uses a pair of demonic artifacts to steal one person’s youth and give it to another person. That’s his shitty plotline! He wrote that bullshit!

Fuck, he really didn’t want to be right about it being human cauldrons happening here. He would really like to stop being right anytime now! Anytime would be good!

A pair of Lady Xia’s attendants came to investigate the House of Rejuvenation in disguise about a month ago, left again as happy customers, and have now returned with their mistress and the whole pack of demons for treatment. A handful of them took over the House of Rejuvenation fully only a couple of days ago, in preparation for Lady Xia's arrival, which Shang Qinghua is absolutely sure he did not write. There were twenty attendants in total (twelve now, by Shang Qinghua's count), plus Lady Xia, and the majority of them should still be in the main hall now.

“They said we had to obey them or they’d kill us,” one of the servants sobs.

Shang Qinghua’s pity here is limited, when he has no idea how complicit these people were in what their scum employers were doing before the demons showed up.

“Is there a girl named Feng Fanli here?”

“No,” Madam Hu says.

Without looking, Shang Qinghua points his sword at her in warning.

“Yes,” one of the servants admits, hanging their head. “She’s locked in one of the rooms on the far side of the inn.”

“She wouldn’t stop bothering Master Gao,” another servant offers. “He didn’t want to talk to her, he told her to go away, but she kept coming back and trying to sneak in. And then… when she found out too much, she threatened him! And Master Gao knew that her sister had left with… had left with a cultivator…”

Shang Qinghua closes his eyes and swallows his heart.

“Fuck,” he thinks.

He doesn’t know what else he can say.

Why didn’t it occur to him that the wealthy family Luo Jiahui served and the wealthy family the protagonist would thwart in a future “Return to Linluo Town” plotline might be made to the same family? Why wouldn't the sort of scum villain man who takes advantage of poor washerwomen and the sort of scum villain woman who steals youth get married to each other? Shang Qinghua doesn't see a potential "innocent daughter or stepdaughter" or "justice-seeking cultivator" wife character around the House of Rejuvenation yet, but there's a couple decades for that to happen, isn't there? Master Gao could have died and Madam Hu could have gotten remarried. Implying that the evil stepmother character murdered her first husband sounds like a him thing to do.

“Hey, System!” he thinks, in the back of his mind. “Don’t be cheap! Blending scum villain families like this! You could have not been cheap about this, you know!”

He should have had Master Gao killed all those years ago.

Maybe that hack called Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky was right. What does mercy get you?

The servants can provide him with an actual layout of the House of Rejuvenation, how many people are in the building and where they all are, and all the useful stuff Shang Qinghua had originally hoped Duan Tianyu might know. It makes planning the next moves here, in this shitty fucking situation, much easier. Two of the servants, who claim to be recently and unwillingly brought on to this place, even volunteer to come with Shang Qinghua and Duan Tianyu as they travel back through the House of Rejuvenation, an older woman and an older man, called Qiang and Bao respectively. Shang Qinghua forgets their names almost immediately.

He and Duan Tianyu travel ahead, scouting their path, putting down sound-blockers at the end of hallways, while the servants unlock the doors and direct angry guests and their servants back towards the kitchen and the exit. Shang Qinghua remembers the first two demons he killed, who ought to be trying to pull themselves back together in the room he threw them into, partway through this rescue endeavor. The man they’ve just freed from his room, Doctor Xu, volunteers to help the servants take care of the issue immediately.

Shang Qinghua is considering the offer when one elderly gentleman who can’t read the fucking room tries to march past Duan Tianyu in an angry huff, determined to find and speak to the House of Rejuvenation's owners about this “absolutely horrendous service”. The man refuses to listen to Duan Tianyu urgently telling him that he cannot do that right now, sir. So, in a panic, the disciple just paralyzes the fellow with a talisman, leaving the gentleman’s wide-eyed servants to carry him away.

Duan Tianyu looks horrified at himself, but Shang Qinghua just laughs.

“That’s exactly what half of my disciples would do,” Shang Qinghua says, more tired than amused. “The other half would just helpfully tell him Madam Hu can be found in the kitchens, probably. Important lesson there! Learn to lie without lying! Ah, come on, it’s all downhill again from here.”

The rest of the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples are being guarded by two demon attendants, who are paying half-hearted attention to their prisoners rather than anyone coming to free them. Duan Tianyu takes vindictive pleasure in making the demon attendants regret assuming he’d been turned into Lady Xia’s next meal by now. Duan Tianyu’s shidi are all overjoyed to see him again, as he frees them, the youngest of them actually weeping for joy.

“This is Master Shang, one of the Peak Lords from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. He saved my life and we’re evacuating the inn through the kitchens,” Duan Tianyu introduces, with no small amount of reverence.

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples all look towards Shang Qinghua with a mixture of shock and awe, as Duan Tianyu gives them a quick rundown of the situation. Fuck, it’s a sad situation where Shang Qinghua is the most impressive person in the room. Either his standards have been bumped up too high, hanging around so many lofty peak lords, or these Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples falling over themselves to bow to him right now are too young and too easily impressed.

“Stop that,” Shang Qinghua says wearily. “Where are your weapons?”

The disciples report that they don’t know where their swords and pouches were taken. Shang Qinghua is not impressed. No hidden knives? No backup talismans? No wires disguised as jewelry? No hair ornaments that double as knives? Living on An Ding Peak for so long has for sure done something to Shang Qinghua’s standards of resourcefulness, he thinks, as the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples hang their heads in shame at only being able to give negative answers.

Shang Qinghua hands out some of his backup knives and darts and such. Duan Tianyu promises, very prettily and earnestly, that they’ll take Immortal Master Shang’s wisdom to heart for all future endeavors. Shang Qinghua resists the urge to sniff at them and say that he’ll believe that when he sees it.

A thought which makes him think, “Fuck, I’ve been hanging out with Qi Qingqi too much.” Which is just a totally wild thought to have now, given that Qi Qingqi’s first impression of him all those years ago (which persisted until very recently) seemed to be, “Why is this man-shaped rat talking to me?” She still gets that face sometimes.

Oh, he understands his ascended master a little better now. Sure, you need some disciples who are just happy to be there, grateful to be a part of the day-in-day-out. But you need some clever and sneaky ones too, even if they’re hard-to-handle little shits most of the time, even if they keep coming up with “so clever it’s actually very stupid” schemes, because they really do seem to have a better chance of lasting longer in this overdramatic world.

The main hall of the House of Rejuvenation has two levels, which makes it easy to sneak up to the second story and survey the Boss Fight.

Lady Xia is in the center of the hall, sitting on a makeshift lounge, being attended by six of her attendants. Two attendants are trimming the three inch claws of each hand, two rubbing her feet and legs, and two are brushing her floor-length white hair. Lady Xia is… Shang Qinghua is going to go out and guess that she’s not a wife character… because she’s old.

Like… she looks like a shrivelled corpse.

Is she even alive?

Shang Qinghua assumes so, but just by looking, he would not be able to tell.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Elder Lady Xia.】

Oh, fuck, he thinks he recognizes her character now.

She’s an extremely old demon who used to be extremely powerful, and wanted to live and rule the world forever, except when she was blessed to have eternal life, she was also cursed to be without eternal youth. Or something like that, which she has clearly managed to share to some degree with her servants. She wanted… well… now she clearly wants to be young again… so… Shang Qinghua desperately mentally flips through “eternal youth” plotlines.

Oh! She wanted the protagonist to bring her a rare plant that would return her youth or something like that! (Maybe a shiny rock? Maybe fountain water? Who knows?!) If she’d gotten back her youth, she might have actually been powerful enough to challenge the protagonist and become Demon Empress.

However, Shang Qinghua is 100% sure that, as is the case with all of Luo Binghe’s enemies, that plot ended badly for her instead.

It makes a lot of sense that Elder Lady Xia would be attracted to a place like the House of Rejuvenation! Except, she’s from a completely different fucking plotline, so what the fuck if she doing here now?

“Hey, System? Bro? Is it really too much to ask that you keep the plotlines SEPARATED?!” Shang Qinghua thinks, outraged. “Really, fuck you! Do your job! Don’t let plotlines COMBINE!”

Cursing the System, unfortunately, will not get this shitty mission over with any faster. Shang Qinghua scopes out the remaining demon attendants. Two are admiring the golden masks on a table at the far end of the hall, while the remaining two are just standing around and talking. These four can probably be picked off, but the six in the middle with Lady Xia are probably going to be troublesome.

One of the demon attendants gets sent off to check on Lady Xia’s meal. Shang Qinghua has clearly trained Duan Tianyu well! Because the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple demonstrates a very nice stealthy takedown for his junior martial siblings.

Some noisy banging and shouting about getting some damn service around here (Duan Tianyu’s best friend apparently has a flair for the dramatic and, in another life, would have had a career as a voice actor), gets the two demon attendants admiring the golden masks sent to go shut up the rude humans disturbing Lady Xia’s rest. This takedown, unfortunately, isn’t quite so stealthy. One of the demon attendants gets a warning shriek out that carries back to the main hall.

This puts the remaining seven on alert. Fuck.

One of the demon attendants combing Lady Xia’s hair stands up to investigate, alongside the two who were tending to her feet. Shang Qinghua has to hustle back downstairs (silently, SILENTLY) to support the hiding Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples, who probably aren’t ready to deal with three, and spends some of his good poison darts saving their asses. The poison darts, which could probably stun even Mobei-Jun (at least for five minutes) are followed, of course, by some hasty decapitation for good measure. He’s going to fucking bill Huan Hua Palace Sect when this shit is over, he promises himself. He’s going to send over an itemized damn invoice including emotional damages and his personal babysitting fee for this.

Ahhh, he sort of gives up on perfect stealth after that, and has the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples take cover instead. Lady Xia’s remaining four attendants have gathered protectively around her, with two of them on guard, and two others patting her soothingly. Unfortunately for them, Shang Qinghua has a bottle of Fire-Eater Sword-Cleaning Solution and a claw from a firebird, and absolutely no problem ruining the House of Rejuvenation’s main hall’s decorations. He drops the claw in the bottle, shakes, then lobs the bomb into Lady Xia’s lap below.

Will this create a continuity error later? Will two later plotlines never happen now, because Madam Hu isn’t going to get to keep her business and Lady Xia is going to die? Will completing this shitty fucking mission actually lose Shang Qinghua points in the future?

He does not fucking care!

As a side note, is it weird that he rates a lot of weapons and tricks based on whether or not they'd give Mobei-Jun pause?

The BOOM that follows shakes the building. Shang Qinghua, taking cover, doesn’t see the fireball, but he feels its heat. After that, it’s a matter of dropping down into the main hall, stepping over the flaming pillows and assorted luggage, and performing some proper decapitations for good measure. Some fires need to be put out. Pretty anti-climatic as far as boss fights go, to be honest, but that’s totally Shang Qinghua’s preference.

【】

The Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples are ecstatic to have defeated the demons. They’re grateful to Shang Qinghua, of course, but also young and caught up in their own relief at having survived. Duan Tianyu scolds them and tells them to get to work actually making sure that these semi-immortal demons stay dead.

“Duan-Shixiong, the masks!” one of the disciples cries, delighted at their prize. Shang Qinghua spots the brat already reaching for them.

“DON’T TOUCH THAT!” Shang Qinghua barks.

His Serious Shifu voice must be getting pretty good! Because all of the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples jump and stand a little straighter. Holy shit! Shang Qinghua really has a bone to pick with their teachers? A lot of them! Why was “don’t fucking touch unknown demonic shit” not beaten into their little heads?

Fuck, he feels old.

Duan Tianyu approaches the intricate golden masks, which have been knocked to the floor, more carefully. The young man inspects the demonic artifacts without touching them. One of the golden masks has an ominous laughing face, while the other has a frightening crying face, and both of them send a shiver down Shang Qinghua’s spine. An inanimate object giving off an aura of menace, of resentment, of pain… well… that’s a real fucking thing in this shitty world… and it’s a real fucking thing right now with those things.

Duan Tianyu stomps on the crying face and it cracks in half.

Some of the other Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples gasp.

Duan Tianyu stomps on the laughing face next, giving it the same treatment, and all a stunned Shang Qinghua can think is, “Wait, what the fuck?!”

“These terrible things shouldn’t exist in the world,” Duan Tianyu announces to the others, with a sort of shaky determination. He looks towards Shang Qinghua for approval, while the other disciples stare in disbelief.

Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky nods back, a little helplessly.

The kid isn’t…

Well, he’s not exactly wrong.

What follows is something to which Shang Qinghua is no stranger: clean-up. He wishes he and clean-up didn’t know each other so well, honestly.

A disciple who is determined to be the fastest flier among them is sent to inform Huan Hua Palace Sect of what happened here, so that they can, among other things, see to it that Madam Hu doesn’t just get away with everything that happened here. The remaining Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples start taking the demons outside to be burned, with Duan Tianyu determined to burn the House of Rejuvenation’s demonic artifacts alongside them.

“You’ll need to make sure that no one makes off with the demons’ possessions,” Shang Qinghua tells Duan Tianyu, who is actually taking notes now. “Someone always tries to steal it and sell it, and then someone inevitably gets cursed by demonic crap they bought in a junk shop. Always. Oh, someone should go right now to make sure that Madam Hu or a servant isn’t destroying any records the House of Rejuvenation keeps. You’ll want their books, trust me! If they don’t have thorough paperwork or their books are in code, probably to protect their shitty clients, you’re going to want to start making your own log of the people involved here. The families of the victims will need to be informed. Try to round up all the servants if you can, because the servants really do know a lot! Always do! And don't just let the guests leave either. Find out what they know.”

There’s going to be a lot of resentment to unpack and cleansing rituals to perform here. Ahhh, he really doesn’t envy Huan Hua Palace Sect the clean-up! He doesn’t think that Yue Qingyuan will want to fight them for jurisdiction, because this is a trainwreck even before the crossing plotlines, and he doesn’t think he’ll personally be pushing Zhangmen-Shixiong to get involved. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is too busy! Sucks to be you, Huan Hua Palace Sect! Good luck!

Duan Tianyu looks totally overwhelmed, but things are… more or less in-hand for now, and the kid doesn’t object to Shang Qinghua finally going to help the person he’s actually here to help. “Oh, of course, Master Shang! You and your martial sister must be worried sick about her poor shimei! I don’t know what we would have done without you-”

“Get eaten,” Shang Qinghua’s unhelpful mind supplies.

“-but of course I cannot keep you from your important secret mission!” Duan Tianyu insists, though he keeps pouring on the eternal gratitude until Shang Qinghua just up and flees from the flattery.

The servants who have stayed are still freeing the remaining confused, angry, and terrified guests, whose level of ignorance here is super questionable. One of the guests tries to grab Shang Qinghua for a “proper explanation” and he tells them to go fuck themselves, which isn’t so much satisfying (usually, he loves telling entitled clients to go fuck themselves) as it is just plain bitter, before asking one of the other servants to reconfirm the directions he was given.

He’s a cultivator with a desk job and he’s had to do way too much physical dirty work today! It should have been anyone else dealing with this, probably.

At least it’s over now.

On the far side of the inn, Shang Qinghua finds a locked door to a small room. He doesn’t have the keys on him, but the lock isn’t hard to pick, even though he feels drained. It’s dark inside the room, with the figure of a small adult curled up on a pallet, who shifts when he slowly opens the door.

Ah.

An old woman looks up at him. She looks nearly seventy years old, though this world makes that sort of thing difficult to judge. The old woman’s eyes are wide and scared and look pretty much exactly like Luo Jiahui’s eyes.

Shit.

The old woman sits up and says, “Ge? Gege, is that you?”

Shang Qinghua assumes that it’s the backlighting at first and introduces himself, explaining that he’s here to help, only for the old woman to give him an extremely confused and distressed look. Then he tells her that he’s a friend of Jiahui and the old woman lights up. It makes asking her for her name extra pointless.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED: Feng Fanli.】

He offers to carry her out, but Feng Fanli is determined to go meet her sister under her own power. She lets him help her up, though, and clings to his arm for support. She’s been looking for her big sister for so long, she tells him. She’s so glad that her big brother finally found her, she tells him.

All right. Okay.

Shang Qinghua pats his little sister-in-law on the arm and doesn’t correct her.

Yeah, he’s the worst person in this world. For sure.

Everyone is wrapped up in their own escape from the House of Rejuvenation, whether as a victim or a probably scummy customer, with little attention to spare for some random rogue cultivator and his little sister-in-law. Shang Qinghua can't really be bothered to stop anyone else’s flight.

The closest anyone comes to stopping them is Duan Tianyu, who looks like he’s managed an hour’s worth of frazzling in ten minutes, and is clearly relieved to see Shang Qinghua again. Shang Qinghua is way too familiar with that “oh, thank fuck, you’re finally here to solve all these little problems popping out of nowhere like flowers in springtime” expression. He receives that expression a lot. Anyway, because Shang Qinghua’s little sister-in-law is… not really a fast walker at the moment… he very clearly witnesses the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciple’s entire thought process cross his face.

1. The furrowed confusion at Shang Qinghua’s elderly company.

2. The sudden, eyes-widening, eyes-bulging realization of what must have happened.

3. The “I FUCKED UP, I FUCKED UP SO BADLY” horror.

4. And the red-faced, burning, shamed determination to leave Peak Lord Shang Qinghua and his elderly “junior martial sister” be.

“Duan Tianyu has very expressive eyebrows,” Shang Qinghua thinks, as the golden-robed disciple scuttles away, possibly to go vomit into a bush or something again. Because, well, it’s way easier thinking that sort of meaningless thing than thinking about what the fuck happens now.

“I’m so excited to see my big sister again, it’s been too long and I’ve travelled so far to find her. It’s about time,” Feng Fanli says again, clinging to his arm for his support as they step out into Linluo Town, peering determinedly around the square, where the gathered locals are gawking at the fresh disaster pouring out the fancy doors of the House of Rejuvenation. “Where is she? Why isn’t she here?”

“She’s waiting somewhere else,” Shang Qinghua answers numbly. “Not here. She didn’t want to wait here. This way, please, little sister. It’s not too far.”

Luo Jiahui cries when she sees her poor sister. Shang Qinghua doesn’t have to say a word, even though his sister-in-law left before Madam Hu and the servants revealed the true face of the House of Rejuvenation without any hope of misinterpretation. She’s too good a dot-connector sometimes. Maybe she sees something in Feng Fanli’s face… or maybe she sees something in Shang Qinghua’s expression… but either way she makes the right guess.

He sees relief, confusion, realization, and then… tears. With a sob, Luo Jiahui rushes forward to take Feng Fanli into her arms, to put her hands on her sister’s transformed face and look into her eyes. Feng Fanli is crying too now.

“Fanli, what happened?”

Shang Qinghua’s little sister-in-law is shaking, her excited confusion dropping away down a deep pit of fear and upset. “I don’t know! Jiejie, I don’t know, they did something and it’s made me all weak and forgetful, like a sickness down to my bones!” Fanli’s elderly croak is rising, shrill and horrified. “They did something to my hair- and to my hands- and now my face is all wrong-!”

Feng Fanli is soon shaking so badly that she collapses into Luo Jiahui’s arms, wailing. Shang Qinghua steps back, then forward to help (even though his personal instinct is to flee from all sobbing individuals), but Luo Jiahui shoots him a panicked look that darts back to where she was sitting. Ah, right! Of course!

Little Luo Binghe is sitting on a step, wide-eyed, holding on to his cloth dolls and his new wooden tiger for dear life. Shang Qinghua drops to his knees in front of his nephew. Ah, has Binghe been crying? Looks like! He looks the boy over, hands brushing quickly through those fluffy curls and fluttering over those rosy cheeks, just in case. The System swooped in before the worst could happen, but is Shang Qinghua’s favorite only nephew really okay?! He’s too little for the plot!

“See? Uncle is back! He promised he would be and Uncle Shang always keeps his promises! Is Binghe all right? Can he move his arms? Can he wiggle his nose, please, so that his poor uncle knows that he’s okay?!”

Luo Binghe’s lip wobbles, then the protagonist launches himself at Shang Qinghua, bawling all over again. Very understandable! It’s been a super scary day! The worst family vacation ever, for sure! Shang Qinghua holds his little nephew tightly, as Binghe squeezes like he’s never letting go, and feels like crying too.

They’re all alive, which is a huge victory, really.

Yeah. Great big victory here.

Finding somewhere to rest isn’t so easy. No one wants to go back to the House of Rejuvenation, so it takes some asking around to find a Linluo Town resident willing to rent them a spare room for a few days.

Binghe won't let go of Shang Qinghua, even when he seems to run out of tears, and Feng Fanli is even worse with Luo Jiahui. Their little sister won’t stop crying, like she’s been holding on too long and, now that she’s been allowed to lose her grip for only a moment, can’t seem to get it back again. Shock and trauma is a hell of a drug! Underneath all of her wrinkles and white hair, between the bouts of hysterical weeping, Shang Qinghua can see a scared little girl wondering what happened.

Shang Qinghua ends up taking Luo Binghe back outside so that Luo Jiahui can try to calm her sister down, clean her up, and get her into some new clothes. The protagonist clings to him like a monkey. He’s been staring at Feng Fanli with wide eyes, more often than not, a scared little boy who probably wasn’t expecting his auntie to turn out to be an inconsolable old woman.

“Uncle, why is Auntie old?”

Shang Qinghua really doesn’t want to have this conversation. “Ahhh, it’s… it’s a bit complicated! She’s, ah, supposed to look younger than that, you’re right! But some very evil people cursed her out of selfishness, which is why she’s upset like that.”

The internet probably wouldn’t help him right now, but he kind of wishes he had it back anyway, so he could type in: “What’s an age-appropriate explanation for scum villains who sacrifice others to cheat their way to eternal youth?” Sure, he doubts that’s ever been covered in a parenting forum, but he’s sure he could find some hints on how to handle that. He’ll take anything! On its own, his brain comes up with stuff like: “And unless we find a way to fix it, your auntie might actually die of old age before she's seventeen!”

He can’t say that to a child. He knows that much!

Luo Binghe, sitting on Shang Qinghua’s lap and clinging to the front of his robes, visibly thinks over the revelation that his auntie is cursed. Shang Qinghua rubs his nephew’s back while the boy thinks. Ah, he really hopes that Binghe doesn’t get up suddenly, because his warmth and weight here is definitely helping Shang Qinghua deal with the really, really shitty day he’s had so far.

Finally, Binghe looks up at him and says, “But Uncle will fix it?”

Ah. Fuck.

Wow, Shang Qinghua’s weak heart takes that one hard! It kind of feels like it cracks right down the middle, actually. It’s really too much to have his nephew looking at him like he can fix this - like he can fix anything and everything in the world - like it’s really that simple. Binghe is so cute and innocent that Shang Qinghua absolutely wants to pinch his chubby cheeks and declare, “Of course! Your uncle will take care of it! You just leave everything to me!”

But it’s complicated.

“Eternal youth” and “returning youth” plotlines weren’t totally uncommon, but Shang Qinghua can’t think of one off the top of his head that would be viable. Most of them require sacrifices. In fact, off the top of his head, Shang Qinghua can’t name a single one that doesn’t require some form of human (or demon) sacrifice - sometimes it was even mass sacrifice. Achieving immortality through cheats is the prerogative of villains, pretty much, and so most non-cultivation methods of immortality and restoring youth are suitably villainous.

Anyway, even if they decided it was okay to be evil this one time because it was for a good reason, pretty much all of the youth-restoring methods Shang Qinghua knows are also unachievable, except for the likes of the protagonist and his golden body and golden finger. It’s important for the protagonist to succeed where even powerful villains and their hundreds of cannon-fodder minions fail! A chump like Shang Qinghua really has no chance.

“...Uncle is going to try his best,” Shang Qinghua chokes out.

Luo Binghe looks too tired to be relieved, but he nods and puts his head back on Shang Qinghua’s chest, like he trusts his uncle’s best to be enough here. Shang Qinghua keeps patting his nephew’s back.

After a couple minutes, Luo Binghe abruptly wriggles back and reaches for his little pack. He rummages past his dolls, his tiger, one of his books, and a bundle of cookies, and comes up with a folded handkerchief tied with string. He offers the handkerchief to Shang Qinghua, who blinks exhaustedly at it. Ah, he can’t be expected to read his nephew’s mind all the time like this.

“What’s this?”

With his free hand, Luo Binghe tugs out his lip, showing off a part of his gums where the white is barely poking through. “My tooth,” he says, and holds it out even closer to Shang Qinghua, clearly expecting him to take it.

Shang Qinghua does so gingerly. “Ah, what for? Doesn’t Binghe need it?”

“So you can find me if I get lost,” Binghe says.

“Ah,” Shang Qinghua says.

“You needed hair to find Auntie, but a tooth is good, right?”

“Right, right. A tooth is very good! Binghe is very clever!” Shang Qinghua ruffles his nephew’s hair, then tucks the handkerchief away very safely, before he tugs the boy to lean back against his chest. “Uncle will look after it.”

It feels like a lie.

What would happen if he typed this into the internet too? “I can’t protect my nephew from the plot that he’s going to suffer someday THAT I WROTE and I feel really badly about it! Should I preemptively apologize to him? If it helps, it’s a trial by fire situation, so afterwards he’ll be so strong that no one will ever be able to hurt him again!” He’s pretty sure the only response he’d get to a post like that is something like, “Bro, that’s fucked up. What the FUCK is your life?”

In another life, he followed the rule that a protagonist had to be the most downtrodden wretch possible, so that their rise to the top could be even more satisfying, and embittered readers could live vicariously through the hero as he stomped on all the people who’d stomped on him. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky had made his protagonist son’s childhood a misery… and Shang Qinghua undid that particular trope… but he can’t undo everything else.

For all he knows, all the tragedy he poured into Luo Binghe’s childhood couldn’t actually just be erased and got dumped on poor Feng Fanli instead. For a man who could technically be called the god of this world, he sure is useless, huh.

Luo Jiahui eventually manages to get her poor sister to sleep, after a so-so meal from their host definitely not worth the money they pay for it, and insists that Binghe could use a nap too. Luo Binghe disagrees, but his mother isn’t in a mood for arguments, so the unbeatable protagonist is settled down for a nap whether he likes it or not. Then Shang Qinghua gets dragged outside for a Talk whether he likes it or not.

Luo Jiahui begins their talk by, after finally getting some privacy, sitting down on the ground and putting her head between her knees. Which she’s totally allowed to do if she wants to do that! She deserves it! Shang Qinghua sinks awkwardly to his knees beside her, rubbing her shoulder.

“You can make this better, right?” Luo Jiahui says quietly.

“I can try to find a way,” Shang Qinghua says.

His memory isn’t perfect and it’s been a while since he wrote any of the words this world was built on, but he made this world, and he knows that there has to be something in it that can make things better. Body-swapping, maybe? If he can’t figure out eternal youth, then he might be able to figure out something else… though, ah, all the body-swapping plots he can think of off the top of his head also require some kind of sacrifice. Fuck.

Why, oh, why did he go for an “all things have a price (and all good things are destined to go wrong)” type of universe? In hindsight, he totally should have gone for a “life is super good actually and here’s a bunch of free goodies to prove it” universe. Instead of being a cynical, pessimistic asshole!

“Cultivating may help,” he offers weakly.

“She’s in no state for that,” Luo Jiahui insists.

“Ah, maybe, but legends have it that there are several great masters who began in their winter years!” Shang Qinghua insists. “It can’t hurt too much.”

Except it can. It totally can. Luo Jiahui is right that her sister really doesn’t seem to be in a mental or emotional state to pursue the benefits of cultivation, definitely not anytime soon, no matter how many cheats Shang Qinghua shoves into her hands. An unstable cultivation base can be deadly. A shock to a stable cultivation base can be deadly too! But it also just might at least extend his little sister-in-law’s lifespan and open up some more options for “fixing” her shitty situation - well, it’d work for the likes of a protagonist or a romantic interest, maybe.

Luo Jiahui takes a deep breath, then raises her head. “What happened in there?”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t go into the close calls or the blood and guts, but he quickly explains who Elder Lady Xia was and what she wanted. He explains that Master Gao and Madam Hu had a pair of masks, a demonic artifact, that could take the youth from one person and give it to another. He also mentions that Madam Hu claimed that their “donors” were willing and compensated, but…

“If they made one exception, then there’s probably others,” Shang Qinghua says pessimistically, since all the innkeepers’ other behavior towards the sisters is super scummy too, so he’s not giving them even a little bit of credit. “And getting a yes doesn’t mean too much if it’s from someone too scared or too desperate to say no…”

He trails off as Luo Jiahui’s expression shifts into something that seems… ah, he doesn’t have the words. She was already horrified, but this is… different somehow? Like the horrifying thing suddenly got a lot closer.

“What is it?”

“Before, Master Gao kept talking about how young I was and that people might treat me more seriously if I looked ten years older. He said it like a joke, so many times, and I thought he was laughing at it because he knew no one would take me seriously no matter how old I looked,” Luo Jiahui says, a distant quality to her voice. “He kept asking what I’d do to give my son a better life. I thought he meant more of what… of what I was already doing…”

Shang Qinghua has a really, really shitty moment of realization here.

It’s a strange moment. He can see the logical conclusion his sister-in-law is drawing. He can see what might have happened in another world, after years of quietly wondering why Luo Jiahui was so much younger than he figured she would be, but he’s not having the thought itself. He’s definitely looking at the thought, figuratively, but he’s not permitting himself to actually think it.

Because if he lets himself think it, he’s going to vomit up his heart and then he’s going to lose his fucking mind.

Honestly, he might just do that anyway. He might just go ahead and do that.

“How can people do that?” Luo Jiahui demands hoarsely. “Just look at people like they can be used and thrown away?! Like their lives and every single year of those lives aren’t important?! Like they don’t have meaning?! Why do they think they’re allowed to spend my sister’s life for her? Fanli isn’t disposable! ...I… She didn’t do anything except try to help me.”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t have an answer besides, “People fucking suck.”

All he can do is offer comfort, despite feeling like he has nothing left to give.

He’s not sure what it is that alerts him to something being wrong - this situation is already very many kinds of wrong, so many kinds of wrong, but this is a wrongness that’s not right among them. It’s probably, ultimately, that Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui are sitting on the ground behind someone’s house, in the open even if no one is around in this back street, and Shang Qinghua doesn’t want his family’s fear and grief becoming anyone’s entertainment. He’s been expecting one of the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples to come running for him any moment now because they tried, they really did, but they can’t fucking handle anything on their own.

A figure launches itself at them from the rooftops, a flash of red and white in the corner of Shang Qinghua’s eye. He could dodge, but he can’t, because his sister-in-law is right here.

So he has to settle for punching a pouncing demon in the chest and ends up catching sharp claws down the arm going for his sword.

One might think: “Oh, fuck! Lady Xia has MORE attendants?!” Except there’s all the red… there’s red and browning bloodstains all down the front of the demon woman’s white robes, as well as a bloody line across her throat. Shang Qinghua’s punch to the chest sets her wheezing and coughing like she’s dying, fresh blood dribbling from her neck and down her front, spilling out of her mouth and even her nose.

One could totally say something clever here, like, “Haven’t I beheaded you somewhere once before?” Except Shang Qinghua would probably just end up crying something like, “How the FUCK did your head get back on?!”

Shang Qinghua’s sword shoots from his sheath to his injured arm and then, with a throw and a great deal of pain, goes through her neck again.

A feeling like death breathing down his neck has him recalling his sword and spinning to meet a second revived demon attendant, equally bloody, leaping for his back. Shang Qinghua has to kick aside her claws. She’s anticipating the sword that follows and jumps back, spitting blood, and then Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law stabs the demon in the back with her knife.

Ah, he’d like her to be a little less brave, please!

Shang Qinghua lunges for the demon with his sword, but she flips forward over his blade and over him. Very fancy move! Very flashy! Unfortunately for the demon, this very cinematic flip also allows Shang Qinghua to grab a bloodied sleeve from the air with his free hand and yank, because he cares a lot more about living through this than looking cool. She barely manages to land on her feet and Shang Qinghua’s sword takes off her head before she can stick the landing.

At the same time that a spear slams her body into the house wall and sticks it there. Her head goes one direction, her headless body goes another. Shang Qinghua curses and jumps back, a wave of freezing cold air washing over his skin, and shiver going straight down his spine.

That’s an ice spear.

A third demonic figure drops down beside him, deeply and dreadfully familiar.

Which is, obviously, bad.

But then Shang Qinghua spins around just in time to see Luo Jiahui’s back-up knife driving into Mobei-Jun’s arm. Which is, obviously, the worst thing to happen ever in all time in the entire world. Oh, fuck. His sister-in-law just stabbed his boss.

There aren’t actually curse words for something this bad!

Shang Qinghua isn’t a good-enough writer to invent the new ones he needs.

Mobei-Jun doesn’t exactly flinch, but he does scowl, like getting stabbed is inconvenient to him at best. This is the terrifying difference between cannon-fodder minions and the protagonist’s OP lieutenant! Mobei-Jun’s scowl deepens as Shang Qinghua yanks his small, shocked sister-in-law away from the tall demon lord, putting himself between them.

Shang Qinghua puts his hands together, around his sword, and bows. “My king, this loyal servant must beg your forgiveness for his sister-in-law’s transgression. Please have mercy!”

He’s imagined this fight before, thousands of times, imagining thousands of different circumstances, and very rarely did conditions favor any result but Shang Qinghua getting impaled immediately by the man destined to murder him! Imaginary Shang Qinghua only ever won with a golden finger up his sleeve or with Mobei-Jun being unconscious from poison before the fight even started! He’s wondered, absently, what he might do if the demon lord ever happened across his meddling with the plot and took offense, but never like this. It was too scary to contemplate.

What the fuck is Mobei-Jun even doing here?!

Shang Qinghua’s sleeves are empty and he won’t be able to reach his belt in time. He’s always prided himself on knowing when and when not to enter a fight, preferring to err on the not side of things. A person might not win any battles if they avoided them, but they wouldn’t lose either! Sure, a person might get a reputation for cowardice, but they’d be an alive coward!

This is a fight he couldn’t win if he had a thousand attempts at it.

He really has no options here but to beg.

Which is fine! It’s fine! He’s pretty good at begging, right? Except, even though he should be babbling right now, he can’t seem to figure out how to start. He can feel the blood dripping down his injured arm, wetting the fabric of his sleeve. He can feel Luo Jiahui’s hands on his back, feel the slight tremble in them. She doesn’t move, though, which is the important thing. He can feel his own heart, beating like a mad thing, and his head throbbing around his skull. And he can't get a fucking word out.

Mobei-Jun says nothing.

Which is characteristic! But also terrifying!

After too long without a response, Shang Qinghua can’t help it and glances upwards, desperate for any clue. Does he need to start crying? Does he need to throw himself at Mobei-Jun’s thighs and cling? Because he will. He’s done that before!

And, ah, if Mobei-Jun decides to kill Luo Jiahui for mistakenly stabbing him, then Shang Qinghua has exactly one chance to try and stop him. If he can manage to drive his sword through Mobei-Jun’s heart or throat, forcing all of his spiritual energy into the blade, then maybe, just maybe, he can save his sister-in-law’s life. He will definitely die in the process, no doubt about it, and, fuck, he never ever wanted to find out whether or not he’d be willing to die for anyone. He still doesn’t want to find out. It’s supposed to be just a figure of speech!

Ahhh, what’s the worst that will happen? He’ll transmigrate again, maybe?

Shang Qinghua’s mile-a-minute thoughts come to a screeching halt when he realizes that Mobei-Jun isn’t even looking at him or Luo Jiahui anymore. Mobei-Jun’s gaze is turned to the side, towards the back door to the house. What…?

The back door is open just a crack, with a small figure peering out.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, this is the worst thing to happen ever.

【】

Little Luo Binghe gapes up at the looming demon lord from behind the door, with wide eyes and an open mouth, small fingers clinging to the frame, and Mobei-Jun stares back at him with a frown. This couldn’t be any more different from the way these two were supposed to meet.

A person can almost hear a part of the plot breaking beyond repair.

Shang Qinghua’s thoughts are a tangled, spinning mess of “oh fuck, how long has he been there” and “holy shit, the world is going to implode” and “I am never going on a vacation ever again in any lifetime”.

He feels Luo Jiahui’s hands at his back give the slightest push, only the suggestion of a push, really, and he follows her silent plea without even thinking about it. Shang Qinghua abandons his sister-in-law, stepping between the demon lord and the young boy who’s supposed to grow up to rule the world instead, breaking the stare between them. He bows again, even deeper than before.

“My king, please.”

He can’t manage anything more than that. He could vomit out a thousand requests, from the tangled and spinning mess in his head, but he also might just vomit. Serious risk! Very serious risk right now! Everything comes down to, “my king, please,” anyway.

“Shang Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun says.

“Look at me,” is what that tone of voice means.

Shang Qinghua looks up.

Mobei-Jun’s expression is a frown, but the man has countless frowns, and Shang Qinghua doesn’t know this one. The demon lord is terrifyingly calm for someone who still has a knife sticking out of his arm.

“We will speak of this,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua nods.

And with a wave of the demon lord’s arm, the one that hasn’t been stabbed, a portal crackles out of the air. The demonic energy hits differently with his sister-in-law beside him and his nephew behind him - yeah, it definitely hits worse seeing Luo Jiahui flinch violently as the air floods with cold and crackles with power. It’s a short experience, at least, and Mobei-Jun is gone just like that. Like he was never here, almost!

Except for, ah, the icy spear still skewering the headless body to the wall.

Shang Qinghua’s relief is so intense that his knees give out beneath him. He couldn’t stay standing if he tried. He can’t make sense of his thoughts either, because they’re all drowning in sheer gratitude and joy and terror. He’s of a perfectly acceptable height, but he’s still just one man, and his small heart isn’t equipped to experience this much feeling all at once.

The ding that breaks through it all nearly does him in.

【Mission stage complete.】

【The Past, Present, and Future of Luo Jiahui - Part 3: Imperfect Immortality.】

【】

【Mission complete. Congratulations.】

Ah, fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He should have realized that something else was going to happen.

After all, it’s not over until the damn System dings.

Shang Qinghua is left with a bad situation. There’s a headless body stuck to the wall by an ice spear, its head on the ground, and another head slowly trying to wiggle its way back to its fallen body. One of the demons managed to claw him and his still-bleeding arm hurts like hell. There’s a lot of blood. He’s dealt with some pretty gruesome shit in his career, this isn't actually the bloodiest scene he's seen, but it’s the personal touch here that makes this particular situation extra special awful.

His sister-in-law scrambles to force his nephew back into the house, giving him a frightened and bewildered look. He has no idea how to explain to her what just happened. The secrets he’s been keeping were always going to come out someday, he’s known that and he’s been putting that off for a long time now, but it’s too soon. It’s way too soon! This wasn’t his plan at all!

Honestly, the fact that Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe have both seen Mobei-Jun feels like a way bigger, far more important mess than the blood. Bodies can just be buried or burned! Shang Qinghua can't somehow un-stab the demon lord for his sister-in-law's sake.

Why is Mobei-Jun even here?

How is Mobei-Jun even-

A thought occurs. On a whim, Shang Qinghua checks the bottom of his boots and finds thin scraps of paper, caked in dirt, on one of them, like something was once stuck there. Time and travel wore most of whatever it was away, but there was something there. Like a fucking barcode sticker that couldn't be fully scraped off. Shang Qinghua's rogue cultivator disguise boots are the same boots he wears when he sneaks out of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

Fuck.

He should do damage control! He should get on top of the situation!

Except a pair of the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples come running not too long after all the action has already passed. He can hear them calling for him before they turn the corner. It’s Duan Tianyu and the one Shang Qinghua has pegged as the boy’s best friend and second-in-command. Duan Tianyu takes one look at the bloody mess and goes to his knees in front of Shang Qinghua. Like, his forehead hits the floor hard enough to sound like it hurts.

“You know what?” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Good.”

“Master Shang, please forgive us our ineptitude!”

The other disciple doesn’t go down quite as hard, but follows his senior’s direction quickly, looking more awestruck than ashamed.

“What happened?” Shang Qinghua demands, though he can already guess a little bit of it!

These are the first two demons he killed and tossed into a random room, before he knew that these demons could regenerate. Fuck, he really should have put down a scent blocker of some kind.

“The doctor-!” Duan Tianyu says hastily. “The doctor who was a guest at the House of Rejuvenation, Doctor Xu, who promised to ensure the bodies did not reform! He put one of the demons back together!”

“...What?”

“He put one of the demons back together! Out of ‘professional curiosity’ he said! He claimed that he was vital to study their regenerative abilities!”

Shang Qinghua cannot fucking deal with this bullshit.

The other disciple dares to look up. “The demon escaped the constraints he placed, put their companion back together, and we only realized what had happened when we found the body of one of the servants, then Doctor Xu injured and unconscious in that room,” they explain, way more coherent about this monumental fuck-up than Duan Tianyu. “They tried to steal back Demon Lady Xia’s body, but luckily we’d already started burning the pieces! Separately, like you told us to. They failed and fled swearing revenge.”

Shang Qinghua made pieces of Lady Xia personally, partly because all the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples were too nervous to approach her still-twitching body. If his hard work had been undone just like that, he’d be losing it right now. Like, really losing it. Instead he just closes his eyes and represses the urge to hit his head against the nearest wall.

“We lost them in the pursuit, please forgive us!” Duan Tianyu begs.

Shang Qinghua supposes that he can’t reasonably blame these kids for the actions of an idiot, especially when he probably should have burned all the demons personally instead of delegating. But only because he doesn’t really feel like losing his shit with an audience. He’s not really feeling very fucking generous right now! He’s going to bill Huan Hua Palace Sect so hard.

“Where’s this Doctor Xu now?”

“Restrained and watched,” the other disciple reports.

“Huan Hua Palace Sect will see to it that he meets justice,” Duan Tianyu promises. “We won’t let him get away with such reckless endangerment of others’ lives! He'll be suitably punished!”

Shang Qinghua kind of wants to tell them to just throw the bastard on the fire.

“You really showed them, though, Master Shang,” the other disciple says, sitting up fully now. Shang Qinghua nearly winces when he sees that they’re admiring the ice spear in particular. “Cang Qiong Mountain Sect truly is impressive! Please, how did you do that?”

“Chaonan!” Duan Tianyu hisses.

“Special single-use talisman,” Shang Qinghua says. “Very rare.”

Technically, a person could claim that that ice spear is there because of a talisman, maybe.

Duan Tianyu and his friend Chaonan exchange a look, then look at the ice spear, and then Chaonan nods. “Master Shang really is prepared for every situation and makes use of all available resources! I will endeavor to follow your example!”

Shang Qinghua nearly laughs in the kid’s face.

Instead, he has the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples make themselves useful by hauling the bodies back to the House of Rejuvenation to be burned. He promises himself that he’ll leave the homeowner here a very large tip for the mess. He promises Luo Jiahui, watching from the crack in the door, that he’ll be back shortly, as soon as he’s made sure it’s safe.

“All right,” Luo Jiahui says softly. “And then we’ll talk.”

“...And then we’ll talk,” Shang Qinghua agrees, quickly but still reluctantly. As though all the consequences hanging over his head right now won’t fall so long as he avoids actually having to talk about the disaster that just happened. “Not here.”

“Not here,” Luo Jiahui repeats.

He gets to work.

After wrapping up his arm and downing a quick miracle cure in case of poison.

He makes sure that the bodies of the demons are burned, that Madam Hu hasn’t escaped, and that this Doctor Xu character hasn’t either. He makes sure that the House of Rejuvenation’s records are preserved, that the rooms are properly searched, and that the building is locked down again until reinforcements arrive. He gets so much information from the remaining servants, who are desperate to finally spill the truth, that he wants to throw up with it. He gets introduced to several local officials and determines pretty much immediately that most of them were either involved or somehow bribed to allow this scheme to operate.

Shang Qinghua has since sent another message to his sect (a pleasant “ah, discard the last message that said ‘AHHH, HELP, I’M GOING TO DIE,’ but also please still come at once”) and, when Duan Tianyu’s fastest-flying shidi arrives there, Huan Hua Palace Sect is supposed to send Cang Qiong Mountain Sect a messenger. Duan Tianyu swears on his life that this time he’ll keep a real hold on things until reinforcements arrive.

So, Shang Qinghua goes back to his family.

And he and Luo Jiahui can’t actually talk properly, thanks to the presence of Binghe and Fanli, and the fact that they’re still more or less trapped here in Linluo Town. This might be a good thing? Or a very bad thing? Either way, it’s very tense! Luo Binghe has decided that he’s going to sit on Shang Qinghua until further notice and Feng Fanli is generally restless despite her exhaustion, needing frequent soothing due to nightmares and sudden panic-attacks.

“Uncle, who was that?” Luo Binghe demands quietly.

“Ah, someone Uncle knows from his job. It’s very secret, so we shouldn’t talk about it, all right?” Shang Qinghua says.

And that’s the closest they come to talking about Mobei-fucking-Jun .

Night falls like this. Even Luo Jiahui has to sleep eventually.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t have much to do besides stay vigilant and review his point gains and losses. (Every so often he remembers the fact that Luo Jiahui STABBED Mobei-Jun, but he's incapable of handling that information for longer than five seconds of meltdown panic, so he tries not to directly think about that.) There were lots of the usual tiny point gains and losses during their travel. He gained a lot of points for successfully completing each stage of the mission, but he also lost a significant number of points for the protagonist nearly dying. He also lost points for Mobei-Jun and the protagonist meeting each other over a decade too early.

Shang Qinghua argues that it doesn’t matter so much if Mobei-Jun just knows Binghe exists, since Mobei-Jun is a future ally, but he really can’t argue the young protagonist nearly dying to some random demon. So far, this mission seems overall a net zero.

In the web-novel, Shang Qinghua thinks, the villains didn’t exist until he wrote them. Same with wives and plot devices and monsters and everything. A famous warlord wouldn’t be mentioned until Chapter 500. An infamous ongoing feud wouldn’t be mentioned until Chapter 700. A legendary master and hero wouldn’t be mentioned until Chapter 900.

Setup? What setup? Foreshadowing? What foreshadowing?

Things didn’t exist until Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky needed them!

Sure, this left lots of continuity errors! Shang Qinghua gave up on properly tracking everything pretty early on and told himself that plot holes helped a story breathe! A miracle cure fountain everyone knew about in Chapter 800 probably could have been used to undo the damage of a poison from Chapter 400. A monster from Chapter 600 was supposed to be the last of its type, but then a new monster would show up in Chapter 750. Characters would suddenly have relationships they hadn’t mentioned for 300 chapters. Hindsight stuff! That’s the nature of serial storytelling being written as it’s being published, bro!

Since transmigrating, Shang Qinghua has frequently lamented everyone’s unwillingness to wait their turn! Deadly monsters fight for territory because the author had unthinkingly put them in the same general area, and it’s terrifying! Like watching a crocodile fight a jaguar! Objectively, he should have known that these two beasts might cross paths, being neighbors, but he just didn’t think about it, so he’s a little shocked! It’s impressive how semi-functional ecosystems have been constructed out of his bullshit.

Antagonistic demon lords battle amongst themselves instead of waiting patiently and lining up to face Luo Binghe one by one. Ageless demon wives meant to live in the same harem tear each other to shreds instead of waiting for someone to save them. Cultivation sects that never interacted in the web-novel have rivalries that exist apparently just to give Yue Qingyuan a headache. Towns get swept up in disasters caused by warring demons and offended spirits and tempestuous monsters, all too impatient to wait for the plot. Shang Qinghua thinks that a rare bird Luo Binghe was meant to catch might have actually been eaten by accident by something, so either the System is going to have to spawn a new one or that storyline just isn’t happening anymore.

It’s not his fault that someone or something decided to make a world that can barely manage to exist altogether, once realized. He didn’t ask for this! Some things just weren’t meant to exist in the same space! Shang Qinghua thinks of the broken laughing and crying masks, burning, and thinks miserably, “Some things weren’t meant to exist at all, you know. Some things were never meant to be real.”

Deep into the night, Shang Qinghua’s thoughts are punctured by a sudden stab of demonic energy, like a sudden needle to the palm. He’s instantly on alert and, a few minutes later, a second blue spark crackles through the darkness of their room, zipping towards the back door in its one-second lifespan before fading out.

Ah, really? Now?

A third blue spark, bolting through inky black burbling out from thin air, crackles insistently just inside the door. Larger than the others. Sharper, with a faint puff of cold. Unpleasant enough to make Luo Jiahui turn over in her sleep with a discontented murmur. Like a cold snap of the fingers.

All right! Now! This is happening now, apparently!

Shang Qinghua quickly checks the defenses he’s set up around their rented room, then slips out the back door. A different Linluo Town big fish, almost for sure a corrupt one, sent around some of their servants to clean up the earlier mess as a nice gesture. They missed a few bits of blood splatter, though! And the, ah, hole from the ice spear.

The darkness of past-midnight definitely doesn’t help the new super creepy vibe here.

Another blue spark flickers across a rooftop.

Shang Qinghua follows.

He follows the trail to an isolated alleyway that looks like it’s used solely by serial killers, where a full portal yawns open like the mouth of a monster. He steps through, enduring the wicked cold of that unstable space, and out into… huh, this green forest looks like it might not be too far from Linluo Town, actually! Which is good, since the portal closes again behind him. Shang Qinghua was kind of expecting to find himself on the edge of a cliff over an icy, churning sea or something, somewhere convenient for Mobei-Jun to dangle him off of! Somewhere suitably cinematically dramatic for a confrontation of this magnitude!

But this is nice! This is fine!

Mobei-Jun isn’t there at first, which is terrifying, but then the demon lord steps out of a second portal a moment later, and actually his presence is much more terrifying than his absence! A single piercing look shatters the dam holding back all the worst-case scenarios Shang Qinghua’s brain has been unhelpfully spitting out. Shang Qinghua bows again, quickly, partly because he can’t bear to make eye-contact.

If he chooses the wrong dialogue options here, this could end with the world imploding maybe! Ah, no wonder his throat feels like it’s full of glass shards. It's time to tally everything he has to offer to appease the demon lord and, in doing so, maybe save the world.

“...My king, thank you! Thank you for your intervention earlier.”

“The situation was in hand,” Mobei-Jun says.

He doesn’t seem angry that Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law stabbed him in the arm, which is probably good? Except, back when Mobei-Jun still did the whole physical abuse and threats thing, sometimes he’d randomly lash out at Shang Qinghua even when he was apparently in a good-ish mood. Even when Shang Qinghua thought he’d done well and that the demon lord ought to be pleased! Years later, Mobei-Jun doesn’t hit Shang Qinghua even when he’s obviously furious, but, ah, still.

“I have medicine-” Shang Qinghua begins.

“Unnecessary.”

“Of course! Of course! I would never dare to cast aspersions on my king’s strength,” Shang Qinghua agrees quickly, able to see at least that Mobei-Jun has since removed the knife. “I only wished to make amends. May I… may I ask what business my king has in the Human Realm? Might this servant be able to offer his assistance in the matter…? Was it Elder Lady Xia-?”

“The Cursed Immortal is not welcome in the north. She has been a guest of the Bai Clan in the west for the past three generations.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Shang Qinghua says, like he totally knew that. Yep, totally knew that.

“What business did the Cursed Immortal have in that house?”

“She wanted a demonic artifact that had fallen into the hands of the human innkeepers, my king, which she believed would restore her youth,” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “The artifact has been destroyed. Elder Lady Xia and all her attendants have been beheaded and burned.”

“You killed them.”

“Well, not all of them personally,” Shang Qinghua protests weakly, “but, ah, yes.”

“Hm.”

This conversation is not going how Shang Qinghua expected! Does Mobei-Jun care that this villain character is dead too early or at all?! He’s nearly entirely certain that Mobei-Jun isn’t here because of the demons, though it would be kind of convenient if Mobei-Jun had just been here to kill the demons because Elder Lady Xia offended his father or something. It feels a little bit like they’re circling what they actually have to talk about, until Mobei-Jun abruptly says:

“The child. Is he your son?”

“No!”

Mobei-Jun’s expression is impassive, which makes him appear disbelieving.

“No, my king, he’s not!” Shang Qinghua says, because Luo Binghe really isn’t unless he counts Author God technicalities. “He’s my nephew.”

“A foundling.”

Shang Qinghua actually winces at that because, oh fuck, how long exactly has Mobei-Jun been watching them if he knows that? Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui don’t do anything to hide the fact that Luo Binghe is adopted, unless a person counts not making an effort to tell every stranger they meet, and that’s come up constantly ever since they set out to reunite with his fake sister-in-law’s family.

“Yes, my king.”

“The son of your sister-in-law.”

“Yes, my king.”

“Who has never met any member of your family.”

Shang Qinghua actually closes his eyes here, because, really, fuck. When he and Luo Jiahui have been under the impression they’re alone, they haven’t hesitated to discuss what manner of relationship they might present to her family.

“...No, my king.”

Shang Qinghua starts weighing the benefits of claiming that he has a deceased sworn brother, but he and Luo Jiahui have mentioned her shitty ex-lover too. Even if the demon lord has only overheard one private conversation, it’s probably been made crystal clear that Shang Qinghua’s relationship with Luo Jiahui has nothing to do with any brothers he might have had and any lovers she might have had.

Mobei-Jun’s gaze is unbearable.

He doesn’t even have to say the next question: “Why are you protecting a woman to whom you have no relation and her foundling child?” The question hangs over them even without words! However, since Mobei-Jun hasn’t actually asked it yet, Shang Qinghua stays uncooperatively silent. How the fuck can he spin this? He came up with a bunch of in-character-ish reasonings when he first meddled with the plot and now every single one of them is fleeing his inhospitable mind. He had excuses! He had lots of excuses!

What Mobei-Jun says next is actually worse than that next question.

“There is something about the child.”

Shang Qinghua still hasn’t opened his eyes again yet. He shuts them tighter.

“Something more than human,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua has been keeping a sharp eye out for demonic qualities, just in case, and he hasn’t seen anything concrete in five years. And yet Mobei-Jun can just tell? Well, why not?! Why the fuck not?! It’s probably because Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky once said something about the protagonist’s lieutenant being able to see something different about this half-demon who crawled out of the Eternal Abyss to challenge the future Northern Demon King. Something that the character of Mobei-Jun could not give name to, because fuck actually having to describe that sort of mystical gut feeling, but which nevertheless warned him to be wary and take this fight seriously. Something that made the protagonist seem extra impressive and his powerful lieutenant super astute compared to the cannon-fodder, who almost always dismissed the protagonist and then paid a gruesome price for that.

“Shang Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun says.

Reluctantly, Shang Qinghua looks up at the demon lord, who’s pretty much standing over him now.

In all ways but physically, Shang Qinghua is totally being held off a high cliff over an icy, churning sea right now. Fuck.

“...The child is a half-demon, my king,” he whispers.

Mobei-Jun doesn’t look surprised, as though the only remotely surprising thing here is that Shang Qinghua actually admitted it. “And why would a human cultivator harbor a half-demon foundling?”

Shang Qinghua takes a deep breath. “He is an innocent child, my king, who doesn’t deserve to be punished due to the enmity between humans and demons. The forbidden relationship between his birth parents is not his fault.”

Mobei-Jun’s piercing gaze, as usual, doesn’t abate. “Why would this human cultivator harbor this half-demon foundling?” he rephrases, inconveniently insightful, a man who knows that Shang Qinghua is too close to this little family, has gone too far out of his way for them, for this all to have happened due to simple pity.

Like they both know Shang Qinghua wouldn’t have done this purely out of ideals or compassion - out of the sheer goodness of his heart.

“...He’s the bastard son of Tianlang-Jun and the late head disciple of Huan Hua Palace Sect,” Shang Qinghua admits, through the ringing in his head. Partly figurative ringing, out of fear, and partly the literal ringing of a disapproving System.

【】

It’s not that bad! Fuck off, System Bro! If Mobei-Jun secretly knows from the beginning that the protagonist is a Heavenly Demon, then he has more reason to ally with him later! So long as the demon lord leaves the protagonist alone until then. Oh, fuck, oh, god, please let Mobei-Jun leave little Luo Binghe alone until then. This character is supposed to be super apathetic like that!

Mobei-Jun actually looks surprised. At least, surprised for him.

“A Heavenly Demon half-breed,” he says.

“...Yes, my king.”

“He favors his human side.”

“...Yes, my king.”

“The strength of mixed children is unpredictable.”

“Most often, yes, my king.”

Combinations of demons and humans, and of human-like demons and totally-not-human-like demons, aren’t too rare, with all of them existing in the same spaces, able to meet each other, and, ah, experiment... if not fall in love. And yes, some pairings aren’t so compatible, and the offspring are… ah, there’s not a good word for it, really. Unpredictable is actually a really nice term compared to the other things that are said about "half-breeds". Even with powerful demons, sometimes all that power gets twisted up into knots! And their poor, misshapen children really can’t belong to either world.

But the protagonist is the perfect combination of human and Heavenly Demon! He inherited the best of everything! Still, ah, Shang Qinghua isn’t about to say, “My king, that six-year-old is going to grow up to kick your ass someday.”

“What purpose does this servant have in seeking out the son of Tianlang-Jun?”

“...Curiosity, my king?”

“Curiosity.”

“This servant considered the potential political leverage in both worlds, at first, but… he… I… I regretted…”

“Regretted?”

“Regretted the fact that this child lives in a world that will be cruel to him through no fault of his own,” Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, the man at fault, says.

【】

“A Heavenly Demon cannot live a human life.”

Shang Qinghua really, really doesn’t need to be told that. “Ah, perhaps not forever, my king, but… he might still be given a childhood free of struggle… and training in human cultivation, until he comes into his powers,” he insists, like that’ll somehow make up for the shitty, unnecessarily dramatic path ahead of the young protagonist. Like he’s trying to tell himself it will. “Someday, he’ll be rejected, out of ignorance, and have to fend for himself in the Demon Realm, it’s true, and it would be… cruel… not to prepare him for the dangers ahead.”

Mobei-Jun is silent for way too long. Sometimes, Shang Qinghua thinks that the demon lord does this just to fuck with him like this, until he’s ready to take off from anticipation stretched too far. This was a mistake. This was a mistake.

“You are attached to this child,” Mobei-Jun says finally.

“...Yes, my king.”

Mobei-Jun falls silent again, before he says, “There are many services which have yet to be repaid.”

Total non-sequitur, as far as Shang Qinghua is concerned! He’s too confused to think to reply, which appears to annoy the demon lord enough that his next statement is even more confusing and also terrifying.

“A demon child belongs in the Demon Realm. What would you do if I commanded that the child be released into the Demon Realm?”

Shang Qinghua can’t think to say anything except: “My king, he’s six!”

Even if the protagonist wasn’t accidentally killed by one of the many local horrors, the rest of his childhood would surely be filled with suffering.

“He’s mostly human, with his demon heritage sealed! He’d smell human to them! He’d never survive in the Demon Realm! He’s too little!”

“Then let the child go to his human parent’s sect,” Mobei-Jun says.

“To Huan Hua Palace?” Shang Qinghua chokes out. “If they ever found out that he was part demon, he’d be-! He’d be-! They would never allow a part-demon child to live! They would punish him for his parents’ every offence!”

“What if I do not wish for my servant to harbor the son of Tianlang-Jun?”

“...I cannot abandon him, my king.”

“Even if I command it?”

“...I can’t.”

“So if I commanded it?”

Shang Qinghua stays silent. Rebelliously silent.

“Shang Qinghua.”

“...I wouldn’t,” he admits, so quietly and so hoarsely that it can barely be heard.

“You would choose this child over your sworn service,” Mobei-Jun says, actually sounding angry. Oh, fuck, he looks angry. He was looming before, but now with cold air pouring off him, demonic qi buzzing around him, it’s a thousand times worse.

Shang Qinghua should say something clever here. He should say something appeasing and apologetic.

“He’s my nephew,” Shang Qinghua says instead, weakly. “I can’t just abandon him.”

Though it looks like he’s going to accidentally end up abandoning Luo Binghe anyway, if Mobei-Jun follows through on this and takes him out of the story before the plot’s even gotten started. Damage control! Damage control! If he sends Luo Jiahui and her family into hiding and never visits them again, then he tells Mobei-Jun that he sent Luo Binghe away to Huan Hua Palace Sect or something, that’ll work, right? He can probably pull that off! All right, that's a course of action! If Mobei-Jun insists, then Shang Qinghua can make it work.

But then Mobei-Jun’s scowl abates suddenly and the looming calms down again. His anger seems to evaporate just like that! And he’s looking at Shang Qinghua in a new way, as unreadable as ever, like maybe he’s found inner peace in contemplating how he’s going to kill this disloyal servant as painfully as possible?

“My king, please.”

“I do not command this,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua looks directly up at him, confused and terrified and, oh fuck, Mobei-Jun was testing him? Was that a test? Holy shit, that was probably a fucking test.

This asshole.

“There are many services which have yet to be repaid,” Mobei-Jun says, like that’s supposed to make any more sense the second time around. Like Shang Qinghua is going to be any better at understanding that after the fright of his life just now. “Yet the servant asks for nothing on his own behalf. Perhaps, if he will not accept payment on his own behalf, he might ask for protection for his half-human nephew and his family.”

Shang Qinghua cannot fucking breathe.

“Would the servant make such a request?” Mobei-Jun presses lowly.

The demon lord steps closer and seems to expect an answer.

“...The servant might… if he was permitted,” Shang Qinghua chokes out.

“Then let him ask.”

This feels like a trap, except it doesn’t. It feels like a trap turned inside out.

“My king…?” Shang Qinghua says.

“Ask,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua sinks to his knees, bowing deeply, and says quickly and obediently and so, so desperately, “My king, this servant would humbly request that you grant your protection to his adopted nephew and his family. Please.”

“Granted.”

And it’s a good fucking thing that he’s already on his knees, otherwise he’d fall over.

Which is really inconvenient, because the next thing Mobei-Jun does is tell him to stand up again.

“My king, stop it with the games!” he could wail, if he had the breath for it.

Shang Qinghua is supposed to be a peerless immortal, but anything resembling grace escapes him at the moment from the sheer shock of what’s happening (what the fuck is happening). Mobei-Jun ends up grabbing his arm (the non-injured one) to pull him up. The shock of getting what seems to be a helping hand doesn’t help Shang Qinghua’s balance in the slightest, actually, but for a demon lord of Mobei-Jun’s strength, supporting Shang Qinghua is clearly effortless.

Once he’s on his feet again, however, Mobei-Jun still doesn’t let go. He just keeps holding on. The grip is cool and firm, but not painful. Not even a little bit. Shang Qinghua feels like he could float away without even a breeze, but Mobei-Jun is immovable.

“When the Human Realm rejects him and your nephew must take sanctuary in the Demon Realm, he may come to the northern kingdoms,” Mobei-Jun says to him. “A Heavenly Demon, even a half-breed, can be fostered. He may make a good servant or a good ally, if he is raised to know that demons are not his enemy.”

Mobei-Jun lays out this future so matter-of-factly that, for a moment, Shang Qinghua could almost think that not even the System could argue with him. Mobei-Jun decrees it and so it shall be! Just like that! And how nice that future would be! No Eternal Abyss at all! No need for the protagonist to struggle through the Demon Realm, being constantly tricked and betrayed thanks to knowing nothing about demon culture or politics, if he has his guiding lieutenant and greatest ally from the very beginning! That’s an almost peaceful transition!

Shang Qinghua wants that future so badly that his chest aches with it.

“My king, I can’t- I can’t thank you enough-”

“Good service and loyalty must be rewarded,” Mobei-Jun says, like he didn’t totally start out thinking that Shang Qinghua was a snivelling, scummy wretch and a worthless coward who would never amount to anything meaningful. (Which was, honestly, a very fair assessment of the situation at the time and of Shang Qinghua’s general character.)

Like it’s actually that simple.

“...Thank you,” Shang Qinghua says again.

Mobei-Jun inclines his head and actually looks pleased. Almost. His other hand comes up to hover over the bandages on Shang Qinghua’s injured arm, before he releases Shang Qinghua entirely. He doesn’t step away just yet.

“I will not retaliate for your sister-in-law’s mistake,” Mobei-Jun says.

“Thank you, my king.”

“However, I will expect even greater service in the future, in order to make up for it and this long-standing deception.”

“Of course, my king! Thank you for your graciousness.”

“Should a loyal servant discover further requests he might make, after he has made up for his mistakes, he may ask.”

It takes Shang Qinghua a full five seconds to understand that statement, which just doesn’t seem like it’s a possible thing Mobei-Jun might say. The demon lord who loathes humanity, letting his untrustworthy spy know that he can ask for things? Indirectly suggesting through an expression that’s actually an expression and also actually a vaguely positive expression that he might grant those requests? This can’t be what happened in the original story! Unless it totally did and the original Shang Qinghua took that generosity way too far.

“...Thank you, my king,” Shang Qinghua says, dazed.

“We will speak of this further.”

“Of course.”

Mobei-Jun sends Shang Qinghua back through a new portal soon after that, sending him back to Linluo Town, and Shang Qinghua actually ends up going through the portal backwards. Probably not a great idea! It's probably important to look both ways before stepping into a rift in space! But he can’t bring himself to look away from the demon lord staring back at him, feeling like there’s been another shift between them, maybe the greatest one yet in all the long years that they’ve known each other, and one that he definitely doesn’t understand.

Never has Shang Qinghua had the thought: “Do you know what would be a great way to start the day? Dealing with Huan Hua Palace Sect! Bro, I just fucking love spending my morning arguing over sect jurisdiction with my favorite bunch of cultivators ever. How great would my life be if I could start every single fucking day of my life just like that!” He’s never even had that thought sarcastically, just in case his no-good System decides to make it come true.

Shang Qinghua can’t call the Huan Hua Palace reinforcements leader “Cultivator Huan Hua Asshole”, because that’s a nickname that suits too many of the interchangeable snobs he’s met over the years. He dubs this one “Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle”.

Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle’s first priority here - the most important item on this man’s mental to-do list upon arriving on the scene of a hot fucking mess - is apparently to demand to know what a peak lord is doing in their territory, alone and disguised as a rogue cultivator. It’s just too convenient that Shang Qinghua is here! Very suspicious!

Ah, Shang Qinghua’s expectations for this reaction were low, because this is Huan Hua Palace Sect, but he’s still disappointed. A lot of characters from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect are no better, honestly. Shang Qinghua is “up to something” at any given moment, sure, and sometimes even more than one something at once, but it’s still super rude to just assume that he’s up to no good like that! Like he gives enough of a shit about their sect to be up to intrigue here! Like, “Bro! I’m too busy spying on my OWN sect! I don’t have the TIME to spy on yours too!”

“I’m travelling on personal business,” Shang Qinghua says, for the nth time, refusing to bring out his spiritual seal to prove his identity again because Overcompensating Belt Buckle has grabby hands. Shang Qinghua is half-convinced the man is going to try to bite it to test it next and he doesn't want Huan Hua spit on it.

“Peak Lord Shang was very prepared for being on personal business,” Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle says, for at least the third time.

Duan Tianyu and his friend Yu Chaonan coming effusively to Shang Qinghua’s defense by singing his praises has, unsurprisingly, turned out to be the opposite of helpful! Anyone singing An Ding Peak Lord Shang Qinghua’s praises as a warrior just comes off as super weird! Shang Qinghua, the overrated janitor? No way! Shang Qinghua had to tell them to stop helping and go help with clean-up before they did his reputation any more damage.

“It always helps to be prepared! Ahhh, really, what good fortune that I just happened to be in the area. Your totally unsupervised young disciples could have been demon food already. We should talk about compensation for my emergency supplies, if you really insist!”

“What, no-?”

Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle is a man who looks to be in his early forties, a well-established cultivator out to prove to the fucking world that wisdom isn’t totally guaranteed with age. Cultivator O.B.B. repeatedly basically accuses Shang Qinghua of lying, just barely avoiding directly accusing a Cang Qiong Peak Lord of some form of espionage. Shang Qinghua basically reprimands Cultivator O.B.B. and Huan Hua Palace Sect for needing Cang Qiong to swoop in and save their asses here, without directly reprimanding a senior cultivator from another sect. It’s like a mini cultivation conference in one shitty extended conversation!

Shang Qinghua would kind of love to fuck off, honestly, but he doesn’t totally trust them to handle the clean-up properly without the pressure of another sect watching. Look at what happened the last time he left Huan Hua Palace Sect in charge! He nearly died! He left Luo Jiahui’s shitty ex-boss alone that one time and Feng Fanli suffered for it! Unfortunately, this time, he has to see this through.

Otherwise, he would totally pat this guy on the shoulder and say, “Don’t worry. I also very much don’t want me to be here,” if he honestly thought it wouldn’t start a fight.

The pressure of the terrified, outraged, and deeply invested citizens of Linluo Town watching probably helps motivate Huan Hua Palace Sect to actually appear competent too.

Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle brought about thirty cultivators with him, who, to their credit in proving themselves not completely useless, do actually get to work once Shang Qinghua helpfully (annoyingly) “reminds” them what work actually needs to be done here. And with only minor grumbling about not actually getting to fight anything! Even though no one likes the “cleaning up things that smell worse than shit” phase of missions.

The remaining House of Rejuvenation guests and servants are being extensively questioned, alongside local officials, while the establishment’s books (and the incredible amount of blackmail Shang Qinghua would bet, like, solid money those books contain) have been secured. Madam Hu and that mad scientist doctor are dragged away as soon as possible, apparently to become the next top residents of Huan Hua Palace Sect’s infamous dungeons (which Shang Qinghua, traitor to the cultivation world, generally prefers not remembering exist, thanks). The bodies of the victims are treated as well as possible, while the cultivators go through the misery of trying to identify them, if only because absolutely no one wants to be back here dealing with resentful corpses later. The ashes of the demons and the demonic artifacts are gathered up for proper disposal, while the demons’ luggage and carriages and all their stuff are quickly packed up as Huan Hua Palace Sect’s “spoils of the hunt”.

Which, hey, is pretty fucking annoying when Shang Qinghua did most of the actual work! Also, years and years of logistics work is going to Shang Qinghua’s brain for sure, because he keeps wanting to stomp his foot and declare, “Hey, assholes! That’s inefficient ordering of tasks! And your shitty stacking job is going to backfire later! Go back and do it again!” He’s getting picky and boring in his old age, he decides despondently.

It’s a shitty morning that slowly turns into a shitty afternoon.

And then Cang Qiong Mountain Sect shows up. Not, like, all of it. But, wow! That’s a slightly larger party than Shang Qinghua was expecting! Well, he doesn’t know how many he was expecting - he was expecting the message to get lost or the messenger to get “lost” - but he’s definitely surprised by the two peak lords and the twenty-ish full-grown cultivators behind them.

Never has Shang Qinghua had the thought: “Do you know who would make this terrible fucking day better? My good bro, Shen Qingqiu! Wow, I can’t wait to see my good bro Shen Qingqiu and involve him in all my problems!” Usually, he’s only glad to see Shen Qingqiu when 1) he knows for a fact that he hasn’t done anything worthy of the man’s attention lately, 2) he knows for a fact that someone else, entirely unrelated to him, has fucked up big time, and 3) he’s in the mood to witness a verbal mauling. But, ah, right now, he kind of wants to stick out his tongue like a six-year-old and gloat at Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle! Like, “Ha! My scary shixiong is here! I hope he does the verbal equivalent of unhinging his jaw to swallow you whole! You fuckers are totally in for it now!”

Cultivator O.B.B. actually looks briefly nervous as Shen Qingqiu approaches, looking as elegant and formidable as ever, which is the right emotion to have! A fearful feeling in response to seeing Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu dressed for a deadly mission, in armored robes that bulk up his shoulders and accentuate his height, a finger tapping on the hilt of his sword, is absolutely the correct response.

“Shang-Shidi, you’re still alive,” Shen Qingqiu says, very dryly. “How fortunate.”

Wow! Too much enthusiasm! Too much affection! Tone it down!

“Haha, not for lack of other people trying to change that! Hello, Shen-Shixiong, thank you for coming!” Shang Qinghua says, wondering whether Yue Qingyuan sent him purposefully (Bro!)… or if Shen Qingqiu grabbed the first excuse to escape event-planning with both hands and Zhangmen-Shixiong just didn’t say no (Bro!) . “Hello to you too, Mu-Shidi! I’m sure that Huan Hua Palace Sect will be very glad to have the expertise of such a renowned healer here!”

Mu Qingfang, looking even bulkier in his own armored robes, smiles. “I would be glad to assist,” he says, apparently genuinely, because he can act like a caring bro. “Shang-Shidi’s messages did not contain very many details, perhaps he could explain the current situation?”

Ah, Mu Qingfang is always a good member to have in a party! Very reasonable! He has this amazing technique where he goes, “Someone called for a doctor?” And then somehow it takes people halfway through his helping or longer to realize, “Hey, wait, no one called for a doctor? Who called the doctor? Did the doctor just call himself in? Is he allowed to do that?”

Shang Qinghua sums up the shitty situation here for his martial siblings: he was looking for an errant teenage girl, he tracked the girl down to the House of Rejuvenation, and he found some really bad shit here and put a stop to it. Shen Qingqiu frowns thoughtfully when hearing about the demons who took over the House of Rejuvenation so that Elder Lady Xia could be young again, and then he doesn’t fucking twitch - he’s got no damn expression at all - when Shang Qinghua describes the demonic artifacts and the family’s “rejuvenation technique”. Mu Qingfang and the blatantly eavesdropping Cang Qiong cultivators behind him (some of whom, Shang Qinghua notices, are Bai Zhan Peak cultivators) are all openly horrified, some looking like they’re swallowing physical illness.

“This is a situation that falls under the purview of Huan Hua Palace Sect,” Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle protests, once Shang Qinghua is more or less finished sharing Huan Hua’s failures. “Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s involvement with this House of Rejuvenation is no longer necessary.”

“No longer necessary, thankfully,” Shen Qingqiu agrees.

Oh, haha, wow! That’s a big eye twitch from Cultivator O.B.B.!

“Huan Hua Palace Sect must have been stretched quite thin recently to have sent only a handful of young disciples alone to investigate an establishment that has apparently been involved in the disappearances of dozens of people,” Shen Qingqiu observes next, with a poisonous note of a sympathy.

“It takes but one resentful death to create a dangerous situation,” Mu Qingfang agrees.

“What an interesting choice,” Shen Qingqiu says next.

“I personally wouldn’t have thought to make it,” Mu Qingfang agrees again.

“Nor I.”

Oh? This is an unexpected but also somehow unsurprising team-up! Very terrifying!

“Perhaps Huan Hua Palace Sect has simply been too busy looking ahead to upcoming events to notice such a sinister operation beneath their nose, given the number of cultivators who have now hastened to the scene to correct the distribution of attention,” Shen Qingqiu allows, with that same poisonous sympathy. “Nevertheless, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is blessed to be able to offer assistance to lesser sects in need.”

Cultivator O.B.B. apparently can’t stand that one, because he puffs himself up a little and says, “Huan Hua Palace Sect would have eventually noticed this terrible situation without Cang Qiong’s interference-”

“Ah, when a second team was eventually sent to investigate the tragic disappearance of these young disciples Shang-Shidi saved?” Shen Qingqiu says, nodding to acknowledge the point. “But you are of course glad this didn’t happen. We appreciate your gratitude. How fortunate indeed that his involvement now prevented such a terrible loss to your sect.”

“Indeed,” Mu Qingfang agrees again.

“Or perhaps the situation would have been discovered when these demons drained the vitality from this unfortunate town and successfully managed to restore the youth of a formidable demoness whose power as a warlord was said to rival that of a Heavenly Demon?” Shen Qingqiu suggests next. “Yes, that would have been extremely noticeable. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is, of course, honored to have assisted Huan Hua Palace Sect in preventing such a terrible and noticeable event from coming to pass.”

One of the Cang Qiong cultivators nearby coughs a super fake cough.

Ah, same, bro! Shang Qinghua could watch his shixiong bully someone else for days.

Unfortunately, even random assholes with a chip on their shoulder will eventually figure out that they’re out of their fucking league here. Cultivator Overcompensating Belt Buckle beats a hasty retreat, after throwing one last “Cang Qiong’s assistance is no longer necessary” at them. Shang Qinghua will generously allow that the man is probably not at his best, after trying and failing to get rid of one very annoying Cang Qiong Peak Lord all day, whatever that best may be. Shang Qinghua probably softened him up a bit!

One of the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators who has actually been doing things apparently then recognizes Peak Lord Mu Qingfang, and comes rushing over to invite the renowned healer to inspect the bodies of the victims, to prevent unnecessary restlessness if nothing else. (Valiantly ignoring some of the “get back here” and “don’t fucking do it” gestures of her colleagues behind her.) Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu then invites himself to inspect Huan Hua Palace Sect’s measures for containing the demon remains and such (much to the horror of many Huan Hua cultivators). With a sharp wave of his hand, he orders the Cang Qiong cultivators not following Mu Qingfang to search the surrounding area in case Elder Lady Xia has more followers and they disperse like it’s a fucking contest.

Shang Qinghua hopes for the sake of those eager Cang Qiong cultivators that Mobei-Jun has definitely fucked off, now that the demon lord has uncovered Shang Qinghua’s greatest accessible secret, because that is a confrontation that would not end well for them.

(Shang Qinghua’s greatest secret is, of course, his status as a transmigrator and the Author God of this world, which is very fortunately inaccessible.)

There’s a renewed sense of hustle and bustle now that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect has arrived - the urge to show up or impress a long-time rival is strong like that - but Shang Qinghua is, oddly enough, left with nothing much to do. Shen Qingqiu and Mu Qingfang are both very capable people! Extremely nosy too! It’s kind of funny to sit back and watch some Huan Hua cultivators vie for the peak lords’ (who actually look like fancy, formidable, peerless immortal cultivators right now) attention, while other Huan Hua cultivators subtly attempt to get these nosy Cang Qiong cultivators out of their fucking business. To be slightly fair to those territorial Huan Hua cultivators, Shang Qinghua personally hates other sects making messes on Cang Qiong’s turf, so he gets it. He’s not at all inclined to try and call his martial siblings off here, but he gets it!

He ends up wandering over to Duan Tianyu. The young man is sitting off to one side, not far from the other original disciples, three of whom appear to be sacked out in a sweet little puppy pile after their all-nighter. Duan Tianyu looks pretty exhausted too, but instead of taking a much-needed nap, he’s staring off into the distance, shoulders slumped miserably.

“A-ah, Master Shang,” the young man says, when he notices his new company.

“No need to get up,” Shang Qinghua assures him. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here, now that my sect is here, so we can skip the respectful bowing! I’ll take it as a given. I came by to make sure that you young disciples aren’t getting into any more trouble without me.”

“Oh. Thank you, Master Shang.”

Duan Tianyu’s friend, Yu Chaonan, lifts his head up from between his knees. “We told them everything we know now, so they told us to stay out of the way so that we don’t mess anything else up by accident,” he says ruefully. “We’re probably going to get sent back to the palace soon. Maybe tomorrow? I want to sleep before we fly anywhere.”

“Sleep now,” Shang Qinghua suggests sympathetically. Just because cultivators can go for longer without meeting earthly needs, doesn’t mean that forcing it doesn’t actually suck!

“I’m trying,” Yu Chaonan agrees. “I’m too tired to sleep, though?”

“I can’t sleep,” Duan Tianyu mutters, leaning his head back against the wall behind him.

Ah, Shang Qinghua thinks he recognizes this sort of young angst, seeing it often enough in his own bratty disciples. He supposes it takes a person a little longer to get over being wracked with guilt if they don’t have some practice swallowing their own heart or throwing their own pesky emotions out the figurative window.

“What’s wrong?” Shang Qinghua asks, against his better judgement.

Duan Tianyu shoots him a wretched look that very clearly demands, “What ISN’T wrong?” The very teenage expression almost makes Shang Qinghua nostalgic for his own shitty years as a disciple. Not really. But almost.

“He got told off for destroying those masks,” Yu Chaonan tattles.

“Chaonan!”

“What? Maybe you won’t get punished if Master Shang backs you up,” the other disciple says. “Master Shang, I don’t think they believed us when we said you said it was fine.”

Shang Qinghua nearly laughs. “Ah, I’m going to be accused of destroying Huan Hua’s ‘property’ next, then?” he says, unconcerned. “I don’t know if my good opinion will help you here, being from a different sect, but, ah, I don’t think you deserve to be punished for that choice. Maybe the decision was a little hasty, but it wasn’t wrong to think something like that shouldn’t exist.”

“But now we can’t fix anyone,” Duan Tianyu says.

“Trying to reverse everything would have been a nightmare of logistics,” Shang Qinghua says, wincing just thinking about trying to manage something like that. “Who would supervise something like that? How would we be able to make sure we were really undoing a wrong thing instead of just making it worse? Ah, there’s some good things that could have been done with an evil thing like that, sure, but the temptation of a power like that is a lot, and it’s probably for the best that it was written out- written out of the world? Being, aha, figurative there…”

“It’d be a lot easier if it was just like a curse that could be broken,” Yu Chaonan offers.

“It would,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

But Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s world doesn’t work like that!

“One of our seniors said that I’ve probably destroyed my chances of making it to the Palace Master’s inner circle being so impulsive,” Duan Tianyu says, looking like he might actually break into tears. “Much less to a position as coveted as head disciple.”

Shang Qinghua wonders if now is the time to break it to the kid that seeking the approval of a character like that probably isn’t even a little bit worth it. Besides, lofty positions aren’t so great! Shang Qinghua had to beat out a lot of competition for his current seat and then there’s a lot of ongoing maintenance after making it. He did some things he’s not proud of to make the System happy. But, hm, he supposes it won’t help these disciples to share hard-earned wisdom like: “Hey, if you think people saying mean things about your abilities is discouraging, wait until you get to the sabotage attempts that might as well be assassination attempts! That’s when sect politics gets really fun.”

“Ah, there will be other chances,” Shang Qinghua says, as light-heartedly as he can manage. “Staying alive is an accomplishment that really helps your chances of personal advancement in the long-term, you know. Lofty positions need you to be alive, foremost.”

Yu Chaonan snorts, but Duan Tianyu can’t really manage to smile.

“I’ll never be able to help people properly without a better position,” Duan Tianyu insists. “I did - I do - want it for me, but I want to help people and change things too. But I can’t become head disciple and make a real difference in the world if all of my decisions are terrible-”

There’s a sharp bark of laughter nearby, which Shang Qinghua recognizes even though it’s a rare sound. He has that laugh imprinted into his memory as a sign to escape the room as soon as fucking possible. When he looks after his shoulder, he’s both unsurprised and mildly horrified to see Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu walking up to them. Is the man already done bullying the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators?! That’s a little too fast, isn’t it?!

Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan both sit up straighter, unlike their sleeping juniors, then decide not to risk offending by scrambling to their feet and bowing in greeting.

“Immortal Master Shen!”

Shen Qingqiu looks down on young Duan Tianyu with an expression that can really only be called disdainful amusement. Sometimes, this man really gives off the impression that he’s here to tell you that you’re failing all your classes, your girlfriend has left you for someone you thought was your friend, your house has burned down, and the government has issued a warrant for your arrest - and that telling you this is both his privilege and his pleasure. He makes a person go, “Oh, shit! Shit’s fucked! My life as I know it is totally over!” Before a person remembers, “Ah, wait, I’m not in school anymore, I’ve never had a girlfriend, I don’t own a house, and I’m way too boring to have law enforcement after me for any reason. That can't be it.”

Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan appear to be experiencing this very particular fear.

“A lofty position,” Shen Qingqiu declares finally, “will not make you any better than you are now. In truth, you will always be exactly who you are now.”

Fucking ouch.

That wasn’t even directed at Shang Qinghua and it still hurts.

“Hey, they’re still young!” Shang Qinghua protests. “They’ve got plenty of time to improve! And you don’t even need to be young to try to get better at anything.”

Shen Qingqiu gives him a slow, dangerous look. “One may always attempt to cultivate their skills, but the soul itself is not so simply changeable. It is what it is. It will always be what it is.” He looks back at Duan Tianyu and says, “Titles will not change the truth of a person anymore than they change the truth of a thing.”

Duan Tianyu visibly swallows, but nods.

But Shen Qingqiu isn’t done and, if anything, his voice gets even colder. “If you are waiting to act until you have a position in which no one will censure you, then you will be waiting for a very long time, and one can only conclude that you do not truly care for those you claim are your reason for rising. If it is everything or nothing, with no in-between, you will always be nothing. You must find a way to act as you are now - wanting though that may be. All the suffering in the world will not wait until you are personally ready to face it.”

“...Thank you for your wisdom, Master Shen,” Duan Tianyu says, even though there are definitely tears in the corners of the young man’s eyes now. Oh, no, one even streaks down his cheek. Ah, that’s pathetic.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t appear to notice as he inclines his head in answer.

Then his head snaps suddenly towards Shang Qinghua, actually causing him to jump, and he says, “Shang-Shidi, a word.”

Which nearly makes Shang Qinghua jump again! Fuck!

“Ah, of course.”

Shen Qingqiu walks off, but Shang Qinghua doesn’t immediately follow. He returns his attention to Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan, as Duan Tianyu sinks back down to the ground, Yu Chaonan following him down with a hand on his weeping friend’s shoulder. It looks like Yu Chaonan is beginning to cry too, quickly swiping at his face with his sleeve, maybe out of sympathy for his friend.

“Hey, no offense to that guy,” Yu Chaonan whispers, “but the last time you tried to act before you were ready, we all got knocked out by demons and had to be rescued, so you take aaaaall the time you need next time, eh, Tianyu?”

Duan Tianyu sputters with something between laughter and a sob.

Shang Qinghua sighs and crouches down in front of them. “Ah, don’t try and take on the weight of everything, you’ll give yourself back problems. But my shixiong… hm… he’s right that lofty positions don’t change everything at once! Habits are hard to build and hard to break! I don’t think destroying those demonic artifacts was the wrong thing to do, but it might be a good idea to grovel anyway, just to get the Palace Master off your back - don’t accept too much blame, though, especially not for things you didn’t do-”

“Peak Lord Shang!”

“Ah, fuck. All right, I’ve got to go for now. Look for the things you can do where you are,” Shang Qinghua says, and ruffles Duan Tianyu’s hair before he can recognize that this is a maybe-twenty-ish relative stranger and not his six-year-old nephew. Well, shit, he’s already done it! So there’s no point in acting weird about it!

He gets back to his feet and goes over to see what his scariest shixiong wants.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Shen-Shixiong! How can I help?”

Shen Qingqiu is staring in the direction of the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators, who look like they finished loading up the late Elder Lady Xia’s fancy carriages. Shang Qinghua debated pestering them to give him one of them, so he didn’t have to hire his own transport to take his little family back to Sanjiao Town, but he really didn’t want to bring Feng Fanli, Luo Jiahui, or Luo Binghe to their attention in any way. So they can keep the tacky rides.

“Many of the demons’ belongings bear the symbols of the so-called Western Demon King,” Shen Qingqiu says finally. “Do you anticipate retaliation from the Demon Realm for their deaths?”

“What?”

Shang Qinghua’s first instinct is to cry out, “Why the fuck would I know about that?! I’m not associated with demons! Maybe YOU’RE the one associated with demons!” Except that’s a super bad instinct, so he squashes it like a particularly annoying mosquito! The Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators have already figured out the same thing and Shang Qinghua has a growing reputation as a man with his ear to the ground these days, now that he's kind of bros with some of the other Peak Lords these days (not Shen fucking Qingqiu). So acting totally ignorant here would probably make Shen Qingqiu even more suspicious than he already is!

“The death of a valued acquaintance of the so-called ‘Western Demon King’ may call for retaliation. Huan Hua Palace Sect appears to have lost interest in the relationship as soon as they determined that the demon leader had most likely not sent her personally to retrieve the artifact,” Shen Qingqiu remarks, as though he’s trying to decide whether or not to warn the other sect about potential hordes of angry demons. Maybe he will; maybe he won’t.

“Oh, uh, huh. Well, ah, I don’t know if this Elder Lady Xia had blood or marriage ties to that demon clan? But I’ve heard- rumor has it that there’s a ‘Cursed Immortal’ who was a guest in that court for the past few generations,” Shang Qinghua offers. “So, ah, maybe?”

Fuck! Wow, if another sect accidentally pissed off a demon sovereign on Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s territory, Shang Qinghua would be super angry about it! This could be super bad.

Shen Qingqiu’s hand flexes, before he crosses his arms. “A cultivator from Tian Yi Overlook took the head of the last so-called Western Demon King’s Crown Prince three years ago.”

“I remember that! The younger sister inherited instead, didn’t she?”

Shang Qinghua mostly remembers that because after the gossip about that cultivator’s vendetta went around, Mobei-Jun was ordered by his father to secretly clear a path for the cultivator, after the dying Western King apparently decided to use some of his precious time left to throw some long-festering insults at his rivals. Mobei-Jun was super annoyed about the whole thing. He clearly would have preferred killing his fellow heir outright, instead of orchestrating an assassination, but his father apparently wanted the death to be done by a human so it was extra shameful.

The Western Demon King character was definitely a guy in Proud Immortal Demon Way, not a woman, but many of the (non-wife) higher-ranking demons tended to be referred to by titles alone. So, Shang Qinghua quickly figured that the demoness’ son will come of age or an ambitious relative will orchestrate another assassination sometime in the next fifteen-to-twenty years or so, before the protagonist is scheduled to have extended plotlines in that area. It hasn’t been worth worrying about! He wrote waaaaay too many cutthroat demon clans to fly into a panic every time another demon noble gets knocked off in the background.

“Hm, let us hope for Huan Hua Palace Sect’s sake that this Elder Lady Xia was made unwelcome by the newest demon to crawl to the top of that heap,” Shen Qingqiu remarks finally. “Rather than sent to retrieve a horror on their behalf.”

“Ah, yes,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

Shen Qingqiu walks off shortly after that, apparently finished with the conversation, and Shang Qinghua internally wishes him the best with inflicting his presence on the Huan Hua cultivators. Not too painful as far as conversations with his scariest and most suspicious shixiong go! For the sake of Yue Qingyuan’s future headache when dealing with Huan Hua Palace Sect, Shang Qinghua also hopes that Lady Xia was here because the current Western Demon King kicked her out. That would kind of explain why these plotlines got mixed up so early.

Ah, wait.

Wait.

Lady Xia came to the House of Rejuvenation for the demonic artifacts. Lady Xia was only in the area because the current leader of the Bai Clan threw her out, maybe? The current Xifeng-Jun only has the title because her brother was killed by a Tian Yi Overlook cultivator. The brother was only killed because Mobei-Jun cleared the way, because his father told him to do it on a whim. Mobei-Jun’s father only knew about the human cultivator’s quest because Mobei-Jun told him. Mobei-Jun only knew about the human cultivator with the vendetta against the late Western Demon King’s favorite son because Shang Qinghua told him nearly five years ago.

No… that can’t be right! That can’t be what happened here! That’s not right! Shang Qinghua runs the connections over again in his head, because he’s sure that he’s missing something here that will make it all not make sense again. But, ah, nope! The person that Shang Qinghua’s brain keeps taking him back to is himself and not just because of Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky!

Fuck.

Shang Qinghua is kind of in a daze until Mu Qingfang approaches him, asking if it’s true that he’s protecting a living victim of the demonic artifact. Mu Qingfang is capable of keeping things on the down-low, at least, and the man is only really obligated to break confidence for Yue Qingyuan, who already knows that Shang Qinghua has a sister-in-law and a nephew. Shang Qinghua decides to let Luo Jiahui decide whether or not to let Mu Qingfang in.

He’s not really expecting his martial brother to immediately recognize his sister-in-law!

“Madam Luo?”

“Oh, Master Mu!”

What the fuck!

“I met Master Mu in passing while volunteering at the clinic in Sanjiao Town,” Luo Jiahui explains to Shang Qinghua, quickly inviting the man inside.

“I wanted to thank Madam Luo for her efforts in organizing events to encourage more people to visit the clinic,” Mu Qingfang explains on his end. “Such kitchens are difficult to organize consistently without local assistance, though a good meal is what many of our patients need most. The disciples staffing the clinic are busy enough practicing their own skills.”

“Ah, of course!” Shang Qinghua says, having actually helped his sister-in-law with some of the logistics of feeding a large number of people very cheaply. They worked it out together at Luo Jiahui's table. In his defense, he has too many things to pay attention to to realize these things!

“It’s no trouble!” Luo Jiahui insists.

Mu Qingfang is appropriately horrified to learn that the victim is none other than Luo Jiahui’s younger sister. The man is nothing but kind to Feng Fanli, who doesn’t seem to know what to make of this stranger at first, asking his questions in a very gentle voice and asking her before he makes any kind of move. Feng Fanli eventually seems to decide this doctor is all right, though she’s apparently forgotten his name by the end of his check-up. He's bro-shaped like that, until he decides that he's going to be a little bit of an asshole about something logistics-related.

Luo Jiahui has clearly had a very tiring day looking after an upset six-year-old, who is currently in Shang Qinghua’s arms and refuses to be put down, and a prematurely aged, traumatized teenager. Mu Qingfang clearly wishes he could give them both better news than that the damage will not be reversible through any methods of which he knows.

Fuck.

“Hua-Ge is going to look for a way,” Luo Jiahui says.

Mu Qingfang doesn’t let his doubts show - well, too much - and says, “If such a treatment can be found, then I will be glad to assist Shang-Shixiong however I may be able.”

The next day, Shang Qinghua organizes transport for the long way home to Sanjiao Town, since flying will be too awkward, and Mu Qingfang volunteers to accompany them, alongside some trusted Qian Cao Peak cultivators. Luo Jiahui accepts the offer before Shang Qinghua can decide one way or another. It’s a relief when it’s taken as a given that Shen Qingqiu will take the short way home with everyone else to report the situation to their sect leader!

One of the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators has apparently decided to draw the line and has formally requested that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect leave the matter of the House of Rejuvenation to them. They’ve even gotten clever and roped in the local officials of Linluo Town, getting the local voice to declare that they want Huan Hua Palace Sect’s assistance here and that they want Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to leave now, please! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect basically has to pack up and leave unless they want to outright declare that they have the right to ignore the wishes of the residents and rightful protectors of any given territory.

Shang Qinghua does not bother asking anyone if it’s okay to take Feng Fanli away from the investigation because, yeah, no, fuck that! Huan Hua Palace Sect can whine at him later!

Packing up to leave is done efficiently and eagerly. The only person not 100% certain they want to get the fuck out of here already and forever is Feng Fanli, who has to be repeatedly reminded that “going home” doesn’t mean that they’re taking her back to her parents. (Luo Jiahui said they were all going back to Sanjiao Town and Shang Qinghua didn't argue with her!) Shang Qinghua’s little sister-in-law’s world might be a little confused, she definitely doesn't want to stay here, but she knows enough to be afraid of how angry her parents are going to be with her and requires a lot of reassurance from Luo Jiahui.

Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan sneakily break away from the House of Rejuvenation and Huan Hua Palace Sect to thank Shang Qinghua one last time. They bid him an uncomfortably earnest farewell. Shang Qinghua ends up ruffling Duan Tianyu’s hair again (who seems dazed about it), then does the same to Yu Chaonan (who laughs), because being an esteemed Peak Lord should come with some benefits! He promises to see them soon at the upcoming conference.

“That is assuming that their masters agree they should be awarded the honor of participating,” Shen Qingqiu announces, appearing out of fucking nowhere again.

“Shen-Shixiong! I thought you had left already! Or were still busy with Huan Hua!” Shang Qinghua greets desperately.

If there was ever a peak lord who Shang Qinghua wanted nowhere near his little family, it’s this one! He’d been doing so well at playing keep away until Shen Qingqiu decided to be inconveniently unpredictable like this. Luo Jiahui has just taken the little protagonist away for one last bathroom break before they roll out, thank fuck, but they could be back at any second! If Mobei-Jun meeting the protagonist early was bad in the eyes of the System, this meeting will definitely be worse, and Shang Qinghua does not trust that this one will surprise him in the same way.

But then Shen Qingqiu makes it even worse by saying, “Arrangements are still being made. Huan Hua Palace's Master Ren Huaizhi has arrived and asked if we knew the whereabouts the missing living victim for Huan Hua Palace Sect.”

Shang Qinghua needs a curse word worse than fuck, honestly!

Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan flee like their lives depend on it when Shang Qinghua dismisses them. They both wave over their shoulders as they go though, which is cute! Haha, Shang Qinghua probably wouldn’t let those naive kids attend a cultivation conference either.

“Ah, children really can’t see the wall through the paint, huh?!” Shang Qinghua says to his martial brother, so cheerfully that it grates on his own ears. “I feel like I could tell them I put the sun in the sky and they’d believe me at least a little bit!”

“They will be infinitely better off for having their childish ideas about the world corrected as soon as possible,” Shen Qingqiu replies smoothly. He has a fan back in hand today and fans himself almost lazily as he declares, “Already, they're old enough to know they should know better. Some suffering is inevitable and necessary for a complete perspective, otherwise that disciple will either always be a fool or meet a foul end.”

Mm, Shang Qinghua really hates kind of agreeing with Shen fucking Qingqiu!

“Ehhh, maybe!” he says, shaking a hand in a so-so gesture. (Oh, fuck, is he disagreeing with Shen Qingqiu? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?!) “They don’t have to suffer themselves, though, just to know to be a little more careful!”

Shen Qingqiu disagrees through his unimpressed expression alone.

“I’m just saying that it would be kind of nice if we could make it so that kids could have it better than we did and be better than we are, you know?!” Shang Qinghua says, even more desperately than before. He should really stop talking here! He needs to stop fucking talking! “Isn’t that what we’re all supposedly tasked with? Leaving the world a better place than how we found it?”

And some are tasked more seriously than others! With Transmigration Systems to enforce it!

Shen Qingqiu definitely has a “what the fuck are you even talking about” expression. When he speaks, he says sharply, “Shang-Shidi, enough. Where is the missing living victim?”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t answer, caught between distractions. Shen Qingqiu then decides to just walk past Shang Qinghua, around the corner he and the Huan Hua disciples were using for privacy, where Feng Fanli is sitting on their transport with Mu Qingfang and a couple of Qian Cao cultivators, waiting to go. Shang Qinghua follows, feeling a little bit useless and even more desperate, and wondering if Mu Qingfang would team up with him to take on their scariest shixiong.

Shen Qingqiu stops near enough for Feng Fanli to squint at him and then say, maybe a little bit like she’s guessing, “Good morning again, Doctor!” Even though Shen Qingqiu and Mu Qingfang don’t look anything alike, really, which makes Shang Qinghua really wonder if her vision is a little bit bad now too.

“...Good morning,” Shen Qingqiu returns politely.

“It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it?”

“Very lovely. Excuse me.”

Then he turns on his heel, walks back to Shang Qinghua, and says very quietly and very flatly, “How old is she, really?”

“Ah, nearly seventeen, I think?”

Shen Qingqiu taps his fan against his chin, then says, “What a shame that Huan Hua Palace Sect has forbidden us from assisting them any further in this matter.”

“Ah, what a shame?” Shang Qinghua agrees hesitantly.

"Hm."

And then Shen Qingqiu leaves.

It looks to be for good this time, for real, fucking finally, but Shang Qinghua keeps an eye out for another ambush anyway, especially when Luo Jiahui and his nephew come back. Shang Qinghua doesn’t know how Proud Immortal Demon Way’s most famous scum villain might manage to outdo two headless bodies and two arm injuries upon prematurely meeting the protagonist, nor is he willing to fuck around and find out! He won't underestimate Shen Qingqiu's capabilities there!

It’s time to go home.

Travelling is fine. It could be worse.

Mu Qingfang isn’t bad company. He keeps his Qian Cao cultivators from asking questions and reminds them to respect Shang Qinghua’s privacy after the journey is over as well. Luo Binghe clearly doesn’t really like his new auntie taking up so much of his loving mother’s time and attention, but he’s placated by Shang Qinghua’s attention and finally getting to go home. Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui (when she can) listen and nod attentively as Binghe describes everything he’s missed, in between bouts of being extremely sticky and a little bit quiet.

Shang Qinghua isn’t sure that Feng Fanli remembers who Luo Binghe is all the time, but she seems to have a place in her head for “Jiejie’s Baby” and he fits there more often than not. Mu Qingfang’s calming presence is much appreciated through the continuing nightmares and the occasional sudden weeping fits over the days of travel.

Finally arriving back in Sanjiao Town is a relief in too many ways to name. Ah, Shang Qinghua really feels prepared to swear off vacations forever after all that! But, aha, as they bid farewell to Mu Qingfang and his disciples, Shang Qinghua can’t help the dread down his spine as they come closer and closer to an important talk he’s been putting off for… he’s been putting off this talk for a long, long time. Mu Qingfang insists that Zhangmen-Shixiong will be expecting Shang Qinghua to spend at least one night with his family, helping them settle in after their harrowing journey, so Shang Qinghua really can’t claim needing to rush off to work unless someone blows up part of their mountain again.

Not that he was going to do that, of course!

Granny Sun is introduced to Feng Fanli and given a very brief rundown of the shitty situation, and immediately enfolds Luo Jiahui in an even tighter hug than the one she gave Luo Binghe earlier. The situation is so clearly shitty that Granny Sun even pats Shang Qinghua on the shoulder, which means he must truly look really pathetic right now.

Feng Fanli is given a tour and is then settled into Luo Jiahui’s room, while Luo Binghe runs around the house trying to do everything he used to do at once, trying to play with everything he left behind at the same time, until Luo Jiahui calls attention to the mess he’s making. While Binghe does a half-hearted job of picking up again, Luo Jiahui frets over her empty kitchen and all the shopping she’ll need to do until Granny Sun brings dinner over. Afterwards, Shang Qinghua reads to his nephew until the boy can’t keep his eyes open any longer, then staggers out into the main room to essentially collapse next to Luo Jiahui.

He feels totally ready to retire right here and now, honestly.

He nearly falls asleep like that, until Luo Jiahui pokes him.

“Hua-Ge, we need to talk.”

Shang Qinghua represses his groan. “Ah, I know.” He takes a deep breath and sits up properly, before needing to put his head between his legs for a moment. “All right! I’m awake! I’m awake! We need to have that very important talk now because it is… very, very overdue.”

Luo Jiahui takes her own deep breath and nods, then waits.

“I don’t know where to start,” Shang Qinghua admits.

“At the beginning?”

“There’s a couple beginnings, though.”

“Any beginning is good.”

“...I guess that I should maybe start with the secret of Binghe’s birth parents,” Shang Qinghua decides. “I, ah, I didn’t really know them, so much as I knew of them, you know? I really wasn’t lying when I said they had many enemies. Binghe’s birth mother was the head disciple of Huan Hua Palace Sect, a woman named Su Xiyan, but his father was… his father was Tianlang-Jun, a Heavenly Demon, and the Demon Emperor who was sealed under a mountain.”

Luo Jiahui has been frowning along, but now she inhales sharply. “Binghe is…?”

“A half-demon, yes,” Shang Qinghua says quietly.

He lets that sink in, even though a part of him wants to dump everything at once and run. He’s not going to do that!

Luo Jiahui looks dazed enough already.

“I just… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“...He used to growl as a baby,” Luo Jiahui says finally.

“W-what?”

“Binghe used to growl as a baby sometimes.”

“Ah? I never noticed.”

“He doesn’t anymore. I tried to make sure that he never did it around you,” Luo Jiahui admits. “I always try- tried to make sure that he’s well-behaved for you. I-I didn’t want you to think that there might be something wrong with him, in case you decided to stop helping us or take him away.”

“I wouldn’t have done that,” Shang Qinghua says quickly.

“I know that now.”

“Good. Did, ah, did you suspect that Binghe might not be… might be different?”

Luo Jiahui bites her lip. “I helped raise Fanli, a little bit, but I didn’t really have much experience with other babies. I thought… maybe it was because Binghe was a boy? I don’t know what I thought! It was strange, but not that strange! Humans can make those noises too!”

“I guess,” Shang Qinghua agrees, a little bit wondrously.

He didn’t know anything about babies before he ended up meddling with his protagonist son’s childhood, honestly, so he might have totally thought the same thing if he didn’t already know about the half-demon thing! Maybe babies just growl sometimes? Maybe that’s a thing before they learn to talk and grow out of it? It’s really not the weirdest thing a new human being might do.

“Binghe doesn’t look or act much like a demon at all,” Luo Jiahui says, a little defensively maybe.

“Ah, that’s because his demonic side is apparently mostly sealed,” Shang Qinghua explains.

Luo Jiahui doesn’t appear to find this reassuring at all.

“And Binghe is still Binghe, of course! Human or demon or both of them at once, he’s still him. He still knows right from wrong, just like you taught him, and he loves you! Even when the seal eventually breaks, he’ll still be our Binghe…”

At least until the Eternal Abyss, which is where things are going to get really complicated, but that’s years and years away, so Shang Qinghua isn’t going to think about it yet! He has faith that, even if everything else changes, even if the protagonist is ruined beyond repair in all other ways, his nephew’s love for his mother won’t be moved. Well, he really, really hopes so, because the alternative isn’t… he can’t handle the alternative.

Luo Jiahui nods, looking touched and then determinedly serious, and reaches out to take Shang Qinghua’s hand.

“How is his demonic side sealed…? When is it going to break?”

“Ah, I don’t know exactly,” Shang Qinghua admits. “I think that it may have been something that Su Xiyan did after he was born, to protect him throughout his childhood, but don’t worry! The sealing looks very sturdy! I’m very sure that it’ll take a lot to break it.”

The mechanics of it truly are a mystery to him! The protagonist’s demonic heritage was conveniently and firmly partially sealed away, until it was conveniently and explosively revealed at the worst possible moment for the boy! Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky didn’t need to explain that extremely popular trope at all! Everyone understood it! Even with this badly designed world changing all around them, Shang Qinghua feels relatively certain that the System will protect the protagonist and such a pivotal scene in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

“I wish I could thank her for watching over him like that, then,” Luo Jiahui says quietly. “It seemed so lucky that he would survive the Luochuan River like that! And then when that demon tried to attack him back in Linluo Town, in that H-House… her love must have been very strong to be protecting him like that!”

“It must have been,” Shang Qinghua agrees hoarsely.

Anyone who endures the torture of Huan Hua Palace Sect’s infamous dungeons, then drinks poison just to have the chance to save their child’s life, must have loved either the child or the child’s other parent very much. Luo Binghe had birth parents who would have loved him once, before life and all its problems got in the way.

Before the plot and all its problems got in the way.

Shang Qinghua wishes that he could attribute Luo Binghe’s golden halo to his birth mother. He wishes that he wasn’t thinking: “Ah, it’s actually a strict, all-powerful being enforcing an unnecessarily angsty plot written by a cynical asshole who had to sell their artistic vision for rent money! But it being Su Xiyan looking out for him is a very nice thought!”

“If- when Binghe’s other side comes out and people know that he’s part-demon, people aren’t going to be so accepting of him, are they?” Luo Jiahui says next, like she knows that's an understatement.

“Ah, no, probably not.”

“Heavenly Demons are a special kind of demons too, aren’t they?”

“They are,” Shang Qinghua admits. “They’re very powerful. They’re the most powerful kind of demon there is, really! When the seal breaks and Binghe can’t live as just another normal human anymore, he probably won’t be left alone unless he can protect himself. But he’ll be very powerful and he’s very clever, so I do- he’ll figure it out. It’s in his blood.”

Luo Jiahui still doesn’t look reassured, but Shang Qinghua would be very surprised if she did.

“If he’s going to join your sect someday, won’t that be… dangerous for him? Cultivation sects don’t accept part-demons… do they?”

“Well, not knowingly.”

“Houhua!”

“If it’s Cang Qiong then I can look after him a little bit, I can watch over him until it looks like his seal might break… or until he breaks it himself! He might decide to break it himself when he’s ready to go to the Demon Realm! I can help him… get away… if people can’t be persuaded to just let him go and leave him be.”

“Why does he have to join a sect at all?” Luo Jiahui demands.

“That was my question!” a part of Shang Qinghua internally crows, because he asked his Transmigration System the exact same thing about his own character. But nope! It was Cang Qiong Mountain Sect or bust! An Ding Peak or bust! And if he wasn’t allowed to do his own thing as a totally disposable background character, he doesn’t think the protagonist will be allowed to make a break for it either.

“Ah, well… I guess he doesn’t,” Shang Qinghua says, through a feeling like the System is inhaling a virtual breath to screech his fucking ears off. “But he’s human too - as human as he is anything else - and cultivating himself as a human would prepare him at least a little bit for the Demon Realm someday. It would help balance him when he’s older. Cang Qiong is one of the best sects in the world. And I can watch out for him there! And… well, I can’t really just leave Cang Qiong to teach him myself…. I could swing a few months of seclusion, maybe! Maybe even a year, but… it wouldn’t be the same.”

The protagonist would probably still grow up to kick the ass of cultivators who’d been doing all-day-every-day training for years, because that’s how it works for the protagonist, but Shang Qinghua doesn’t really want to risk it! What if he fucks up? What if he fucks up the protagonist’s progress permanently? And he has a job he can't just quit! He has his own disciples! If he took a year off to “focus on family”, he’d probably want to kick his own ass for that shit, so he doubts Cang Qiong Mountain Sect would feel very differently about it. But back to that first point: training once a week in your backyard with your uncle, no matter who that uncle might be, really, really isn’t the same as cultivating as a disciple of a great sect.

Shang Qinghua squeezes his sister-in-law’s hand. “It’s not happening right now,” he says, which is the main thing keeping him even a little bit calm about any of this. “There’s time. He’s not leaving for the mountain or anywhere else tomorrow.”

Luo Jiahui squeezes back and nods. “You… why did you come looking for Binghe?”

“Ah, well, curiosity? Concern?” Shang Qinghua says, and does his best to assure her that he really had no intentions. He just wanted to know what had happened to the baby of the poor couple. He then has to assure Luo Jiahui that no one else knew about Su Xiyan’s child or that she even had a child with Tianlang-Jun, and, ah, that he can’t share how exactly he knew.

“Why did you take us in?” Luo Jiahui asks, with a morbid curiosity and quietness that Shang Qinghua well understands. It kind of feels like her hand in his between them is the only thing keeping him from flying away.

“...Because you didn’t deserve to live like that,” Shang Qinghua tells her. “You didn’t do anything to deserve living like that."

All of the selfish, scummy character motivations he figured out could have been twisted to excuse any course of action, including leaving Luo Jiahui to die and then swooping in to earn the orphaned protagonist’s loyalty afterwards. If he really wanted to look out for himself and only himself, he probably should have left the protagonist alone. He should have killed Mobei-Jun when they first met all those years ago. If he faces the facts here, the honest answer as to why he did what he did… it was for his own peace of mind.

He really meant to go back to not caring and hardening his heart to the plot afterwards. Good deed done!

Everything that followed, ending up here now… he really didn’t mean for that to happen.

“...Thank you,” Luo Jiahui says.

“I, ah, I wouldn’t thank me just yet,” Shang Qinghua protests. “There’s… more.”

“The last demon.”

Shang Qinghua takes in a deep, shuddering breath. “Yeah.”

“You called him your ‘king’,” Luo Jiahui prompts, like she’s been turning the scene over for days herself and it still doesn't make sense to her. “He came to help you, but… you’re scared of him?”

“It’s a little bit complicated,” Shang Qinghua says helplessly. “That demon… we met a very long time ago now, when I was still an outer disciple of the sect. I… I was travelling with my fellow disciples and we encountered him when he was injured and alone in the Human Realm. The other disciples died, but I didn’t… and when I could have killed him, I… I didn’t. I took him somewhere safe to heal instead and I… I promised to be his servant.”

Luo Jiahui’s hand is still warm and comforting on his own, her brow furrowed in thought. “But… you spared his life?”

“He could have killed me first… or after,” Shang Qinghua protests, because it’s difficult to think in terms of debts without bringing up memories of years of fear and resentment. “It's complicated! He’s… he’s the son of the Northern Demon King. He’s the future Mobei-Jun.”

“So he’s a very powerful demon.”

“Very, very powerful,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

“But you’re a peak lord,” Luo Jiahui says, and he can’t tell if she means it in a “You’re also supposed to be very powerful!” way or if she means it in a “Hua-Ge, are you betraying your sect by serving him?” way.

Maybe both? It could be either or both!

“He’s still much stronger than I am,” Shang Qinghua says. “Ah, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect doesn’t know and wouldn’t be happy with me if they knew, but… the relationship isn’t so bad now. It’s very useful sometimes! It’s helped me more than a few times too. Humans and demons can be good allies with a little bit of work. And I have an okay understanding of the man’s character now and he doesn’t easily go back on his word, though, so don’t worry about me, all right? I’m handling it!”

Luo Jiahui looks a little bit like she does when he assures her that he can feed himself and he has been going to bed on time lately, which is probably fair!

But Shang Qinghua has been thinking about it and, while he wants to be cautious about this change in the relationship, he thinks he may have been a little blind to his efforts bearing unexpected fruit! He initially set out to make sure that Mobei-Jun didn’t ever have a reason to kill him, not for disloyalty and not for uselessness, and he’s thinking now that he may have done too good a job! It was just difficult to tell between the overwhelming fear of the apparently inevitable plot and the fact that Mobei-Jun has very limited facial expressions! It looks like this Shang Qinghua may have been… successful on the “save my own life” mission front? It’s really weird to think about, but… wow.

It took him some thinking, after the shock of that night wore off a little, but he also thinks Mobei-Jun might really approve of an uncle being unwilling to abandon their young nephew! Shang Qinghua usually curses that shitty backstory whenever it seems like Mobei-Jun is in a foul mood because his family is being super murderously dysfunctional again, but now he’s kind of grateful for it. If both being nephews creates an extra point of bonding between the demon lord and the young protagonist, then Shang Qinghua can’t really complain about it. He never considered that angle, but it’s a good angle! It’s a very workable angle!

Shang Qinghua will have to endeavor to appear as anything but a shitty uncle now, probably.

At least Linguang-Jun set a really low bar?

“He didn’t know about Binghe until we ran into each other in Linluo Town like that,” Shang Qinghua promises his sister-in-law. “I didn’t know what he would do if he knew and I didn’t want to take any chances. But he noticed then that Binghe was a little bit not human, so I had to tell him, and he’s made… a really good offer.”

“An offer,” Luo Jiahui repeats, unenthusiastically.

Shang Qinghua squeezes her hand again. “When Binghe needs to go to the Demon Realm, when he needs to learn to control his demonic side, Mobei-Jun said that his family will foster him. That means they’ll protect him from other demons and train him to protect himself. I can’t- I can watch him at Cang Qiong, where he can cultivate his human side, but I can’t help him with the demonic side.”

“But this demon master is willing to help?”

“When Binghe needs to go, which won’t be for a long time!”

Shang Qinghua can’t really imagine anyone being happy about being told that a demon lord is going to take their baby away from them someday, but he’d really like some sign that he’s properly conveying what a good thing this offer is! How does he communicate that Mobei-Jun is destined to become the protagonist’s ally and lieutenant? That Mobei-Jun occasionally acted as an early guide into the highest levels of demon politics in Proud Immortal Demon Way? He’s hesitant to hope, but he really does think it might turn out just fine! Well, if it’s allowed to happen at all. How does he communicate, without his System taking off as many points as possible, that this deal may their only shot at keeping his little nephew out of the Eternal fucking Abyss?

“Sister-in-Law can think about it,” Shang Qinghua says. “As long as she likes! And she can ask as many questions as she likes about it. Maybe this wasn’t such a good thing to tell you… when things are really hard right now with the little sister… but your brother-in-law really will do his best to look for more solutions here, all right? If this arrangement turns out to be no good, we can work something else out.”

Luo Jiahui stares at him for not very long at all, but which feels like a very long time anyway, and then puts her other hand on top of their joined ones. “I know,” she says firmly. “Hua-Ge is always looking out for us.”

“Well, he tries,” Shang Qinghua says jokingly.

“I don’t know what to make of this yet,” Luo Jiahui admits. “I don’t know if I really understand any of it. I need to think about it and I’ll have lots of questions for you later, maybe after I’ve settled Fanli and Binghe here properly. But… even if I don’t really understand everything that you’ve told me yet… I trust you. I’ll keep it secret.”

The relief in Shang Qinghua is so sharp that it stings.

Even though he knew that, even if Luo Jiahui became angry at him, her first priority would always be her son.

“I wish you’d told me sooner," Luo Jiahui admits, "but if you told me when we first met, I don’t know what I would have done; I think that I was a very different person then.”

“...We both were,” Shang Qinghua answers.

“Well, the person I am now trusts you,” Luo Jiahui repeats. “Even if I really wish I’d known, even though I don’t know if it would have changed anything, the person I am now is grateful that the person you are now trusts me too.”

“I do. I trust you.”

In this moment, he really wishes that he could tell her everything. He wishes that he could tell her that he’s not from this world. He wishes that he could tell her about the System and explain how his choices aren’t entirely his own to make, so she can tell him that his self-preservation is actually forgivable. He wishes that he could tell her that he wrote this world - when he was a very, very different person now - and that he never meant for any of the pain and resentment and loathing he poured into his web-novel to come true.

“I trust you,” Shang Qinghua repeats to her, because he can’t bring himself to say anything else, like, "You deserve so much better than me." He puts his free hand over her own and just says, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Luo Jiahui says, like she’s trying to mean it.

Like she’s trying to make it come true too.

【】

Returning to Cang Qiong Mountain Peak the next day isn’t so exciting. Shang Qinghua has to go to Qiong Ding Peak to make his report of the whole terrible mission directly to his sect leader, in detail, and finds himself being more truthful about his family hardships than expected (minus, ahem, the whole Mobei-Jun thing and the most painful particulars). Shen Qingqiu and Mu Qingfang have already made their reports, so he doesn’t want to accidentally give the impression that he has anything to hide (because, well, he does).

Yue Qingyuan acts like a good bro about the difficulties Shang Qinghua’s family is facing. He’s compassionate and understanding. He’s not angry about whatever fit Huan Hua Palace Sect might be throwing at him right now over the House of Rejuvenation mess. He makes his own lukewarm-ish offer of assistance, telling Shang Qinghua to let him know if there’s anything the sect can do, which more or less means (Shang Qinghua mentally translates) that he’s volunteering Mu Qingfang’s assistance and that Shang Qinghua can probably ask for more time off to deal with shit. He also makes a very solemn apology that this happened, like a preemptive, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Shang Qinghua assumes that Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu have both told Zhangmen-Shixiong that a cure for Feng Fanli is unlikely to be found.

“Liu-Shidi is away on a mission at the moment, but once he returns, I’m sure he’ll be very glad to hear that everyone has returned safely,” Yue Qingyuan says next. “Whatever assistance he may offer personally, I still expect the sect to be kept informed of your efforts in finding treatment.”

Oh, wow, Zhangmen-Shixiong has Liu-Shidi’s number, huh? Shang Qinghua has no idea what the man actually knows here about Liu Qingge’s personal investment here, so he just nods agreeably. He’s pretty sure that he’s told Yue Qingyuan directly that his unexpected friendship with the Bai Zhan Peak War God does not mean that he can exert any kind of control on the man’s worst impulses or that he suddenly understands the man’s fascinatingly opaque thought processes. But Yue Qingyuan seems to have taken that information and then purposefully deleted it from his memory.

“That all said, welcome back, Shang-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says sincerely.

“Ah, how much work has piled up while I’ve been gone?” Shang Qinghua asks jokingly, because he thinks he may have used up all of his sincerity for the rest of the year now. “It must be a lot to get this warm of a welcoming!”

Yue Qingyuan’s smile turns a little wry. “Shang-Shidi may take more time for himself and his family if needed,” he insists. “Though it is true the return of his logistical expertise would be much appreciated, especially given the latest developments with Huan Hua Palace Sect. The revival of the Immortal Alliance Conference unfortunately still refuses to organize itself.”

“Eh, I think it would manage to happen without us somehow,” Shang Qinghua says, a little distantly. “Maybe we should continue just standing back and see if it happens anyway.”

"We won't know until we try," Yue Qingyuan agrees humorously.

Like Shang Qinghua is only joking. He's kind of joking, true, but he's also kind of not joking at all.

Ah, their lives never had a chance of staying the same.

"Maybe we missed a lesson from the previous generation,” Shang Qinghua suggests glumly, out of the corner of his mouth.

Yue Qingyuan doesn’t respond, giving no sign that he heard this while smiling pleasantly down on the various sects making their entrances, the range for which seems to run from obnoxiously flamboyant - like, “We get it, bro! You’re hot fucking shit and we’re all super grateful you’ve decided to grace us with your presence! Please get a damn muffler for your personality!” - to pitifully terrified, which is kind of pathetic but also super relatable and understandable, some of these sects are tiny. The Twelve Peak Lords of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, as the leading hosts of the event, are standing in a line to officially welcome all their fellow cultivators to the revived Immortal Alliance Conference.

Everyone is conveniently ignoring that the Immortal Alliance Conferences have been cancelled since that last one where lots of people died, apparently, long before the current generation of peak lords at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Huan Hua Palace Sect and Mobei-Jun's clan pretty much went to war with each other! And formed some burning grudges! But, haha, surely that won't happen again!

The opening ceremonies and preliminary meetings are scheduled to continue throughout the day, which means hours more of pretty much exactly this. Shang Qinghua is already beginning to seriously despair for the event schedule and for himself in general. These super formal robes and hair ornaments are heavy for one thing!

For another, the whole thing of the Immortal Alliance Conference is that every sect is invited to participate. Ah, Shang Qinghua attacked the guest list with figurative pruning shears and social bloodlust, which probably gained him many lifelong enemies, but it’s still too damn long! There are too many competing elements here! He’s half-convinced that all that’s going to be accomplished here is showing “those wicked demons battling for scraps of power in the wake of the Demon Emperor’s defeat at the hands of the great sects” that the righteous cultivators of the Human Realm hate each other’s fucking guts most of the time. If this wasn’t his event, he’d bet real money!

“How so?” Shen Qingqiu interrupts boredly, which nearly makes Shang Qinghua startle. Like, honestly, holy shit! What the fuck?!

Shen Qingqiu is standing between Shang Qinghua and their sect leader, as the master of the second-highest peak, and has so far been so fucking good at strictly ignoring both of them that Shang Qinghua was unconsciously persuaded that Shen Qingqiu is genuinely totally incapable of seeing him or hearing his muttering. Now the Qing Jing Peak Lord is actually striking up conversation?! Now that’s indisputable proof that this runway show of the cultivation world’s best outfits is boring beyond bearing!

Shang Qinghua really wishes that he had Wan Jian Peak Lord Wei Wingwei’s place (3rd) on Yue Qingyuan’s other side! Between Zhangmen-Shixiong (1st) and Xian Shu Peak Lord Qi Qingqi (5th), with Bai Zhan Peak Lord Liu Qingge (7th) beside her, isn’t bad! He likes them! He’s stuck between Shen fucking Qingqiu (2nd) and Xi Jiao Peak Lord Tang Qingling (6th), with Mu Qingfang (8th) just past her.

Fuck! What did he say? Something about missing a lesson?

“Well, ah, it’s understood that there was too much old resentment between our predecessors and various senior members of the other great sects to revive such a… costly event before now,” Shang Qinghua answers.

Because he knows for a fucking fact that the previous Peak Lord of An Ding wouldn’t have willingly spit on Tian Yi Overlook unless they paid him with their full treasure vault, that the man had nearly been “accidentally” killed by this one Zhao Hua Temple cultivator twice, and that he would have sold all of Huan Hua Palace and everything in it for a neat rock. This newest generation of Peak Lords has finally settled into their roles, but they’re still fresh enough that their shit list hasn’t become a hit list just yet. The cultivation world’s old feuds have practically been reset! It’s a new age of righteous solidarity!

Or something!

“This is said,” Shen Qingqiu agrees neutrally.

“I’m thinking that maybe there was a lesson in that example,” Shang Qinghua says, “that we’ve maybe failed to grasp! No idea what that lesson is yet, though! Just, ah, getting a weird feeling.”

“I am sure that this lesson will be made apparent over the course of the long days of the conference,” Shen Qingqiu says flatly. “How good to know that Shang-Shidi has already anticipated all potential shortcomings in his event organization. I look forward to a flawless event.”

“Ah, of… of course.”

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, bro!” Shang Qinghua thinks, kind of out of habit.

He’d be more creative with his curses but… well… he’s tired! He was here on the scene long before any of his martial siblings showed up to make the final arrangements and to greet the assisting hosts. His memory of the past couple weeks is pretty much one huge blur of construction mishaps, merchant wagon traffic jams, talisman and array failures, waste removal logistics, and repetitive arguments with the discontented or overexcited locals.

They’ve had to rope off a valley, basically, to hold the damn thing. All of the spare rooms and houses in the nearest towns, cities, and isolated shacks within a few hours’ flying distance have been rented out to the visiting sects. The organizing sects, the foremost of which is Cang Qiong, built several brand new buildings, alongside setting up new tournament grounds and stages and a market space and more. Not far from here are fields of tents, like every fucking circus in the world has come to town all at once, and for some damn reason, someone’s been telling all the clowns to come to An Ding Peak if they have a problem with their rival clown neighbors! And every important person has of course come with an entourage of servants and disciples who need to be put somewhere too! Uninvited (but not unexpected) rogue cultivators, cultivation-adjacent individuals, and mundane locals have been pouring in for the shoulder-rubbing and shopping and shows of skill for weeks now, getting in Shang Qinghua’s way and throwing themselves underfoot.

An Ding Peak, who? Shang Qinghua doesn’t know any An Ding Peak. The Immortal Alliance Conference is his life now!

All of the opening ceremonies are a spectacle - very, uh, shiny and sparkly and a whole lot of everything all at once - but Shang Qinghua is too busy paying more attention to who is snubbing who (very important for damage control later) and to the few hitches going off basically nonstop. Confetti cannons aren’t a thing in this world (thank fuck), but if they were, the disciple of an assisting sect probably would have found a way to take off another disciple’s head with one by accident. He’s a realist! That’s what would happen! There is no way that wouldn’t happen!

By the time that the opening night firework display goes off, organized by a minor sect with a thing for explosives and the urge to show off for the world, Shang Qinghua kind of wants to go, “Great! Glad that’s over! Let’s all go home now! The Immortal Alliance Conference was less than twelve hours long, start to finish! Really good job, everyone! Maybe with the next one we can do it faster and get an even better time!”

But the conference goes on for just under two weeks. It’s kind of a blur too!

Bling-covered heads go nod, nod, nod, and shake, shake, shake. Glasses are raised in toast and hands are slammed angrily on tables during the many, many feasts and lunches and dinners, which facilitate the “building of friendships in this new age” and also at least one brawl. Sleeves flap, fans flutter, wine gets spilled on fancy robes, and people get caught in so many compromising situations that a sexy book could be made out of all positions. Inter-sect politics - you have to love them!

People put on all sorts of shows even outside of the conference’s tournaments and official competitions of skill, especially the sects that need to make up for less-than-impressive martial abilities. Just to add a little "music concert from hell" on top of what’s basically the "sporting event from hell". There are endless displays of weapon demonstrations, musical and dance performances, beast-taming and beast-training, and shows of ancient artifacts and specialized tools. It’s kind of neat! Unfortunately, Shang Qinghua is too busy to pay real attention and, when he can, he’s a little bit distracted by thoughts like, “Next time, we’re making them fill out of fucking questionnaire before they can put on a show and the first fucking question is going to be: ‘Are you planning on making anything explode? Be honest!’ The next fucking question is going to be: ‘If explosions aren’t planned, are they a possibility? BE FUCKING HONEST.’”

The shows all have their messages: “Please hire us! Please ally with us! Please invest in us! Please come to learn from us! Please envy and fear us! Please respect us!”

There are definitely some performances which are saying: “Fuck you.” Shang Qinghua both enjoys and resents the demonstrations that are so transparently: “Fuck THIS ASSHOLE in particular!” Like, it’s kind of hilarious! Wow, this gossip is great stuff! Super dramatic! A part of him loves it! But can’t they vague at their rival sect or a former martial sibling at an event he’s not managing? Save it for the next one!

Shang Qinghua is also distracted by thoughts like, “Oh, wow, Luo Jiahui would really love that!” And thoughts like, “Binghe would be shouting nonstop if he could see this!” If he wasn’t working, if their family was in a better situation, Shang Qinghua would love to show his family around a spectacular event like this!

Except, ah, he’s also terrified by the mere suggestion of bringing Binghe anywhere near the Immortal Alliance Conference. He won’t take that risk. He might as well tell the shitty System to just sign him up for as much suffering as possible!

Ah, it fucking sucks being the “leading host”, knowing that the “assisting hosts” are going to claim more credit than they’re due if the event is deemed a success, and that otherwise the “assisting hosts” are going to throw the failure in Cang Qiong’s lap and do the political equivalent of jumping out of a moving car. Shang Qinghua could hope that being an “assisting host” five years from now is going to be better, but he already knows that’s not going to be the case! Huan Hua Palace Sect is going to be all, “Ohhh… but you did it last time, you’re obligated to help us figure it out now! Because we’re all friends here now! Friends help each other out!”

Shang Qinghua is already mentally plotting the horrific sickness he’s going to fake contracting to get out of that bullshit. He’s even considering actually getting injured as a back-up plan. It’s drastic, but it’s always good to have extra back-up plans!

At least the disciples seem like they’re having fun.

Shang Qinghua has just finished putting out a fire - literal and figurative - on the camping grounds, when he does a double-take at the sight of Peng Hongpeng and Lin Wenjiao scuttling by with a suspiciously large bag of money. They each did well enough - not embarrassingly, at least, which is well enough in Shang Qinghua’s book - in the various competitions for their age group, but not well-enough for any prizes and any bets with martial siblings should have already been squirreled away.

“Hey, where did that come from?!” Shang Qinghua demands.

The young teenage disciples freeze guiltily, which is a rookie’s mistake! If they stole that from someone, they ought to be hiding it better than that. Also, someone is going to raise hell about a theft that hefty and Shang Qinghua doesn’t need any more problems!

“Er… betting?” Lin Wenjiao says.

“Supporting Liu-Shishu,” Peng Hongpeng polishes.

Ah, right! The tournament for well-established masters concluded today!

“You got a lot of people to bet against a legendary war god,” Shang Qinghua observes, impressed and still suspicious.

In the spirit of friendly competition, Liu Qingge fucking demolished all categories available to him. Wei Qingwei and Wang Qingjie and some senior Bai Zhan Peak cultivators tried to give him a run for his money, but Liu Qingge has been waiting for this event for ages and, to show his respect to his martial siblings, kicked asses extra hard. This surprised pretty much no one from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Honestly, what else was going to happen?!

Yue Qingyuan, in the spirit of friendly competition, didn’t participate. Which, ah, with his own issues, thank fuck for that.

“Well, you know what they say, Shifu!” Lin Wenjiao says finally.

“I do?”

“The Bai Zhan War God’s reputation is probably greatly exaggerated,” Peng Hongpeng supplies helpfully. “You know how desperate these so-called ‘great sects’ are to lift themselves above everything else! If you ask me, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect just isn’t what it used to be and they know it. At least they’re good at putting out rumors.”

“Ahhh, the stories must all be made-up to save face!” Lin Wenjiao says, fanning herself. “He looks so young and so much less fearsome than expected! I’d bet that a man like that gets smacked down by the first real cultivator he goes up against!”

“...That worked?” Shang Qinghua says.

“Eh, until he stepped into the ring that first time,” Lin Wenjiao admits.

“That was only a fluke,” Peng Hongpeng tells her knowingly. “Cang Qiong Mountain Sect probably made sure that their war god got easy competition at the beginning to make sure that he makes it far enough in the tournament.”

Wow.

“Go run your scams somewhere else,” Shang Qinghua says, impressed despite himself. What horrible little brats! “I didn’t hear anything about it.”

They both beam at him.

“Yes, Shifu!”

“Thank you, Shifu!”

Ah, to be young again! Shang Qinghua really is all grown up and boring and responsible now, so it’s fun to live vicariously through the young people sometimes!

By the time that the final night of the Immortal Alliance Conference comes around and a banquet is held to celebrate the victors of the various tournaments and hunts, Shang Qinghua suddenly regains more energy than he’s had in the past month.

Like, holy shit! It’s nearly over! It’s nearly done! He actually feels like a fully competent Lord of An Ding Peak right now, someone who totally deserves his shitty position and could run fucking laps around the competition! What a high!

And he doesn’t have to do this or anything even remotely like this for another five years! Well, more like four years at most, realistically, because the planning has to start far-out in advance, but who’s counting? Not him! He plans on forgetting how to do mathematics for a few days afterwards to celebrate! What are numbers? He doesn't know!

He will cry because it’s over, thanks! He’ll cry tears of blissful fucking joy!

Sure, there will be smaller cultivation conferences and summits limited to specific regions - to negotiate trade and territory, to celebrate old and new alliances, and so on. But those are all a piece of fucking cake in comparison. Depending on how important people are, even though they all want Yue Qingyuan and all twelve Peak Lords so they can show off how much “influence” they have, Cang Qiong can get away with sending a delegation with only one peak lord! Or even no peak lord! Or sometimes no one at all and only a nice gift basket!

Also, other cultivation conferences won’t fill him with deep, unrelenting dread.

Hopefully.

What little sleep Shang Qinghua has managed to get for the past month has been haunted by crack opening in the earth, from slowly growing, whispering breaks to screaming chasms of endless darkness. Shang Qinghua has been dreaming of falling and of watching people fall.

He’s never woken up crying in his life before. Turns out that it fucking sucks.

Oh, man, Shang Qinghua can’t wait to go back to more easily being able to ignore the heavy weight of the plot hanging over his head! And the heavy press of the Transmigration System inside his head. Like, he knows that he can’t actually feel the System, it’s not physical, but on some shitty days he can totally feel that no-good fucking thing whirring away in there. He really can’t wait to stick his head back in the sand! Wow, he really misses doing that!

He thought he was going to throw up watching the disciples’ hunt. Which would have been a huge problem, because he didn’t place any strategic potted plants around or nearby the viewing platform for all the sect leaders.

He used to be so much better at throwing these kinds of thoughts away.

Anyway!

It’s a party! Bad thoughts aren’t welcome! Moving on!

Shang Qinghua has for some reason been left with Liu Qingge, the unanimously agreed peerless victor of the conference, which means that everyone has been coming up to them to offer congratulations and then throw out unsubtle hooks for invitations to various future events. Sucks for them that Shang Qinghua is very adept at dodging those! And that they just bounce right off good ol’ Liu-Shidi!

Shang Qinghua is clearly part of the cool crowd here. It’s pretty great for his confidence! Like, hey, he really is an influential peak lord! He’s someone worth fawning over! At bare minimum because he’s actually friends with a war god!

Liu Qingge is beaten to hell after his victory, with nasty bruising down his body and purple swelling over half his face, because all those competing masters do kind of add up after too many rounds, but he’s still radiating contentment. He’s actually smiling most of the time! Mu Qingfang is basically doing the equivalent of shots across the room with the Zui Xian Peak Lord at the moment, apparently unable to deal with how pleased with himself their martial brother is after getting to whale on and be whaled on by some of the most formidable cultivators in the world. But while Liu Qingge’s state definitely inspires wincing, Shang Qinghua has seen the other guys, some of whom were sect leaders, and none of them are even here right now! Poor fuckers.

“Did you have fun?” Shang Qinghua asked Liu Qingge, just after the last fight ended.

Holy shit, that was some super cool and also super scary stuff! Shang Qinghua had already decided that Luo Jiahui would probably find extra room in her immensely generous heart if Liu Qingge’s pretty face never recovered. Asking something like, “Bro, why the FUCK are you like this?!” was pointless, especially since Liu Qingge is kind of shit at explaining things that he thinks are super obvious.

“It wasn’t for fun, it was to defend the reputation of our sect,” Liu Qingge answered, offended somewhere under all that blood and the very broken nose. (At least, that’s what Shang Qinghua assumed the madman said, somewhere under all that blood and the very broken nose and the arm that was also definitely busted.)

“Yeah, but… did you have fun?” Shang Qinghua said.

Liu Qingge visibly thought about it, then grinned, all wide and ugly with blood, and said, “Could have been better.”

Mu Qingfang, who was treating the man at the time, closed his eyes like he was in immeasurable pain.

“Oh, I fucking feel that, bro,” Shang Qinghua thought.

Shang Qinghua’s memories of sheer fucking disbelief (aaah, why can’t his poor sister-in-law like a man more inclined to last longer, this family doesn’t need more stress) are now interrupted by Qi Qingqi quickly pushing through the crowds of the Victor’s Banquet. She looks very nice! Amazingly pink and purple and shiny! Definitely greater than the sum of all the expenses involved in her outfit, which Shang Qinghua winces just remembering. She also looks… very determined?

Qi Qingqi stops in front of her martial brothers, as dignified as an empress, and hisses, “Hide me.”

Which is alarming!

Shang Qinghua’s general rule of thumb for life is that anything anyone else wants to hide from, he probably wants to hide from too!

“Qi-Shimei? What’s wrong?!”

The fact that it’s Qi Qingqi is extra alarming! She doesn’t do fear, only loathing! Shang Qinghua has suffered immensely with his martial sister acting as his editor (or, at the very least, as his personal critic), apparently immune to the facts that 1) his Bing-Ge and other (also, ahem, reused or blatantly plagiarized from another life) books aren’t for publishing and 2) he never asked for an editor. Sometimes, he really feels like he’s been taken hostage here!

On one hand, it’s kind of fun to have someone to argue literature with again! He’s missed that! Even if Qi Qingqi is more into competently executed classic tropes rather than interesting inversions and subversions! On the other hand, she’s scary and he’s busy! He doesn’t have the time to be bullied by yet another person in his life!

“Madam Liu is here!” Qi Qingqi hisses.

“Ahahaha, what?”

“She’s been here for days,” Liu Qingge says. “With friends.”

Shang Qinghua and Qi Qingqi’s heads whip towards their most unhelpful and disloyal junior martial brother in betrayed synchronization.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Shang Qinghua demands.

Liu Qingge snorts and says, “Why?”

As if to say, “If you didn’t know that my mother was here, then that’s on you. Git fucking gud, bro.” Like the asshole he is! Shang Qinghua should have totally dumped his ass to go do the historical fantasy equivalent of shots with Mu Qingfang and Zhang Qingyan!

“Why is she here, though?! How is she here?! The Victor’s Banquet is exclusively for sect leaders and the tournament winners- never mind, that’s a stupid question!” Shang Qinghua can only assume that the Bai Zhan cultivators currently acting as bouncers took one look at their Peak Lord’s mother approaching and scrambled to open the door for her - either that or they’re dead, what a tragedy. “Qi-Shimei, just go out the other door!”

“I can’t,” Qi Qingqi says through gritted teeth. “Lian He’s sect leader is loitering there.”

“Ah.”

Lian He is an all-female sect with a grudge against Xian Shu Peak because… reasons? Reasons originally invented to back the author’s true reason of “catfights are sexy”, probably! There were a few wives and villains sourced from that sect in Proud Immortal Demon Way, usually with a grudge against fan-favorite wife Liu Mingyan. Qi Qingqi will definitely be stopped and can’t be caught “running away” from the formidable Madam Liu without inspiring super annoying gossip, even if running away from Madam Liu is a totally reasonable thing to do!

Shang Qinghua will inwardly admit that part of this awkward social situation is arguably his fault. Maybe. If a person squints, this situation could be traced back to him, possibly.

“I’ll do it for a favor,” Shang Qinghua says.

“What?” Qi Qingqi demands.

“Aha, nothing in this life happens for free, Qi-Shimei.”

Qi Qingqi looks like she’s going to give him a free ticket to the next life.

“...Fine! But only if it’s something reasonable!”

“Deal!”

Neither of them bother to appeal to Liu Qingge. That won’t do anything useful at all.

Shang Qinghua flags down his disciple Chen Xuan, currently acting as one of the servers and whispers to her, “Ah, Disciple Chen! What a shame you’re going to have an emergency that gets your martial aunt out the second door without being stopped by anyone, especially not Lian He.”

“Shrimp dumplings with red sauce,” Chen Xuan says immediately.

“Ah, fine, fine.”

Chen Xuan makes her teacher proud by immediately screwing up her face and sniffling. Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi both stare at the crying teenage girl in mild horror.

“Qi-Shigu, this disciple needs your help!” Chen Xuan blubbers, rubbing at her face with her sleeve, clearly doing her best to keep her distress quiet. “I’m having a problem with a boy from one of these other sects at the conference and I need a woman’s help! Oh, Shifu, this disciple meant to tell you earlier-”

“Ah, this sounds like it needs a woman’s touch,” Shang Qinghua agrees, summoning an out-of-my-fucking-depth expression with no problem. “Qi-Shimei, could you help-?”

“Of course,” Qi Qingqi says, with dignity, putting a firm hand on the girl’s shoulder and leading her away.

Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge watch her go. Some nearby guests do as well, giving the poor disciple pitying looks, clearly underestimating the power of using an adorable child as a shield in trying situations! Shang Qinghua learned this powerful move from his sister-in-law, who constantly uses the “oh, excuse me, I need to look after the baby” excuse to get out of all sorts of awkward conversations! Even when Luo Binghe is clearly totally fine! Even though the boy is seven years old now!

The baby needs tending! Out of the way!

Qi Qingqi definitely fucking owes him for this rescue, because Madam Liu is upon them almost immediately. It’s a sacrifice play! Payback for that one time that Shang Qinghua totally threw Qi Qingqi under the bus to escape Madam Liu’s attention!

Madam Liu is a formidable cultivator, so she appears in this weird floaty area of “maaaaaybe forty???” and her actual age is a total mystery.

Cultivation can really make guessing the grandparent, the parent, and the child of a family the most dangerous game in the world! Shang Qinghua guesses wrong almost every time, partly because a headache-inducing number of cultivators get a sick kick out of making people guess wrong! Like it’s their one joy in life!

Madam Liu is also tall, well-dressed, exquisitely made-up, and even more beautiful than one would expect the mother of Liu Qingge and Liu Mingyan to be, which is a lot! Her beauty is like a blunt fucking instrument. Just like the rest of her. Heads turn to follow her path, mouths dropping open and eyes going comically wide, and Shang Qinghua has to desperately hope that no one starts any damn wars over this woman! Not at his event! (She’s from Xian Shu Peak! If any wars start, she won’t hesitate to throw down and finish them!)

“Where is my son?” Madam Liu says, staring directly at him as she walks up to them. “Where is the victor of this little tournament, who couldn’t manage to do it and stay in one piece? I don’t see any faces that I know here, only one that has been very badly taken care of, unless it was the owner’s intention to look like a beaten sack of vegetables instead of someone’s son.”

“Mother,” Liu Qingge greets, unbothered.

“At least you won,” Madam Liu sniffs. “Which is more than can be said for some. Who put this little tournament together? How absurd to have those bouts one after the other like that, day after day. I can only assume that it was an attempt to make up for the lack of proper competition. There should have been more divisions.”

Madam Liu’s focus snaps to Shang Qinghua, who sends a prayer to the System to give him a good next life, a curse towards Qi-Shimei for not taking one for the team again, and a note of apology towards Luo Jiahui for his untimely demise. “Ah, think fondly of your poor Uncle Shang, Binghe!” he thinks.

Madam Liu spends the next twenty minutes helpfully telling Shang Qinghua everything that needs to be done better the next time around, to improve Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s performance and uphold their reputation as the best cultivation sect in the known world. Lots of “it would have been better if you had done this” and “doing it this way was a mistake” and “you didn’t do enough of the things you did right”. With very brief breaks every time Liu Qingge winces at his own injuries, which prompts Madam Liu to make some obligatory “are you trying to break your poor parents’ hearts” remarks.

If it was anyone else, Shang Qinghua would just go to his happy place and ignore all of this, but Madam Liu has this amazing talent for making him feel like she’s going to be quizzing him later on this. He’s also unfortunately paralyzed by Liu Qingge’s insight shared some years ago now, which was, “It’s because she cares.”

“Still, I shudder to think what someone else would have made an endeavor like this,” Madam Liu says finally. “This was as satisfactory as can realistically be expected.”

“Holy shit, is that a compliment?” Shang Qinghua thinks, stunned. “COMPLIMENT?!”

“I have no hopes for the next attempt,” Madam Liu says frankly (which is the only way Madam Liu says things). “Who will be the next sect to host?”

“That would be Huan Hua Palace Sect, madam,” interrupts a new voice.

【CHARACTER PROFILE UPDATED-】

“Use the pop-ups to actually warn me of things in ADVANCE or shut up!” Shang Qinghua thinks in a wail, as he dismisses the System notification and turns to face the Huan Hua Palace Master, also occasionally known as Immortal Master Chen, but mostly known as the Old Palace Master.

Ah, the Palace Master is at least accompanied by Yue Qingyuan, who has failed as a bro by not shouting out a warning to flee, but can probably be trusted to take one for the team by dragging the old man away again at some point. Shang Qinghua wouldn’t be surprised if Zhangmen-Shixiong saw a very important person headed to go socialize with Liu Qingge and Madam Liu and hopped a fucking table to intervene! Shang Qinghua would have hurdled every piece of furniture to interrupt that! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect doesn’t need that mess!

“Huan Hua Palace Sect has the honor of hosting the next Immortal Alliance Conference, which is currently scheduled to take place five years from now,” the Palace Master elaborates for her, smiling charmingly, like she’s the only person in the room. “We hope to improve on these first, hesitant steps taken here and to truly bring together all the cultivation world. Madam will, I hope, be truly impressed next time.”

Madam Liu looks the man up and down like a woman who has never been impressed by anything in her life. “Only if Huan Hua Palace Sect can accomplish such a feat without requiring Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to finish the work. Again.”

The Palace Master’s smile turns from charming to barely held-up.

“Sect Leader Yue,” Madam Liu greets, unemotionally. “Congratulations on the successful revival of the Immortal Alliance Conference. None of us here were getting any younger waiting for it to be done.”

“...Thank you, Madam Liu,” answers the man who helped defeat the Demon Emperor.

“I must go comment on Lian He Sect’s performance in the tournament,” Madam Liu announces, and excuses herself to go tear an old rival to pieces. Helpfully. She doesn’t wait for anyone’s permission to walk off and heads turn to follow her warpath through the banquet hall.

Shang Qinghua is not looking forward to the day Liu Qingge finally tells his mother about Luo Jiahui. His poor sister-in-law really doesn’t need such a helpful mother-in-law!

The Palace Master manages to recover easily enough, chuckling indulgently. Anyone so easily shaken never would have managed to stay in charge of a sect for so long, much less one like Huan Hua Palace, one of the four great sects of their time. The man is the very picture of a dignified master of a venerable sect, his golden robes are peerlessly handsome, his posture tall and strong despite his white hair and wrinkled face, and his smile serene and knowing. Ah, he’s really unbearable! Shang Qinghua wishes he wasn’t so put-together!

The Palace Master congratulates Liu Qingge for his victory in the tournament, claiming that the final fight with one of Huan Hua’s master cultivators had been a close one. He slyly implies that the outcome could have gone either way.

“Not really,” Liu Qingge says.

Shang Qinghua exchanges a look with Yue Qingyuan that makes it clear that Zhangmen-Shixiong doesn’t wish that he was doing shots right now. Yue Qingyuan instead clearly wishes that he’d never come to this party, that he’d instead spent the entire evening peacefully alone, and that he’d gotten to go boringly to bed by 8 PM for a good night’s rest. Shang Qinghua finds that expression extremely relatable.

“Ah, Liu-Shidi, I think Wei-Shixiong is waving you over,” Shang Qinghua lies.

“Please don’t let us keep you,” Yue Qingyuan says.

Even Liu Qingge can’t miss a hint that obvious from their sect leader! The Bai Zhan Peak War God gives them both a droll look before making himself scarce.

“...Impertinent are the youth of today,” the Palace Master remarks, with another indulgent smile.

It’s almost convincing! Shang Qinghua wants to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if the old man saw the rest of them as children to be minded and indulged, except that he also knows about the man’s obsession with Su Xiyan. He also knows that the old man, who could reasonably be expected to be a grandfather or even a great-grandfather or even a great-great-grandfather by now, has a daughter around Binghe’s age. Shang Qinghua has no fucking desire whatsoever to know how the no-good, utterly untrustworthy System has worldbuilt around these scummy facts.

The System is clearly inclined to be creative! It should stop!

“Peak Lord Liu believes that challenge is the most respectful form of encouragement,” Yue Qingyuan says, more diplomatically. “Indirect approaches are not the way of Bai Zhan Peak.”

“Yes, your sect is divided in that way,” the Palace Master agrees, as though he thinks that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is really just twelve minor sects in a trenchcoat, pretending to be a greater sect than they are. Which is a relatively common perception by those inclined to look down on Cang Qiong Mountain Sect!

Sure fucking feels that way to Shang Qinghua sometimes.

“Peak Lord Shang and his martial sister went to great lengths to assist with that House of Rejuvenation business, which was much appreciated,” the Palace Master remarks, with a slight nod in Shang Qinghua’s direction (as though the man doesn't clearly consider Shang Qinghua little better than a jumped-up servant), “only for Peak Lord Shen to then interfere in the investigation. Very disordered.”

Yue Qingyuan’s expression shutters slightly, which is only to be expected when people go around casting shade at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect in general and Shen Qingqiu in particular. Shang Qinghua quickly excuses himself to make sure that Liu Qingge really has made it to Wei Qingwei, if only because Mu Qingfang and Madam Liu would both be terrifyingly unhappy if the man somehow managed to get lost.

The rest of the banquet isn’t very interesting. These things tend to all be the same, honestly! You’ve been to one, you’ve been to most of them! Shang Qinghua goes through the motions of head-nodding and paying attention to the latest snubs, basking in his success, which far surpassed his goal of “not the worst conference in the history of everything”. He goes back to thinking about how to best shoo everyone off the grounds and being super grateful that there aren’t any soda pop cans for people to litter in this world (these fuckers would if only they could, he’s totally sure of it). There’s still so much fucking mess to clean up, but at least there’s that.

It’s only as the party is finally beginning to wind down that the haze of politicking is interrupted by the return of Chen Xuan, who tells him that a young Huan Hua Palace disciple pressed a scrap of paper into her hand, told her to give it to her teacher, and then ran away.

The paper only says: We found it.

“Zhangmen-Shixiong, please forgive the off-topic interruption,” Shang Qinghua says quietly at the breakfast that will begin the closing ceremonies today, after all the awful speeches have been made. “But I need a quick word, if you can spare it. Very quick!”

“Of course.”

“Ah, thank you. I’ve finally received word of the location of what we discussed. Of course I’ll see to it that the Immortal Alliance Conference is properly concluded! Given that I’ll have to wait for Liu-Shidi to heal anyway! But after that, I’d like to depart as soon as the arrangements can be made.”

This isn’t the ideal location for this discussion, but Shang Qinghua and Yue Qingyuan won’t be in the same space and have anything resembling a spare moment again until very late tonight. Shang Qinghua wants to start making some of the arrangements now, if he can! Most of his best people are already here at the conference, so he can go, go, go as soon as he gets a green light.

But Yue Qingyuan’s usually friendly face is weirdly disapproving.

“Ah… unless there’s… an issue with that?”

Oh, fuck! What has he overlooked now? Is there an Immortal Alliance Conference afterparty that he was supposed to put together or something? There’s been enough partying! If another party is happening, Shang Qinghua refuses to help organize it! They should be boring and skip the party! Why can’t they be boring?

“Your proposed plan is filled with many uncertainties,” Yue Qingyuan says delicately. His tone is quiet… and kind. “Great effort has clearly been put into it, of course, but if Shang-Shidi’s diligence has produced truthful results, then the danger to yourself and Liu-Shidi will be considerable. Duty to your sect demands, perhaps, greater preparation before undertaking such an ambitious and personal endeavor.”

Shang Qinghua turns to look directly at his sect leader.

“Aha… you don’t think that I can do it,” he realizes.

Which is… a weird feeling. On one hand, yeah, he wouldn’t trust him to get this done either! This is something that demands an OP protagonist, not a scheming minor character! On the other hand… what the fuck, bro?! Seriously, what the fuck, bro?!

Sure, the booster of Author God knowledge definitely looks dubious as hell from the outside, but Shang Qinghua has spent MONTHS double-checking himself here, while researching youth-restoring plot devices. He’s not going in blind here! He knows what he’s doing! He’s been hoarding enough special items in preparation for this that he’s been waiting for the System to pop up and tell him that there’s no more room in his personal inventory. Shang Qinghua has been scheming so fucking hard over this that he could probably take on anyone short of the plot-armored right now! And he’s been doing this while assisting Yue Qingyuan with the revival of the Immortal Alliance Conference, so the man knows all of this.

And Shang Qinghua asked Liu Qingge for backup! The man said yes right away! Without even needing to hear what Shang Qinghua needed help with, actually, which was uncomfortably flattering and super fucking concerning, so maybe that’s not very reassuring after all. But having a war god on his side is pretty good!

Yue Qingyuan is having doubts about this?! Now?!

Shang Qinghua has been doing everything right lately. He has been doing the opposite of fucking up for once in his life! He's been tireless and dutiful! He has been putting in the fucking work. His disciples would attest to that! Cang Qiong cultivators across the sect would attest to that! Cultivators across all these sects at this stupid fucking conference would attest to that! Five minutes ago, Shang Qinghua would have confidently said that Yue Qingyuan, his bro among bros, would attest to that!

“I’m concerned that Shang-Shidi’s eagerness may be blinding him to the... depth of the potential pitfalls,” Yue Qingyuan says. “That Liu-Shidi may also be too close to this situation. The temptation to take undue risk may be overwhelming if one hasn’t also prepared themselves for disappointment.”

Shang Qinghua stares at him, drowning in disbelief.

Oh, he could say so fucking much to that.

“The sect shares all victories and losses, Shang-Shidi,” says a third voice.

There’s so much dangerous lightness to this third voice that all of Shang Qinghua’s instincts shriek, “GET UNDERNEATH THE TABLE, NOW.” Yue Qingyuan looks, for a split-second, mildly stricken before he recovers the mask of a sect leader.

It’s not that either of them forgot about the person sitting between them. It’s just that Shang Qinghua honestly thought that this conversation would be over by now, with him racing away under the green light that his bro was supposed to give him right away.

“A victory for one sect member is a victory for all of us,” Shen Qingqiu notes. “This has been said many times over the course of this event, so it must be true. Likewise, it follows that a failure by one must be a burden duly shared around. It is the privilege of a sect leader to oversee this. Of course he does not want failure to be spread around the sect, just as he would not want one person to outshine all others with their successes where certain others have so miserably failed.”

Shen Qingqiu is not looking at either of them.

Shang Qinghua has no idea how much Shen Qingqiu knows about his personal mission. Shang Qinghua definitely hasn't told him anything.

Maybe Shen Qingqiu will just take any opportunity to call their sect leader a coward.

Yue Qingyuan kind of looks like he's trying to hide the fact that his heart has kind of just been ripped out.

Even though all of his instincts say to stay the fuck out of this, Shang Qinghua can’t let another one of these arguments break out at his conference! Not on the last damn day! There’s been a few minor incidents, but they’re so close to getting out of here without a major incident! So Shang Qinghua dives in to kill the conversation before it can mutate into something truly monstrous and humiliating for everyone in proximity! Forget Shen Qingqiu's temper, Shang Qinghua's temper isn't good enough to manage if things get ugly!

“Aha, good point! Zhangmen-Shixiong, we can discuss this later, maybe?”

“...Of course.”

The rest of the breakfast continues in dangerously frosty silence until they're each pulled in their separate directions, with the promise that this will continue later hanging over their heads. In one way or another.

Whoops.

Also, fucking yikes.

A couple weeks after the end of the Immortal Alliance Conference, two men in disguise meet a pair of younger men, also in disguise, in the Mashu Forest, which is very firmly on Huan Hua Palace Sect territory. What the Palace Master doesn’t know won’t hurt him! (Which is kind of a shame, actually!) Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan seem totally fine with the trespassing, which is the only part of the scheme they really know about, so Shang Qinghua (scum thief, scum spy, scum saboteur, and master of dodging moral questions if he can help it) calls that permission enough!

It’s good to see these two Huan Hua disciples again. They weren’t permitted to attend the Immortal Alliance Conference as part of their punishment for their mishandling of the House of Rejuvenation, which of course totally sucks for the kids, but means free scouts for Shang Qinghua! A nasty holdover part of his brain is still going, “Bro, don’t get attached to the fucking NPCs.” But it’s a little late for that!

The young men are hilariously open-mouthed to be in the presence of the Bai Zhan War God, Liu Qingge. Poor, humbled Duan Tianyu tells them what an honor it is to meet such in an accomplished warrior in a very obvious “oh, god, why can’t I shut the fuck up already” kind of way, which Liu Qingge seems to take as just another regular day of being him. Meanwhile, Duan Tianyu’s friend Yu Chaonan looks like he’s experiencing some sort of extremely relatable, life-changing “oh, shit, he’s so close, close enough that in theory I could totally touch those muscles right now” awakening. (Shang Qinghua has never been into Liu Qingge like that, but he knows that general feeling very well.)

“We’ve been checking through the sect’s library and only found an old, unlabelled painting of the same cave entrance you drew out for us, Master Shang,” Duan Tianyu says, as he leads them through the woods.

“Your drawing was missing some details, though,” Yu Chaonan adds.

“Haha, yes, mine was more of a drawing of something only vaguely described to me. No reference or anything,” Shang Qinghua says, unoffended. He went through so much paper straining to remember a minor detail from a past life, which was clearly paper well-spent if they actually found it!

“...Master Shang, are you sure you weren’t being lied to?” Duan Tianyu tries.

“Sure enough to bet my life on it, apparently!” Shang Qinghua says. “Now, where’s this hole in the ground? Yes, yes, it might not be the right one! You’ve said that! But Huan Hua Palace can’t have that many holes in the ground filled with ancient ruins on their territory!”

“More than I expected! But this is the only place that really matched the description! And the only place that had markings and stairs inside,” Yu Chaonan pipes up. “We went to all sorts of remote and even ‘forbidden’ places while looking. Tianyu, what? We didn’t go down the stairs or anything! Master Shang, we didn’t actually go down any of the weird haunted holes!”

“Then how do you know there were stairs inside?” Liu Qingge drawls.

Shang Qinghua snorts.

“...Well, not too far down,” Yu Chaonan amends, embarrassed.

The hole in the ground that the disciples bring them to is everything that Shang Qinghua has been hoping for! It’s a slightly overgrown opening in the side of a hill, clearly manmade, underneath a majestic, ancient tree. It’s wide enough for two men to pass abreast, with the hint of long-preserved, intricately carved structure inside. It’s also totally one of those horrible mouths to the underground which seem to breathe darkness, lying in wait for people foolish enough to wander inside and be eaten.

“Ah, yes, this is it!” Shang Qinghua says brightly.

Oh, fuck, he’s really doing this, huh?

Liu Qingge looks somewhat intrigued now. Duan Tianyu looks horrified.

Shang Qinghua slaps the young man on the shoulder. “Aha, don’t worry, we’re not going to die down there or anything! We know exactly what to expect down there and how to deal with it all. And if things go horribly, horribly wrong somehow, our completely unsurprised sect leader is going to blame us for that, not you.”

Duan Tianyu presses his lips together, still distressed. Understandable!

“What is down there?” Yu Chaonan asks curiously.

‘Mm, I don’t know if I should tell you,” Shang Qinghua says, though his instincts are shrieking that ignorance is really not bliss in life-or-death situations. “Ah, if you find yourself down there someday for some ridiculous reason - because someone’s life is on the line and you’ve exhausted all other options - I suppose that it’s better if you have enough information to maybe live through it.”

“I do not want to be in that situation,” Yu Chaonan says readily.

“...I would appreciate knowing a little more, Master Shang,” Duan Tianyu admits.

“Okay, then. At the bottom of the hole, don’t fight the talking statues in front of the gate. Talk to them. Bring a light that can last at least… ahhh, I want to say at least a month to be safe, but I’d personally go for at least a year just to be extra safe - oh, and bring two, maybe? Then don’t step off the road - don’t fly - or stop walking no matter what you see! No matter what, all right? It’s all just abyssal visions. Here’s hoping some sound-cancelling talismans will help there. The sun will rise eventually. When you get to the water, don’t try to fly across it, take the boat. Maybe bring your own boat to be sure? When you get to the garden, try to play nice with its master, but he’s not going to give you anything no matter how many tests you pass, even if it breaks a bargain. He can’t be bribed or bought. You want to just take the plant with the small white flowers and the thorns - probably the most humble-looking and ugliest plant there, honestly. He’s going to send horrible monsters after you afterwards, so you need to be able to fight them and win, but they should be vulnerable to spiritual fire. Then it’s just a long walk back.”

Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan listen attentively, looking increasingly confused. Liu Qingge, who’s been subjected to this rundown many times already (because Shang Qinghua is determined that this won’t be like that fucking succubus mission), doesn’t look as though he’s paying attention.

“That’s… very detailed,” Yu Chaonan says.

Which is basically the polite way of saying: “How the fuck do you know that?” Or maybe: “You know that no plan actually survives contact with the enemy, right?” But Shang Qinghua suspects that it’s the former for this young fellow.

Liu Qingge didn’t even ask where Shang Qinghua got this information. Ah, this man lives so far out on the fucking edge that Shang Qinghua really gets anxiety just knowing him. He hopes that the two of them are going to balance each other out somehow: a man who has possibly never experienced anxiety in his life and a man who has never not been experiencing some degree of internal screaming. Yep, they’ll be fine!

“I have ways of finding these things out,” Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky says.

【】

“Get fucked,” Shang Qinghua thinks at his System, then ignores it. That thing really goes off all the time! He's used to this bullshit by now, but it did not help his stress levels during the Immortal Alliance Conference. It doesn't help his stress levels ever, actually.

“At least Yue Qingyuan gave in,” Shang Qinghua thinks absently, as they slowly descend the ancient staircase into the open, swallowing darkness. Just thinking about how the man was almost going to be a sect leader and senior martial brother about this, instead of an actual bro, is enough to fill Shang Qinghua with resentment and spite. “Honestly, who the fuck are you to tell the Author God he can’t do something, huh?!”

The staircase goes down a long, precarious way - it’s one of those “ah, that’s scenic” and “but also how the fuck is that still standing” pieces of quest setting. It goes down past the point of the stairs beneath their boots, the ancient arches they pass through, and the dramatic scenes carved into the walls all give off the cold of stone that has never seen sunlight. Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge raise the lights in their hands to look at the scenes carved into the walls, which appear to depict the rise of a great master, the rise of a sect, the disapproval of a powerful spirit or god, a great flood, and then the shameful exile of that great master. Very nice “wait, who the fuck actually made that” set design!

“Big Bro fucking deserves needing a new tea set,” Shang Qinghua thinks, having shamelessly abandoned his disciples to deal with the revived tensions between Qiong Ding Peak and Qing Jing Peak. That last fight was… well, he didn’t see it or hear it, but he knows it was bad. It’s never not bad.

Mu Qingfang is going to be in such a bad mood when they get back, trying to keep everyone from ruining their health through the power of spite and guilt. Shang Qinghua is sure that Lady Xia’s original youth-restoring plot device will brighten the overworked Mu Qingfang’s days.

At the bottom of this ancient pit is an enormous gate, the sort that looks like it was built for giants by giants, with giant stone statues on either side of it. It’s intimidating enough before the ground rumbles and the stone statues start moving, the grinding stone as painful as nails down a chalkboard.

Liu Qingge’s free hand goes to his sword.

Shang Qinghua’s free hand goes on top of Liu Qingge’s hand to stop him.

“Oh, what is this?” says a warm voice from one statue.

“Trespassers,” suggests a glum voice from the second statue.

Liu Qingge shakes off Shang Qinghua’s hand, but he doesn’t draw his sword. Even though it is very, very unnerving to have two stone giants circling them, their footsteps making the ground tremble, their eyes staring unblinkingly.

On one hand, it’s totally fair that Yue Qingyuan doubts Shang Qinghua’s abilities, given that he doesn’t know about the Author God thing. On the other hand… Shang Qinghua is a peak lord! He did that! Maybe other candidates deserved it more, but that doesn’t mean that he’s completely unqualified. In fact, doesn’t it say that Shang Qinghua is more likely to succeed if he knows all of his weaknesses and actively works to accommodate for them?! Sure, sometimes it feels like he’s barely afloat in the day-in-day-out of An Ding Peak and sometimes he really just doesn’t give a shit, but he’s been going pretty well lately, he thinks!

He made the worst cultivation conference ever happen and it wasn’t too bad!

Shang Qinghua clears his throat. “Ah, just visitors,” he corrects. “Oh, great and honorable guardians, we humble cultivators seek an audience with the first master of Huan Hua Palace Sect.”

“Palace Sect, is that what they call it now?” the warm voice says, amused.

“Everything falls to ruin in the end,” the glum voice says.

“Why do you seek an audience?”

“Power, no doubt. It is always power.”

“Actually, it’s a cure we’re seeking,” Shang Qinghua says.

“For death? Power in some form or another, always.”

“Aha, sort of,” Shang Qinghua says.

He’s no protagonist! He has no silver tongue or golden halo! But he does his best to play the role, where the hero plays up the tragedy of the quest and manages to melt even hearts made of stone. Begging pitifully is kind of his thing, actually! And he’s an author, damn it! He can practically sneeze out soppy angsty bullshit! He even had time to figure out how to best frame a poor innocent girl being fatally cursed by an ancient demon, which is kind of true if you look at it from the right angle and squint, and sounds way better than saying some random human assholes did it out of greed and fear and general shittiness.

“...Oh, to save a loved one of your loved one,” the warm voice says finally, approving. “Oh, that is much more selfless than most of the others. That is very noble.”

“At least you are not trying to reverse death,” the glum voice says begrudgingly.

“Definitely not!” Shang Qinghua agrees, as a man who has absolutely looked into reversing death and is mostly sure that he could manage it if he really, really had to go against the natural order. Honestly, sometimes necromancy seems a lot easier than regular healing, which is just unfair!

Mobei-Jun would maybe help him get the demonic artifacts most likely to help with that, which is another point in Shang Qinghua’s favor! Admittedly, it’s another one that he absolutely can’t tell Yue Qingyuan about, but he still did that! He did that! He managed to be a good enough servant that it genuinely looks like Mobei-Jun has no intentions of killing him! That the demon lord is willing to do his very useful, very loyal servant an enormous favor and unknowingly do battle against the System’s will!

The man who was destined to murder him has made it clear that he can ask for favors! He still can’t get over that! He thought that he was absolutely fucked for sure, yet he somehow succeeded in changing his character’s fate! It’s possible!

“Just let them through already,” the glum voice says. “You always let them through when it is for love. I do not know why we bother to guard this gate at all.”

“Love makes the best stories,” the warm voice protests, as the giant statues move together to push open the massive gates. The grinding stone echoes through the deep, swallowing darkness. “Why let them try unless there is a chance that they might succeed? Love is the only way they will make it through. No one can see the abyss and survive if they do not have something to love.”

“Or something they hate,” the glum voice proposes, as the two statues settle back on either side of the gate and go still again.

Leaving Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge in front of the yawning gate.

“...That worked,” Liu Qingge says, sounding surprised.

“I told you it would,” Shang Qinghua mutters, because he did!

He wrote this, for fuck’s sake, so he knows how to handle this mission! He can do this!

【】

They walk forward into the worst of the darkness.

Shang Qinghua told Luo Jiahui that he would do this. He promised his nephew that he would come home. He even told Granny Sun that he wouldn't become yet another corpse Cang Qiong Mountain Sect failed to bring home.

If he fails now, it really feels like he’ll never be anything but a selfish scum minor character, a coward who runs away from all his battles and a traitor destined to ruin all good things. (And a bitter transmigrator following the motions of the plot, watching characters running through the story he never wanted to write, looking for the wires in the walls that would take him back to real life again.) He doesn’t want that anymore! Well, he never wanted that, but he didn’t think there was really a way out of it before, and he had stopped trying to find one.

He didn’t have a reason to get better before.

He knows he can get better now.

“Hey, did you think I was just making everything up?!” Shang Qinghua demands.

“No,” Liu Qingge says, in a voice that just might mean “kind of”.

“Is it really so shocking that I know what I’m doing sometimes?! It’s not that shocking!”

“Hm.”

Unlike Shang Qinghua’s last mission, forced on him by the cruel System (admittedly to save Luo Jiahui and Luo Binghe from a demon who was pushed in their path thanks to Shang Qinghua’s old fuck-up), this time things actually go according to plan. Shang Qinghua keeps waiting for the catch! He keeps waiting for the System to pop up and smack him with something really nasty, but it leaves him mercifully be for once!

His luck is actually good.

It’s about time! He’s the creator of this world! It ought to bend to his whims more often!

First comes a long walk through the swallowing dark, through an underground desert where even the stone walls leave them. The road is long and unpleasant and cold and dark. The darkness really cannot be understated! Shang Qinghua brought a lot of lights to hold, to follow, and even to guide them - lights which won’t go out, lights that honestly can’t go out - but even the lights seem like they’re drawing in on themselves for safety.

It’s one of those shitty places where, if you’re alone, the only thing you have for company is the sound of your own breath, your own heartbeat in your ears, and your footsteps below you.

So Shang Qinghua is very grateful to have Liu Qingge with him! Even if Liu Qingge isn’t much of a conversationalist! Shang Qinghua can pick up the man’s slack!

At least at first, until days worth of swallowing darkness have passed them by (maybe, time is strange down here, it’s difficult to tell, being a little bit immortal is weird sometimes) and they’ve exhausted countless stories of families, martial families, and adventures, and Shang Qinghua’s throat is hoarse with nervously trying to laugh back the misery of the road. That’s when the abyssal ghosts start appearing and… well… those suck.

Shang Qinghua’s sound-cancelling spells idea works well, at least, keeping nightmarish screams and such at bay! But that doesn’t do much about the gruesome visions. They have to stay off the road and they don’t like the lights, but that’s not much.

He’s seen worse, arguably, but they still don’t bear describing.

Ah, he can't believe quests like this are supposed to make people "better versions of themselves".

Luo Binghe became an emperor "surpassing all other kings", but not in a good way!

Abysses aren't good for people!

Good thing that Shang Qinghua is good at repressing shit.

Liu Qingge’s company is appreciated even when they stop talking. He’s a steady hand on Shang Qinghua’s shoulder, on his arm, on his back. The worst he does at any of the abyssal visions is grimace and he snorts when Shang Qinghua tries to make witty comments about the shitty sights. It makes the gruelling march through what Shang Qinghua is fairly certain is a lesser cousin of the Eternal Abyss just a little easier, though it’s still bad enough that he actually gets bored of cursing Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky for including more than one hellish abyss in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

Eventually, after a walk long enough to tire even immortal masters, the sun rises.

【】

The sun rises deep underground.

Well, a sun-like thing rises, lighting up something that looks exactly like a bright blue sky above them. There’s no sign of the stone gate they walked through - or of anything, really. There’s only the long road they’ve been following and a deep green sea ahead of them.

Next to the sea is a boat.

They row across the sea to a garden, more magnificent than any garden in the world above, filled with jewel-laden trees curving and curling in unnaturally neat, geometric patterns, trimmed to perfection. Flowers are everywhere, ranging in size from smaller than a grain of rice to larger than an adult man. Even if Shang Qinghua knew all his flowers, he probably couldn’t name these, and Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky definitely can’t claim real credit for any of them.

Wow! The System took a phrase like ‘an unearthly beauty” and fucking ran with it, huh? It kind of also looks like a hundred alarms might go off if they touch anything.

Tending to the garden is an old man with white hair and pale gold robes that are nearly white, who definitely gives off the impression of someone who’s been immortal for so long that being human is a long-forgotten memory. He rises from his flowers and greets them imperiously, demanding to know for what purpose they have sought out the exiled founding master of Huan Hua Sect. He looks at them like they're hollow on the inside.

Shang Qinghua steps back so Liu Qingge can perform the most ridiculous part of the plan. Unfortunately, it requires Liu Qingge to act.

Luckily, it’s not a complicated role! Liu Qingge plays himself, seeking a way to restore the youth of an innocent young girl who has been cursed, and Shang Qinghua is but the man’s devoted servant! The Garden Master apparently believes this story immediately. Probably because Liu Qingge has “one of those faces” for a hero and Shang Qinghua has “one of those faces” for the unnamed extra who gets horribly killed off to show exactly how much danger the heroic protagonist is in. He likes to think that his well-practiced bowing and scraping really helps sell the bit!

The Garden Master is a prideful, bitter fellow who immediately demands that Liu Qingge first undergo a series of tests to prove that he’s a “true” immortal. Liu Qingge immediately agrees to this, proclaiming that he’ll easily pass these tests. The Garden Master insists that his servant is not to help him under any circumstances and Liu Qingge orders his “servant” to stay out of the way.

And Shang Qinghua sneaks off to steal the youth-restoring flower while the Garden Master is distracted.

The original master of Huan Hua Palace Sect walked the earth back in the days of Lady Xia’s youth and his skill in cultivating plants with miraculous properties was well-known. When Luo Binghe became the master of Huan Hua Palace Sect, Elder Lady Xia and her attendants plotted to force the protagonist to retrieve the Garden Master’s prize flower for her by taking a hostage or something. There was probably supposed to be something poetic about two ancient masters, one from the Demon Realm and one from the Human Realm, challenging the protagonist’s status as the emperor of both realms by forcing him to prove it.

Shang Qinghua can’t really remember how this plotline went over, but he does remember that both ancient masters tried to cheat the protagonist. The Garden Master will come up with test after test for Liu Qingge - going without sleep, going without food, that sort of thing, because a man who cannot conquer sleep or hunger cannot hope to conquer death - and will never actually decide that Liu Qingge has proven himself worthy of a flower that the man isn’t even using and will never use . The man will just keep moving the goalposts! Like an asshole!

While making droning speeches about how suffering improves character or how no feat will earn you others’ hard work, which is undoubtedly a super infuriating “life lesson” to get from a man making you jump through hoops for kicks. Because he doesn’t want anyone to take his miracle cure (especially not some disgusting half-demon like Luo Binghe) and then use it on someone who hasn’t properly “earned” the right not to die.

So, yeah, Shang Qinghua doesn’t feel bad about straight-up stealing from the guy!

"If you’re going to be a dick, at least don’t be preachy about it!" he thinks.

Shang Qinghua has just about zero interest in sticking around for whatever indeterminate amount of time Luo Binghe put up with with the Garden Master’s crap! He has shit to do! Places to be! Feng Fanli isn’t getting any younger!

He finds the right plant - some of the plainest, least impressive, thorny flowers in the garden, because of cliché ironic tropes about deceptive appearances - and quickly transfers the entire row to a bunch of pots he brought into his qiankun pouches, the main one of which he hides in a special pocket inside his inner robes. Really brings him back to some of the stealing he used to do from Qian Cao Peak back in his disciple days!

Then he goes back to where Liu Qingge is undergoing some test of strength and gives the signal (a thumbs up). The Bai Zhan War God promptly throws the test aside and throws an incredible temper tantrum, shouting that it’s beneath his dignity to perform menial tasks and demanding to fight the Garden Master for the prize he seeks. The acting is a bit stiff, maybe, but it’s still pretty good! Wow! Shang Qinghua wonders if the man is drawing inspiration from Liu Mingyan when she’s being bratty or from… well, some of his competition at the Immortal Alliance Conference. Or, uh, some of their martial siblings maybe.

He was worried that Liu Qingge wouldn’t go for the whole “distract him and steal his shit when he’s not looking” plan, but Liu Qingge reluctantly agreed to a deception if the Garden Master truly had no intention of upholding his end of the deal. Shang Qinghua only had to pull out the “think of Luo Jiahui” card a little bit!

The Garden Master tells them in very eloquent language to fuck off because they’re unworthy of the fruits of his labors. He suggests that he might have been generous if only the girl they’re attempting to save had come herself, but then pretty much states that anyone who can’t fend for themselves deserves to die. Liu Qingge’s scowling is definitely 100% real after that.

Yeah, Shang Qinghua is pretty sure that Luo Binghe tore this guy apart. He can’t remember the details, but he’s sure it was super bloody!

He’s pretty sure Luo Binghe gave up on playing by anyone’s rules, took the plant by force, wrecked the garden, and then wrecked everything that tried to fight him on the way out. The hero had no patience for being condescended to by a pair of ancient masters, especially when one of them had been permanently banished for his arrogance and one of them had been reduced to a shrivelled shadow of their former self. So he destroyed the Garden Master and spent the entire shitty walk back plotting Lady Xia’s downfall. No more pretending to dance to anyone else’s tune. Not in an abyss.

Shang Qinghua makes a show of begging his “master” to give up and go home, and Liu Qingge reluctantly allows himself to be persuaded and dragged away. The Garden Master watches them go with great dignity and disapproval, until they get back into the boat and start rowing back across the green sea. Then the man’s white robes disappear from the gate to his manor back inside.

“Fuck, okay, row! Row!” Shang Qinghua hisses.

“Is he going to notice that you took them?” Liu Qingge asks, as he forcibly takes one oar from Shang Qinghua and starts rowing at double-speed by himself.

“I, ah, I took pretty much the whole row. So, probably?”

Liu Qingge snorts.

If Luo Binghe ever has to come down here, the Garden Master isn’t going to be receptive at all, but another future plotline getting cut doesn’t seem too bad in the grand scheme of things. Besides, Shang Qinghua’s nephew will be able to take that guy!

They get all the way across the green sea, feet hitting the road across the underground desert that will lead back to the gate, when several enormous beasts that were clearly originally grown from a plant rise from the waves with a series of ear-splitting roars. Which is, on one hand, a very bad thing! However, on the other hand, it’s also a very good thing, because it’s unfortunately according to plan! Shang Qinghua planned for this to happen!

It’s why he brought a war god.

“Finally,” Liu Qingge says, drawing his sword.

Shang Qinghua helps by setting up some spiritual fire, which is soon jumping from monster to monster, unafraid of the green sea’s waves. They’re both wearing gear to keep them safe from the fire, so he doesn’t have to worry about Liu Qingge catching on fire (someone has to, since Liu Qingge probably doesn’t worry about that) when he throws in some more spells to drive the beasts back or prevent limb regrowth. But, ah, near the end, he’s mostly just standing on the shore when Liu Qingge happily wrecks the Garden Master’s beasts. Very protagonist-like!

No wonder the guy had to die off-screen!

When the green sea has finally become a soup of twitching plant beast chunks, Liu Qingge lands back on the shores, looking very self-satisfied. Shang Qinghua lost count of how many the man killed, because he lost track when some of them started multiplying when they were chopped up. (He thinks Liu Qingge enjoyed that.)

【】

“That wasn’t bad,” Liu Qingge declares.

“I don’t understand how we’re friends,” Shang Qinghua says honestly, though he assumes that it’s Luo Jiahui’s fault somehow. He attributes most of the friends he has now to her doing in one way or another. “I’m very glad that we are, though! Thank you for coming! Really! I didn’t want to do that bit by myself!”

Blowing up a demon warlord (even a cursed and ancient one) has done wonders for Shang Qinghua’s confidence here, but he’s never really going to like this shit.

“I promised your sister-in-law that I wouldn’t let you go alone,” Liu Qingge admits.

Ah, wow. Okay.

Shang Qinghua could think that’s a sign that Luo Jiahui doesn’t have faith in him, but he decides to have faith in her! He’s touched that she pulled what few strings she could to look after him! Shang Qinghua will take it!

“But I would have come anyway,” Liu Qingge adds. “Even if it wasn’t for her.”

Shang Qinghua is exhausted, soaking wet, feels like he smells like smoke, and he’s not looking forward to the long walk through the ghostly darkness. He really wasn’t expecting to get a declaration like this!

“I don’t understand you either,” Liu Qingge admits directly.

“Haha, yeah.”

Shang Qinghua has always supposed that.

“But I don’t need to understand everything,” Liu Qingge says next, cleaning his sword. “I understand the important things. Your sister-in-law told me that years ago. She was right.”

Shang Qinghua beams at the man in shock.

What a bro!

Aaah, he really hopes he can manage to prevent the man’ death! With the way that things have been going lately, he’s pretty sure that he’ll be able to do it. This is his story! It’s really about time that things started going his way! (What's another good friendship that might blow up in his face?)

【】

The trek back across the desert, back down that long road, doesn’t actually get any easier on the return trip, especially when the underground not-sun sets and leaves them in the swallowing darkness once again. But the darkness doesn’t last forever. The ghastly visions are easier to bear knowing that they’ve succeeded in the first part of their quest. They keep walking and eventually they reach the stone gate, then they climb the stairs, and at the end of the passage, Shang Qinghua steps out into the Mashu Forest at night.

Oh, the air tastes different up here! This sky looks so much better than the false sky down in that abyss, which felt oddly flat in its forever-ness. Shang Qinghua isn’t really one for stargazing or moongazing or anything, but tonight, he could make an exception! He’s not going to, of course, but he feels like he could!

“It’s been at least two weeks,” Liu Qingge observes, looking at the moon.

“Ah, time passes strangely in an abyss!” Shang Qinghua answers, sending off a message to let Cang Qiong Mountain Sect know that they didn’t just lose roughly 16% of their Peak Lords. He’ll send one to Granny Sun later, maybe, and one to Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan to reassure the young men they aren’t now and forever on Yue Qingyuan’s shit list for letting two of his peak lords jump down a haunted hole in the ground.

They’re going home!

Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge have no interest in lingering. Shang Qinghua only looks around just to make sure that the Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples haven’t broken their promise and set up camp to wait for them. (Shang Qinghua made them fly off before he and Liu Qingge went down.) He doesn’t know for sure that there are side effects to hanging around an abyssal vent, even such a minor and possibly manmade one, but it doesn’t seem like an unreasonable concept, and those kids have to have better things to do than catch secondhand abyssal vapours!

“We’re going?” Liu Qingge asks.

“Yeah, good to go,” Shang Qinghua agrees, a hand coming to rest at his belt.

Shang Qinghua is exhausted and sick of the darkness - he’s pretty sure he’s not going to be getting the abyss out of behind his eyelids anytime soon, no matter how deeply he digs - so he’s caught completely flat-footed when something collides with him hard.

He goes flying into the nearest tree and struggles to push off his attacker, something large and dark and disgustingly squishy and definitely not human! Then something collides with his inhuman attacker hard, throwing them off. Liu Qingge to the rescue! The attacker tears at Shang Qinghua’s clothes (bad!) as it goes flying off into the forest (good!), specifically at his belt (BAD!).

Liu Qingge goes crashing through the trees with the misshapen creature, a fast-moving, painfully strong lump in the darkness, and Shang Qinghua scrambles to his feet, summoning his sword back to his hand.

He checks for the pouch that was hanging at his belt.

It’s gone.

“Fuck!” Shang Qinghua curses, reflexively.

The creature just took his easy-access magic flashlights, maybe some other assorted supplies that he'll miss, but the main pouch with most of the youth-restoring flowers remaining safely inside Shang Qinghua’s inner robes. It's fine! They're still fine! It didn't take the really important one! But that doesn’t change the fact that 1) someone/something knew there was something to take and 2) someone/something knew to be waiting here to take it. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Shang Qinghua swiftly follows the battle through Mashu Forest, which has already knocked over several large trees and ripped some deep gouges in the ground, as a war god wrestles with whatever the fuck that terrifying blob-thing is. He finds Liu Qingge at the end of the trail of destruction, looking exactly like he’s gone rolling through a forest, with a large pile of… bloody flesh at his feet? It smells demonic.

Fuck!

“The creature slipped its skin,” Liu Qingge says disgustedly.

“Shit. Where’d it go?”

Liu Qingge’s scowl deepens. “It… separated. I don’t know.”

“We’re flying out of here,” Shang Qinghua decides. “Right now! Let’s go! No chances! What a shame we lost our prize, but we can try again another time! We’re leaving!”

Liu Qingge clearly wants to pursue it, but Shang Qinghua made him promise to listen to his shixiong and avoid that succubus debacle again! They fly away, leaving Mashu Forest far below and then far behind them. They keep watch for any pursuers and don’t stop until dawn is creeping over the horizon, and Shang Qinghua immediately slaps down some spells to prevent eavesdropping.

“The disciples,” Liu Qingge says.

“Ah, probably, but there’s no guarantee it was through them. Someone on Qian Cao Peak or An Ding Peak could have heard enough to put some clues together. It’s not very difficult to put the picture together if you have enough pieces,” Shang Qinghua says, frustrated. “It can’t go to the top of Huan Hua or they would have just ambushed us and taken us to their dungeons! That thing probably followed the disciples there, since only four people at Cang Qiong know the most important details!”

And those four people are all Peak Lords! Yue Qingyuan is the only other person at Cang Qiong who knows they were going to Mashu Forest, because Mu Qingfang wasn’t told that detail. Shang Qinghua didn’t even tell Luo Jiahui anything really important! He’d been trying to keep track of which pieces are out there!

Maybe Lady Xia has some lingering allies? Or maybe lingering enemies?

Fuck, he hopes that Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan aren’t dead.

“They don’t have the other flower,” Liu Qingge says.

“...No, I didn’t tell the disciples about that, did I? Ah, well, if they aren’t dead, I’ll have to update them on that. That would be a nasty surprise.”

The youth-restoring plot device hidden against Shang Qinghua’s chest right now is a miracle cure for “the ravages of age”, but it’s also deadly when used incorrectly. It doesn’t stop restoring youth until a person is… completely undone. It has to be used with another plot device at the right moment for the person to live. Otherwise, on its own, it's basically a super showy poison.

That’s how Lady Xia died in the original Proud Immortal Demon Way. Shang Qinghua just blew her up, which seemed efficient at the time, but the twisted protagonist rarely wasted an opportunity to drag out someone’s suffering! The original Luo Binghe suspected that something was amiss with the youth-restoring flowers thanks to some suspicious last words from the Garden Master, so he let Lady Xia turn herself young again, then he let her tear herself apart trying to prevent herself from being completely undone. The protagonist, who had nothing to worry about thanks to his Heavenly Demon blood negating most poisons, definitely could have saved her, but why? She was the villain!

It’s a shitty way to die.

Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge catch their breath, then keep flying along back to the Tian Gong mountain range without stopping. There’s no rest for the wicked! So that means no rest for anyone else who wants to survive whatever wicked things are out there! Yeah, that’s totally what that saying means.

They land on Qian Cao Peak first and Shang Qinghua hands off the youth-restoring flower to Mu Qingfang (keeping some in reserve on his own person, just in case), who promises to look after the plant personally until the second stage of the cure can be obtained. Shang Qinghua laughs, possibly hysterically, promising that he’ll get right on that! As soon as he takes a nap! Or maybe after he sleeps for three days straight, what’s the difference?!

The next bit will be a solo run for him, unfortunately! Shang Qinghua has told people that he has a secret merchant contact working on requiring the next step, but the flower he’s selected as the most reliable counter to the first plot device only grows in the Demon Realm! Shang Qinghua has been cautiously sounding out how Mobei-Jun feels about acting as his ride on such a mission, given the demon lord’s OP teleportation powers, and he is just as cautiously optimistic. Mobei-Jun seemed vaguely amenable to that. It’s not as if the resource wouldn’t be a good one for him to have on hand!

Getting ambushed by a mysterious creature means that Shang Qinghua’s confidence has taken a slight blow, but he’s still pretty sure that he can make this one work. No one knows the important details about Step Two except him and Mobei-Jun! And it’s not like Mobei-Jun actually talks to anyone!

“We’ve had some volunteers from the House of Rejuvenation’s old servants and slaves to undergo a potential cure,” Mu Qingfang says, interrupting Shang Qinghua’s plotting. “It may… assure Madam Luo to know that her sister likely won’t be undergoing an untried cure.”

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says. “That’s good. You’ve been in contact with them?”

Mu Qingfang gives him an odd look. “They didn’t tell you?”

Shang Qinghua does not like the sound of that.

“Aha, obviously not.”

“Hm. Many of the House of Rejuvenation’s servants and slaves - their ‘willing donors’ - chose to leave during Huan Hua Palace Sect’s investigation, for one reason or another,” Mu Qingfang explains, in the tone of someone trying to communicate that this is not all that happened. “Shen-Shixiong quickly 'uncovered' some of these servants and slaves in one of the towns along the Tian Gong range. My disciples and I have been studying their condition and seeing to their health after their difficulties.”

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, probably in the tone of someone who has figured out that this is not all that happened, thanks.

Huh. He doesn’t really know what to think of that!

So, Shen Qingqiu stole some of the House of Rejuvenation's servants from Huan Hua Palace Sect's investigation? He didn't know Shen Qingqiu had it in him.

"As Shen-Shixiong has said, they asked for our assistance," Mu Qingfang says wryly. "How can we deny them?"

Shang Qinghua has been buried in arranging the Immortal Alliance Conference and trying to find a way to save his little sister-in-law’s life, so he kept faaaaar away from the House of Rejuvenation mess. Yue Qingyuan let him know at some point that Huan Hua Palace Sect had more than enough evidence to bury Madam Hu and the other scum villains involved, and that was more or less good enough for an overworked Shang Qinghua! Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan told him the same thing.

“...Have you been telling them there’s a cure on the way?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“No,” Mu Qingfang answers pointedly, a man who has made many oaths to keep the mission as secretive as possible. “My disciples don’t know either. I simply stated that any potential cure would be untested, and so might be dangerous or even deadly, and several of them volunteered anyway.”

“That’s nice,” Shang Qinghua says absently.

After being treated by Mu Qingfang, taking a much-needed bath, and changing clothes, Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge report to Yue Qingyuan next. They don’t have to do this right away, but Shang Qinghua would rather get it over with, with the ready excuse of “wow, I’m super tired!” when he’s fucking done with the conversation.

The man receives them immediately and shuts them all up in his office, where there’s no chance of being overheard, and Shang Qinghua gives him a rundown of the underground mission itself (he doesn’t explicitly say that they stole it and Yue Qingyuan doesn’t explicitly ask) and of the strange ambush that followed. Yue Qingyuan agrees that the ambush is concerning, but repeats what Shang Qinghua already knew: they can’t really send people to investigate on Huan Hua territory. Yue Qingyuan’s look definitely says, “Especially if this exiled former master was ‘uncooperative’ and you ended up just stealing it from him."

Shang Qinghua puts on his best “I don’t know what you’re fucking talking about” face.

They’ll “look into it as they can”, whatever the fuck that means.

Yue Qingyuan adds that, last he knows, Shang Qinghua’s Huan Hua Palace Sect disciples are alive and well. Which is relieving! Even if the young men might have given them up, either accidentally or on-purpose, Shang Qinghua doesn’t want them dead. He’ll have to get to the bottom of that later.

“I’m glad to hear that this personal mission was a success, despite some unforeseen elements,” Yue Qingyuan says. He’s smiling sincerely, but his expression then fades into something more solemn. “Shang-Shidi, I must apologize once again for appearing to doubt your abilities and your regard for your family. My concern was ever only for the apparent danger that you would face.”

“Ah, thank you,” Shang Qinghua says, like he didn’t spend a significant amount of time in that abyss powered by spite at Yue Qingyuan specifically. Shen Qingqiu might be onto something! It’s a hell of a drug! “No harm done! It’s the sect leader’s job to be concerned about these things.”

“Thank you for your understanding.”

It was impossible to tell whether or not Yue Qingyuan was surprised to hear that Shang Qinghua had actually succeeded in his personal mission. Shang Qinghua can’t help but bitterly wonder if Yue Qingyuan is trying very hard not to seem surprised, just to keep anyone from taking offense.

Shang Qinghua can only assume that Big Bro here is still very much on the outs with Shen Qingqiu, who’s been extra pissed-off with their sect leader since the Immortal Alliance Conference. Worse than ever, maybe! Shang Qinghua really pities this guy sometimes. Except then he remembers that this shitty situation is almost entirely of his own making and could be improved at any time. Then he just pities him even more. And he gets sad about how this shitty world might actually be changing, shifting away from a miserable plot, and yet these two keep staying the same.

“Are you really never going to be better than this, bro?” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Because, believe it or not, it can get better! I know this world was made to match a web-novel written by a shitty little man who didn’t believe that, and your life rightfully sucked enough to make your current unhealthy coping mechanisms the least of it, but… bro, don’t you want to get better? Or do you not believe he can get better?”

It’s really none of Shang Qinghua’s business, though!

He’s just going to keep telling himself that.

Shang Qinghua stumbles back to his Leisure House, looking forward to taking a trip down to Sanjiao Town and sharing the good news with his little family, who could all desperately use some good news.

Feng Fanli has… improved, but she’s still not at all in a good place. Shang Qinghua at least managed to persuade his sister-in-law to get help, since Luo Jiahui has been kind of overbearing and her little sister doesn’t like it, which can end in shouting. Luo Jiahui asked her single mother friend Yan Tingting to keep the little sister-in-law company. Granny Sun dotes on Binghe, but she’s not actually at the family’s beck and call, and hanging around someone old sets Feng Fanli off. The little sister-in-law has been responding much better to Auntie Tingting’s more youthful company.

And Luo Binghe gets company in Yan Tingting’s daughter, who’s about the same age, which does a little to help the seven-year-old boy’s growing resentment of his young aunt for being so unwell. Binghe is as understanding as he can be, Shang Qinghua thinks! The little protagonist is frustrated having to give up being the center of his loving mother’s attention, even if he knows it’s for a good reason, and he’s been asking Shang Qinghua endlessly when everything will finally be made better again. Things have never been so tense between a stressed Luo Jiahui, who feels that Binghe should be more compassionate, and Luo Binghe, who has shouted more than once that he can’t be expected to “build a relationship” with someone who keeps forgetting his name.

Shang Qinghua sees both sides of the argument. And he regrets the fact that the Immortal Alliance Conference has been preventing him from really being there for Luo Jiahui beyond short visits! He’s been kind of hesitant about his visits, honestly, not looking forward to telling everyone there that he hasn’t yet managed to magically fix everything. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy! He’s hated seeing their upset faces every time he hasn’t been able to pull a miracle out of his sleeve.

Fuck, he can't wait to see Luo Jiahui smile again.

Only one more plot device! A trip to the Demon Realm with Mobei-Jun! No problem!

Or so Shang Qinghua thinks until he opens the door to his Leisure House and finds his table covered in flowers. Really… really ugly flowers. Which smell… oh fuck, they smell so fucking bad! Shang Qinghua actually gags from the shitty smell pouring out the open door, the smell of the flowers is that bad.

He’s smelled worse, though! Probably!

Shang Qinghua plugs his nose and perseveres, stepping inside to take a better look, because he’s pretty sure this surprise isn’t in the sabotage or assassination category. He moves towards his desk, where he finds the exact drawing he was just about to dig through his drawers for already sitting on top of it: a faded diagram of a spiny flower, an exact match for the heap of flowers sitting on his table. (Holy shit, he hopes that smell doesn’t stick. He likes that table! It doesn't wobble!) It's the drawing that he briefly showed to Mobei-Jun when he was carefully feeling out how the demon lord felt about him maybe asking for a lift to get this medicine for his family.

So, ah, he guesses he doesn’t have to take that trip to the Demon Realm, then?

Okay.

It’s not like he wanted to go on a dangerous trip to the Demon Realm or anything! He definitely wasn’t looking forward to that! He’s an extremely busy man and he’s not the sort of person who actually enjoys going on dangerous quests, unlike certain other peak lords. That last quest has been extremely stressful even though nearly everything went right! Exactly as planned!

Shang Qinghua walks over to the table, feeling the spiny petal of one of the flowers from Step Two. He’s never gotten flowers in his life. He’s never given flowers either, unless one counts supply shipments from the day-in-day-out of sect logistics, which he doesn’t. He doesn’t think this counts either, but something inside him still feels like it's fluttering. Probably the fear and confusion! Only one other person knew the details here. Only one demon lord could have done this.

This definitely wasn’t... expected, but it’s a good thing.

A very good thing.

His little sister-in-law is going to live.

“...What the fuck, though,” Shang Qinghua murmurs, because what else can he say?

He doesn’t recognize this world at all anymore.

That’s not as scary a concept as it used to be, though. He can probably handle it.

【End System Standby.】

【...】

【System Standby ended.】

【System Restart required.】

【System restarting...】

【...】

【System initializing...】

【System initialized.】

【Character role assigned.】

【Character integration process now IN PROGRESS.】

“Shifu, are you finished? You said you wanted to leave as soon as possible today.”

Shang Qinghua comes back to himself and to Peng Hongpeng’s politely knowing expression. The once-spotty teenager is a grown man now, technically, still with a spot or two to his name, and he’s become an excellent co-head disciple. He’s got a very dignified look about him these days - an excellent face for denying whatever shameless thing he does to achieve his goals - like he’s never clung to anyone’s thighs or feet in his life.

“Peng Hongpeng, you’ll never stab me in the back to advance yourself, will you?” Shang Qinghua asks absently, filtering through the forms he meant to fill out quickly.

Peng Hongpeng doesn’t even blink. “Shifu, I would never do such a thing,” he says, sincerely. “That would cause chaos across the sect. An Ding Peak would be in shambles. It would mean so much extra work.”

“True, true,” Shang Qinghua concedes. “What about out of revenge for all the work I dump on you?”

“This disciple, who would of course never dream of such wickedness, trusts that his wisest of teachers will have prepared a posthumous revenge plot for such villainy,” Peng Hongpeng answers, without missing a beat. “I wouldn’t like to be banned from Madam Luo’s esteemed establishment, for example, knowing what a friend to the sect she is. The consequences aren’t to be borne.”

Shang Qinghua pats the young man on the shoulder as he stands. “Ah, well-reasoned as always, my loyal disciple! See that these get to Xue Yanxin to go to Huan Hua. I’d prefer that Rabbit Teeth have these get delivered to someone we know and like and know won’t ‘lose’ our mail. The rest can just go through Qiong Ding as usual.”

“Of course, Shifu.”

Ahhh, he really spent too much time staring blankly at the work in front of him, when he really should have been sorting it! There’s so much work to be done. There’s always so much work to be done. The scraps in front of him now are nothing, really, but today the hefty culmination of it all hanging over his head somehow makes tackling every little bit harder.

Shang Qinghua feels like he’s standing at the edge of an abyss.

“Wenjiao is looking forward to having some new junior martial siblings,” Peng Hongpeng comments, breaking through the daze again, still with that politely knowing expression. “Especially if Shifu is picking some personally this year.”

“Ahhh, I trust our peak’s esteemed teachers to make their choices without my input, as usual,” Shang Qinghua refutes. “I’ll just be there to observe.”

Should he ask Peng Hongpeng for advice of some kind? Peng Hongpeng must have greater insight than this old Author God as to how the young people think these days. But Shang Qinghua has already wasted an unreasonable question on an in-joke. He also can’t really ask anything meaningful without his shitty, no-good System popping in to let it be known that it can’t be known there’s a great and terrible and long-in-the-coming plot afoot. He'll be expanding the plot holes again!

The plot is finally afoot. The plots to end all plots.

“Of course, Shifu,” Peng Hongpeng says.

Shang Qinghua isn’t a good enough author to come up with a decent way to say something like, “Hey, little bro, my poor disciple, did you know that you don’t actually know shit about fuck-all? I have problems you don’t even know exist. Ohhh, I really fucking wish I only had the problems you thought I did.”

“Are you leaving now, Shifu?”

Shang Qinghua inhales sharply “Ah, yes. Right. It’s time.”

The restaurant is closed when Shang Qinghua lets himself in. The tables in the dining room are still packed up, lit by dim light through shuttered windows, and the only sign of another person are the chopping sounds coming from the brightness of the kitchen. Shang Qinghua stops in the doorway and lets himself stare.

There’s a young teenage boy standing at the counter, thirteen going on fourteen, still not yet near his adult height (which will be taller than Shang Qinghua, a fact he's still not prepared to face), still carrying a youthful roundness to his features. Shang Qinghua has seen him like this a hundred times before: curly black hair tied back, a kerchief covering his head to keep it out of his eyes, a slightly yellowed matching apron neatly tied just the way his mother taught him, and intent on the work in front of him. His hands are quick, the knife sharp and sure, and the movements of food preparation work slide right into each other like he’s done this a thousand times before.

When did the boy get so big? It didn’t happen all at once; it snuck up on them, hiding dastardly in plain sight! Shang Qinghua remembers when his nephew barely came up to his waist. Fuck, Shang Qinghua remembers when his nephew couldn’t walk. What is this? Who allowed time to pass like this?

Luo Binghe scrapes the chopped vegetables off the board and into the basket beside him, before putting down the knife and turning around. He smiles.

There’s no way for Shang Qinghua to count how many times he’s seen that before.

“Uncle,” the protagonist says fondly. “You’re here.”

“Ah, what’s with that? ‘You’re here’? Where else would I be exactly? Tian Yi Overlook? Or maybe Ji Yuan Mesa? I promised I’d be here, didn’t I?” Shang Qinghua complains, smiling back. “Did you think I wouldn’t manage to fall down the mountain in time?”

“I’ll make sure to thank your disciples for pushing you, Uncle,” Binghe says, like a brat, as he steps back to pick up the basket and put it away in the cold-closet until it’s needed later.

It’s still kind of funny what a little bit of magic does to a story setting! Proximity to a cultivation sect has its advantages for the common people, especially those who maintain relationships with their local cultivators. It doesn’t take long for the average person to look at things like the cooling talismans that An Ding Peak uses in such abundance and say to themselves, “Hey, you could make a refrigerator out of this!” Although, er, Shang Qinghua personally may also have dipped into the inspiration of modern conveniences to spoil his sister-in-law on her birthdays.

“Where’s your mother?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Mama is in the back, triple-checking the delivery,” Binghe answers, as he continues putting away his food preparation work. “Old Auntie isn’t coming today.”

“Don’t- If your mother doesn’t let you get away with that stuff, why do you think I will?” Shang Qinghua demands, unimpressed. Even cool uncles have to draw lines in the sand sometimes! “Stop picking fights with your aunt.”

“It was her idea not to come.”

“Sure, sure. What reason did she give for skipping lunch exactly?”

“It was her idea! She said that I could have all the parents to myself as a sending-off gift!”

“Ah. Hm.”

Shang Qinghua can’t really argue with that! Luo Jiahui will inevitably be disappointed that her younger sister hasn’t shown up, but he kind of thinks it’s a pretty thoughtful gesture to let the baby of the family have all the attention today! Either that or his little sister-in-law saw an escape and snatched it up just because she didn’t want to spend another meal under well-meaning attack, fending off any more concerned elder sibling questions about “how exactly she got her latest training bruises” and “why can’t she be a little more careful with herself for once”. A little bit of both, maybe!

“I couldn’t stop her,” Binghe mutters, in the tone of a boy who probably didn’t try.

“Shame on you for not tackling your auntie and tying her up with rope,” Shang Qinghua says without heat, because he is the cool uncle. “Ahhh, leave it to me to explain to your mother. Has someone explained it to your mother yet? I’ll say I got a last-minute message on my way down or something.”

“Thank you, Uncle!”

Shang Qinghua watches his nephew tidy up in an exacting fashion. Tasks are performed in strict order. Nothing is more than a correcting nudge out of its correct spot. In Luo Binghe’s mind, there is a place for everything, and the world is only really right when everything is in its place. He can be a bossy little fellow, really! Luo Jiahui gets the same way when she’s stressed.

“How are you feeling about the entrance test tomorrow?” Shang Qinghua asks.

Luo Binghe pauses.

“...Nervous,” he admits. “But confident. And I know it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get in, Uncle. I’ll keep working in the restaurant or find another sect or find some way to make my own fortune.”

Shang Qinghua keeps a straight face through the blaring of the System.

【WARNING-】

“Thank you! I needed that like I need a hole in the head!” Shang Qinghua thinks at the System.

He really doesn’t need to be told for the millionth time that there will be consequences for such a massive deviation from canon! He knows! He’s been punching the numbers for years and years and years now! This potential deviation is not the hill he’s determined to die on. He's picked his hill out already.

Binghe sounds like a child scrounging up as much maturity as he can muster. It’s very cute! But he still looks nervously towards Shang Qinghua, waiting for a reaction, clearly hoping that he’s said the right thing.

“Ah, that’s a very mature outlook,” Shang Qinghua compliments, then winks. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get you into the sect without the test? Just say the word and your uncle will take care of everything! Not that many people will bother to pretend to disapprove of nepotism! It’ll be fine.”

“No, Uncle,” Binghe says firmly, but he’s smiling.

“The majority of the sects out there are more or less family businesses, anyway,” Shang Qinghua insists. “Cang Qiong is a little different, it’s true, but people are going to talk no matter what, so you might as well take advantage of the widespread tradition-”

“No, Uncle.”

“You’re so righteous. Where did you get that from? Damn Liu Qingge.”

“I’m going to get in on my own merits,” Luo Binghe declares. “When people find out, as Uncle says they inevitably will, they’ll have less to talk about. I’m going to reach for new and challenging horizons on my own, like Mingyan.”

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know how to say that Liu Mingyan probably only took the entrance test because she wanted to get into Xian Shu Peak, and (probably rightly) thought that Qi Qingqi might somehow wiggle out of a recommendation from Madam Liu or Liu Qingge. Liu Qingge volunteered to take his younger sister on as his first personal disciple, but Liu Mingyan was (reasonably) like, “HELL, NO.” She put on her least-flashy face-covering and picked up a shovel and made herself Xian-Shu-Peak bait. (Sneaky and stubborn little thing! Shang Qinghua couldn’t help but approve!)

Qi Qingqi only found out who she’d just picked for her peak afterwards, when Liu Qingge, acting like the extraordinary asshole he can be sometimes, grinningly thanked her for taking on his beloved younger sister. Their martial sister’s expression was… ah… very funny. She was so mad.

“Ah, well, I know where you got the lying from,” Shang Qinghua muses.

“It’s not lying! It’s just… not volunteering the truth,” Luo Binghe objects, still smiling.

“Yes, I know for sure where that trait came from. I’m so proud.”

The strong sense of fairness, on the other hand, Shang Qinghua presumes came from Luo Jiahui.

He really doesn’t want to contemplate any other sources for the boy’s traits.

Sometimes, Shang Qinghua is a little bit unnerved by how well Luo Binghe keeps track of every little debt, of who has had what share of what, or every little moment of personal annoyance. Everything on the dinner table must be divided equally and he’ll remember when they aren’t. Little Binghe measures out the favors he does his auntie exactly. Loans of any items are expressly refused without collateral as insurance. As far Shang Qinghua knows, his nephew is still privately nursing a grudge from Yan Tingting’s daughter petulantly calling his cooking “gross” in the middle of some childish argument five years ago.

Normal kids stuff! An only child being territorial! Nothing unusual about it!

It’s cute!

But, ah, sometimes Shang Qinghua wonders…

“...Uncle?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I won’t be accepted to another peak?”

Shang Qinghua gives his nephew a long look, where Binghe has paused in his work. Ah, what is this? Hasn’t he made it clear enough he thinks (he knows) his nephew can do anything he sets his mind to? He’s pretty sure he’s nearly talked his voice out over this already, but he can do it one more time if needed. (As many "one more time"s as necessary.)

“I think you will, if this old man’s opinion counts for anything.”

Luo Binghe grimaces. “...Do you want me on An Ding Peak instead?”

“...It’d be easier to keep an eye on you that way!” Shang Qinghua admits. “But, ahhh, you’ve heard enough about what I do over the years that I’m not surprised it doesn’t appeal. After all the complaining I’ve done, I’d be surprised if you wanted to come to An Ding Peak! Haven’t I slandered it enough for you? I can complain more if you need me to complain more. It's no hardship, really!”

His nephew’s grimace turns back into a subdued smile.

“I’m really not mad or disappointed you want to explore other options,” Shang Qinghua promises. “You’ll succeed no matter where you go or don’t go.”

“I won’t embarrass you,” Luo Binghe promises in return, very seriously.

“I know. You can if you want to, though!”

Binghe laughs. “What?”

“Ah, maybe not just for fun, unless you tell me so I can get a good view of people’s faces. But a few mistakes here and there are natural! They’re good for the soul! If not for the face. And there’s no shame great enough that it would make me cut all ties and stop loving my nephew, you know. Even if he was the worst cultivator in the world! I’d just have to shake my head and sigh and say, ‘Ah, he’s family! He’s stuck with me forever, poor boy! No matter how he tries to shake me-’ oof!”

A hug from Luo Binghe is a heavy thing these days.

Shang Qinghua hugs his nephew back and pats him on the head, which still fits underneath his chin. “What’s this? Not the end of the world, remember? Not yet!”

Not yet.

But he’s not thinking about that.

He’s the adult here! He needs to keep it together!

“Thanks, Uncle,” Binghe mumbles.

“Always welcome. Finish cleaning up and I’ll go check on your mother, all right?”

Shang Qinghua finds Luo Jiahui in the back, where his nephew said she’d be, doing about as much work as Shang Qinghua was doing back on the mountain. She clearly was doing work. Only, the work got put aside at some point, so that Luo Jiahui could sit on a crate with her head in her hands. Understandable! And predictable!

The mother is more stressed than the son. He could have guessed.

“Ah, Hua-Ge! You’re here already!” Luo Jiahui scrubs at her face hurriedly, only to give up with a sigh when Shang Qinghua sits down next to her, a hand on her shoulder. “Is Binghe finished yet? He insisted on doing it himself today, as always.”

“You shouldn’t have instilled that sort of work ethic in him!” Shang Qinghua scolds. “How is he supposed to manage with a bad habit like responsibility weighing him down, Jia-Mei? Ah, yes, yes, he’s just cleaning up now, he’ll be done soon. Let him have his last day before everything changes.”

Luo Jiahui leans into him, tense with stress the whole way through. Shang Qinghua moves his hand on his sister-in-law’s shoulder to wrap it around her instead.

“He’ll do well,” Shang Qinghua promises her.

“What if he does too well?” Luo Jiahui whispers. “What if… what if that seal on his other side breaks sooner rather than later?”

“It’s strong. And I’ll be watching out for him.”

“...I’d prefer it if he was your student, rather than someone else’s.”

“It’s his choice,” Shang Qinghua says, though if it was really up to him, he absolutely would have put more pressure on his nephew coming under Shang Qinghua’s wing on An Ding Peak. “He wants more than I can offer.”

Luo Jiahui sighs. ‘I still wish he could just stay home.”

‘He needs the training,” Shang Qinghua says, like one or both of them has said every time they’ve gone over this. They’ve had this conversation so many times he feels he could have it in his sleep. “He’ll need it for when the seal breaks.”

“And he goes to your demon,” Luo Jiahui says, unenthusiastically.

Okay, that’s a new direction! Which is totally on-topic, of course, but a little unexpected. Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui don’t really talk about Mobei-Jun if they can help it. Shang Qinghua doesn’t like bringing those activities (his crimes, okay, he can name it to himself, his crimes) into his sister-in-law’s house and his sister-in-law can’t really ask questions when there’s almost always another family member around these days.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to spill on how Mobei-Jun used to treat him - he’s still a little bit angry about that, in a hidden part of his chest he doesn’t let see daylight, and Luo Jiahui is a little too good at poking at soft places - because that will not help his sister-in-law’s peace of mind. He really can’t just go, “Yeah, this demon lord used to be a complete asshole to me and I honestly thought he was going to snap and kill me someday for years, but we should still give him your son to look after! This is unfortunately as good as a demonic babysitter gets! He's much better now, I swear!”

“...Yes.”

“If he keeps his word,” Luo Jiahui presses.

“He will,” Shang Qinghua insists. “Jia-Mei, he will.”

Luo Jiahui remains unmoved, unconvinced, untrusting. “What if he doesn’t?”

“He’s a man of his word.”

“...What did you do for him for a favor like this?”

“Just some consulting on politics and resources, really,” Shang Qinghua dismisses quickly, rather than confess everything he’s ever done that could be construed as treasonous towards the human race. It, ah, really is a lot! They don’t have the time to get into that. “And I saved his life, remember? It’s not like he’s not getting anything out of this himself; good allies are hard to find.”

Luo Jiahui only looks at him searchingly. “Will we be indebted to him?”

“...Not really,” Shang Qinghua answers, though the “I could cry from relief” gratefulness he feels sometimes begs to differ. “Not after everything I’ve done. I’ve taken care of it, Jia-Mei, don’t worry.”

Luo Jiahui smiles, like someone who’s going to worry no matter what, fuck you.

Very relatable! Shang Qinghua squeezes her closer against him.

“I’m taking care of it,” he repeats.

Mobei-Jun’s side of the deal isn’t the one that bothers him these days.

They stay like that until Luo Binghe comes to find them, looking like he’s not really sure what he’s stumbled on or what to do about it. Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui make room for him between them. He comes to sit between them without argument, though it’s a tight squeeze! Though Shang Qinghua’s nephew also says, very casually, that there are better places to sit, a little like he’s trying not to reprimand them for being weird.

“Here’s good,” Shang Qinghua says. “What’s wrong with here? Look at the scenery!”

“Aren’t we having lunch?” Luo Binghe says.

“In a little bit,” Luo Jiahui says, leaning her head on her son’s shoulder.

The back room of Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law’s restaurant isn’t a very good place to hang out, really, but leaving means having the last meal before the beginning of the end. Leaving means starting. Shang Qinghua could stay here for a long time! Luo Jiahui seems like she’s having similar feelings.

Luo Binghe is just impatiently putting up with them.

“...I could just stay at home forever,” Binghe says finally, like an offer.

“Would you? Oh, that would be a lot easier! I’ll cancel everything,” Shang Qinghua says, relieved. “Forget everything I told you about getting into the good books of the other peak lords. Some of those were important sect secrets, you know.”

Luo Jiahui reaches over to tap him admonishingly on the knee. “You shouldn’t hold yourself back just because your mother and uncle are feeling sentimental.”

“We’ll get over it,” Shang Qinghua lies.

“I’m going to miss you,” Luo Jiahui tells her son again. “I won’t get over that.”

“I know. I’ll miss you too.”

“And you’ll visit when you can?”

“Every day I’m allowed,” Luo Binghe promises. Then, after a few seconds, says very seriously, “Mama, while I’m busy, to keep the house full, you should convince Uncle to get married and give you nieces and nephews. It’s his turn, after all.”

Haha, what the fuck?

What?

Shang Qinghua looks, wide-eyed, towards his nephew. Binghe is grinning at him. One of those "got you!" grins that doesn’t do anything to undo the fact he just put a very dangerous idea in his future empty-nester mother’s head with that joke! Oh, bad nephew! Wicked, heartless nephew! Shang Qinghua didn’t imagine betrayal would come so quickly!

Luo Jiahui bursts out laughing. “It is his turn, it’s true!”

“I’ve got disciples for that,” Shang Qinghua protests. “She even has to feed their bottomless appetites and everything! And she gets paid for it this way! No, no, no! Uncle Shang is way too busy for romance! If anyone here starts to long for the pitter-patter of tiny feet, they can do something about that themselves, hm? Let’s go have lunch already!”

“Finally!” Luo Binghe says, dragging both of them to their feet.

At least one of them is excited for the future.

【】

Shang Qinghua has always let other senior An Ding Peak cultivators handle picking out more strapping young folk from the entrance tests to be the newest errand-runners. The ones who actually teach the disciples every day, for example! (Although, originally, the decision was made because he really didn’t give a shit. And the whole entrance test is still ridiculous enough to feel humiliating, so he avoided it for his own pride too.) He’s allowed Lin Wenjiao (his other head disciple) and Chen Xuan go along and have a say these past several years, when they expressed interest. Those girls seem to have a good eye.

He doesn’t dress up as a peak lord to attend this year. He keeps himself more or less indistinguishable from any other senior An Ding Peak cultivator. He’s hoping that this way, it will convince most of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect cultivators present that Shang Qinghua has quietly passed through the entrance test every year and they just never noticed him before - if they notice him this year, that is, since he definitely doesn't have the face or presence of a protagonist.

Liu Qingge is also present, having reluctantly promised to let Luo Binghe attract someone else’s attention, and doing a much worse job of not paying the boy any attention. He’s not dressed up either, indistinguishable from the other Bai Zhan cultivators present, but that doesn’t do much to subtract from his general Liu-Qingge-ness! People pay attention to a war god, especially one that pretty!

People like Shen Qingqiu, for example, though not for reasons of admiration.

Hm. Fuck.

This is really happening.

Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan are both present, each looking very much the part of the most important members of their sect, observing from the dais intended for any present peak lords. There are a handful of Qiong Ding Peak cultivators moving around the testing grounds, occasionally coming to speak to the sect leader. Plus, one of Yue Qingyuan's personal disciples, a fifteen-year-old-ish boy with floppy hair, whose name Shang Qinghua forgets half the time, running between them all as a messenger.

There are fewer Qing Jing Peak cultivators, who mostly appear to be here to socialize and are doing it far away from their peak lord, and one young Qing Jing Peak disciple fidgeting attentively next to the dais. This disciple is a girl who looks twelve-ish or thirteen-ish, with big eyes and bigger loops in her hair, and Shang Qinghua couldn't possibly forget her name. Even without being one of the main characters of Proud Immortal Demon Way, meeting Ning Yingying is an experience. The girl is always alarmingly excited to meet another peak lord. Shang Qinghua is convinced that Shen Qingqiu just likes watching Ning Yingying's cheerfulness trample all over his martial siblings, who can't help but look for a catch, because she's so not like her shizun and also Shen Qingqiu isn't above using her to trap unsuspecting martial siblings in uncomfortable situations.

Yue Qingyuan is obviously too close to Shen Qingqiu for the man’s liking (Bro!), judging by the poisonous glances the Qing Jing Peak Lord is periodically sending their sect leader, but Zhangmen-Shixiong is apparently determinedly oblivious. (Bro…) Probably because Shen Qingqiu’s health has been precarious again.

Shang Qinghua has kind of wondered what the fuck would happen if Shen Qingqiu was ever too ill or otherwise unable to fulfill the role he needs to play today. Attending spitefully, not attending spitefully, it really could have been either! The only sure thing was the spite. Shen Qingqiu really doesn’t like dancing to anyone else’s tune. Did the System have a plan for that kind of willing and unwilling lack of cooperation?

Shang Qinghua sees the young Ning Yingying go wandering away from the dais, before getting called sharply back, giving Shen Qingqiu an excuse to step away from the Qiong Ding Peak party to scold her. There was another female Qing Jing Peak disciple standing with Ning Yingying earlier, a stocky young woman who looks to be in her early twenties, who accompanies Shen Qingqiu to a lot of peak lord meetings these days and whose name is often on the tip of Shang Qinghua's tongue when he remembers she exists, but she stepped away at some point when Shang Qinghua wasn't looking.

Shang Qinghua is then distracted by a Long Sheng Peak cultivator, who has apparently identified him (fuck) and decided that right here and right now is the perfect time to talk about problems (fuck!) they’ve been having with the latest batches of fertilizer from Xi Jiao Peak. Time and place! Time and place, asshole! Can Shang Qinghua not have five fucking minutes from the day-in-day-out of An Ding Peak when he’s at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect?! Apparently not!

So, ah, Shang Qinghua misses seeing young Ning Yingying pick out Luo Binghe from all of the available candidates for her new shidi. However, over the Long Sheng Peak cultivator’s shoulder, Shang Qinghua notices Liu Qingge noticing.

Oh, fuck.

Shang Qinghua’s head snaps around to see Luo Binghe bowed in front of Shen Qingqiu, with the young Qing Jing disciple bouncing on her toes beside them. Shen Qingqiu clearly beckons the protagonist to follow them back to Qing Jing Peak.

It doesn’t take genius to figure out what’s happening.

“The plot! The fucking plot!” Shang Qinghua thinks, stunned at finally seeing it happen in front of him, feeling a cold shiver down his spine and a grasping hand around his heart. Shit! Holy shit! It was one thing to meet all these characters. It was another thing to live through the fall of Tianlang-Jun and all that setup. But to actually see his nephew and Shen fucking Qingqiu unknowingly following a script only he knows?

It’s something fucking else, that’s what it is.

Liu Qingge walks over to intercept.

Oh, fuck.

Shang Qinghua has done his best to ease Liu Qingge into the idea of Luo Binghe attending one of the more… scholarly peaks… helped immensely by the fact that Luo Jiahui approved of her son bringing some culture into their family. Shang Qinghua maybe should have been less cagey about it. He thinks that Liu Qingge, who begrudgingly accepted and proudly respected the fact that Luo Binghe wanted to succeed unassisted by his family connections, may have decided that meant Luo Binghe was headed for Qiong Ding Peak (good) or Ku Xing Peak (acceptable). Liu Qingge once made the statement that Luo Binghe, as diligent and clever as he is, would also do well on Qian Cao Peak.

But Shang Qinghua looks towards Mu Qingfang, also standing on the observation dais, and he can see the man’s resolve not to get in the middle of whatever the fuck is about to happen. To save lives, one must first preserve their own life! Very intelligent!

Ah, speaking of Qiong Ding Peak and the observation dais, Yue Qingyuan clearly catches sight of Liu Qingge headed straight for Shen Qingqiu. (Possibly because Shang Qinghua is desperately attempting to psychically project, “BRO! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING!” at him, but probably not.) Yue Qingyuan immediately excuses himself from conversation and moves to intervene.

“Lord Shang, are you listening?” the Long Sheng Peak cultivator asks.

“Ah, no,” Shang Qinghua answers honestly, extremely tempted to push the man into the nearest hole and sprint across the grounds.

He could make it! He could get there in time! He’s prepared to hustle!

But he can see heads across the grounds turning towards the disaster in motion. It’s untrue to say that a real sense of foreboding erupts over a scene whenever Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge get too close to each other - they live in a world where spiritual energy is a real fucking thing, after all, so that shit actually happens in real life-or-death circumstances - but the effect is the same! Shang Qinghua doesn’t know yet if it would be helpful or unhelpful for his nephew to add a fourth peak lord to this. Two is business as usual, three (including Yue Qingyuan) is mediation, but four?! That’s some burning hot potential gossip!

Shang Qinghua gets to see the exact moment Shen Qingqiu realizes that Yue Qingyuan is headed straight for him. The man doesn’t stop, but he does slow and glance over his shoulder, probably for an escape route, where Liu Qingge is approaching like a thunderstorm from the other direction.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t really do facial expressions like “oh, fuck”, so he doesn’t do it even now, but that feeling is in the way he comes to a defeated stop.

But he does it in a way that suggests the first person to reach him might actually die.

Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying stop alongside the Qing Jing Peak Lord now lying in wait. Ning Yingying just looks confused, but Shang Qinghua gets to see his nephew spot Liu Qingge and make an “oh, fuck” expression.

Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge reach the Qing Jing Peak party at the same time.

Liu Qingge ignores their sect leader in favor of talking at Shen Qingqiu. Shang Qinghua is too far away to hear what’s being said, but Luo Binghe looks generally mortified, so Shang Qinghua is going to guess that Liu Qingge is handling this with the usual grace of a war god. (What happened to a bro keeping his promise to shut the fuck up?!) Shen Qingqiu, as diplomatic as ever, says something that clearly gets Liu Qingge’s hackles up even higher than before.

Yue Qingyuan looks like he’s trying to get Liu Qingge to back off, while the Qing Jing and Bai Zhan peak lords have their back-and-forth. Finally, Liu Qingge draws himself up, back straight, and snaps something that makes Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu stiffen. (And Luo Binghe too. Fuck.)

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Both Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu’s heads snap towards Luo Binghe, who looks tempted to throw himself into the nearest hole and bury himself.

Shen Qingqiu then looks up and quickly narrows in on Shang Qinghua. Yue Qingyuan looks at Shen Qingqiu, then follows the man’s gaze.

Shang Qinghua resists the urge to wave nervously back at them.

Shang Qinghua thinks that they both knew that Liu Qingge had someone, someone who Shang Qinghua also knew, but he really hopes that Liu Qingge didn’t just publicly claim Luo Binghe as essentially his adopted son. Please, let it just be that Luo Binghe is Shang Qinghua’s nephew! Liu Qingge is concerned on behalf of a friend! Damage control will be easier that way! Yue Qingyuan has known that Shang Qinghua has a nephew for a long time and Shang Qinghua thinks Shen Qingqiu has had the shape of that idea for a long time. Please, let them just be having the “holy shit, Shang Qinghua’s secret nephew looks nothing like him, maybe the kid isn't his bastard son after all” realization!

Yue Qingyuan breaks first and turns to Shen Qingqiu, saying something that has the Qing Jing Peak Lord looking incensed. Shen Qingqiu snaps something back that looks like it hurts to hear. Yue Qingyuan isn’t moved, but Liu Qingge is, and both Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying rock back slightly at the verbal blow.

Liu Qingge enters the fray again, attracting Shen Qingqiu’s anger immediately.

Yue Qingyuan looks like a man caught between a rock and a hard place! Or maybe between a sword and a sharp tongue? Shang Qinghua is sympathetic, but he also has to think, “Bro! You’re choosing to be there! That’s on you! End this shit!”

Shang Qinghua really should have tackled Liu Qingge when he had the chance! He has no idea how this is going to go. He can probably take the hit of this canon deviation, it would actually mean a lot of worries off his plate in some ways, but there are more important things ahead. They’ve got to be frugal.

“You’ve got to pick your battles, Liu-Shidi!” Shang Qinghua thinks angrily. “Stop picking all of them for once in your life!”

Finally, Yue Qingyuan raises a hand for silence and turns to Luo Binghe, speaking to the boy directly. Oh, Shang Qinghua can see where this is going. Yue Qingyuan is going to let Luo Binghe choose. He can read it in the anger on Shen Qingqiu’s face at the insult. In the way young Ning Yingying’s mouth drops open from shock. In the way Luo Binghe looks back and forth, back and forth, between a kindly Yue Qingyuan, a stiff Liu Qingge, and an absolutely furious Shen Qingqiu.

That’s, ah, unexpected but not surprising.

Shit! Shang Qinghua can feel the System bearing down unhelpfully!

He’ll have some replanning to do, possibly!

But then Luo Binghe bows to Liu Qingge, saying something, and then clearly chooses Shen Qingqiu.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know if Yue Qingyuan offered him the choice between Qing Jing and Bai Zhan or if Zhangmen-Shixiong threw Qiong Ding into the mix too, but wow. Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Shen Qingqiu are all surprised.

Ning Yingying, at least, looks delighted.

Liu Qingge says something to Luo Binghe, who nods, and Liu Qingge begins to back off, saying something to Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu each, and even bowing. Shen Qingqiu says something that makes Liu Qingge visibly bristle, but he doesn’t bite back for once. Character development!

Shen Qingqiu sweeps away, without a word to Yue Qingyuan, and Ning Yingying jumps in to lead Luo Binghe away with them. The older female disciple from earlier swoops in to join them - her name is Fu Something, Shang Qinghua thinks, but she's so unobtrusive it gets lost in the rest of the shitshow of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect - and some of the other Qing Jing Peak cultivators also start to trickle away from the testing grounds.

【】

Yue Qingyuan says something to Liu Qingge next, but Liu Qingge ignores him and stomps over to Shang Qinghua, who isn’t looking forward to the consequences of any of this (while simultaneously being desperately relieved at how many System-related consequences were narrowly avoided). The Long Sheng Peak cultivator abruptly decides that their problem can wait another day, for some point of time in which an angry war god isn’t bearing down on them, and they bail without asking to be excused for their own survival.

“Shen Qingqiu,” Liu Qingge says disgustedly. “Shen Qingqiu.”

“Let’s… go anywhere else,” Shang Qinghua says, taking the man by the arm and dragging him away from all the watching eyes of the testing grounds. “What happened to letting him be picked naturally? Like he asked?”

“I didn’t agree to let Shen Qingqiu have him,” Liu Qingge mutters.

“What did you think ‘any other peak’ meant? Look, if he doesn’t like it on Qing Jing Peak, he can always just leave,” Shang Qinghua replies, ignoring the blinking disapproval from a System pop-up window. “He’ll find a way to get himself kicked out or something! He’s resourceful! You’d better be ready to swallow your tongue and your pride, because I don’t think you’ve made things any better for him, now that Shen Qingqiu knows who he is.”

Shen Qingqiu knowing that Luo Binghe has connections could be a good thing, but Shang Qinghua was going to let his nephew play the “not volunteering the truth” angle first to see if that went any better. The truth coming out could also turn into a bad thing! Self-destructive spite is a hell of a drug! Shen Qingqiu is a stubborn fucking bastard, outmatched in stubbornness (if not yet in bastardness) only by the protagonist himself.

Liu Qingge makes a face of regret.

Ahhh, Shang Qinghua can’t blame him too much! He really should have made the man explicitly promise not to intervene even if Luo Binghe got chosen by Shen fucking Qingqiu. That’s on him! Liu Qingge can’t be blamed for seeing their kid near Shen Qingqiu and going into mother bear mode!

“Ah, what are we going to tell Jiahui?” Shang Qinghua sighs.

“...Fuck,” Liu Qingge says under his breath.

They don’t tell her shit!

Well, they tell her that Luo Binghe was picked, so she knows that her son didn’t come home today for a good reason. Luo Jiahui is very happy to hear that! And they tell her that it was Shen Qingqiu, Lord of Qing Jing Peak, who picked him, because she would totally notice something was up if they tried to not tell her which peak her son is on. Luo Jiahui is very pleased to hear that her son will have the chance to study the arts and bring some real culture into the family. ("Hey, what does that make us?" Shang Qinghua asks her, more amused than offended, only for her to ignore him, probably purposefully.)

Neither Shang Qinghua nor Liu Qingge start busting out any stories of Shen Qingqiu’s Top Ten Asshole Moments! They don't need to set off Luo Jiahui's worrying when the man hasn't actually done anything yet! The closest that Shang Qinghua gets is saying that Shen Qingqiu is a man with high expectations and low patience.

“Well, my Binghe is a hard worker and a clever boy,” Luo Jiahui says optimistically. “He learns quickly. I’m sure that he’ll soon impress with his diligence!”

Liu Qingge looks tempted to bash his head against the dinner table.

“You’ll… be keeping an eye on him there, of course,” Luo Jiahui says next.

“Of course!” Shang Qinghua agrees.

Liu Qingge nods. They’ve made this promise several times before already. Shang Qinghua makes a mental note to make Liu Qingge also promise to keep his ass off Qing Jing Peak to avoid tempting Shen Qingqiu’s wrath any further. He’ll get it in writing and make Liu Qingge read it aloud and then sign it.

It won’t do shit, probably, but he can tell himself that he tried.

“He could have just come to Bai Zhan Peak,” Liu Qingge says, sounding annoyed. “He and Mingyan could have both come to Bai Zhan as my students.”

Luo Jiahui presses her lips together like someone trying to hold back a smile and pats Liu Qingge’s hand, then just ends up holding it. “Well, neither of them wanted to be Houhua’s student either,” she says comfortingly.

“Hey!” Shang Qinghua says, while Liu Qingge cracks a smile.

“They wanted to explore new things and we have to accept that,” Luo Jiahui continues, sounding a little bit like she’s trying to convince herself. “You wouldn’t want to be coddled either, would you?”

“No,” Liu Qingge admits. “But if Shen Qingqiu doesn’t appreciate him, then I’ll take him anyway.”

“No more peak-poaching,” Shang Qinghua says immediately, underlining his mental note to extract promises from his sort-of brother-in-law. “Let’s not start another round of peak-poaching unless it’s an emergency. That always gets ugly. Even if it’s amicable on both sides, it still somehow always manages to get ugly!”

Liu Qingge’s expression says he’s prepared for that and he’ll win.

Luo Jiahui’s smile widens. “Do you two have to go back up the mountain soon?” she asks, changing the subject like the wonder she is. “To settle your new disciples?”

“Ah, Lin Wenjiao has that in hand. I’m meeting them tomorrow.”

“No,” Liu Qingge says, more simply.

Bai Zhan Peak has relatively new disciples, possibly even some new ones this year, taken on by the other master warriors of Bai Zhan Peak, but still none Liu Qingge has chosen personally. If the man is finally feeling a little clucky for his own personal disciples, then it would probably help if he’d bother looking at children he doesn’t already know.

It’s more than a little weird not having Binghe at the dinner table with them, but somehow they muddle through. Luo Jiahui brings up her son’s joking suggestion that Shang Qinghua get married and have children, which Liu Qingge seems to find alarming rather than amusing, which is funny. But Shang Qinghua gets his revenge by bringing up certain other people who are overdue for marriage and children, if stones are being thrown around. It’s almost enough to ignore the empty space at the table.

When Shang Qinghua gets back to An Ding Peak, he finds Peng Hongpeng waiting for him with an expression which very clearly says, “Shifu, what the fuck?!” Shang Qinghua can only assume the gossip surrounding whatever happened at the entrance test has made its way around all the peaks multiple times by now.

“New disciples settling in?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Yes, though I keep thinking we’re missing one for some reason, Shifu,” Peng Hongpeng answers, looking satisfyingly wrong-footed for once.

“Hm. Weird.”

“...Shall I keep you informed of the happenings of Qing Jing Peak, Shifu?”

“If you would. Very helpful, thank you.”

The next morning, when Shang Qinghua is in his office, getting the rundown on the state of the sect post-entrance-test from his head disciples, his little sister-in-law breaks in. It’s startling, but not really surprising! And kind of a welcome break from hearing about all the other (usual yearly) drama that went down - so-and-so picked a disciple promised to another peak, a rejected candidate’s parent is throwing a fit because their child didn’t get picked, one of Shang Qinghua’s disciples rolled their ankle falling into a hole while cleaning up the testing grounds (because someone has to fill those holes back in), and so on and so forth. The sort of bullshit that happens every year.

“Da-Ge, I’m here!” Luo Fanli shouts in greeting “Where is he? I want to see him in an An Ding Peak uniform! I’m not late for the inspection, am I?”

Lin Wenjiao quickly straightens her uniform and fixes her hair, before turning around to face the Xian Shu Peak disciple with a winning smile. Peng Hongpeng, on the hand, gets what look like ear plugs out of his sleeve and abruptly dismisses himself from the room. Rude!

“You’re just in time, Luo-Shimei,” Lin Wenjiao says.

“Oh, good!”

Luo Fanli looks very much like her sister, only taller, with a squarer face. She’s supposed to be twenty-three- or twenty-four-ish, but Shang Qinghua thinks that Mu Qingfang may have erred on the side of caution when correcting the ages of the House of Rejuvenation’s victims. Luo Fanli looks closer to twenty, in his opinion.

Although maybe that’s because pretty much everyone looks like children to him these days! It’s hard to tell!

Last year, he asked Chen Xuan if the junior disciples were getting younger or something.

“No, Shifu,” his disciple answered, in a tone.

Shang Qinghua gets to his feet and says, “Ah, he’s not here, Disciple Luo.”

Luo Fanli frowns. “Oh, he went to Bai Zhan after all, then?” Then she grins, wide and maybe a little bit malicious. “That makes things easier! Thanks, Da-Ge!”

“It’s Shang-Shibo on the mountain,” Shang Qinghua says, uselessly. Sometimes he really wonders if Luo Fanli listens when her nephew talks, though he’s realizing now that Binghe might have purposefully timed many serious conversations for when his auntie wasn’t actually in the vicinity. Conniving brat! “And he’s on Qing Jing Peak.”

“Oh,” Luo Fanli says, surprised. “...I didn’t think you’d let him get that far away.”

Shang Qinghua now has to wonder how deeply his nephew was motivated by avoiding his mother’s younger sister.

Or proving to her that he wasn’t tied to her sister’s apron strings, actually.

Shang Qinghua originally set Fanli up for a place on Xian Shu Peak, when it became clear that war was shortly going to be declared in his sister-in-law’s house if someone didn’t do something. They all loved each other, but… well… personalities were clashing in all sorts of ways! And the youth-restoration cure left Fanli burning with a little too much spiritual energy as a side-effect! It was… loud! Very loud! He called in his favor with Qi Qingqi, thinking that after Fanli’s rough experiences, she might not want to be around men.

It turns out that he was conflating his sisters-in-law and that it’s the other way around; if anything, Luo Fanli doesn’t always like being around other women all that much. His mistake! For which Qi Qingqi curses him vehemently and regularly! Luo Fanli spends half her time on Bai Zhan Peak these days, slipping Qi Qingqi’s orders, making Liu Mingyan look that much more of a model student by comparison. It turns out that Shang Qinghua’s little sister-in-law got to experience her own body betray her, to feel her own mortality bearing down and all the frailties of old age, and it filled her with the urge to beat the shit out of things. Which… okay! Okay, that's fine!

Thankfully, Liu Qingge is happy enough to oblige his sister-in-law when he’s on the mountain. Qi Qingqi has essentially thrown up her hands and declared that the two of them deserve each other. At least it keeps them busy!

“Don’t intrude on Qing Jing Peak,” Shang Qinghua says warningly. “Shen Qingqiu is not receptive to random visitors from other peaks dropping in whenever they like.”

That sort of enforcement of territory would never work on An Ding Peak, nor on Xi Jiao Peak or Long Sheng Peak, given the chaos of their day-in-day-out, but Qing Jing Peak can pull it off better than most! Shen Qingqiu gets to decide who comes and goes. The man likes firm boundaries and well-respected positions (and hypocritically ignoring everyone else’s), which is probably why Yue Qingyuan's ability as sect leader to ignore all boundaries in the sect drives him up the wall.

Luo Fanli makes a face and says, “I know. Everyone knows that!”

“Good! Stay off his peak!”

“Fine.”

“Your Liu-Shishu could probably use a distraction,” Shang Qinghua offers. “Go spar with him instead of kicking Qing Jing Peak’s doors down and I’ll skip the lecture I’m supposed to give you for skipping out on ‘the last meal we were going to have as a family’. Your sister was very disappointed, did you know that?”

Luo Fanli’s mouth, open to argue, snaps shut.

Only to open again and say, “Qing Jing Peak, really? Qing Jing?”

Shang Qinghua sighs, telling himself once again that this is a surprise for everyone else! He’s had years to get used to it! He knew Luo Binghe was headed for Qing Jing Peak before his nephew was even born! Everyone else isn’t going to be able to go with this plot point (which looks like a plot twist to them) quite so quickly. He needs to be understanding!

“Qing Jing,” Luo Fanli says for a third time, with a sort of disgust that Shang Qinghua is absolutely going to blame Liu Qingge for.

Before she turns on her heel and leaves without being dismissed. Shang Qinghua is a peak lord! These kids are supposed to ask him to be excused! Someone should tell them that!

“Bye, Luo-Shimei!” Lin Wenjiao calls after her, a little bit desperately.

Shang Qinghua sighs again. “You can walk her to Bai Zhan if you stop at Qian Cao on your way back and tell your Mu-Shishu they’re punching out their feelings again.”

He doesn’t have to tell the young woman twice, before Lin Wenjiao is tripping over her own feet out the door after his little sister-in-law.

About three years ago now, Disciple Dumpling Thief was complaining about how much money she was spending on Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law’s food, with the opening of Luo Jiahui's restaurant, waxing poetic about her favorite dish. Luo Fanli, having crashed his office for no good reason again, scoffed at Lin Wenjiao’s woes and said, “It’s not hard to make. I can do it just as well.” All of Shang Qinghua’s starving disciples sat up straight at that, like predators spotting prey. Then Lin Wenjiao, scheming creature, swallowed and said, “I dare you to prove it.” Luo Fanli, oblivious to what was really happening, proved it.

Now Shang Qinghua’s co-head disciple is absolutely smitten and does nothing to keep his little sister-in-law off the peak. He’s pretty sure that Disciple Dumpling Thief is a negative help in herding his little sister-in-law (doing her best to emulate a certain war god) back to Xian Shu Peak, actually.

Shang Qinghua sits back behind his desk and sighs again.

Who has the time for marriage and children?! What a joke his backstabbing nephew made! Shang Qinghua already has the System and the plot and his family and the sect and more kids than he knows what to do with! Who has the energy?! Maybe when he doesn’t need to spy on his trouble-attracting nephew for his own well-being, he’ll actually think about ridiculous things like that!

The weeks pass without any spectacular incident from Qing Jing Peak.

Or any incident at all.

Shen Qingqiu can’t really keep An Ding Peak cultivators off Qing Jing Peak entirely, not when they're performing the day-in-day-out necessary to maintain the sect, such as delivering basic necessities, reviewing storage facilities, and removing waste. An Ding Peak cultivators aren’t allowed to poke everything they like and bother the disciples, sure, but they are visiting every single peak all the time, stopping by the entrances and exits at least, which offers plenty of time to gossip with the locals.

Peng Hongpeng reports that Shen Qingqiu has been a stricter taskmaster on Qing Jing Peak than usual, perhaps, having taken more of an interest in teaching again, but that all the disciples seem well enough. There’s nothing to suggest that Luo Binghe has been singled out for ridicule or punishment. No mention of a woodshed. There’s a little tension between the children, maybe, as the new members of the sect settle in, but nothing unusual.

Shen Qingqiu never has been one for allowing Qing Jing Peak to look bad to outsiders.

“That’s good to hear,” Shang Qinghua says casually.

He supposes that even tutorial-level, backstory-forming villains like Ming Fan, the current (very young) head disciple of Qing Jing Peak's current batch of junior disciples, know better than to bully the nephew of a peak lord. Luo Binghe’s connection to Liu Qingge hasn’t been made fully clear yet, but it’s still obvious that this boy isn’t just a grubby little orphan, but rather someone with multiple connections. It actually goes against the Qing Jing Peak bullies' characters to make a serious enemy of the protagonist in this world.

Survival instincts where none were thought to exist! It’s a miracle!

Luo Jiahui is cheerful when Shang Qinghua visits, in the way of someone totally trying to pretend they’re not experiencing empty-nester feelings. It was one thing to let Fanli go to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, when the girl was practically bouncing off the walls to live as much life as possible, but Binghe is (and always will be) his sister-in-law’s baby. She misses him, though she disguises some of it as Granny Sun asking after him or Auntie Tingting or Uncle Han or Auntie Teashop.

He writes to her, every day he’s able, but it’s not the same.

Unfortunately, the peaks don’t really like letting their junior disciples roam free around the sect, much less down to the towns of the Tian Gong range to endanger or disgrace themselves. Especially not brand new ones! Shang Qinghua understands why; if they let the kids do whatever they wanted, they'd be losing disciples like cats shed fur! Luo Binghe can’t bound down the mountain anytime he likes like Liu Qingge and Shang Qinghua can. Qi Qingqi trusts Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge to bring Luo Fanli and Liu Mingyan up and down the mountain safely, when they ask her for permission, but they don’t really have the same arrangement with Shen Qingqiu!

Luo Binghe is better off requesting permission to visit An Ding Peak, when he feels ready to make a selfish request of his formidable Shizun, and Luo Jiahui coming up to meet him.

He says he’s working up to it.

Shang Qinghua finally sees his nephew about two months into Luo Binghe’s time at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. It’s in the middle of the night on Qing Jing Peak. Shen Qingqiu has no fucking clue that Shang Qinghua is visiting and they’re not going to let the man know! They arranged the meeting before Luo Binghe even stepped onto the testing grounds, so that Shang Qinghua could check in on his nephew (really check in on his nephew) without having to go through anyone else.

Luo Binghe looks… fine.

Shang Qinghua’s nephew looks perfectly well, actually! He puts up with Shang Qinghua’s Luo-Jiahui-mandated inspection. The Qing Jing Peak uniform (which he wore, apparently, just to show it off) suits him very well. Shang Qinghua swears that the boy has noticeably grown in the time he’s been gone!

“Are they feeding you? Your mother is convinced they’re not feeding you,” Shang Qinghua says, as he hands over the lovingly wrapped-up home-cooked meal he brought with him. “I’m probably supposed to shove these down your throat or something, but feel free to use them to bribe your martial siblings or something instead. It’s very effective.”

Luo Binghe grins helplessly down at the care package. “Thanks, Uncle.”

They sit together, in the darkness, and Shang Qinghua asks with his heart in his throat (and the System in his head) how Qing Jing Peak is treating his nephew.

“It’s… different,” Luo Binghe answers. “It’s hard. But… I think I like it.”

His nephew apparently doesn’t see much of Shen Qingqiu, who is of course very busy as one of the leaders of their sect, and teaches only the occasional class to oversee their progress. To Shang Qinghua (no great or frequently seen teacher himself, he admits it openly), it sounds like Shen Qingqiu swoops in, makes everything look effortless, criticizes his students’ hesitant efforts mercilessly, and then abandons them (to their usual teachers) to figure out how to improve before he visits again or perish when he does.

If Shen Qingqiu’s health has taken a downturn again, he’s good at hiding it from his disciples. Luo Binghe has no idea that his flawlessly skilled and hardworking master suffers from a chronically unstable cultivation base. Shang Qinghua doesn’t tell him. (If Shen Qingqiu gets any idea that his “weakness” is sect gossip again, any idea that Luo Binghe is looking down on him, things will get ugly, and that’s what they’re trying to avoid here.)

“I don’t doubt that a man as sharp-eyed as our shizun must be very good at spotting things others wish went unseen in the higher dealings of the sect,” Binghe comments, diplomatically. “He’s very… nothing gets past him.”

“It makes peak lord meetings interesting,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

“It makes lessons interesting too,” Binghe mumbles.

Shang Qinghua eventually brings his line of questioning back to the scene at the entrance tests. It looked pretty bad to him, but Binghe seems to have done well for himself in choosing Shen Qingqiu. It’s a little bit mind-boggling!

“Shizun wanted to know my reasoning for seeking out Qing Jing Peak, especially when there were clearly other options available,” Binghe recounts. “I don’t know if my answer satisfied him, but I think Shizun found it less wanting than others I might have given? I said I didn’t want to be held back by my advantages, even if the people doing it were well-meaning, so I preferred a teacher highly skilled in many arts, who wouldn’t accept a student who would take an easy route.”

Shang Qinghua thinks that nice little speech over. “Ah, I think that’s an insult towards Liu Qingge, me, and maybe even Yue Qingyuan too,” he says, impressed. “No fluff in that compliment. No falseness either. Hm. Did he really like that?”

Luo Binghe shrugs (a very Liu Qingge gesture). “He accepted it.”

Well, that’s better than how the story originally went!

“Well said,” Shang Qinghua says.

“Thanks, Uncle.”

It really sounds like Luo Binghe is doing well at Qing Jing Peak! Shang Qinghua can barely believe it! He’s not so skilled in the various arts as many of his martial siblings, especially the well-born ones, but he’s able-bodied, quick-minded, literate, and disciplined (and has the golden halo of a protagonist, of course, who only needs to keep putting in the effort until he soars high above everyone else). It sounds like he’s managing his martial siblings’ jealousy over Ning Yingying’s attention, keeping in mind Shang Qinghua’s suggestion not to allow himself to be alone and isolated with anyone if he can help it, and to be civil if not friendly even if he’d rather make enemies.

If Shang Qinghua had gone around being rude to everyone he hated when he was a disciple, he would have had a very short career as a cultivator! Shen Qingqiu hates falseness and suspects it everywhere, but that doesn’t mean Shang Qinghua’s judgmental nephew should call Ming Fan an asshole to his face.

“What if it’s an emergency?” Binghe asks.

“In what situation would you need to call your shixiong an asshole to his face?” Shang Qinghua demands, amused. “But, ah, sure! Fine! If lives are on the line! Sometimes shixiongs really should be called an asshole to their face, it’s true. It's probably good for them.”

【】

Shang Qinghua returns to An Ding Peak feeling pleasant surprise, trusting that his nephew isn’t hiding any horrific treatment. (From his uncle?! He’d better fucking not be, the brat!) All the villains in Proud Immortal Demon Way had their moments of absurd idiocy, ignorance, obliviousness, forgetfulness, and so on, but the man who successfully became the second-highest-ranking member of one of the most powerful sects in the world, the peak lord of scholars and strategists, apparently isn’t stupid enough to make a scapegoat of a family member to two other peak lords. The bar is on the floor here and Shang Qinghua hopes the man continues to step over it, instead of digging under it!

The man Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote only had one face, his misfortunes unwritten and unshared, barely hinted at and then begrudgingly buried. The man who Shang Qinghua has spent the last seven years watching intently is… not a kind man, not a nice man, and often enough not really a decent man either.

He really shouldn’t be allowed near children, honestly!

But, in this realized version of that flat world, Shen Qingqiu was there when Mu Qingfang cured the other victims of the House of Rejuvenation. He took on one of the former slaves as a student - the young woman with Ning Yingying at the testing grounds, actually - and forced one of the other former servants - the teenage boy who was running messages there - on Yue Qingyuan, who wasn’t so much “forced” and as he was “given no time to argue and also didn’t”. Shen Qingqiu hovered menacingly as Shang Qinghua found good work for the rest of the victims and it was really very terrifying!

He’s not as much of an asshole in Shang Qinghua’s direction during peak lord meetings anymore, but unfortunately he’s also apparently decided that Shang Qinghua is worth talking to compared to others, so the total amount of assholery has only increased. It’s unpleasant! Sometimes it's entertaining to be used as a human shield, but sometimes just awkward!

They’ve also collaborated without bloodshed on a handful of occasions over the past seven years! Though, that's... honestly probably because Shang Qinghua just goes along with pretty much all of Shen Qingqiu's orders out of fear. If Shen Qingqiu suddenly declares that they're not doing any trade with a bunch of random nobles or merchants now, then Shang Qinghua just has to tear some of his hair out and go with it! He has to make it work or die! Though, ugh, if Lady Dan or whoever is in Shen Qingqiu's shit list now was connected to the House of Rejuvenation, then the man is probably right that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect shouldn't give them any business! The combined disappointment and outrage of Luo Jiahui, Luo Fanli, Luo Binghe, and Liu Qingge if they ever found out would probably be the end of Shang Qinghua.

They somehow managed to collaborate on this shit even when Shang Qinghua has risked his life by chattering aimlessly about how it takes everything he has not to fucking snap at his disciples sometimes, who really have it better than he ever did and, in the truest spirit of young people, take it for granted most of the time. But that’s life, Shang Qinghua complained, and he signed up to look after them! And Shen Qingqiu didn't bite his head off for all that complaining! That's something, right? Sure, maybe the man just straight-up wasn't listening at all, but that's still something!

Of course a scum villain would treat their peer and their underling differently, so maybe it’s all wishful thinking on Shang Qinghua’s part, but… if this whole shitty story can maybe change… if Shang Qinghua can change... then anyone and anything can change if they want it enough. There’s no fucking excuse! Not really!

But, ah, can has never meant will.

Shang Qinghua is still thinking about the Problem of Shen Qingqiu a few days later, alone in his Leisure House, a book open and unread on his lap. It feels like he’s missing something! He just doesn’t fucking know what yet! Things are going so well so far that he has to be missing something. He really can’t trust that the System is happy with all of these deviations so far. Can the shitty System even feel happiness? He doubts it!

There’s a hum of power behind him, the cool whoosh and crackle of a portal opening, the faint hair-rising warning of demonic energy. Shang Qinghua finishes tapping at his own face in thought, looks up at the looming shadow standing behind him, and smiles.

“Hello,” he says.

Mobei-Jun just blinks down at him and raises his eyebrows.

Shang Qinghua puts his book aside and stands, so he can do the usual bow, maybe a little more dramatically than necessary. “My king, what an honor! Please, sit! Allow me to offer only the greatest hospitality Cang Qiong Mountain Sect can provide.”

“Hm. I expect to be impressed,” Mobei-Jun answers.

Shang Qinghua steps away to fetch proper refreshments and snacks, while Mobei-Jun sweeps off his cloak, spreading it over the back of his usual chair, and takes a seat. Shang Qinghua returns shortly with some Zui Xian Peak wine he knows Mobei-Jun likes and some food from his sister-in-law’s restaurant. He doesn’t think the demon lord has had this particular dish before, but trying new things every now and again won’t kill him.

“Perhaps not immediately, if the poison is slow-acting,” Mobei-Jun says, displeased.

“Trying new things I offer you won’t kill you,” Shang Qinghua corrects, as he sits down again in his own spot. “Please don’t go taking free food samples from random demons come to beg for an audience in your father’s court, my king. This servant would never forgive himself for accidentally orchestrating such a tragedy with poorly worded advice!”

Mobei-Jun helps himself to the wine instead. “I’ll consider it.”

It shouldn’t be difficult to focus on the demon lord taking up space - a lot of long-legged, thick-armed, broad-shouldered space - in his sitting room, but… ahhh, the sights a person can get used to! It’s really incredible! Shang Qinghua finds himself staring into his wine, instead of enjoying the view. At least, until the demon lord he’s accidentally ignoring calls him out for being distracted tonight.

“My apologies, my king,” Shang Qinghua says, reflexively.

“What is it?”

“...My nephew has joined the sect.”

Mobei-Jun frowns, eyes narrowing like he’s trying to count the years that have passed, probably still picturing Shang Qinghua’s nephew as a six-year-old.

“He’s on another peak, under a different peak lord, by his own choice,” Shang Qinghua explains. “A little bit of teenage independance and rebellion, you know? I have people keeping an eye on him, of course, in case anything happens, but… ahhh, the concern doesn’t go away that easily. Especially with that man as a master...”

“The boy could have come directly to the Demon Realm. There is a place for him now.”

Shang Qinghua tries not to, but he can’t help it; he laughs. “A thirteen-year-old, half-human boy with sealed demonic powers and no training in the Demon Realm, my king? Thank you for the offer, but I really don’t think that would go very well!”

“...Perhaps not,” Mobei-Jun agrees.

“Training in human cultivation techniques will help him manage his split nature when the seal breaks and give him a way to protect himself,” Shang Qinghua reasons, more to himself than to the demon lord across from him. “He’ll need protection of his own until he develops a demon’s natural hardiness. Humans are too soft.”

“It is no wonder they are such scheming creatures,” Mobei-Jun comments.

Shang Qinghua huffs in amusement. “Ahhh, I really don’t doubt my king’s protection! I promise! But there are prejudiced and self-serving people on all sides. He should have all weapons available to him. I’d be a poor guardian if I didn’t strive to make sure my nephew can protect himself without needing to rely on anyone, even me, in case…”

“In case?”

“In case I let him down someday,” Shang Qinghua admits, though the statement feels more like an inevitability rather than a possibility today.

Mobei-Jun doesn’t answer.

“...That’s what all parents do eventually, right? Let us down a little bit? Even if they're good, when we realize they can’t do everything?” Shang Qinghua says, feeling way too pathetic even though he’s only had a sip of wine. “I’ve told him I can’t actually hold up the world, but I don’t think he believes me just yet.”

“To your credit.”

“...Thank you, my king.”

Shang Qinghua takes a drink and does his best to dismiss the sorry mood he’s brought down on them for no good reason. “My king, my apologies for taking up your time with my own troubles! I haven’t yet asked why you’ve come or what I can do for you. How may I serve you?”

Mobei-Jun doesn’t answer right away, just looking at him, which makes Shang Qinghua wonder for a moment if there’s a business reason for the demon visiting tonight at all.

“There is increasing displeasure throughout the Demon Realm with the last Immortal Alliance Conference,” Mobei-Jun says finally.

Shang Qinghua groans. “Of course there is! Ahhh, why did Huan Hua Palace have to make such a production of it? ‘Look at how united the Human Realm is, unlike the Demon Realm! The fall of Tianlang-Jun is only the beginning!’ The Palace Master really could have just personally mailed every demon lord a letter telling them to go fuck themselves, if his goal was making people as angry as possible.”

“An expensive endeavor,” Mobei-Jun says.

“True, but still much cheaper than the party he threw!”

It really was a spectacle! A big, incident-inciting spectacle! Huan Hua Palace tried their best to make the second go at the revived Immortal Alliance Conference twice as big, twice as long, and a hundred times more unbearable as the last one. The invitations were so bad that some demons tried to attack the event (a total failure; Shang Qinghua almost wondered if they were hired for a show) and people travelling to or from the event. Alliances were hastily made to defend territory or even return blows.

The Realm Borders have never not been a point of contention, but they’ve gotten even worse since the second Immortal Alliance Conference just last year.

“Ah, I still have no idea how Hai Men Pier Sect managed to fight off that demon saintess and then go and destroy the Yan Clan, but the whole thing makes Sect Leader Dong look so suspicious! The Lian He and Ji Yuan Sects are forming a formal alliance, now that they’ve avenged that trade caravan massacre,” Shang Qinghua relates. “If anyone gives them a straight shot at the demon clan who did it, they’re taking it. No questions asked! The ‘Alliance of Rogue Cultivators’ in the area is trying to get people’s attention and respect by hunting down mixed families now. It’s a mess.”

Shang Qinghua has been kept very busy, as an unfortunately powerful figure in the Human Realm’s trade, and as the man in charge of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s logistics as they attempt to offer what aid they can to everyone at once. Shen Qingqiu must be kept busy analyzing the movements of the demons and the righteous sects alike, answering pleas for Cang Qiong’s insight into a shitty world that never fucking stops. Ah, hmmm, the man probably isn’t at all enjoying the extra time spent with Yue Qingyuan over that. Hopefully he doesn't turn around and take it out on his disciples when he's less busy.

Shang Qinghua wishes that the world was safe for his half-demon nephew, but that supposes that the world as it is is safe for anyone else. It’s really, really not.

Mobei-Jun has some insights on the demon side of things, especially the most powerful demon clans, who have settled enough since the fall of Tianlang-Jun to take notice of Huan Hua Palace Sect shouting at the top of their lungs about how this is the beginning of the end for demons. Shang Qinghua really doesn’t like the sound of that! The attention of demon kings can't be good! But what information Mobei-Jun can offer him is good to know, even if he doesn't like hearing it. At the very least, he might be able to get word to Tian Yi Overlook to redirect an apparently incensed demon lord near them away from populated areas.

The mess from the last Immortal Alliance Conference keeps the conversation between them going for a long time.

Shang Qinghua thinks this means very bad things for the next one.

(But he already knew that.)

Really! His work at this last Immortal Alliance Conference wasn’t so bad - he had to organize transport and accommodation for a large number of Cang Qiong cultivators, and also ensure that Cang Qiong’s various gifts and donations were delivered, but he at least didn’t have to organize the damn thing - but the whole thing was still so stressful that it almost felt worse. The only good part about the event was getting to see Duan Tianyu and Yu Chaonan and their friends at Huan Hua Palace Sect in-person again.

“Reunions are overall still terrible, though,” Shang Qinghua says, and Mobei-Jun agrees to that at least. “One of my not-disciples got married. Since when are young men rushing to make those bows? They’re too young for that! Ridiculous.”

“Hm.”

“I have a recent letter from him somewhere here,” Shang Qinghua remembers, standing up again to go find it.

There were some important details in Yu Chaonan's letter in regards to Huan Hua Palace Sect and the Realm Borders, he thinks, and also a very cheeky answer to Shang Qinghua’s initial incredulous demand as to why the young man would ever get married, especially so soon! “Why? Because I fell in love, Master Shang!” Kids these days! Outrageous! Insulting! How is a person supposed to argue with completely ridiculous statements like that?

A cool hand at Shang Qinghua’s hip prevents him from walking off to go hunt down the offending letter. Shang Qinghua looks down at Mobei-Jun, then lets himself be pushed back in the direction of his seat.

Ah, well, he doesn’t need the letter right now.

“My king, I think I’ve had too much to drink to keep talking about politics,” Shang Qinghua confesses eventually, repressing a yawn. At least he doesn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn for training anymore, as he suffered in his days as a disciple secretly serving a demon lord. “I’ll look into the movements of the Sung Clan, of course, and try to find a way to dissuade them from causing anymore trouble in the northern lands.”

Mobei-Jun nods. “What of your nephew’s master?”

“What?”

“He is causing concern,” Mobei-Jun says, with an expression like he really doesn’t understand how Shang Qinghua has difficulty keeping up with the conversation.

“...Yes,” Shang Qinghua agrees slowly. “But my nephew seems determined to face him.”

“He could be removed.”

The System really doesn’t like that, which nearly makes Shang Qinghua laugh again.

“If I wanted him dead, I’d do it myself, my king, but thank you.”

The System doesn’t really like that either, but… well… fuck the System!

Mobei-Jun nods again, unoffended.

“I’ll let you know if I change my mind, my king,” Shang Qinghua adds, because he really does appreciate the offer! That's almost considerate for Mobei-Jun! It would take some work to make Mobei-Jun’s involvement not cause more problems than it would solve, but Shang Qinghua really does like having as many backup plans as possible in his pocket. “But for now, I think I’m going to see how things play out.”

When Shang Qinghua told Mobei-Jun that he didn’t need Shen Qingqiu assassinated, it wasn’t because he thought everything would somehow work out if he just sat back and didn’t do anything. It definitely wasn’t because he was planning a so-called “perfect murder” and didn’t want the demon lord messing up his plans. The Problem of Shen Qingqiu has always been a lot more complicated than: “Just get rid of the guy potentially making my nephew’s life a living hell." That’s why it’s a real problem!

Everyone would freak the fuck out if Shen Qingqiu died. On the transmigration side of things, the System would probably go haywire over such a deviation as the loss of a required NPC and scramble to compensate! Given the System’s previous efforts in creative plot-hole-patching, Shang Qinghua really doesn’t want to see what the System will do next.

On the “this is my day-in-day-out job and there’s no fucking quitting” side of things, Qing Jing Peak and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect would have to scramble to compensate for the death of a Peak Lord. The master of the second-highest peak! All of Shen Qingqiu’s fiddly, complicated, extensive-education-requiring work in all kinds of analysis and advice-giving would go tumbling down the ranks like an avalanche, crushing the likes of the already very busy Wei Qingwei and Shang Qinghua and Qi Qingqi most of all. Shang Qinghua honestly doesn't fully understand some of the political shit Shen Qingqiu does, poking and pushing around all sorts of noble and wealthy figures out there, and doesn't really want to fully understand.

Shang Qinghua can also only assume that Yue Qingyuan would become nearly completely unresponsive, so… yeah… even more work. Sooooo much work! Wei Qingwei and Shang Qinghua would become co-stand-in sect leaders. Bad!

On the “this is the actual life I live now, thanks” side of things, Shang Qinghua doesn’t... actually want Shen Qingqiu dead. He’s known the man for decades now. He has grievances with the man - oh, bro, does he have some fucking grievances - but Shang Qinghua can’t throw too many stones in his glass house, honestly, and he has to appreciate someone who will, loudly and immovably, take his side over Yue Qingyuan’s in peak lord meetings sometimes. Not all the time (definitely not every single time), but at least it proves Shen Qingqiu is actually listening to him in meetings.

Sure, maybe Shen Qingqiu just steps up to bat randomly because he wants an excuse to hit Yue Qingyuan with it, that’s a possibility. But who doesn’t feel like that sometimes? Honestly! Totally understandable! Shang Qinghua may or may not still be nursing his own grudge over Big Bro’s bouts of condescending concern. Yeah, sure, the man needs to be relatively impartial and cautious and diplomatic compared to the rest of them. But holy shit, does it sting to face that kindly disbelieving, gently patronizing expression and realize, “Oh, yeah, right, you’re not really in my corner, are you? I knew that. Fuck. Right. My mistake, bro! That’s on me! I shouldn't have had expectations!”

So, anyway, Shang Qinghua doesn’t really know what to do over the fact that Shen Qingqiu’s health is apparently waning again.

This wasn’t in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

Well, he made lots of statements that implied that scum villain’s cultivation wasn’t the best that it could be - it was fuel for Shen Qingqiu raging jealousy and envy. Lots of statements hinting at how a difficult ascension had turned Shen Qingqiu bitter and cruel. Which were, of course, promptly buried again rather than have the protagonist come up against anything (stallion novel fans forbid) dimensional while taking his revenge. So, it looks like the System might have been working off Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s stupid fucking implications again when realizing the man.

“Mu-Shidi, I don’t know about this…” Shang Qinghua says finally.

“You’ve made miracles happen before,” Mu Qingfang says, folding that compliment into an exhaustedly delivered challenge. “This isn’t that.”

“No,” Shang Qinghua agrees, looking over the list again. “You need… all of these?”

“I need to replace his cultivation system,” Mu Qingfang says, and wow, exhaustion makes good ol’ Mu-Shidi blunt as fuck, apparently. “But I can’t. These have been some of the most successful treatments over the years.”

Shang Qinghua thinks that might actually be possible, though he’d have to do some research and smack his head until his Author God memories hopped into line. He thinks that the youth-restoration procedure would probably do the job, but he also thinks that Shen Qingqiu would probably rather be dead than be physically sixteen again or something (super fucking understandable) and have to start the cultivation process over from scratch (ah, that would be so annoying and embarrassing).

“Ah, well, I’ll do my best,” Shang Qinghua promises.

He’s going to assume that his sect leader will essentially write him a blank cheque for these medical supplies, all of which he’s gotten his hands on for Mu Qingfang and Qian Cao Peak before. Shang Qinghua isn’t unwilling, he’s just… uncertain. He doesn’t know if it will really make a difference, especially since Shen Qingqiu is probably destined to pull through, but it would look really assholish if Shang Qinghua made a shaky hand gesture right now and said, “Ehhh, he’ll be fine, probably. Do we really have to spend the money and put in the effort? Can't Shen-Shixiong just walk it off?"

Although, he can’t really bring himself to trust that the shitty, no-good, scheming System has this handled. Shang Qinghua doesn’t trust like that! He still remembers the way it used to shriek at him about the young protagonist getting killed, even though it pulled strings to prevent that back during the House of Rejuvenation mess. There’s only so much the System can do without things looking suspicious as fuck - there’s reasonable coincidence and then there’s “that’s an act of a god, you can’t fucking fool me” shit. And if the protagonist can be in genuine danger of being taken out of the story, then anyone and everyone is at very real risk.

Mu Qingfang leaves and Shang Qinghua keeps thinking about this twisty, turny problem for the rest of the day. He’s still thinking about it - at least how he’s going to squeeze rare supplies out of some of his slimier contacts without getting too much of their slime on his hands - when he goes down to visit Luo Jiahui.

It’s just him and his sister-in-law today. Liu Qingge is away on a mission of some kind. Binghe managed to get to An Ding Peak for a visit last month, where Luo Jiahui came to meet him, but he’s still pretty much confined to the sect. There’s no reason Fanli can’t be here, as far as Shang Qinghua knows, but he’s not surprised she’s not. It’s a little strange, it being just the two of them - they’ve pretty much always had the buffer of Binghe nearby or a friend of the family between them.

Luo Jiahui seems a little anxious about the empty spaces at the table, but she fills the space as best she can by chattering about assorted restaurant business. At least until she abruptly takes a deep breath and says, “Hua-Ge, I have something to tell you.”

Shang Qinghua freezes in the middle of taking a drink. His unhelpful brain immediately races to guess the worst possible conversational subjects. His sister-in-law has somehow figured out that he’s a transmigrator?! His sister-in-law has decided that her son is not going to the Demon Realm under any circumstances?! His sister-in-law knows Binghe better than he does and has realized that the young protagonist is being abused after all?! Oh, fuck, what is it?

“I’m getting married!” Luo Jiahui announces, breathlessly.

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, heart rate going at the speed of sound. “Wait, what?”

“Well, you know that I wasn’t… interested in looking for a partner when I had Binghe to look after,” Luo Jiahui explains earnestly. “He’s the most important person in my life.”

Shang Qinghua nods slowly. “Yes, of course.”

“And even when Binghe was getting older and started wanting to be a little more independent, suddenly there was Fanli to look after too.”

“You didn’t have any time for yourself,” Shang Qinghua agrees, following this conversation of very obvious things that he already knew so far. He didn’t have any time for himself back then either, between organizing a conference and finding a cure on top of the usual day-in-day-out of the sect. “You did a really good job looking after them all by yourself!”

“They don’t always agree with that,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling but self-deprecating.

“Aha, well, they’re young.”

The disagreements over what was best for the children is why Shang Qinghua really had to get Fanli (who didn’t see herself as a child) out of the house by any means necessary. He was at a bit of a loss at how else to help. She was never part of Proud Immortal Demon Way! Not even as a fragment of backstory mentioned in passing. Shang Qinghua struggles to compensate for these extra people who were never characters sometimes.

“Qingge was very understanding,” Luo Jiahui says. “But… well… then Fanli was gone and I had the restaurant keeping me busy, but that was all my own choice… and what good was waiting really doing us? It didn’t have to be everything or nothing. So… we talked… about what we wanted and what- what we were afraid of… and we decided to go forward slowly.”

Shang Qinghua nods again, because he knew that. He saw all the handholding and the smiling and the warm-eyed looks. Hard to miss it! He saw all that and also saw Luo Jiahui looking at him nervously, clearly worried that he was going to be weird about it, so he smiled back and gave her an approving gesture. Once, he even gave her a wink when he was pretty sure that Liu Qingge had stayed the night at her house and she turned bright fucking pink (adorable). But he didn’t know that they were this far along. Sure, it’s been- oh, holy shit, it’s been years now (fuck, he’s old), but when did they get to the marrying stage of things?!

He might have expected Luo Jiahui’s hands to be white-knuckled around a cup of tea or the table edge, but she’s… surprisingly relaxed now. “Either I trusted Qingge to try to be a partner or I didn’t. Binghe likes him and he’s been such a help with Fanli. Having an extra person in my life isn’t… it’s not really easier, but it’s not really harder either. I like the time we spend together and having someone who likes spending time with me.”

“That makes sense,” Shang Qinghua manages. “That’s- that’s really good.”

“I had lots of doubts!” Luo Jiahui says next, like she’s rushing to reassure him. “What if he judged the things I’d done? What if he took up too much of my time when I had Binghe and Fanli and the restaurant to look after? What if he decided that he didn’t like how much time you and I spent together?”

Shang Qinghua remembers that time he told Liu Qingge one of the reasons he wanted to keep his relationship with Luo Jiahui private is because people would inevitably think that she’s his mistress and Binghe is his bastard son. Good ol’ Liu-Shidi was very understanding. Shang Qinghua then poked a bit for what Liu Qingge thought about that; the man just shrugged and said, “People are idiots.” Not wrong and not unappreciated, but very underwhelming!

“And did I really want to try and have a relationship when I’m no one and he’s… him?” Luo Jiahui goes on. “Wouldn’t he see sooner or later that he’s just so much better than I am?”

“Hey! He’s lucky you’re considering marrying him!”

“That’s what he said! And he said he didn’t care about what other people said! I said that was easy for him to say when he’d never had everyone turn on him and say nasty things and refuse to even look at me like I was too dirty for even that!”

Shang Qinghua reaches across the table for her hand immediately and she takes it like a lifeline. “Ah, does… does he know?” he asks quietly. “About…?”

Luo Jiahui nods, wiping at her eyes with her free hand. “I told him. I told him that you knew the man who hurt me, so that’s why you helped me. He knows I never married your brother.”

“Wow! Liu-Shidi, you bastard! You never said shit!” Shang Qinghua thinks.

“...And?”

“He said that he was sorry that happened to me, but that it didn’t change his feelings at all,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling through her teary eyes. “And that he’d fight anyone who said a word against me.”

“Aha, that sounds like him.”

According to Luo Jiahui, if the worst happens and everyone learns about her past, then Liu Qingge is prepared to deal with it with her (and to begrudgingly refrain from going on an extremely one-sided ass-kicking spree). Anyone who behaves badly aren’t the people he thought they were and he doesn’t care what they have to say. And that’s that! Liu Qingge intends to live his life for himself, not for other people’s ideas of who he is.

“Okay, maybe not SUCH a bastard,” Shang Qinghua thinks, reluctantly.

“Even then, I still didn’t know if I wanted to tie my life to someone who seems very determined to cut theirs short,” Luo Jiahui explains next. “But he promised not to take undue risks and make sure that he had support and to regularly see someone. That he’s survived so much means that he needs more medical care, not less! He needs to consider all of the people who care about him when he’s ‘living his life for himself’! And he agreed. He’s doing better these days… isn’t he?”

Holy shit. In hindsight? Actually, yes! Shang Qinghua thought that was just a lucky and totally accidentally side-effect of Liu Qingge spending more time around the Luo sisters, but they actually talked it out? Wow! Maybe he should just leave saving Liu Qingge’s life up to his sister-in-law, because it sounds like she’s already taking care of it.

Shang Qinghua agrees. Good ol’ Liu-Shidi has been better.

Ahhh, is this why Liu Qingge was so protective over Luo Binghe? Is this why the Bai Zhan War God is finally thinking about personal disciples? That’s what happens when people start to settle down, right? They get all clucky!

It really seems like Jiahui and Liu Qingge have worked everything out. They’ve actually thought this through like adults! They’ve had all (or nearly all) of the difficult conversations. Luo Jiahui says that Liu Qingge still doesn’t know about the demon thing. They’ve compromised and cooperated and come to an agreement. And Shang Qinghua… really didn’t notice they’d gotten this far with everything. They’ve been so… weirdly normal about it.

He says as much to Luo Jiahui.

He’d kind of figured that, at this point, if they were going to do anything, it would maybe be after the whole… upcoming mess of the plot. But Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge don’t know about the plot, do they? All they know is that Luo Binghe is out of the house and growing up. Now is as good a time as any to tie the knot.

But where’s the passion? Where’s the drama? Where’s the excitement?

No offense to either his sister-in-law or his junior martial brother, but aren’t love stories supposed to be a little more… fiery?

“When I was younger, I thought that falling in love was supposed to be all excitement and passion and not being able to live without someone even for a second,” Luo Jiahui admits, a little wistfully. “I thought that it was supposed to be thinking about them all the time, not being able to stay away from each other, and needing to know what they’d been doing every second they were away. It was like becoming a completely different person. I thought that being in love was about one of us getting horribly jealous every time we even talked to someone else, doing things I didn’t really understand and changing myself just to keep him happy, and keeping secrets and sneaking around just to keep things from exploding. Because love is not being able to help yourself like that, right? It hurts, but it's worth it, right?”

Shang Qinghua can’t really manage to speak right now.

It’s like someone has cut his fucking throat.

Which is fine!

“But that ended really badly for me,” Luo Jiahui says, with a nervous huff at her own understatement. “It was very exciting, but looking back, being in that kind of love was also very frightening sometimes… and it was a little lonely too… being in love with someone I couldn’t really talk to or trust.”

Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui don’t really talk about her former lover. Fanli probably knows more about that romance than he does. At least, if the extremely “frustrated and embarrassed teenager” comments his little sister-in-law has occasionally shot at Luo Jiahui during arguments are anything to go by. Luo Jiahui seems to blame herself, at least a little bit, for getting caught up in some asshole’s games.

“I didn’t really know what to do when Qingge wasn’t like that. For a long time, I thought it meant he wasn’t interested or didn’t really care,” Luo Jiahui says. “That he was just being kind. It wasn’t unexciting, but it wasn’t all-encompassing. It wasn’t the stuff of stories at all. It was just… nice. He’s there when I need him, but he trusts me to take care of myself too and he doesn’t want to change who I am. I don’t have to be the happiest and most selfless version of myself for him, and he doesn’t get angry when I can’t pay attention to him. I never doubt that he likes me or wants to spend time with me, because he tells me so, and he never does anything to make me think that he doesn’t.

“The first time we fought, after he’d nearly died fighting some stupid monster, when I was really angry at him and he got angry at me, I thought that was the end of it when he stormed off! Everything was over! That was it for us! But then he came back and he apologized to me. He was sorry that he’d hurt me and he promised he would try not to do it again. For a moment, I had no idea what to do!”

Luo Jiahui squeezes Shang QInghua’s hand and smiles at him. “Last time I was in love, when it got hard, I kept telling myself it would get better again eventually. If I just waited and stayed strong, then the hurt would all be worth it. This time, it’s easy to think that I could spend the rest of my life like this.”

What else can Shang Qinghua do but be happy for her?

He is happy for her, of course.

He's just... a little sad too... maybe.

He’s always known that it wasn’t going to be her and him and Binghe forever! Why is he suddenly getting blindsided by people getting married?!

Well, probably because people didn’t actually have lives like this in the story called Proud Immortal Demon Way.

Also, holy shit, if Liu Qingge makes his sister a widow, Shang Qinghua will find a way to resurrect the guy just to kill him again! Good ol’ Liu-Shidi had better not!

Everything is happy “fuck, the passage of time is real and the people around me aren’t paralyzed by the plot hanging over their heads” time, until Shang Qinghua mentions that he’s surprised Liu Qingge isn’t here. Sure, the guy is off on a mission or something! Maybe Luo Jiahui was too excited to keep the news a secret and wait for his return! But Shang Qinghua kind of pictured Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge sitting him down together, he guesses, so far as he pictured this life-changing event happening at all.

“Qingge is telling his parents the news,” Luo Jiahui says.

“Oh, okay,” Shang Qinghua says.

And then he thinks, “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, no.”

But Luo Jiahui is already looking at him with a pleading expression, like she can read his thoughts now on top of his emotions. Like she’ll be lost without him. Like he’s her only hope. Shang Qinghua is technically the head of their little family, after all. Instincts from years of An Ding Peak’s bullshit inform him, before Luo Jiahui even admits it, that his beloved sister-in-law has just signed him up for doing her wedding-planning with Madam Liu.

Fuck.

He almost tries to convince his sister-in-law to just “live in sin” or something so that he doesn’t have to do that, but Luo Jiahui… well, she deserves the reassurance of marriage if she wants it after her last experience with love!

Fuck.

Luo Binghe apparently already knew that his mother was considering marriage and essentially gave her his blessing to pop the question to Liu Qingge; Jiahui tells Shang Qinghua as much when he asks who’s supposed to tell Binghe about this. Traitorous nephew! Wicked, lying, scheming nephew! Binghe never said a word! So, Shang Qinghua is allowed to stumble over to Qing Jing Peak and share the good news that he knows now too. (Shen Qingqiu isn’t present to tell Shang Qinghua to get the fuck off his mountain or anything.)

The young protagonist is very pleased for his mother. He’s still by all appearances doing well for himself. He promises that if he can’t gain permission to visit Sanjiao Town to congratulate her, then he’ll at least make the wedding itself at all costs.

Shang Qinghua takes a minute to think about the fact that the cruelest thing that the scum villain of Proud Immortal Demon Way might do to the protagonist in this world is prevent him from attending his mother’s wedding. And/or maybe punish him for sneaking off to attend his mother’s wedding. It’s… it’s a really weird thought. Very underwhelming. He really can’t express how much he didn’t think things would turn out like this when he made the spur-of-the-moment choice to change the story all of those years ago!

The first person he tells himself is, weirdly enough, Qi Qingqi. Liu Qingge apparently already told both Liu Mingyan and Luo Fanli before he left, so Shang Qinghua heads over to see how the girls are handling it. (Also, he wants to pump Liu Mingyan for information on her mother’s opinions on weddings and marriage, in a really pathetic attempt to ready himself for the rumble.) He makes Qi Qingqi agree to keep the information to herself before telling and she does, like a bro!

And then he tells and she laughs in his fucking face! Eventually, she realizes that he’s looking for sympathy, he’s not just here to let her enjoy his suffering, as a form of payment after everything he and Liu Qingge have inflicted on her. Then she laughs at him again, even louder.

Sure, he’d laugh too if he was in her shoes. But not to her face. Rude!

She makes it up to him by handing over an unmarked booklet she apparently confiscated from some of her disciples. Shang Qinghua is deeply unnerved by how intently she watches as he opens the booklet, which is… a short story? Well, he knows that Qi Qingqi has book clubs, so maybe this is a recommendation- holy shit, this is about his sister-in-law and junior martial brother. What the fuck?!

Shang Qinghua flips quickly through the pages and skims. It’s clearly a love story. The quality is… eh… probably fine… definitely inclined towards fanciful prose and dramatic language and… artistic liberty? For one thing, Shang Qinghua has never seen his sister-in-law swoon ever, much less at the sight of blood! (She’s a fucking cook. She butchers shit all the time. She’s good with knives.) Also, flowery implications! There are extremely flowery but plausibly deniable implications everywhere! Wow!

It’s actually not bad from what he can tell just flipping. Clearly amateur work, but he’s totally read way worse. (Although, eh, maybe that’s not saying much. The worst things he’s ever read are really bad.) His main issue with it is that whoever wrote this has apparently been to his sister-in-law’s house, which really narrows down the list of potential authors.

Shang Qinghua sees his own name in this and... kind of feels like he wants to die. Holy shit.

Shang Qinghua looks back up at Qi Qingqi.

Qi Qingqi grimaces.

“Aha, are there more of these?” Shang Qinghua asks, full of dread.

“Not to my knowledge,” Qi Qingqi says, in a tone that suggests she came very close to holding disciples up by their ankles and shaking. (Something that is so fucking tempting sometimes, really! Sometimes Shang Qinghua comes really, really close sometimes to revoking pocket privileges from the brats he calls disciples.)

Well, that’s a relief!

The relief does nothing against the slightly soul-crushing, bewildering realization of, “Holy shit, I have to give my sister-in-law’s fiancé’s teenage sister a very serious cultivation-setting version of the internet safety and privacy talk in regards to real person fiction which could be very dangerous for our family.” These are really, really not the problems that Shang Qinghua thought he would be having! Every day is a new and often exhausting surprise with children!

Qi Qingqi’s lips twitch, she’s clearly restraining herself, and Shang Qinghua can’t hold back slightly hysterical laughter any longer. She’s right! It’s really pretty hilarious! Liu Mingyan is a budding real person fiction writer! Who knew?!

Shang Qinghua expected, this time last year, to be laser-focused on the plot. His attention was not going to stray even a little bit, he promised himself; he was going to be 100% dedicated to making sure that everyone he tripped into caring about made it through the least shitty version of Proud Immortal Demon Way possible. He was going to be a machine of a transmigrator! No distractions! All he wanted was for his family to make it through the quickest, least shitty bare bones of the plot. And he was going to achieve, damn it.

Instead, he finds himself planning his sister-in-law’s wedding and it eats up time he didn’t fucking know he had to give. Immortal Alliance Conference, eat your fucking heart out! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Did he work there? Nope, he’s never heard of the place. He’s the peak lord of wedding planning now.

Ahhh, he’s exaggerating. It’s really not that bad. It’s not really bad at all, surprisingly, as far as surprise time-consuming commitments go for someone who is already super busy trying to hold a major cultivation sect together and serve a powerful demon lord in secret.

Sure, Long Sheng Peak gets a small insect infestation. And Zui Xian Peak finds one of their cultivators trying to run a side hustle by settling off their shit. And one of Ku Xing Peak’s training grounds gets trampled when some idiot decides to borrow a beast from Xi Jiao Peak for a demonstration (a demonstration of what not to do when teaching). Then Xian Shu Peak has a repeating problem with cheaply dyed articles in their laundry, Qiong Ding Peak’s main disciple-housing building gets its roof “mysteriously” knocked in, Bai Zhan Peak has an invasive plants issue thanks to some asshole accidentally bringing back its seeds, and one of Qian Cao Peak’s vaults nearly gets ruined by a single cursed jar. But that’s just business as usual, more or less, at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

Baby shit, really. His disciples are big enough to handle a lot of it these days.

The months fly by distressingly quickly.

Shang Qinghua stresses out over Madam Liu finally meeting Luo Jiahui in person for no reason, apparently. It takes Madam Liu only one cup of tea to (unfairly but correctly) unequivocally decide that Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law has done nothing wrong ever in her life and that she loves her future daughter-in-law unconditionally. (Shang Qinghua thinks that Liu Qingge actually prepared his mother and fiancée to meet each other. The man actually made the effort! Good job, bro!) Shang Qinghua guesses that the dealmaker was probably Luo Jiahui talking Liu Qingge into looking after his health (“He needed to set a good example for Fanli,” Luo Jiahui explained to Shang Qinghua), given all of Madam Liu’s usual pointed comments about her reckless son doing his best to break his mother’s heart.

Madam Liu and her husband (also a cultivator) also seem pleased by the additions of an extra daughter-in-law-of-sorts (Fanli) and a grandson (Binghe).

It's a free extra family!

Liu Qingge’s father is an extremely quiet man, the youngest son of a youngest son from some influential family, whose great passion in life seems to be the study of monsters, specifically birds. Nice man! Very strange! Shang Qinghua learns that Liu Qingge got his habit of disappearing into the wilderness from his birdwatcher father.

At the wedding itself, Fanli tells her sister’s new father-in-law that Binghe is also very into birds and Shang Qinghua’s nephew spends a good chunk of the rest of the celebrations (and his precious time away from Qing Jing Peak) held hostage by his own politeness, listening to his new adoptive grandfather earnestly tell him about the various migration habits of demonic birds.

Well! Better him than Shang Qinghua, honestly!

Shang Qinghua is too busy keeping an eye on Luo Fanli and being not talked to by Liu Mingyan, who is eighteen-ish years old now he thinks and still deeply embarrassed by the fact that he told her off for her real person fiction. (He doesn’t want to discourage her passion for writing. She’s pretty good for a kid. It’s pretty cute! Everyone needs their escapist hobbies! He just doesn’t want identifying information about his family being spread around freely, even if the characterizations of the couple are… uh… wildly reimagined, and he doesn't want to have to spend his very valuable time keeping a lookout for more illicit fiction.) It’s difficult to read her expression through the ever-present veil, but… yeah, she’s still super pissed off at him for that talk.

Ugh, teenagers.

Binghe is not allowed to bring several hundred nieces-in-law into Shang Qinghua's life. Just... no. Fuck, no.

He doesn’t even get a date to commiserate about this with.

It’s a very small wedding, family only (Luo Jiahui’s shitty parents don’t count and her older brother was forced to decline the invitation), so that Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge can keep their privacy. Madam Liu huffed about it - the battles in talking her down were both great and terrible - but her son stood his ground! Sure, people might whine someday about not being invited, but the great thing about Liu Qingge is that they can more or less just say, “Well, we couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted!” And people just have to take that unless they want to claim they could take on the Bai Zhan War God.

The worst part of the wedding planning was Madam Liu wanting everything to be absolutely perfect for her son, combined with Luo Binghe wanting everything to be absolutely perfect for his mother. They’re both very opinionated people! (Every other day it felt like Luo Binghe was sneaking over to An Ding Peak to consult on the latest developments. And so Luo Fanli kept on showing up because she didn’t want to be left out of knowing what was going on.) Shang Qinghua had no idea his headstrong nephew had so many opinions on weddings. The fact that Liu Qingge probably wouldn’t fucking care if the only red on his person when he got married was blood and that Luo Jiahui would probably spend the entire day only stressing about the food, barely paying any attention to anything else, didn’t seem to matter to them. Unhelpful and irrelevant information! What did the bride and groom’s opinions matter in a wedding?

Luo Binghe really isn’t jealous over the fact that his beloved mother is getting married, which Shang Qinghua was briefly worried about. He’s excited for her. He confided to Shang Qinghua that he was glad that his mother was going to have someone else to focus on. He likes Liu Qingge. Liu Qingge has been hanging over their family for as long as Binghe can remember. But the wedding decorations? He’ll fight Madam Liu over that, apparently!

The wedding itself is lovely.

It’s happy.

It’s sweet.

There is no drama whatsoever. No one breaks down the Liu Estate’s doors to interfere in the couple’s happiness.

Luo Jiahui looks so happy she could burst with it. Shang Qinghua has never seen Liu Qingge looking this content with the world in his life. There may or may not be some crying (Shang Qinghua will deny everything). It totally feels like this is a natural, almost inevitable development and that everyone is just going to keep on living their lives after this.

Shang Qinghua is not expecting, soon after returning from his sister-in-law’s happy and long-awaited wedding, to be solemnly informed that Shen Qingqiu’s health has only really deteriorated these past months. Wow, that’s a huge downer.

Also, he already knew that? He’s been getting Mu Qingfang all the right supplies to treat their shixiong. He didn’t actually abandon his duties to the sect for a family wedding. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had fallen sufficiently ill to need tending on Qian Cao Peak in the past month and Shang Qinghua considered it... well... he considered it convenient timing in regards to Binghe’s permission to attend his mother’s wedding not being randomly revoked. Cold-hearted, maybe! But he had lots of other things to worry about at the time, like informing Mobei-Jun that his sister-in-law was getting married and so he’d be away for a little while to attend the wedding.

Then Shang Qinghua is told that Shen Qingqiu is not expected to improve this time.

“Oh, shit, they really think he’s dying,” Shang Qinghua realizes.

This really wasn’t in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

“Bro, be real with me right now, is Shen Qingqiu dying?” Shang Qinghua asks.

【Current projections suggest death is imminent.】

Shang Qinghua really feels that his shitty, no-good System should have warned him that this was happening. He really doesn’t know how to feel about this! Besides badly. But “bad” is a very broad and very vague category! Is he supposed to be jumping up and rushing off to fix this before he gets landed with some undeserved consequences?

“Don’t… don’t you need him for the Eternal Abyss scene?”

If Shang Qinghua had to pick the two characters absolutely crucial to the story of Proud Immortal Demon Way, it would probably be Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu! Shen Qingqiu is formative! The scum villain isn’t really acting like a scum villain at all right now, sure, but… does he not have a role in this changed story at all now?

【The character of Shen Qingqiu is required.】

“But you just said he’s dying, bro,” Shang Qinghua nearly cries. “Is there… a plan for that? Should I be doing something here? Can a character still fulfill a formative and dynamic role in the story even if they’ve passed away? ...System?”

Shang Qinghua is so fucking lost.

He doesn’t like this at all!

【Character instability has been accommodated.】

What the fuck does that mean?!

The System won’t really elaborate on what the fuck that means. The System doesn’t even have the decency to promise Shang Qinghua that he won’t be on the receiving end of some nasty consequences if Shen fucking Qingqiu takes himself out of the story because he’s too fucking spiteful to live. The loss of this person is a pretty big deviation from the plot! That’s a lot of extra ripples that a transmigrator struggling to keep his head above water doesn’t need in his life!

Shang Qinghua really can’t trust that the System has it all handled.

He goes to visit Qian Cao Peak to talk to Mu Qingfang about what can be done. He even hands over a couple of the “miracles cure” plot devices that he’s been keeping in personal storage, though he thinks they have an equally high chance of finishing off someone in a fragile state as helping even a little bit. Mu Qingfang kind of looks at the offerings like, “Thanks, but what the fuck am I honestly supposed to do with these?”

Somehow this turns into Shang Qinghua actually visiting the patient.

Shen Qingqiu is being kept in a private, dimly lit room in the main healing halls on Qian Cao Peak, clearly intended for someone important with the nice bed and the amount of space for visitors to gather around it. The room is empty at the moment, though Shang Qinghua is aware that not too far down the hall, two young women are talking quietly, Mu Qingfang's head disciple and that unobtrusive cultivator from Qing Jing Peak always hanging around Shen Qingqiu these days. Shen Qingqiu looks like he’s sleeping when Shang Qinghua enters the private room. He’s pale and too thin and his rest looks painful rather than peaceful.

Shang Qinghua has no idea what to do.

He probably could have done something about this, but he didn’t. He just let it happen.

It turns out that Shen Qingqiu isn’t asleep.

“...Are you here about the boy?” Shen Qingqiu’s voice is low, raspy, and has a definite note of poison informing Shang Qinghua that his presence is not fucking welcome. His eyes, when he opens them, have that same note.

“Ah, no,” Shang Qinghua answers.

“Why ask me about my own student?” Shen Qingqiu says, almost agreeable. “There’s no need, with all of the unsolicited visitors ‘dropping in’ for no reason but to look for him. There’s no need, when your people have been spying on Qing Jing Peak ever since the boy arrived.”

It’s possible that Liu Qingge and Luo Fanli have not done a great job of minding their own fucking business. Shang Qinghua has been impressed with their personal progress! But, ah, he’s not surprised Shen Qingqiu is not impressed.

Shang Qinghua was kind of hoping that any curiosity on the part of An Ding Peak cultivators would be put down to the burning urge to gossip.

But Shen Qingqiu noticed anyway? That’s not too surprising.

“Even our sect leader occasionally asks about the boy and his progress,” Shen Qingqiu rasps, his voice turning more and more accusing. “He’s so very concerned about the boy. We can’t have such a beloved child crying to his devoted family that he’s been mistreated or neglected, can we? How flattering these assumptions are. It makes a man wonder what exactly people think he’s going to do to the boy.”

Shang Qinghua might have an itemized list somewhere, honestly.

“Ah, I can’t speak for anyone else,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “But please don’t take it personally, Shen-Shixiong. I don’t really trust anyone. Anything can happen behind a locked door, you know?”

Some honest cynicism can go over well with the man.

Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly now.

“It’s almost tempting to do something, just to see what you would all do if I proved you right after all,” the man sneers.

Wow, he really must be dying if he’s going to outright say something like that.

That would be a super alarming statement, but Shen Qingqiu looks exhausted more than anything else.

"As though I don't have far better things to do with my time," he says. "Far worthier battles."

“Your head disciple for that batch is a bully sometimes,” Shang Qinghua offers, in a really pathetic “well, it’s not JUST you” gesture. “I know I don’t have to tell you that peak politics are a pain in the neck.”

“They should be cutting each other’s throats on Qing Jing around now,” Shen Qingqiu muses. “If I was a better man, I might wish you good fortune with the mess they will make of the work stripped from me. At least I know my most important work is in safe hands with one of my disciples.”

“Ah, thanks for the fleeting consideration.”

Yeah, Shang Qinghua really isn’t looking forward to whatever the fuck is going to happen to Qing Jing Peak. It’ll work out eventually, but it’s going to be a hot fucking mess first. He thinks that Qiong Ding Peak and Xian Shu Peak have most of Shen Qingqiu’s work at the moment, while Qing Jing Peak manages itself without a master. Binghe said something about increasing underlying tension on Qing Jing Peak.

“I cannot inform you of current events, if that’s why you have come. I have been consigned to being… ornamental for the sake of my health,” Shen Qingqiu says disgustedly. “My arguments that I should be permitted to spend my remaining strength as I see fit have been summarily ignored, though I have ignored that and made the most important arrangements already. I have not even seen your boy in weeks.”

“I have disciples for that,” Shang Qinghua says awkwardly. “I… I came to apologize for not visiting sooner. I really thought you’d be up again in no time. Is there anything I can get you?”

It’s a spontaneous offer.

The man really looks like shit and getting things for people is what Shang Qinghua does. It's the main thing that he does.

Shen Qingqiu thinks about it, the silence stretching between them.

“No,” Shen Qingqiu says finally, bitterly defeated. “Years of this weakness have given the nodding heads and flapping mouths enough ammunition against me. Our martial siblings own set distrust and dislike only gives them more. They see so little, and only what they wish of what they do see. Nothing I’ve done in service to the sect or to this realm means anything in the end. Nothing can be done to make this humiliation sting any less.”

“...I can make anyone who tries to claim that they knew you well regret it?”

Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly again. “Please. If our esteemed sect leader tries to make a martyr of me, have the brute punch him in the face.”

Yeah, Shang Qinghua doesn’t think Liu Qingge would go in for that.

“I would rather they paint me the worst villain this sect has ever seen,” Shen Qingqiu says, like a man determined not to give a shit anymore, a man determined to appear done with everything. “A man visits a few damn brothels for some peace and quiet, and it's apparently going to be the end of the sect. Like that’s the worst thing I’ve done in my life! Like it's anything compared to what's out there!”

Shang Qinghua has a pretty solid label as a coward for being the sole survivor of a massacre as a disciple. The nicer rumors painted him as a victim of a horrible situation. The worst painted him as an underhanded, untrustworthy traitor to the sect’s ideals if not the sect itself. As Shang Qinghua climbed An Ding Peak, it was very tempting sometimes to look at those people and go, “Oh, bro, that’s not even fucking close to the worst of the shit I’ve gotten myself into.”

“At least you understand what it is to have people look at you like you will never be better than they think you are,” Shen Qingqiu tells him, a commiseration that still sounds slightly like an insult. “Or like you are perfect, when you know all your own flaws intimately, so they might as well have made up a person from nothing.”

“Bro, you really don’t need to come for me like this,” Shang Qinghua thinks.

Shen Qingqiu has always been suspicious of him, always giving him that terrifying look like, “I know you’re fake, asshole.”

But the way that the man is looking at him now…

Oh, fuck, does this mean that they're almost friends? That’s… sad. That’s really fucking sad, honestly.

“Being interpreted and misinterpreted is life, isn’t it?” Shang Qinghua offers.

It’s a show. It’s an infinite number of stories happening all at once. Not so neat as Proud Immortal Demon Way made it out to be.

“Another unbearable part of its sufferings,” Shen Qingqiu says, closing his eyes. “You at least knew better than to let your pride lead you into trying to be more than you were meant to be... most of the time.”

Ah, that really sounds like an insult.

It hits at Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky more than Shang Qinghua, though, looking at this character he designed who apparently can’t actually exist in this world. That’s… that’s what he’s thinking happened now. This is kind of Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s fault, isn’t it?

He originally wanted the scum villain Shen Qingqiu to be a dimensional, complicated, contradictory character - a broken mirror for a broken protagonist - in a hand-wavy, plot-hole-riddled, continuity-error-filled story that had to cut complexity in favor of quantity of content. The original concept for Shen Qingqiu was a fictional twisted mess of a man and the final product ended up being nearly a caricature.

When the System realized Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s bullshit, it made an actual, semi-functional supernatural world for people to live in. These NPCs don’t just wander around randomly until it’s time to return to their houses; they have lives. The System had to iron out all the dramatic, face-slapping, power fantasy bullshit into rules. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s bullshit, everything he ever published and everything he never published, was mashed together, before being expanded and condensed and trimmed and tweaked.

Some of it works. Some of it doesn’t work at all. Some of it spirals off into new nightmarish bullshit which Shang Qinghua could have never predicted. Some of it creates something that’s not… wrong exactly, but totally gives off a completely different vibe to how Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky imagined it.

So, it's turning out now that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t actually work in practice? At least, not this asshole of a man given a shitty start in life and set on a shitty path so that he might become both everything Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky ever wrote and everything he didn’t. The System accidentally set up rules of life that made it so that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t win the game. He can't be everything the System wants him to be. Maybe he can't be a formidable peak lord and an embittered wreck of a man all at once; maybe it's not sustainable outside of the written page. How else can Shang Qinghua interpret this?

Wow, that’s fucked-up.

“This is fucked-up,” Shang Qinghua says aloud, because it is.

Shen Qingqiu opens his eyes again. “Life is that,” he says, not disagreeing.

“...Has Yue Qingyuan been here?”

Shen Qingqiu’s face immediately twists into a scowl. “He should be lingering somewhere nearby,” he answers. “He refuses to leave me to die in peace… or to at least let me die in the place of my choice.”

“What?”

“I told him I would rather die in a brothel than in his presence,” Shen Qingqiu admits carelessly. “They would have the decency to offer a dying man things a great sect apparently cannot.”

Well, there’s the obvious, but… “Service with a smile?”

“Some damn privacy,” Shen Qingqiu says tiredly, closing his eyes again. “Get out if you need to speak with him. I don’t want to see him.”

“Wow,” Shang Qinghua thinks, totally unimpressed. “Big Bro? Zhangmen-Shixiong? The person you care about most in the entire world is actually dying - because I can’t design a cultivation system to save my fucking life and neither can the System, apparently - and you still can’t spit out the fucking truth?”

“...This really should not have been left to me of all people to say,” Shang Qinghua mutters, but he really feels like he owes Shen Qingqiu something for this. “Ah, Shen-Shixiong, a person can’t help but overhear things over the years and put a few things together… especially a man who doesn’t trust easy…”

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t open his eyes. “Spit out whatever you think you know if you must.”

“I know about the Qiu Estate.”

Yep! Shen Qingqiu’s eyes snap open again for that, searching and slightly wild.

“...Did our sect leader tell you that?” Shen Qinghua demands.

“No! No, he doesn’t even know I know,” Shang Qinghua says quickly.

【】

Shang Qinghua valiantly ignores the System! It's probably just telling him that he's expanding plot holes again.

Well, if he is, that's his choice!

Shen Qingqiu barks with humorless laughter. “So much for his no longer having to fear humiliation for his wretched past when I’m no longer an unwanted hanging weight around his neck. All that placation for my silence and he still failed in keeping it hidden. Good.”

Ah, wow. Another really bad wow. Yue Qingyuan has really fucked this up so hard that Shang Qinghua can’t regret this. He’s put up with this for too long! He really should have said something years ago instead of trying to mind his own business!

“Yue Qingyuan fucked up earning his sword so hard that he was forced into year-long seclusion to prevent his soul from bleeding out,” Shang Qinghua says bluntly, because he’s too tired to figure out how to say this nicely. “He was a super impatient disciple, you know? A dangerously strong-willed corner-cutter! People like to joke about that now, because Zhangmen-Shixiong being hasty and reckless when he was young is a funny idea now, right?”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him with wide eyes.

“They put out the story that the seclusion was by choice, that the sect leader had offered because of his talent, because it looked really bad for Qiong Ding Peak if everyone knew their most promising disciple was locked up against his will and trying to tear the caves apart to get out."

Ahhh, he remembers how people gossiped admiringly about someone so young being granted such a privilege! Truly it meant that Yue Qingyuan was meant for great things! They all fell for it - hook, line, and sinker! Meanwhile, the lowly future Shang Qinghua knew the truth and scoffed at the lie. He only felt a little badly, leaving Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu to the mercy of their canonical backstories so he could look after his own problems.

“When he finally left the caves, one of the first things he did when no one was looking was run away,” Shang Qinghua continues, feeling almost a little nostalgic at these old sect secrets, all the lies the gossipmongers ate right up. “They pretended that it was an official mission, though, because the old sect leader didn’t have any students nearly so promising, you know? He was going to bend Yue Qingyuan into shape or break him! Zhangmen-Shixiong was punished when they dragged him back, but he didn’t seem to care, walking around like someone had ripped his heart out and he was already dead.”

Shen Qingqiu remains still and silent.

“Seclusion could only do so much for his sword, though. The Xuan Su sword still drains his life every time he draws it from its sheath - that’s why it’s so powerful,” Shang Qinghua adds. “I’m, ah, not supposed to know that either… it wasn't spread around, but some people still have an idea… you know how the Wan Jian Peak people gossip? Some of them suspect that the sect leader’s special and super famous sword has a steep price. Most things that powerful do.”

Shang Qinghua would really like for Shen Qingqiu to say something now.

The man just stares at him.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know how to finish this. He could say, “I swear I’m not lying.” He could say, “He really should have told you all of this years ago. What an asshole, huh?” He could say, “I’m just the messenger here, breaking one broship for the sake of a different broship, so please don’t kill me.”

“Go bring him here,” Shen Qingqiu says finally. "Now."

“Yep,” Shang Qinghua says, and practically bolts for the door.

Well, if Yue Qingyuan is going to be incapacitated by Shen Qingqiu’s death anyway, then Shen Qingqiu might as well get to kill the man himself!

Mu Qingfang is very “Hey, what the fuck did you just do to agitate my patient?” as Yue Qingyuan comes running, but Shang Qinghua keeps his lips zipped. It doesn’t take genius to know that Shen Qingqiu willingly being alone with Yue Qingyuan right now means that shit is a little bit fucked. Shen Qingqiu is ice fucking cold, looking dangerously angry, as he banishes Shang Qinghua and Mu Qingfang from the room.

“...This is… uh… going to get ugly,” Shang Qinghua tells the Qian Cao Peak Lord.

Mu Qingfang raises his eyebrows, which is… a point.

“Uglier than usual, I mean,” Shang Qinghua says. “Just… ah, maybe.”

Shen Qingqiu opens the conversation by asking if, since he’s apparently dying, if there’s anything Yue Qingyuan wants to tell him.

Anything like a forced seclusion and a sword that spends his life, perhaps?

Mu Qingfang, generously allowing Shang Qinghua to eavesdrop with him, looks at Shang Qinghua like, “You couldn’t have fucking warned me you were going to do this to me?” Which is… totally fair. Except Shang Qinghua didn’t know he was going to do this to his junior martial brother, whom he’s guessing knows about the super secret Xuan Su sword problem in his position as the head healer of their sect. Shang Qinghua really didn't plan this at all!

The conversation doesn’t really get better from there. Shen Qingqiu is furious, but in a terrifyingly calm way, at least until he just starts shouting over Yue Qingyuan’s hoarse apologies in order to be heard.

Shang Qinghua at least gets to see Mu Qingfang’s face journey as Shen Qingqiu accuses their sect leader of letting him think that he’d left him to die. As Shen Qingqiu yells about being treated like an unwanted ghost, as a potential blackmailer, as an embarrassing disappointment, as a petty troublemaker, as a spoiled child, as a problem to be solved, and as the last blemish on Yue Qingyuan’s reputation - anything but as someone worthy of being trusted with Yue Qingyuan’s problems and of being treated like an equal.

Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t think Shen Qingqiu wanted to hear his excuses, and Shen Qingqiu shoots back that he would rather fucking die than beg the man he’d thought had forgotten about him to explain when exactly he became not worth rescuing as soon as possible.

Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t want Shen Qingqiu’s pity or to force the man to be grateful that he’d tried.

Shen Qingqiu tells the man to go fuck himself. How could it not hurt for someone he loved to hurt him and then just… move past the hurt like the pain wasn’t who they were?

“All the world could revile me… reject me… leave me to die… and I would pay their hatred no heed! What do they truly know of what I am? Of who I am?” Shen Qingqiu demands. “But if Qi-Ge could throw me away… decide that I just wasn’t worth the trouble anymore now that he’d had a taste of a better life… then I really must be wretched beyond all things at the root! If he believed it, then… then it had to be true.”

Mu Qingfang is clearly itching to put a stop to this, but this isn’t a conversation that has a good stopping place.

Shang Qinghua moves to the other side of the room just so he doesn’t have to listen to the sound of their sect leader crying any longer.

Holy shit?! That’s really not a sound he ever expected to hear!

He should have done something about this years ago.

Fuck, he’s probably the worst person in the world. He’s thought it before and right now he feels like he’s getting pretty close to “I need to puke my guts up in an alleyway in a pathetic attempt to purge myself of feeling like shit” territory again. He was hoping that they would break first, but it looks like Shen Qingqiu broke in the wrong way.

“MU QINGFANG!” Yue Qingyuan shouts.

Shang Qinghua turns around to see the Qian Cao Peak Lord vanish into the room.

Ah, that… that really can’t be good.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t really have the strength of heart to follow.

He’s done enough damage as it is.

Mu Qingfang shouts for Shang Qinghua to fetch his head disciple and Shang Qinghua goes, glad to let his feet take him away from this fuck-up. He gets Mu Qingfang’s head disciple in the next room over, who jumps into action, sending a cascade of orders through Qian Cao Peak. Which is great! They know what they’re doing! Great!

But this leaves Shang Qinghua helplessly extraneous.

He rubs his head, trying to relieve some of the tension there, but it’s only getting worse. It’s not- It’s not a headache? It feels almost like a headache. Like a headache is the closest thing his brain has to whatever the fuck this is.

And then the System nearly takes him off his feet with a blaring warning.

【TRANSMIGRATOR PLACEMENT PROCESS ERROR.】

Shang Qinghua has no time to register what the fuck that means before the pop-up window blinks away and another one takes its place.

【NEW MISSION.】

【】

【MISSION IMPORTANCE: MANDATORY. PENALTIES FOR FAILURE.】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: RETURN TO SHEN QINGQIU.】

When his shitty, no-good Transmigration System says, “Jump,” Shang Qinghua thinks, “Fuck you, bro! You jump!” But he still jumps! In one way or another, he jumps. He’s never happy about it, but he jumps. The System doesn’t give out orders without including a complimentary side of the threat of serious consequences for not following them - and when the orders come, shit is usually fucked, so staying on top of the situation is the only way to stay alive.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t bother closing the pop-up window. His head is buzzing, possibly even disconnecting from his body, suddenly soaked in panic over whatever “Transmigrator Placement Process Error” means. He runs back to Shen Qingqiu’s room, dodging around the attending Qian Cao Peak cultivators and the Qing Jing Peak disciple.

“What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? What the FUCK does that MEAN?” Shang Qinghua thinks, so much as he can form words at all. “That CANNOT mean what I think it means. That cannot mean-”

Shen Qingqiu is still in his sickbed. Or is it a deathbed?

Only, Shen Qingqiu isn’t dead.

He’s not even unconscious.

One of Mu Qingfang’s glowing hands is on the man’s bared stomach, while another rests on his chest, and Shen Qingqiu bares his teeth in agony. Mu Qingfang is speaking very quickly to the people around him - voice sharp with urgency and brow furrowed with intense concentration - giving instructions to his patient, his head disciple at his side, and his sect leader.

Yue Qingyuan is kneeling beside Shen Qingqiu, hunched and desperate and wild-eyed, letting the other man squeeze all feeling from his fingers, the both of them holding on for dear life.

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: FIND THE INTRUDER.】

“...What?” Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Go,” Mu Qingfang snaps.

“Yes, Shizun,” the head disciple obeys, throwing herself headfirst into the given work with only one last uncertain glance towards the corner of the room.

Shang Qinghua follows her glance.

There’s someone there, a young man, pressed against the wall like he’s trying to crawl back through it. Shang Qinghua didn’t see the kid pass him through the only door and, for all his shock at the shitty situation, he thinks he would have fucking noticed someone like this among the Qian Cao Peak cultivators.

The young man has short hair - short hair - short enough that the tips only just cover the top of his ears. That’s one of the many haircuts Shang Qinghua thinks about wistfully every time the weather gets too fucking hot for fancy long hair. The kid turns to look at Shang Qinghua, clearly terrified, wide-eyed behind his glasses. Glasses! Semi-rimless glasses with bright blue frames! And to top it all off, the kid is barefoot and wearing patterned pyjamas, with buttons and a breast pocket, and just the sight of them is nearly enough to knock Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky back on his ass.

Modern hair. Modern glasses. Modern clothing.

And then the kid shimmers- no, the kid fucking glitches as he tries to inch along the wall towards the door . That’s a fucking System glitch. His appearances warps around him as he moves, like a skin not fully attached to the frame beneath. It’s only for a split-second, but that’s enough!

One of the Qian Cao Peak cultivators trips, another startles, and the kid shrieks quietly and falls down the wall to the floor, staring at his own shaking hands in horror.

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: REMOVE THE INTRUDER FROM THE ROOM.】

The disruption catches Mu Qingfang’s attention when the Lord of Qian Cao Peak (who, Shang Qinghua can admit here and now, may actually have the worst fucking job in the sect) doesn’t have any to spare. Mu Qingfang latches on to the first pair of free hands he sees.

“Shang Qinghua, take care of that person!” he barks.

Shang Qinghua launches forward and grabs the transmigrator - holy fucking shit, the transmigrator - by the arms. The transmigrator wobbles under Shang Qinghua’s hands, which makes Shang Qinghua’s skin crawl in sympathy and also “get me the fuck away from this thing” horror, but there’s something there - something mostly there - to hold. The kid struggles, but he’s not strong and not heavy, and Shang Qinghua is arguably a little bit more than human at this point.

“Hey! Let go!”

Shang Qinghua drags the kid out of what's becoming the operating room.

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: FIND AN ISOLATED LOCATION.】

Past the Qian Cao Peak cultivators, out of the building, and into the gardens behind the main healing halls. Empty room! Empty building! He needs an isolated location and he needs to not stop thinking of why the fuck he needs an isolated location or what the fuck he’s supposed to do when he finds one.

“System, bro, what the FUCK is this?” he thinks. “Hey, System?! BRO?!”

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: GO LEFT.】

The kid stumbles and shudders and feels like something only on its way to solid under Shang Qinghua’s fingers, while the System directs him to an empty patient house attached to the healing hall gardens. These houses are meant for long-term patients or very important guests. This one hasn’t been made ready for anyone’s use, so everything is shuttered up and folded away and totally uninhabited.

Shang Qinghua pushes the other transmigrator inside.

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: CLOSE THE DOOR.】

The System is a fucking micromanager now, apparently! This is hell!

The kid falls to the floor and scrambles a few extra feet away from Shang Qinghua, staring up at him, glancing at the closed door like someone wondering if they’re about to get murdered. Shang Qinghua unhelpfully and unreassuringly stares back. Words can’t come together in his head, much less make their way out of his throat right now. This is shocking, all right?! This is a lot to take in!

The kid has ear piercings, for one thing.

Shang Qinghua’s brain can’t handle that. It’s too much.

The System dings at him.

【】

【MISSION OBJECTIVE: REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.】

Shang Qinghua doesn’t look at System notifications most of the time, reading them out of the corner of his eye if at all, but he faces this pop-up window fully. As he watches, a second pop-up window appears, a small one, with a loading icon.

And then: ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

The second pop-up window switches colors from dark blue to a lighter, slightly greener blue, and a bunch of other System windows open out of thin air. Shang Qinghua’s new mission objective stays where it is, so he can clearly compare and see that these System windows and their fonts are in a slightly different style.